by Amelia Grey
“As a matter of fact, I was”—he paused—“looking for you. Adele thought, perhaps, you’d gotten lost when you went to take Farley back to his room.”
“I admit the return would have been easier if I’d had a candle to guide and help me, as you do. The corridors are long and not well lit; however, I made it after taking a wrong turn or two.”
He made an overt effort of looking behind her. “So Farley is safely back where he belongs?”
“Yes,” she said defensively, and hugged her arms tighter to her chest. “I had a few words with him about not leaving his room to explore his surroundings again, and then with Mrs. Huddleston for failing to keep a proper eye on him. I don’t think he’ll venture out on his own again. Please, don’t be too angry with him.”
“I’m not angry with him at all, Loretta. In fact, I thank him.”
Her blue eyes widened suspiciously. Her arms relaxed a little. “You do? Why?”
“Farley managed to accomplish for me what I was going to have a devil of a time doing.”
“What’s that?”
“Be alone with you. And since this is the servants’ route, we are not completely alone yet.” He took hold of Loretta’s wrist and said, “Come with me.”
He guided her along the corridor with him, then around a corner where he stopped, opened a door, and ushered her into a small, dark room where he closed them inside. Now they were alone.
He walked over to a square worktable and placed the candle on top of it. The light wasn’t harsh or glaring. It gave enough of a glow so they could make out each other’s features.
Hawk turned, fully intending to rush her, crush her to him, and have his way with her for as long as he wanted. He was aching to fill the deep unsatisfied longing for her that grew more intensely inside him every day. He was a man, after all, and he wanted her. Now. Fast. Hard.
Looking at her, knowing she was innocent and trusting, he couldn’t go where his mind and body wanted to take him. That was only a fantasy, and it couldn’t be played out anywhere but in his mind. Loretta had to come to him willingly. For her to do that, he had to take his time, make her comfortable, and slowly seduce her.
“What is this room?” she asked. “There’s an odd smell in here.”
His gaze followed hers. A tall wall of shelving stacked with fat jars, round tins, and bundles of dried leaves and roots covered the space behind the table.
“The medicinal room,” he said, walking back over to her, feeling calmer than when he’d entered. “Hawksthorn is large, with several hundred people in and around the estate. It helps to have herbs, spices, and various items available to readily make potions, tinctures, tonics, or whatever might be needed for fevers, broken bones, or cuts.”
“That explains the woodsy scent in the room.”
“Is it too overpowering for you?”
“No.” She breathed in deeply. “It’s pungent, but not unpleasant, and I detect a little mint and lavender, too.”
He smiled. “Good. I think the really vile-smelling plants are sealed in the tins and jars.”
“A blessing for anyone who has to be in here a long time, I’m sure.”
Hawk reached out and fingered the neckline of her dress. “The beading on your gown has been torn loose, and you have a scratch on your chest near the tear.” His heartbeat increased. His gaze searched hers. “That wasn’t there at dinner. Did something happen to you?”
“Yes.” She smiled. “But there is no cause for you to be alarmed. Your sister’s puppy decided she wanted to chew on the trim of my gown. When I tried to pull her away, she resisted and her nails accidently caught me.” Loretta reached up to her neckline, but her fingers tangled with his and she dropped her hand to her side.
“Ah—Adele and her puppies. She might be obsessed with them.”
“No one could blame her. They are warm, soft, and loving.”
Just like you, he thought and nodded. “Your necklace lies so beautifully on your skin. You’re lucky the puppy didn’t decide to chew on one of the diamonds in it rather than the glass bead on your dress.”
“I wouldn’t have liked that,” she said, shaking her head. “This was my mother’s favorite.”
“Then it’s precious to you.”
“It’s my favorite, too.”
“As it should be. And you wore it tonight for me, didn’t you?” he asked, not knowing if she’d admit it.
“Yes.”
His lower body tightened, reminding him it didn’t want to go this slow. “Does the scratch hurt?” he asked.
“There was a little burn at first. It’s fine now. I forgot it was there until you mentioned it.”
Silence fell between them while he contemplated doing what felt natural. “You know what I’m thinking?” he asked.
She shook her head.
“If there’s going to be any nibbling on you or your clothing,” he said, running his forefinger ever so lightly along her jawline, “it will be by me.” He dipped his head and lightly kissed the red line.
She gasped softly.
“And it will be gentle.” He kissed the same place a second time and smiled to himself. Her skin had pebbled with tiny goose bumps, just as he’d hoped.
“And wherever I touch you, it will leave no marks on you,” he murmured against her skin, letting his lips touch the scratch thrice.
Hawk heard her breaths change from even and slow to fast. Her chest softly heaved. It was gratifying to know he disturbed the rhythm of her heart and breathing as much as she disturbed his. He moved away from the scrape, but he wasn’t moving away from her. Taking his time, he kissed the soft pillow of her breasts that swelled gently along the neckline of her gown. Moving from one side to the other and back again, he couldn’t resist tasting her skin along the way.
She stood quietly, but not stiffly, and allowed him to gently caress her with his lips while tension and passion started a low rumble of anticipation in both of them. He didn’t want to frighten her. Now that he had her alone, he wanted to enjoy her, savor her for as long as possible.
Hawk lifted his head and looked down into her beautiful, trusting eyes as he slid his hands up to her arms, to that small area of exposed skin between her short sleeves and the top of her gloves. It soothed him to touch her. Somehow, it helped ease his eagerness, and yet stimulated his hunger for her at the same time.
“Your arms are cold,” he murmured softly.
“That’s surprising since I feel unusually warm.”
Her honest answer made him move closer to her. “So do I.”
Slowly, he placed his hands on each side of her face, bent his head, and briefly brushed his lips lightly across hers. His thumbs lightly caressed her earlobes, his fingers the back of her neck and the tops of her bare shoulders. He then kissed her eyelids, her nose, across first one cheek and then the other. There wasn’t a place on her beautiful face he wanted to miss touching or tasting.
“Oh, yes,” he whispered on a moan of pleasure. “So sweet. I needed to touch you. Kiss you.”
Not waiting any longer, he took her lips beneath his. The contact was warm, inviting, and instantly arousing. A rush of need bolted through him. Pleasure and impatience tightened his thighs and lower body. He kissed her softly, lingeringly. He took his time pressing, nibbling, and seeking the silent response she finally gave him when she lifted her arms then slid them inside his coat and around his waist, to pull him closer to the warmth of her body. Now he was certain. She’d been waiting for this, too. They had no soft bed, no sheets to tangle in, but those things weren’t needed. They had all they needed growing and bursting between them.
Hawk was going to make their coming together for the first time glorious for both of them.
Fighting with himself to keep his manner slow and unhurried, he plundered her mouth, her lips, her cheeks, and her neck over and over again, making her familiar with his touch. Wanting her to enjoy every sensation he created inside her.
With eager but tender movements, he
eased his hands down to her breasts and caressed them reverently, loving the feel of them even though they were hidden from him beneath the fabrics of her clothing. She accepted his caresses and explored his back and shoulders, past his waist to his hips. Her hands roved over the contours of his body. Her gentle caresses soothed yet tortured him, making him want to beg for more of her touch. He wanted her to slip her hands past his waist to the center of his desire for her.
He lifted his lips from hers, looked into her eyes, and with a smile said, “Don’t be afraid to give your hands the freedom to go wherever they wish.”
“I don’t have much control left, and I’d best keep what I have,” she answered with a shy lowering of her lashes.
Hawk chuckled softly as his hands molded her breasts ever so softly. “I thought you were bolder than that, my beautiful Loretta.”
“I am brave but wary to go where I’ve not been before.”
“You are not one to back away from a challenge.”
“But I always like to know I would have a chance to win.”
He laughed again and caught her up in his arms and hugged her tightly to his chest. Their lips met again and again, open mouths with tongues darting, playing, and teasing and closed with gasps, moans, and swallowing long deep breaths of pleasure. He had no idea how long they kissed. It didn’t matter. He didn’t want it to end.
Yet all the endless kisses and touches made Hawk desperate for more of her. His body kept telling him to rush to end this aching, craving need that possessed him, but his heart and mind reminded him to take it slow and relish every sensation.
Carefully, he pushed her sleeves off her shoulders, down her gloved arms, and then worked her gown and chemise past the top of her corset, exposing her breasts, arousing him even more. He slowly moved his hand over one breast and then the other, taking his time to feel her firm softness before taking their full weight in his hands.
Loretta sucked in a deep, loud breath and he savored it. His body throbbed and ached. He kissed her all the harder, thrusting his tongue deeper into her mouth time and time again before moving to kiss her shoulders, her neck, and her chest until he could no longer deny himself. Hawk bent his head lower and pulled her nipple into his mouth. She sighed contentedly, letting him know she’d wanted this intimacy with him as much as he’d wanted it with her. His tongue circled her nipple, bathed it, and then gently drew it more fully into his mouth.
He groaned as if being tortured, for surely he was when she threw her head back and lifted her chest to him. She cupped his head to her bosom with her arms, surrendering to him. It was all glory for him—and for her, too, he knew when he felt her body tremble.
“Yes, yes,” she whispered on a soft moan of passion that thrilled him to his very soul.
“Does that please you?” he asked when he took the time to move to her other breast, wanting to moisten it, pull the taut bud into his mouth and feel it swell and harden as tight as the other.
“Immensely. More than I could have ever imagined.”
A flood of bundled new and exciting feelings that he’d never felt swept through him and burned as hot as oil on fire. Hawk skimmed his hand down her waist and then down the plane of her hip over to her stomach and to the firm roundness of her buttocks; he cupped them and lifted her against his hardness. With a gentle shove, he pinned her to the wall and pressed his lower body against her.
When she arched her hips toward him, Hawk threw his head back in pleasure. The tempo of her breathing turned choppy. His muscles contracted in the sweet pain of loving her so thoroughly. He gulped in a ragged breath. Her body teased him and offered no mercy for his desperate need to take her.
Over and over he pressed against her. With his desire for her at a fevered pitch he kissed her passionately, feeling like a thirsty man in need of fresh, cool water. He shuddered a moan of satisfying pleasure as her hips joined his gentle thrusts against her.
She moaned softly in pleasure, too, and trembled beneath his touch. Hawk smiled against her lips. Loretta wanted this union between them as much as he did. She was eager and receptive to his desire for her, and that aroused him all the more. He hadn’t planned they’d go this far this soon but knew from her response to him they both wanted this coming together of their bodies and souls.
With impatience to make her his, he gathered her long, flowing skirts and found her thigh. It was delicious as hell to touch her warm skin. His fingers and hands explored her soft flesh before he lifted her leg and rested it around his hip. His hands moved to the center of her womanhood, cupping the warmth of her there.
She gasped softly.
He groaned as his body pulsed rapidly. A spiraling heat of desire swirled and seared deep in his loins.
“I know I shouldn’t want to seduce you like this, Loretta. You deserve better but God help me, I want you right now. I don’t want to wait.”
Suddenly, after breathing out those few untimely words, he felt Loretta’s instant withdrawal. Her hands stilled. Her body relaxed. Her labored breathing slowed.
Damnation.
Of all the things he’d said, could have said, why was it those few words that penetrated her senses and stopped the flow of unbridled passion in her?
He wasn’t satisfied.
She wasn’t.
He still wanted her and knew she wanted him, too. He waited a moment to be sure, but there was no going back for her. And though it was the hardest thing he’d ever done, he respected her wish. He lowered her leg, dropped her skirts, turned her loose, and stepped back.
Her chest still heaved as she pulled her gown up to her shoulders and over her breasts. His body still burned stiff, hard, and tight.
She swallowed before saying, “Aren’t there enough women in London for you to pursue?”
If she’d hoped to give him a verbal slap, she’d accomplished it with great strength. The words stung, for surely he’d never felt for any other woman what he felt for Loretta right now. Yet Hawk shook it off and said, “Plenty.”
But none that he wanted.
“Then, perhaps, it’s that you’ve already been through all of them.”
“Most, I’d say.”
“So you will be all right with not adding me to that number tonight.”
“I’m sure I’ll survive,” he answered on a frustrated sigh.
Hawk ran his hand through his hair and silently swore the vilest word he knew before saying, “Now that we have the insults out of the way, Loretta, can we talk?”
“There’s really nothing I have to say.”
“Well, I do. I know you’re angry with me for wanting you, for helping you to want me, but you can’t deny the passion you were feeling in my arms. It was as real as what I was feeling for you. It is there, whether we are kissing, or just looking at each other, or if you are at Mammoth House and I’m in London. My desire for you never diminishes. And if you are truthful, I think you will admit that you feel the same about me.”
“It would be useless to deny it. I agree you saw and felt my yearning for you.”
He needed to know. “Then why stop us?”
“You must know why I can’t give in to the madness that I feel for you,” she pleaded.
“The vow?” He pushed the word past his teeth as if it were a foul taste in his mouth.
“I thought so the first time we kissed, and maybe the second time, too. I told you I considered chastity a part of my vow. I’m sure it was implied. Though if it was just my purity that troubled me, I believe I could live with that because I never said the words about chastity aloud in the church. I never even thought about purity or innocence when I vowed not to marry. But that’s not all that keeps me from—continuing.”
He didn’t like seeing her uncomfortable, struggling for the right words to say, but he had to know.
“What else could there be? You don’t mean—” He really didn’t know how to say it, either. Men didn’t talk about a woman being in the family way.
“Yes,” she finally said. �
��I’m not wise to a lot of the things that go on between a man and a woman, but I do know if we go further I could be left with child.”
He stepped closer to her again. “Loretta, I would never—”
“Abandon me?” she interrupted, and raised her hand to keep him from coming closer. “Since you wanted to know, let me talk first. Please.”
His throat was tight, full of what he wanted to say, but he gave in to her wishes and nodded.
“It’s more than just knowing that my uncle would disown me if I was in the family way. Though he’s been very harsh and unforgiving to me, I don’t want to disrespect his house again. I did that once, and it took me a long time to forgive myself for doing it, and even longer to forgive him for his reaction.”
“Banishing you. You forgave him for that?”
“Yes,” she said softly. “I did. Probably only because it made my life easier to bear and to accept.”
“But you—”
“Let me say it all while I can, Hawk,” she asked of him again. “And then I’ll hear you out.”
Uncertainty flickered in her eyes and he nodded again, though he could tell she struggled to gather and control her emotions as she put into words what she wanted to say.
“I know you’re going to insist that you would take care of me and the child, should there be one, and we would want for nothing. I believe that. You’re an honorable man.”
Her features softened, her body relaxed more, and all he could think was that he wanted to hold her. “I would love to have a child.”
He watched her eyes glow with expectancy and love at the thought.
“You see, I think I would be fine if that happened between us. But what wouldn’t be all right with me is that my child would grow up without a father who acknowledged him with his name. Bearing the shame of never being recognized in Society as anyone’s son, or daughter. I won’t do that to a child of mine.”
“There are things that can prevent a babe.”
“I know.”