by Amelia Grey
Hawk’s eyebrows rose.
She blew out a little laugh. “There are many books in Mammoth House. Some that I’m sure my uncle doesn’t even know about, that have been left there over the years by heaven only knows who. I have read about what you speak of, but all precautions are still risky at best. I won’t be fooled by any of those devices or methods.”
He shook his head slightly. “I wasn’t trying to fool you.”
“Then accept that this is something I can’t do and, thankfully, I came to my senses before it was too late. I’m not as strong as you are, Hawk. The next time I might give in. I ask that you be a gentleman and don’t ask this of me again.”
“Then marry me,” he said quickly, not really knowing where the thought, the words had come from, but knowing that he meant them. He wanted to marry her. For the first time in his life he stood before a woman he didn’t want to lose.
After a long intake of breath that ended on a shaky sigh, she whispered, “What?” She stepped back, hitting the wall. “You can’t just say something like that to me.”
“I can. I know in my heart you belong to me and no one else, Loretta. Marry me.”
“I belong to no one. I can’t. And you know I can’t marry, either. I took a vow to never marry!”
“Break it.” He grabbed hold of her shoulders and demanded it hotly.
Her beautiful gaze searched his just long enough to give him hope, but suddenly she tore away from his grip and whispered earnestly, “No. I can’t. You’re being cruel even to suggest I do such a thing.”
“I’m being honest,” he said, his anger flaring because she wasn’t being reasonable. Did she think he took it lightly when he asked her to be his wife? “You were eighteen, and you were forced by your uncle to take that vow.”
“There’s truth to what you say, but I was also of a sound mind when I said it and I had a choice not to. I could have married Lord Denningcourt. So no matter what my heart tells me now, it doesn’t absolve me from the commitment of the words I said.”
“Vows are broken all the time,” he answered, not expecting this to be a battle he’d lose.
“But I took the oath in the church, standing in front of the vicar,” she exclaimed emphatically. “It was no less binding because of circumstances. And I never looked at them as just some words I flung into the air to try to appease my uncle. Please don’t ever ask me to break the vow again. I can’t.”
Loretta turned, opened the door, and rushed away.
Chapter 19
A gentleman is always prepared with an answer, no matter what the lady may ask.
A PROPER GENTLEMAN’S GUIDE TO WOOING THE PERFECT LADY
SIR VINCENT TYBALT VALENTINE
The rattle of harnesses and neighing of restless horses was a welcome sound. It was time to leave Hawksthorn. Loretta had never thought she would welcome going back to Mammoth House, but she wanted to be alone with her heartache. Whether Hawk had been sincere when he’d asked her to marry him or just caught up in the heat of their passion and wanting to win the battle he said was between them, she didn’t know.
It was best that she never know.
Her eyes adjusted to the faint gray light of the early dawn morning. She stood with her back to the manor, watching the hustle and bustle of servants tying the baggage onto the coaches while she waited for Paxton to come down so they could leave. Her dark-brown cape and gloves were on and her bonnet was tied under her chin, but the outer clothing didn’t keep the damp chill from nipping at her cheeks and nose.
She’d managed to get through the whole of yesterday without any uncomfortable words passing between her and the duke. The sunshine had allowed them to ride around the estate in an open landau with Paxton, Lady Adele, and Mrs. Philbert. The wind was still and the temperature warm enough the ladies didn’t need blankets for their laps. They’d stopped and enjoyed refreshments on a bluff overlooking the mansion. Paxton and Lady Adele had seemed as happy together as two frogs croaking to each other across the moors.
Dinner had been a repeat of the night before with a glamorously set table, more food served than it was possible for her to eat, and Mrs. Philbert to help keep the conversation level and on casual issues. However, plenty of sudden glances, long stares, and thoughtful expressions had passed between Loretta and the duke.
At the sound of male voices, she turned to see Paxton and Hawk walking out of the house side by side. Her heart started beating faster. It didn’t help that Hawk’s gaze was fixed on her face. Perhaps it was womanly intuition or maybe just a great desire for it to be so, but she felt he was looking at her as if he were hoping she would ask to stay.
He stopped in front of her. “Miss Quick.”
She caught the calming, clean scent of his shaving soap that she enjoyed every time she was near him. She breathed it in deeply, hoping to memorize it.
“Your Grace, I didn’t expect you to rise and see us off this morning. I thought we said our good-byes last night.”
“Did we?” he asked, as much with his expression as his words.
“I thought we did, too,” Paxton added. “But it was kind of you to come down.”
“No matter,” Hawk answered. “You’re my guests, and under my protection, until you arrive safely back at Mammoth House.”
“Thank you for making this visit happen for me. I am glad I met Lady Adele. She’s—”
“Not a vicar’s daughter?” Hawk cut in and asked before Loretta could finish her sentence, and then he smiled.
Loretta felt as if the sun had suddenly popped above the horizon and lit the entire sky with a bright light. He wanted them to part on a friendly note and not with strained tensions between them. She felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. It made her so happy she wanted to reach up and hug him, and might have done it, if Paxton hadn’t been standing right beside her.
“No,” she answered with a smile that she hoped wasn’t as sad as she suddenly felt at leaving this man and his home. “But she could be. She’s one of the kindest young ladies I’ve ever met.”
His eyes caressed her face and he nodded, then turned to Paxton. “So now that you and Lady Adele have met, I’ll talk with her and then see you in London later in the week to confirm whether or not we’ll go forward?”
“Yes. I’ll send you word when I’ve arrived,” her brother answered.
“Pardon the interruption, miss.”
Loretta turned to see Mrs. Huddleston hurrying up beside her. She looked almost frightened with her eyes wide and clutching her hands together tightly in front of her.
“It’s not a problem. What can I do for you?”
“I need you to come with me to see about something. I think you’ll want to take care of this yourself.”
Loretta looked down the lane to where the servants’ coach was being packed. Bitsy and her brother’s valet were standing by the carriage, and Farley stood off to the side and away from the house. “All right,” she told her housekeeper. “I’ll be right there.”
The woman hurried away and Loretta looked at Hawk, not knowing when she might see him again. “Thank you. For everything.”
She turned away before he could respond and before she jumped into his arms. She walked fast and hard following Mrs. Huddleston. As her travel boots crunched on the gravel lane, she wished Hawk would follow her, catch her up in his strong embrace, and kiss her one more time before they parted.
Loretta sucked in a cold breath and shook away those foolish notions as she walked up to Farley and Mrs. Huddleston. “Now tell me, what’s the problem here?”
“Show her what you have in your satchel,” Mrs. Huddleston said in a rattled tone that surprised Loretta. She was never in a quarrelsome mood.
Farley gave the woman a fierce, angry stare and didn’t move an inch.
“Go on,” she said, harshly. “You heard me. Show her right now, or I’ll take it away from you and show her myself.”
Farley took a step toward Loretta, held up his satchel, and
jerked it open. She peered inside and gasped. For a moment she felt so light-headed she thought she might faint. And she had never fainted! Lady Adele’s puppy, Cocoa, was squirming around on top of Farley’s clothing.
“That’s Lady Adele’s puppy! You were hiding it—in your clothing to take home with you? You sto—” She bit off the word before she completed it, then gasped again. “By all the stars in the heavens, Farley! What were you thinking?”
“It’s not for me,” he said, cutting his big brown eyes around to Mrs. Huddleston again before locking his glaring gaze on Loretta. “I don’t want it. I did it for ye. I ’eard ye tell her ye wanted one of ’em. I thought ye’d be ’appy I got it for ye.”
Loretta’s heart was beating so fast she didn’t know if she could speak. “What? For me?” She splayed her hand on her chest. “I’m touched you wanted to do something for me, but I can’t be happy you took something that didn’t belong to you! That’s not right.”
“She didn’t need it,” he said without a hint of regret in his tone. “She’s got two more of ’em just like this one. I wanted to be nice to ye ’cause nobody’s been as good to me as ye are since my mama died.”
What could she say to make him see how wrong this action was no matter the reason? She knew he had nothing to call his own to give her, and she understood his wanting to repay her in some way, but … “Farley, this is stealing, and it’s wrong. You can’t be nice to me by being unkind to someone else. By taking something that’s not yours to take. Do you understand that?”
His expression hadn’t changed, so she added, “I’m touched here in my heart that you wanted to do something for me, but what you did is not acceptable behavior. All I needed was a thank-you, a hug, a flower from the garden when it blooms.”
Loretta needed a moment to catch her breath, to calm the disappointment that was so great she felt she might drown in it. Had she ever said or done anything that made him think she wanted him to give her something in return for taking care of him? Was she somehow at fault for this behavior? She looked down at the puppy. She would have to figure out all those feelings later. There was no time now.
She reached down into the satchel and took Cocoa. “Thank you, Mrs. Huddleston. I’m so glad you saw her before we left. I’ll take her back inside the house before anyone knows she’s missing. No one will be the wiser.” She turned to look at Farley, who finally seemed as if he was sad rather than angry. “We’ll talk more about this when we get back to Mammoth House.”
“What’s going on? Do you need some help?”
By the heavens and all the saints who lived there! It was the duke behind her. She looked down at the warm, squirming little dog in her hands and wanted to cry. What was she going to do? What could she say? The evidence of what Farley did was in her hands and no chance to hide it now.
She whirled and thrust the puppy at the duke’s chest and said, “Here, Your Grace.”
Startled, he grabbed hold of it.
“Thank Lady Adele for letting us say good-bye to her.” Loretta spun back to an astonished Mrs. Huddleston and to Farley. “Both of you get in the carriage,” she ordered. “We’re ready to leave. Don’t tarry. Go now.”
Mrs. Huddleston took hold of Farley’s shoulder and tried to direct him toward the coach but he shrugged away from her and turned back to Loretta. He threw his arms around her waist, laid his head on her midriff, and hugged her tightly for a second or two. He let go of her without saying a word and ran toward the coach, coughing as he went. Mrs. Huddleston was right behind him. It happened so quickly and Loretta was so surprised she didn’t have time to react.
Speechless, Loretta turned and tramped off without another glance toward Hawk, but as she feared would happen, within seconds he came walking up beside her.
“He was going to steal the dog, wasn’t he?”
She couldn’t lie to him, so she remained silent.
“Talk to me, Loretta.”
“Leave me alone, Your Grace.”
All she had to do was keep looking straight ahead and make it to the carriage and shut herself inside. She needed to think about the duke and about Farley’s hug and how she felt about both. But before she could get halfway there, Hawk grabbed hold of her arm and forced her to stop.
“Look at me,” he said earnestly.
“No,” she whispered, keeping her head down. “I don’t want to look at you.” She wanted to cry so badly her throat ached and her chest heaved, but somehow she managed to control her emotions and not let them spill over into weeping.
“Listen to me, Loretta. I won’t leave you alone.” His hand tightened on her arm. “Hear me well. I will never leave you alone, so look at me.”
She lifted her head, and then her lashes, and what she saw made her want to forget who she was, what she had vowed. Cocoa lay on her stomach on the duke’s upturned forearm. Her neck stretched over his wrist, her little head was cradled in his palm, and she was licking his thumb. Loretta’s heart melted. At that moment, she knew why she’d been on the verge of giving her innocence to him. She was deeply, madly in love with the duke.
“Farley was trying to steal the puppy, wasn’t he?”
Hawk’s eyes were gleaming. A breathy sigh of despair pushed forth from her aching lungs. Only with the will of an inner strength she’d developed since being banished to Mammoth House, did she manage to say, “You are doing a pitiful job of trying to console me.”
“I’m not trying to console you. I’m trying to help you to see that Farley isn’t the boy you want him to be, and he never will be. I can understand a boy like Farley wanting a dog, a friend, someone to love.”
Loretta bit back the tears that collected in her throat but was unable to keep them from pooling in her eyes as she remembered the spindly arms wrapped around her, giving her a hug for being kind. “He didn’t want it for himself. He’d overheard me telling your sister I wanted a puppy.” She choked down a sob. “He said he was stealing the puppy as a gift for me, because I had been so kind to him.”
“Loretta,” Hawk whispered as his hand squeezed even tighter on her arm.
“No, don’t say it. He didn’t know it was wrong.”
“He did.”
“But it shows he has goodness in his heart. He just doesn’t know the right way to express it.”
“You’re making excuses for him,” Hawk insisted.
His not allowing her to lie to herself, his expression of compassion, the soothing sound of his voice was more than she could accept at the moment. She knew all he said was true, but what the duke didn’t seem to know was that Farley’s actions, though meant to please her, had broken her heart, too.
She cleared her tight throat and swallowed another lump of sorrow.
Unwanted tears continued to pool in her eyes, blurring her vision, but somehow, once again, she kept them from spilling. Didn’t Hawk know she just needed to get away from him?
“Let go of me,” she managed to whisper earnestly.
“Farley’s reasons for taking the puppy are purely his own. He cannot put the blame for this act on you.”
“Perhaps you didn’t notice, Your Grace, but I am very close to tears, and I would rather you not see me cry,” she said as she felt a tear trickle from the corner of one of her eyes. “So if over the course of these few weeks I have known you, if you have developed any warm feelings for me, I would appreciate it if you would let go of me at once and allow me to get on that coach without saying another word to me.”
“Loretta.” He whispered her name almost desperately and looked at her for so long she thought she was going to break down into prolonged weeping right in front of him before he turned her loose. But then, after another gentle squeeze on her arm, he stepped back.
She would have liked nothing more than to rush into his arms, bury her face in his warm chest, and cry until her eyes hurt. That wouldn’t do. She kept her chin up, her shoulders straight, and looked straight ahead as she walked past him. Somehow she managed make it to the carriag
e and climb inside before a heaving sob of heartache left her mouth. A second and third came rushing out before she was able to stop the flow and hold the rest of her anguish inside her aching throat. Those tears of anguish would be saved until she was alone at Mammoth. She would have plenty of time to cry there.
What Farley had done upset her greatly. Later, she would explain in detail to him why he must never do anything like that again. But what could she do about the duke? There was nothing to compare to the hurt of realizing she was in love with him and could never be with him. She would have never come to Hawksthorn if she’d known that she would be leaving her heart when she left.
Paxton entered the coach and sat quietly opposite her. There could have been no doubt that he knew she was upset. Tears continued to roll down her cheeks as fast as she could wipe them away, and her sniffing was impossible to hide. She stared out the window at the sun peeking above the horizon and lighting the sky. The coach took off with a rumble, rattle, and jerk.
Thankfully, the estate was well behind them and her emotions under control when Paxton, obviously, couldn’t take the silence of not knowing any longer and asked, “Were you and the duke having an argument?”
“Yes,” she said quietly, and wiped her eyes again with her damp handkerchief.
“About me and Lady Adele?”
“No. Farley.”
“Oh. The duke doesn’t trust him.”
“Farley doesn’t trust the duke, either.”
“What about you? Do you trust the duke?”
“Yes.” The answer wasn’t quite as simple as the softly spoken word, but she didn’t want to say more.
They were silent once more for a few minutes when Paxton suddenly said, “She really does talk too much.”
Loretta looked at Paxton. Was that a serious expression on his face? Did he not realize that he talked as much as Lady Adele? That, when the two of them were together, there was no room for anyone else in the conversation and it seemed as if they could talk each other into oblivion?
Suddenly Loretta started laughing. She laughed so hard, and for so long, her side was beginning to hurt. It felt good to release the tension that Farley and Hawk had caused to knot inside her.