“I know.” He ran a hand across her cheekbones. He couldn’t explain, couldn’t offer any more insight into the workings of his mind. Logic told him to pull back, but other more powerful emotions demanded he did the very opposite. “I guess I’m confused.”
“Join the club.” Her voice was low and husky. “But I know one thing. You’re in my life and it’s about time every member of my family knows it.” She straightened. “So thanks for the offer of joining us for dinner, but I’ll handle it alone.”
*****
What she needed now was distance. Distance from the emotions that rose in her every time she was in the same room with Matthew. Over the past weeks she’d become so used to their life together the prospect of not seeing him automatically every night made her melancholy. In one way, June had been right. Living with him, there was no choice involved about whether they would be together or not—their overwhelming physical attraction overrode everything. He said it was more than lust, but had baulked at the thought of more.
Distance.
A few drops of rain splattered on the ground as she dashed from taxi to her father’s hotel.
He was waiting in the foyer.
“Hi, honey.”
She breathed in her father’s familiar scent as he hugged her tight. It had been too long since she’d seen him, and being in his arms made her feel safe, as it always had.
“Hi, Dad.” She glanced around. “No June?”
“She’s checking out the room service menu.” He didn’t look happy. Obviously June had revealed what had gone down during the afternoon. “Let’s go through and order, I’m starving.”
His five-star hotel had a Michelin starred restaurant and as such was packed.
Jack gave his name to the hostess, who led them to a reserved table in a quiet corner. The waitress handed over menus and left them to consider.
“You and June had a fight, I hear.” He didn’t look up from the wine list.
“We did. Did she tell you what about?”
His gaze flicked up. “Yes. But I’d like to hear your side of the story.”
The waitress interrupted and they both quickly ordered.
“I’m staying with Matthew Logan. He and I…”
Her father’s gaze was steady. He waited for her to continue.
April swallowed. “He and I are in the early stages of a relationship.” A relationship that could be ended tomorrow, for all she knew.
Jack’s lips compressed. “June told me she thought he’d become involved with you to get back at her for her wedding.”
April’s mouth opened.
Jack held up a hand. “Before you start— I don’t believe that for a moment. June and Matthew were over years ago, and I see no reason to believe he wouldn’t be captivated by you just for yourself. June has a robust ego.”
“Did she tell you anything else?” April bet she didn’t. June wouldn’t want to give up her victimized bride tag to easily.
“What else is there? You’re not…” Jack paled, as if the past had risen from the dead.
“I’m not getting married, and I’m not pregnant. June misrepresented what went on back then, Dad. She admitted as much when I confronted her.”
Jack’s rare steak arrived, and the waitress put down a plate of ravioli before April.
The moment they were alone again, Jack sighed. “Let’s have it then.”
Part of April felt bad, ratting out her sister. But the other part, the other part wanted desperately for her father to understand, to stop blaming Matthew for the events that had happened so many years ago. He deserved to have his side of the story heard, especially as it was the truth.
“When June lost the baby, Matthew was prepared to continue with the wedding, but June wasn’t.” She sucked in a breath. “June was sleeping with someone else at the same time as she was sleeping with Matthew…”
Her father swore, and his knife clattered on the plate. Their eyes met.
“She confirmed it to me today, Dad.”
With a curt nod, he gestured she should continue.
“She told him she wasn’t sure the baby was his, and said now they didn’t have to get married, she didn’t want to be tied down. She thought she was too young.”
“Why the hell didn’t she just tell me?”
“She didn’t want you to think badly of her. She asked Matthew to be the bad guy, to be the one who called off the wedding, so you, me and Mum wouldn’t think…”
“She had loose morals.” Her father sawed at his steak as though it was made of wood.
“Yes.”
He shook his head and swallowed a mouthful of wine. “When she settled on Matthew your mother and I were relieved. She’d always been flighty, and he seemed such a solid young man.” His mouth twisted. “I’d forgive both of you girls anything, you know that, right?”
He leaned in, a desperate look in his eyes. “We would have worked it out. It would have been a blow, but we’d have forgiven her. She was young, and people make mistakes when they’re young.”
He rubbed his forehead with both hands. “She’s not young any more. And the fact she’s let us think badly of Matthew for so many years is…” He looked so appalled, April’s heart twisted. “It’s a terrible thing to do.”
“I’m sure she just didn’t want to disappoint you, Dad.” The words were intended as a balm to her father’s shattered feelings, not an excuse for her sister’s behavior.
“I’m sure she wanted to bask in everyone’s sympathy.” His eyes dimmed. “Unfortunately I’m probably to blame for this as much as everyone. I’ve always spoilt her.”
The food was delicious, but April had no appetite.
“He’s a brave man, getting involved with our family again. I should meet him, tell him I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. You were acting on shaky information, but you were sticking up for June.” April covered her father’s hand on the white linen tablecloth. “Matthew understands.”
“I hope to meet him again sometime soon. Perhaps I can visit…”
“Matthew gave me somewhere to stay while my apartment was being renovated. I’m moving out this weekend.”
“I thought you and he…”
“We’re taking it slow. Moving in with him was only ever going to be a temporary arrangement.”
“Are you happy, peanut?” The childhood nickname warmed her.
“I’m happy.” She could be happier, and maybe she would be, once she got back to her life and untangled her emotions some. But right now, she was happy everyone knew the truth, and her father had enough sensitivity to accept her sister’s flaws without disowning her.
Matthew was asleep on the sofa in front of a flickering TV when she got home. As promised, he’d waited up. She stood in the doorway, fighting back the urge to wake him. With the prospect of moving out so near, their lovemaking would be bittersweet.
She turned away. Tomorrow was Friday, their final day living together.
Her hands clenched into fists. If tonight was bad, tomorrow would be even worse. She couldn’t face it. It would be easier to move tomorrow, while he was out at work rather prolonging the agony.
*****
When Matthew woke in the morning, he rubbed his hands over his eyes and immediately worried April hadn’t made it back last night. He climbed upstairs, and checked out his bedroom. Empty.
Without expectation, he turned the doorknob of the spare room.
April lay spread-eagled in the large bed, her chestnut hair fanned out on the pillow. Matthew stepped back quietly so as not to wake her, and pulled the door closed behind him.
For some reason she’d decided not to wake him on her return the previous night. He ran through the possible reasons as he stood under the shower, letting the pounding spray soothe his aching muscles.
By the time he made it into the office, he had a plan in place.
He’d make tonight a night to remember. Maybe another dinner-cruise on the Thames? They had
n’t danced last time, and the thought of holding her while floating past London’s landmarks felt right.
Nothing feels right about April moving out.
He rubbed his head. How had April become so vital to his existence in such a short time? He couldn’t backtrack now, not when the reasons for distance were so clearly valid. He didn’t want a full-time, serious relationship. The thought of handing her his heart brought him out in a sweat.
Dinner, dancing, distance. He picked up the phone, and called the dinner cruise company.
Chapter Twelve
April moved out while Matthew was at work.
Eliza had a full-day meeting, so couldn’t make it, but Marie readily agreed to come help April move, and what’s more, added her unemployed brother’s brawn into the mix.
By mid-afternoon, she and all of her possessions were back in her repainted apartment, so she settled down on the sofa and called Matthew.
“Hi.” He sounded distracted. “What’s going on?”
“I decided to move a day earlier.”
He didn’t respond.
“I thought it would be easier.”
“Easier how?”
Easier on me. “I didn’t see the point of putting it off for another day. Marie and her brother were available, and I was able to get the van, so I’ve moved.” She forced a brightness she didn’t feel into her voice. “The girls are coming over later for dinner.”
“Fine.” His voice was flat. “Maybe I’ll see you over the weekend.”
“I’ll probably be working. The coffee shop is re-opening on Saturday.” She crossed her fingers. She wasn’t scheduled to work until Monday, but she needed time away from Matthew to regain her equilibrium. “How about I call you next week?”
“I may have to go out of the country next week.” He didn’t elaborate, and she didn’t ask. “I’ll call you when I’m back.”
April closed her eyes. Things unsaid hung in the air between them. She wanted to tell him how she missed him already. How it felt as though her heart was breaking. How she wanted nothing more than to invite him over and spend the weekend in bed with him.
Those words couldn’t be said, yet keeping them inside made her heart ache. She yearned for him. What had begun as a casual affair had become so much more. Now, she was caught in a maelstrom of dangerous currents, dragging her down into a love that wasn’t reciprocated. Instead of drowning in them, she needed to reach for the lifebelt of distance, and save herself.
She rubbed her thumb over the thimble.
“Take care, Matthew.” She hung up.
*****
He’d got what he wanted, a breathing space, so why did he feel so goddamned angry?
Matthew stood up and stalked around his desk, mind racing. He tracked across the carpet, turned, then strode back. After the call from Albios, he should be jubilant, should be making arrangements. Instead, shock thundered through him that April had already moved out.
And disappointment the night he’d planned wouldn’t happen crushed any hope of celebrating.
It took three tracks of the shag-pile carpet before he realized he was pacing, something he always did when he was agitated. He didn’t even know how the dinner with her father and June had gone last night.
He pulled in a deep breath then let it out slowly. She’d blown him off, and he had no one to blame but himself. There was no point in even thinking about it anymore, he had other more pressing things demanding his attention.
He dialed Jason’s extension. “We need to talk.”
“Problem?”
“No.”
“I’ll be right there.”
In moments Jason pushed Matthew’s office door open, stepped in, and sat. “So, what’s happening?”
“I just got a call from Angela at Albios. The American branch is very interested in the system, and she’s asked if I could do a presentation to them in New York.”
Jason’s eyebrows rose. “Wow. That’s huge.”
Matthew nodded. “They are sponsoring a lot of marathons and mini-marathons over the next year, and want to see a demonstration before committing themselves, but yes, it could be a lot of business for us.” He straightened the papers on his desk. “They want to see me next week. I’ll need you to tweak the previous presentation and organize a similar set-up as we had at the airfield.”
“In New York somewhere?” Jason frowned. He tapped his fingertips on his thigh. Then he nodded. “I have someone I can call.” He stood. “I’ll get right on it.”
“Send Susan in on your way out, will you? I need her to book my flights.”
“Will do, Boss.”
A change of scene would do him good, and rather than stay in a hotel and brood, he’d call his brother Adam and beg a bed. Jason could handle things in the office, so maybe he’d even stay for a few extra days.
He was normally stoked at being in a new place. Adam’s apartment overlooking Central Park was spacious and modernistic, with a place for everything and everything in its place. Unfortunately, even his brother’s obsessive tidiness made Matthew think of April.
Adam was a bit of a recluse, but he’d made an effort to line up things for them to do. The first day and night Matthew had been busy with Albios, but yesterday they’d signed the contract and tonight, by rights, he should be celebrating.
The person he wanted to share his success with wasn’t there. And he’d made a stupid decision to not call her while he was away—in a misguided attempt to prove to himself he didn’t have to share every last detail of his life with her.
As a result he was bloody miserable.
“So. What do you want to do tonight?” Adam pushed his tortoiseshell glasses up with a long finger. “I have a couple of girls who would be on for dinner,” he grimaced. “Or we could catch a game or something?”
Adam had never been into sports, he spent most of his time pounding his computer keys. The guy practically lived online.
“What would you be doing tonight if I weren’t here?”
Adam pushed a hand through his hair, making it stand straight up. His gaze skittered to the side of the room, and he looked decidedly uncomfortable. “Uh…”
There was something here, something he wasn’t telling. Matthew pushed. “Come on, out with it.”
Adam’s embarrassment was evident. He walked over to the mantle, and picked up two tickets propped there. “I have tickets to Stacy’s show.”
“Tonight?”
“Yeah.” Adam looked down at his feet. “She’s only playing one night in New York.”
“Does she know…”
Adam’s gaze flicked up, eyes wide and shocked. “Christ no. The only reason I got the tickets was because it’s a huge show, there’s no way she’d spot me in the audience.”
His entire family had been amazed when his geeky brother had managed to snare the attention of country music star Stacey Gold. When their Vegas marriage had ended in divorce three months later, no one was surprised. It was astounding to learn that a year later Adam still carried a torch though.
Curiosity spiked. “What happened with you two?”
Adam shrugged. “Oh, you know, stuff. I don’t understand women.”
“Me neither.” A dark cloud filled Matthew’s chest. He didn’t understand what women wanted, hell, he didn’t understand what he wanted.
“You having women trouble, bro?” Adam walked to the fridge, pulled out a couple of beers and handed one over. “I thought you were smooth with the ladies.”
“Once upon a time.” Until he’d let April get under his skin. “I’m in way over my head.”
“Who with?”
Being on the other end of an interrogation wasn’t fun. Matthew slugged a mouthful of beer. “Do you remember April Leigh?”
Adam’s eyebrows shot up. “Little April? June’s sister?”
“That’s the one.” No longer little April, but all grown-up April. The woman he couldn’t stop thinking about, the woman he wanted to be with, even if being with
her meant he was in danger of getting his heart broken again.
Adam shook his head. “You look like you’ve got it bad.”
“Takes one to know one.”
The corner of Adam’s mouth twitched. “Yeah, we’re pathetic.”
Matthew strolled over and picked the tickets out of Adam’s hand. “So, what time does this concert start?”
Chapter Thirteen
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Evicted from her bedroom in favor of an elderly aunt, April lay on the fold-down sofa in the sitting-room of her mother’s house.
The stupid saying was true. The past six days had proved it without a doubt. She’d moved out, but she might as well have fallen off the edge of the earth. Her mobile rang, but the caller was never Matthew. More than once, she considered calling, but had instead called Maria or Eliza instead. They never held the fact she was a mental wreck against her.
He’d said he would be away for the week. Presumably in the far reaches of the Amazon rainforest, or on the top of a mountain peak—some remote place on the planet without cell-phone coverage. Or memories.
Being back at work had been a godsend, because it kept her busy. Joshua kept inviting her out, between creating his trademark coffee-leaf swirls atop cappuccinos. Maybe she should take him up on his offer, anything would be better than endless angsting over Matthew. Maybe when she got back from the wedding she’d say yes.
The flight to Dublin had been quick, and her mother had insisted on picking her up from the airport. Every room in the house was filled with relatives, it was impossible to find any quiet corner to sit and brood.
After the initial awkwardness, she’d made peace with June, whose excitement was palpable. The day after tomorrow the all-consuming family wedding would at last be over. The relatives would move out, and she and her mother would be alone for a couple of days before it was time to return to London.
Her cell phone rang in the darkness.
“I miss you.” Matthew’s voice was deep and urgent.
April held the phone from her ear and looked at the time. “You called me at quarter to one in the morning to tell me you miss me?”
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