Royally Duched Up: (Duched #3)

by Xavier Neal

  We arrive outside of Guy’s door and I quietly argue, “I’m really not making the huge splashes like you think I am.”

  He smiles for the first time all morning. “You’re making ripples and that’s even better.”

  Great. Now I feel even shittier for almost getting him canned.

  The two of us enter Guy’s apartment just as he comes from the direction of his bedroom shirtless. There’s an unhappy, subtle growl next to me.

  Everyone’s team Kellan…Why doesn’t anyone realize there really isn’t another team to cheer for?

  “Should I be helping you pack your things to return home?”

  I take the cup of coffee from Kage’s possession and give him a sweet look to relax. Delivering it to Guy, I state, “Not yet. Though I’m sure you and Stephen are probably ready for your space back.”

  There’s a very faint sigh behind me.

  Phrased my comment that way for that very reason.

  Guys smirks at my tactic. “I’m not complaining. I enjoy listening to you yell at the T.V. during WWC.”

  World Wide Cooking. It’s this ridiculous show where apparently everyone on it believes in the power of chives. Like, there are other ingredients people.

  “If you even think about putting chives on my ice cream, I will end you and this friendship.”

  He chuckles and has a sip of his beverage. “Message received.”

  I offer him a smile. “Are you still coming to the hospital with me? You know little Mags loves when you do.”

  “Tell me it’s not macaroni day. Not exactly my favorite jewelry to wear.”

  His comment gets me to grin wider. “No…We’re gonna do this thing where we trace their hands and feet on the paper and then they create their body around it. It’s this really fun visual exercise, I actually did it at MINOH too. Cliff turned his into this cyborg punk thing. It was really intense. Remind me to show you a picture of it in the car.” After he nods to acknowledge my state, I add, “Plus this project will help them see how big they’ve grown when they look back on it later.”

  “Alright. Sounds more fun than painful. Let me grab a shirt and we can head out.”

  Once he’s left the room, Kage quietly questions, “Would you prefer me to drive you, Mrs. Brie or follow?”

  I give him a sweet smirk. “You can drive.”

  He does his best to hide his relief. “Yes, Princess Brie.”

  After a quick change from Guy and a swift stop at the art store for fresh supplies, we head to St. Cecila’s Children’s Hospital. Upon our arrival, I’m greeted immediately by nurses and doctors alike. Most members of the staff have come to recognize my face from the frequent visits I’ve made ever since the first time Kellan suggested it.

  Sometimes I think he may see something I don’t always see in myself, you know? Like I had no idea I’d fall in love with teaching. Remember how nervous I was? But it was like something about having him in my life illuminated more possibilities than I had ever realized. I think it’s another reason why him missing my test date hurt even more than the obvious.

  The moment we round the corner towards the area where the children are waiting for us, I notice a familiar face at the end of the hall.

  I shift the objects in my hands to Guy’s. “Go ahead and go in. Feel free to start. I’ll be right back.”

  He cocks an eyebrow in question.

  “I need to check on something.”

  Guy nods his understanding and enters the room to receive a loud, warm welcome.

  Kids love him too. He always pretends to be too weak to do something, letting them feel super strong. He’s friendly and kind. He makes an excellent partner during these visits even if Amelia pouts for a bit when he comes instead of Kellan. I have no doubt he’s going to be wonderful at the orphanage. You know, assuming Kellan hasn’t tossed his file in the trash.

  Kage maintains his distance, but follows me down the hall.

  My attention falls on the red headed woman whose back is resting against the wall, face looking down, trembling. “Jillian?”

  She lifts her eyes revealing their puffiness. “Hello…”

  “Are you okay?” I cautiously ask glancing into the room across from her.

  The question seems to make her lip tremble.

  Oh no…

  “Is…is everything okay with Amelia? Is she not feeling well enough to join us today?”

  Jillian takes a long shaky breath before she forces herself to reply. “No. She…She…”

  Words I’ve never wanted to hear and that she never wanted to say silently fill my ears.

  Rather than require her to say them, I simply ask, “When?”

  “Last night,” her tear stained voice answers. “Early yesterday morning there was a match for a transplant…She was prepped and put into surgery within hours. We were so excited. Our little girl was finally going to come home…”

  I try to still the sadness starting to swarm my system.

  “But then there were complications during surgery. And then an infection. And then she was…she was…gone…” There’s a glum bewilderment to her tone. “One minute my baby was alive and the next…” Tears drop from her eyes yet she doesn’t seem to notice. “Anyway, they wanted us to pack up her things from her room and I just…I’m still trying to get the courage to go in there.”

  Instantly, I volunteer, “Let me.”

  “Oh no Brie I-”

  “It’s okay.” My hand gently touches her arm. “You don’t need to go in there and face that. I’ll pack up her things and bring them to you. Why don’t you wait in the lobby or take a few moments to go home? Rest?”

  She shakes her head and brushes away the fallen droplets. “We have to meet with the funeral director in half an hour.”

  “You focus on that. I’ll handle everything here. In fact why don’t I just bring these things to your home later this evening?”

  Unable to say much, she whispers, “Thank you…”

  “You don’t have to thank me,” I whisper back.

  My lips press together to prevent me from saying what it is people tritely say in this situation.

  While I am sorry for her loss, that’s not what the hell she wants to hear! That’s probably the last thing, and it’s probably the only thing she’s been hearing since it happened. Any suggestion for something more meaningful?.

  Softly, I state, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I want you to know, Amelia was an amazing little girl and I’ll never forget her.”

  Another flood of tears breaks free from her eyes.

  Shit. Not better, was it?

  All of a sudden her arms fly around me and I nearly topple over. Kage prepares to handle the situation when I lift a hand to stop him. He stands down, and I give her the embrace she needs. The shoulder to cry on.

  It takes several minutes before Jillian has the strength to walk away from where her daughter’s room is located. I wait until she is out of sight to head inside. As soon as my feet cross the threshold an unmistakable misery musters into my veins. On the call board across from her bed is an array of artworks, several of which we created together. The window sill is decorated in colorful flowers and messy haired dolls. The waiting room chair is filled with stuffed animals. Her bed has one special pink teddy bear and one matching blanket. On the small table beside her bed are two framed photos. One of her with her family and the other of her with me and Kellan. In ours she’s wearing the Frozen dress I bought her and we’re wearing paper hats.

  We had a tea party in her room that day…Kellan showing up was a complete surprise. He was headed to go tux shopping with his father and brother, but stopped in first. It completely made her day. Mine too.

  Any remaining air in my lungs disperses.

  How can she be gone?

  My phone begins to vibrate in the back pocket of my paint stained overalls and it barely registers. Somehow I grab the device to check the message.

  Husband: I know you’re still not talking to
me, but I heard about the coffee house incident. I’m worried. Are you alright?

  I glance around the room, the promise I made reverberating at a deafening level.

  There’s no hesitation in my reply.

  Me: No.

  Me: I need you now.

  His response time is relieving.

  Husband: Where are you?

  Me: St. Cecila’s.

  Husband: I’m on my way.

  He probably gets that I’m not actually hurt, right? This is a children’s hospital. I shouldn’t have to add, ‘Don’t worry. I’m not physically injured, just emotionally’.

  Kage cautiously calls from my over my shoulder. “Mrs. Brie. Guy is calling for you down the hall.”

  I take a step back out of the room, attempt a deep breath, and hustle my friend’s direction. Our discussion is brief and spoken in code so we don’t upset any eavesdroppers or spread information not intended to be shared openly yet. At the end of it he gives me a hard hug and whispers if I need him, he’s there.

  And I know he is. And I know as a friend he probably always will be. But right now, I need something more. I need my something more.

  About twenty minutes after my text message, Kellan is barreling down the hallway towards me. As soon as I’m within arm’s reach, he doesn’t hesitate to tug my entire body against his, and hold me extremely tight. His heart is thrumming so hard I can feel it knocking against my chest. The feeling of his head resting against mine releases the sobs I didn’t realize I had been holding. He flexes his arms, and I cry harder. He does his best to hold still. To remain strong. To be the rock I can rely on. However, when my fingertips dig into his back and my choked voice declares, “she died” he breaks. His cries crash into mine and suddenly all the bullshit keeping us apart doesn’t seem to compare to this tragic moment that’s now claiming us.

  Why is it so often that death has to be a reminder of what really matters to the living?

  Kellan

  Brie curls peacefully into my side. Shock as well as amazement she is actually where she is, has me reluctant to move. Fuck. To breathe.

  The absolute last thing I want is for her to leave me again. Ever. Sleeping apart was torturous, but not knowing if we were ever going to sleep together again made it far worse. Worse than when she left me on the jet. Worse than those few weeks apart. The pain I felt from her absence was different. Stronger. More agonizing. Had my uncle Trenton not kept me busy with the wedding gift he bestowed upon us, keeping my mind occupied between groveling messages could’ve been even more miserable than it was.

  Her face nuzzles my bare abs, and I have to will my cock not to make an appearance.

  You know damn well I want make up sex, but I don’t deserve it. Not one bit. Especially considering the fact we haven’t discussed the topic of us at all. After we cried together in the hospital hallway, we pushed through our tears, packed all of Amelia’s things, and took them to her parents. Her older sister begged for us to stay for dinner. To tell us our favorite things about Amelia. Her parents agreed, hoping the process would be a bit of closure to their living child and a bit to us. Spending hours reminiscing on a young life lost so early hit me in a way I wasn’t expecting. You know, growing up with a mother who constantly took us to visit children going through these things, we were raised to know death was always looming. I knew back then there was a probability each time I went along that they would not be there the next time. But Amelia’s unexpected death was more personal than any of the other’s had ever been. We spent hours together. She had hopes. She had dreams. She had an entire future she was planning. She was attached to me more than anyone else her age has ever been. And she was attached to Brie. Maybe that’s where the added grief is growing from. Knowing the impact the loss is having on her…By the time we returned home we were both too exhausted to do anything other than snuggle to slumber.

  I brush the hair off her cheek as her eyes start to flutter open. Playfully, I say, “You’ve created a lake in my belly button.”

  Brie yawns and props her chin onto my stomach. “Liar. I don’t drool. You do.”

  “No. I snore.”

  “And fart.”

  Her teasing addition tugs the corner of my lip upward. “And you drool like a leaky faucet in a rundown apartment.”

  She glares at the comment. I offer her her glasses and my smile expands the moment they’re on. Her eyes are still glossy. Her wavy hair is out of control. Her curvy brown body is barely being covered by the sheet.

  This is what I’m hoping I’m blessed to continue to wake up to the rest of my life. This is what I’m hoping is my present and future instead of just one more memory to keep me warm when she’s permanently gone.

  A sharp pain pounds throughout my body. I push away my lingering doubts. “Did you sleep well?”

  Brie pulls herself completely upward, clutching the blanket to her chest. “Better than I have in days. You?”

  I sheepishly confess, “I barely slept at all.”

  Her eyebrows furrow. “Why not?”

  “Because I feared if I closed my eyes, you wouldn’t be there when I opened them.”

  Sounds like a line, but it’s the God’s honest truth.

  She lets her shoulders fall and face tilt. “I wouldn’t sneak out in the middle of the night, Kellan. I’m not you after a hit it and quit.”

  “I never snuck out,” I clarify. “They were politely hinted at to leave the next morning.”

  “So much better,” she sarcastically states before snickering.

  “It is!”

  Brie laughs again, this time louder, with more energy. With more love.

  Geez, how the hell can I live without that sound?

  My hand twitches in desire to reach out for her. To hold her. To touch her in ways a husband should. “Would you like some hot chocolate? I was going to step out to get you some earlier, but…you looked so…relaxed on my chest, I did not want to disturb you.”

  She gives me a kind smile and inches closer. “I’m okay…Thanks though.”

  “You sure?” I maintain my distance. “It’s not a problem.”

  “Kellan-”

  “Anything you need is never a problem,” my mouth begins to run away without giving my thoughts time to get in the precise order. “Anything, Love. Anything you need or want. Anything I can give you is yours.”

  “Kellan-”

  “Just name it and it’s yours. Or wherever you want me, just tell me and I’ll be there. It doesn’t matter if it is 1 in the morning or 1 in the afternoon. I will be there for you if you let me. I will never make this mistake again. I will never-”

  “Stop,” she bites aggravation apparent.

  My speech does as it’s told.

  Okay. Not the best start I imagine.

  “You can’t promise me something like that will never happen again, Kellan.”

  “I can-”

  “You can’t,” she snips harder. “You have no idea what the future could throw at us. What would happen if I wanted you to go with me to the dentist, but all of a sudden Kristopher needs you because something happened to your father? Or the baby?”

  The instinct to tell her it wouldn’t matter is strong yet I know it would be a lie to declare it.

  She’s right. In an emergency situation, she would command I go. And I would want to be there if my family needed me and what she wanted was…less important. Come on. It’s the dentist…

  “You need to stop making promises you can’t keep and more importantly realize where your priorities belong.”

  “I know,” I quietly agree.

  “I’m not some fucking doormat, Kellan! I’m not a lapdog who spends her entire life staring at the door, waiting for you to get home, so you can rub me and feed me! I am a person! Not a pet!” Her volume increases and I shrink. “I deserve to be treated like my feelings and opinions and desires matter. Like my time and my goals are just as important as yours. Like the stories I share are being heard, not ignored! Like you gi
ve a fuck about what’s going on with Keegan or Cliff or…Amel-” She stops the additional name yet the point is crystal clear. “I deserve the loyalty and support you swore to me the day you put these rings on my hand. And if that is something you honestly can no longer do, tell me now, so we can end this.”