by Carol Voss
Telling him about the baby had been even worse than she’d imagined. How would she ever forget the pain in his eyes as he grasped what she was saying and accepted responsibility for the decisions he’d made?
Now that she’d told him, everything seemed totally out of control. She had no idea what he would do. He seemed mostly…bewildered. Unable to take in everything at once. But why wouldn’t he? He’d had no earthly idea what to expect when she’d told him they needed to talk.
She needed to get home to him as soon as she could.
But before she could leave, blotchy face, swollen eyes or not, she needed to face her employees manning her booths at the breakfast. She didn’t have a choice. She needed them to pack up when the event was over and take care of things she’d planned to handle herself.
Thankfully, they all seemed to read her state accurately enough to keep from asking her what was wrong. And finally she got on the road, her mind torturing her all the way home about Tony and the pain and guilt she’d just dumped on him. But when she turned into the driveway, his motorcycle was gone.
She forced herself to breathe. To think. He was probably taking a long ride to sort things out. Her cell phone chirped just as she turned off the engine. Tony? She grabbed the phone and pushed the button on the way to her ear.
“Ms. McGuire?” a woman’s voice asked tentatively.
“Yes.” Maggie vaulted out of the truck and slammed the door.
“My name is Leona Sullivan. Laura Benson gave me your number.”
Walking toward the house, Maggie let out a shaky sigh. Discussing landscaping problems was more than she could deal with right now.
“Laura showed me the rose.”
“The rose?”
“The coral-pink rose with the wonderful scent.”
Maggie sucked in a breath. “The Salvatore rose?”
“Yes. Laura and I are absolutely smitten with it. She knows what a rose enthusiast I am, and she thought you and I might want to discuss financial arrangements to propagate the rose.”
Letting herself into the house, Maggie’s head swam. Her emotions were getting in the way of sorting out appropriate questions to ask Mrs. Benson’s friend.
“You haven’t already found someone else to work with, have you?” the woman asked.
“No. I’m very interested in working with you. I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name.” Good job, Maggie.
“Sullivan. Leona Sullivan.”
“May I get back to you as soon as I can check my schedule?”
“Of course. I’m very excited about this and am anxious to get started on the project.”
Maggie did her best to summon her business voice. “I’m excited, too. Thank you so much for calling. Can I reach you at this number?”
“Yes. I look forward to your call.”
Maggie clicked off her cell and laid it on the kitchen counter. Leona Sullivan could be the answer to her prayers for money for Stella’s house. But right now, all she could think about was Tony.
The house seemed strangely quiet. Too quiet. An odd uneasiness creeping up her spine, she ran up the stairs and directed her steps to his room. She pushed open the door. His bed was made up so neatly, she could bounce a quarter off it. She walked to the wardrobe towering against the wall and pulled open the reluctant doors.
His things were still there.
But chills marched over her skin. He’d left his belongings behind, but she knew in her heart he was gone. His old room was empty and lonely. As empty and lonely as her life would be without him.
She walked out of the room, down the stairs, through the kitchen and out onto the back porch. Dazed, she just kept walking. Through the shadowy woods and into the bright meadow.
The hot sun did nothing to alleviate the chill deep in her bones, and she sank down near the spot of earth still blackened from his fire. She inhaled the faint odor of charred earth.
He was gone. Letting him go was part of loving him. She’d known that all along. But it’s too soon, God. I’m not ready. I didn’t know I’d have to let him go so soon.
She hugged herself, snatches of memories flitting through her mind. Tony bending over the stove, stirring one of his succulent sauces. Tony looking through old picture albums with her. Tony glistening with sweat and purpose as he pounded in the attic. And Tony holding her in the woods as she eked out the words he couldn’t live with.
* * *
The sun hot on his shoulders, Tony roared through the countryside. His mind was on fire. He needed to get back to the life he could make sense of. Where things actually were as they seemed. He was desperate to get to Eau Claire where he could turn his departure over to a pilot and crew, whoever would get him out the quickest because with every fiber of his being, he wanted to stay.
He would never have believed how content he’d grown in Noah’s Crossing. In Nonna’s house.
With Maggie.
He glanced at his watch, an ache deep in his chest. Had she gotten home yet? Had she figured out he was gone? He should have been man enough to face her and tell her how confused and miserable he felt. That the last thing he ever wanted to do was to hurt her. That he’d hurt her enough.
Like leaving wouldn’t hurt her? And without saying goodbye? What happened to his vow never to hurt her again? He braked as hard as he dared, turned onto the shoulder and stopped.
He loved Maggie. He’d always loved her. Then why was he doing exactly what he’d done at seventeen? Why was he running away?
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
He shut his eyes against traffic whizzing by. He’d spent ten years trying to fill his life with new faces, new locations, new challenges. And with God’s help, he’d managed to grow into a man he could respect.
But he’d made a huge mistake leaving Maggie all those years ago. A mistake that caused her more suffering than he could imagine. He’d cost them their child. It couldn’t get worse than that.
So why was he running again? His dad had let the pain of loss win, over his love for his mother and his son. Was he going to let the pain win, too? Over his love for Maggie and their little girl? Was that the best he could do?
Not by a long shot.
…surviving isn’t just up to us, Tony. Sometimes, resting in Him was the only way I could survive.
Sitting on his motorcycle along the highway, he gave in to the tears he’d buried inside for as long as he could remember. I love Maggie, God. Always have. Always will. She needed me, and I wasn’t there for her. Please forgive me for that. And help me forgive myself.
He didn’t know how long he sat there. Only that when he finally looked up, he felt lighter, more at peace than he’d ever felt in his life. More able to look at the future with hope. I believe she still needs me, God. And I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to her. Please help me be the man she deserves. The man You want me to be.
He looked for a break in traffic, then roared back onto the highway to Eau Claire. He had some serious issues to take care of.
* * *
Spent from crying, Maggie lay in the meadow watching a few clouds drift in the fathomless blue sky. She just didn’t have the energy to get up and walk to the house. Nobody was there. Tony was gone. Without him, she felt as barren as the earth beside her that his fire had left behind. Another surge of tears bathed her face.
Through her tears, something glimmered in the black patch left by Tony’s bonfire. Something small and green. Something new and tender and fragile. Tiny shoots poked their heads through the blackened earth. Tiny blue false indigo.
Stella had predicted the roots were deep and strong enough to sustain the plants in spite of Tony’s fire.
She had deep, strong roots just like her prairie pla
nts. And God had given her a deep, strong faith that had sustained her through everything, no matter what.
I can’t possibly hold on tight enough to those I love, can I? Not my parents. Not Stella. Not our baby. And not Tony.
I must trust You to take care of them. Like You have all along. Please go on sustaining me. Please help me accept Your will and trust that in all things, You work for the good of those who love You.
“Maggie.”
She could still hear Tony’s voice in her head, her heart thudding in recognition. The pain of missing him was nearly unbearable.
“Maggie.”
He sounded so close. So real. She felt his touch on her arm. Goose bumps danced over her skin. Her eyes flew open.
“Please don’t cry.” He stood looking down at her, his eyes wide-open and as vulnerable as she’d ever seen them.
Her heart picked up its cadence. Swiping her hands across her eyes, she sat upright. “You’re here.”
“I can’t leave you,” he said simply, offering his hand.
She grasped it and let him pull her to her feet beside him. She opened her mouth, but only a sob bubbled out.
Without a word, he wrapped his arms around her, pulled her to him and kissed her. Warm, secure and passionate. All she’d ever wanted in a kiss. All she’d ever needed in her life.
She flung her arms around his neck.
He stumbled back, but he recovered quickly as he lifted her off her feet.
Losing herself in the wonder of him, she clung like a climbing rose. When he ended the kiss, she leaned back to look into his eyes.
“You’re part of me, Maggie. I don’t know where you leave off and I begin. I don’t know how long it’s been like that.” His voice was hoarse with emotion. “I love you. So much I can’t imagine my life without you. I don’t want a life without you.”
Joy exploded in her, through her, all around her. She felt as if she would burst with happiness. Tears obscuring his face, she ran her fingers through his thick hair. “I love you, too. With all that I am.”
A grin relaxed his full lips and melted his eyes. He hugged her as if he’d never let her go. As if she was more precious to him than anything. Than his work. Than travel. Than freedom.
She melted against him, unable and unwilling to do anything else. He felt so strong, so secure, so solid. Her friend, her love, her life. And he was staying. Forever. In Noah’s Crossing. With her.
He looked down at her. “You don’t have your heart set on one of those weddings that takes months to plan, do you?”
A smile spread through her like a summer morning. “Yes, I will marry you, Tony Stefano.”
He cocked his eyebrow. “Whoops. I forgot to ask.” Setting her on her feet, he dropped to one knee, pulled a little box from his pocket, flipped it open and held it out to her. “Will you please marry me, Maggie McGuire?”
“It’s beautiful,” she breathed. “But you already have me. I can’t wait to be your wife.”
Standing, he slipped the sparkling solitaire diamond ring on her finger and smiled into her eyes.
She smiled back. He loved her. He wanted to marry her. She did her best to drink it all in. Still, a question nagged the edges of her mind. “You sure you’ll be happy in Noah’s Crossing?”
“You made me realize it’s my home.”
She beamed into his eyes. “Yes, it is. But…what about your project in Brazil?”
“I’ve been on the phone with my backers, and they agreed that our current arrangement with me consulting with my foreman is working out fine. They even agreed to build Paulo’s school in exchange for several very expensive pieces of my construction equipment. They’ll pay me for the rest of my equipment over time which will give us a nice piece of change to sink into that old house you and Nonna love so much.”
She kissed his chin. “And I have a private backer for the Salvatore rose.”
He grinned. “Fantastic. Looks like we’ll be able to keep the old place from falling down and then some. So except for a vacation once in a while, I sure don’t intend to drag our kids around the world. I want to raise them in that huge old house with Nonna to spoil them.”
“Kids? You want kids?” Her heart beat so hard she couldn’t catch her breath.
“You bet. Maybe a half dozen or so?”
“How about two or three?”
“Perfect.”
Tears clouding her vision, she stretched on tiptoe and planted a kiss on his chiseled jaw. “You’ll be the best dad in the whole world.”
His gaze locked with hers. “Maggie, I would go back and change everything if I could. Please believe that.”
She hugged him close, knowing he meant it.
He kissed her hair. “I talked with an attorney in Eau Claire who specializes in adoption cases. He agreed to try to find our little girl.”
Goose bumps swarmed her body. She could hardly believe what he was saying. “He can find her? But I signed a legal document that I wouldn’t try to find her until she was eighteen.”
“I didn’t sign it.”
Maggie frowned. “I don’t want to do anything that might hurt her.”
“No, but we’ll know if she’s okay. And we can decide what to do when the time comes. Meanwhile, we have to believe God’s taking good care of her.”
“Yes,” she whispered, her heart so full she couldn’t speak. Smiling through her tears, she breathed a silent thank-you.
Epilogue
Tony lined up the unruly group in his lens for the fifth, maybe sixth, time. He’d lost count.
The light was perfect. A profusion of yellow, red, pink, white and coral roses dancing across the June-greened backyard provided the perfect backdrop. And he was going to get the perfect family picture, no matter how long it took. “Everybody say cheese on three.”
“How many pictures are you planning to take?” Maggie knelt beside Nonna, who sat in a lawn chair.
“As many as it takes to get a great one.” He readjusted the focus. “Ready, everybody? One, two, three.”
“Cheese,” they intoned, flashing the impressive smiles he wanted.
He clicked the shutter, reviewed instant replay and shook his head. “I can’t see Nonna’s face.”
Nonna peeked out from under her big, floppy hat. “I’m trying to prevent The Terminator from getting away.”
Great. What was with that kitten today? He usually lay in Nonna’s lap for hours, purring like a steam engine.
Maggie reached to corral the kitten and plopped him securely in Nonna’s lap alongside his well-behaved mother. Problem was, Vader took that opportunity to pounce on a leaf, the action enticing Boots to scamper away. An explosion of cats, and the chase was on.
Tony let out a breath and focused on the bright side. They could have six cats to corral instead of four if Hannah hadn’t taken Whisper and Ginger to live with her. A double adoption had seemed appropriate when Maggie decided Whisper would be too lonely without a sibling to keep her company. Leave it to his wife to make sure everybody was happy.
Especially him. He’d never made a better decision in his life than to fall in love with that woman. He savored every day. She even had him involved in church stuff and loving it. Turned out, many of those people he’d been so suspicious of were his friends and neighbors.
“I’ll catch them.” Christa hopped up with the grace of a petite ten-year-old and raced across the lawn after the exuberant kittens, her thick, black Stefano hair blowing in the breeze. She had such a joy about her…just like Maggie.
Tears filled his eyes, remembering meeting their little girl just before Christmas. What a gift. As was the welcome her widowed adoptive mother had given them into the girl’s life. Thankfully, she lived in Eau Claire which allowed f
requent visits back and forth. He and Maggie couldn’t be more grateful for every second they were privileged to share with their amazing child.
God was truly good.
Maggie’s beautiful face alive with love, she laughed with Nonna at Christa stealthily attempting to capture the kittens. Of course, the girl and the cats had turned the whole thing into a game.
His eyes on Maggie, he lowered the camera. Looked like the perfect family picture was evading him once again. Oh, well. He had lots of imperfect ones he wouldn’t give up for anything.
Seeming to sense his gaze, Maggie met his eyes, her hand fluttering to her stomach in a secret signal between them.
His heart felt like it might burst right out of his chest. They were expecting another gift next Christmas, and just last night, Maggie thought she felt their baby move for the first time. Even though she admitted it was too early and could possibly be wishful thinking.
Soon, they’d announce their news, but for now, he loved sharing their secret only with her. He took his camera from around his neck.
“Giving up on the perfect family picture for today?” Maggie asked.
“Who needs a picture?” He smiled. “I know my family by heart.”
* * * * *
Dear Reader,
According to Maggie, love is not an exact science. If it was, a world-class wanderer would be the last man on earth who could still turn her into the same giddy schoolgirl she’d been when he left town ten years ago. Tony has finally come home to make things right. At least with his nonna. But as for making things right with Maggie? It’s far too late for that.
Any mother can probably understand. As a mother myself, I can only imagine how heartbreaking it would be to be forced to give up a child. I know two women who found themselves in similar circumstances as Maggie when they were very young. Both women have found great joy in being reunited with their grown sons. But missing their sons’ growing-up years sometimes makes their reunion bittersweet.