Forbidden Ballad - Rock My World

by Reese Summers

  “Sure. Thanks for your time,” I say with just a trace of sarcasm. I stalk back to the tour bus and find Jacie lounging with her ear buds in her ears. She pulls them out when she sees me.

  “What happened?” she asks instantly.

  “Don’t want to talk about it,” I grumble and head back to my room.

  ~~~

  I stew all afternoon, but that still doesn’t stop me from sneaking backstage and watching Carly open the show again. She’s dressed in a short, lacy black dress tonight, and she’s wearing boots that go up to nearly her thighs; it’s hot as all hell. Her hair is wild and loose down her back and she knows how to swing it around as she sings. Of course, my cock hardens as I watch her, but I’m used to that by now.

  Morosely, I wonder if she will ever forgive me. I briefly consider finding a groupie to fuck tonight, but I don’t want to give up yet. That would certainly end things. I decide to give Carly a little more time to come around and if she doesn’t, I’ll just have to learn to live with it.

  Cobalt puts on a kick ass show, and afterwards I walk through the motions as we go into the Meet and Greet.

  “Leo, seriously. Cheer the fuck up,” Jacie says as a new group enters the room.

  I roll my eyes and ignore her.

  “Our boy is lovesick,” Maddox observes.

  “She was too good for you, man,” Kyle adds. And I know he’s right.

  “No shit, Sherlock.” I snap.

  “Hey, hey. I know you’re upset,” Maddox says, “Come out with us tonight. We’ll find some hot chicks.” He lowers his voice. “Hell, there are plenty right here.”

  “Mmm-hmm,” Jacie agrees, eyeing a leggy blonde whose tits are practically falling out of her shirt. Normally, I would love that kind of shit, but I’m not in the mood tonight.

  “Don’t come out if you’re going to be a buzz kill though,” Kyle warns.

  I don’t even have the energy to be a dick. “Thanks guys, but I think I’ll pass tonight. Maybe another night.”

  I find myself heading back to my bus, and I hear Carly’s voice carrying across the parking lot. Her voice sounds heated. I’m not sure if I approach out of concern or curiosity. Either way, I keep to the shadows and strain to listen.

  “You need to leave,” Carly hisses. “You have no business being here!”

  “But I had to talk to you,” a male voice pleads.

  “There is nothing to talk about Walker!”

  Walker? What the fuck?

  “And I have had enough shit to deal with already,” she seethes, her voice filled with anger, “So forgive me if my daily allotment of douchiness has been filled for the day!”

  I wince, knowing that she’s talking about our earlier conversation.

  “I need to talk to you. I have to explain about Willow.” It’s quiet for a moment. “And I want you to come on our tour. You belong there.”

  “Are you out of your fucking mind? I don’t need any Willow explanations – I saw it with my own two eyes! And you’re insane if you think I’m going on tour with you.”

  “I know, I know, you’re doing great by yourself,” he says, sounding anything but happy. “I’ve read all the headlines, seen all the gossip blogs. Everyone says you were wasting your time singing with me.”

  “I was wasting more than my singing talents,” she huffs.

  I’m not sure if I want to hear any more but I can’t seem to walk away. It doesn’t sound like Walker is trying to hurt her, and she seems to be handling him just fine. I’m sure that I’m the last person that Carly wants to try to step in on her behalf.

  “Alright, Carly, I get it. But are you going to make me stand outside all night? Did our five years together mean nothing to you?”

  “Oh for God’s sake,” she cries, “Come on in. It’s like freaking déjà vu.”

  Walker makes no comment and I peek around to watch him follow Carly inside the bus.

  I feel something – I’m not quite sure what is. Hurt? Jealousy? I know Carly and Walker have a history but I can’t believe she let him in her bus. I quickly decide I’m going to find a random girl to screw, and start striding towards the arena. But before I make it there, I realize that I don’t want to fuck some slutty groupie. And I don’t even know what Carly is doing with Walker right now.

  “Ridiculous,” I mutter, turning back around and heading to my bus. I decide instead to make myself feel better with my friend Jack.

  Jack Daniels.

  ~~~

  “Leo.”

  “Go away,” I mumble, rolling over.

  “Leo!”

  “Mmhmph.” My head is pounding.

  “Get the hell up!”

  “Christ, Jacie.” I roll over and my head throbs as my stomach rolls uncomfortably. There’s an awful taste in my mouth and I realize I’m still in my clothes from last night. And now it’s really bright outside.

  I crack my eyes open and see that I’m on the couch.

  “What the hell?” I sit up and rub at my eyes.

  Jacie hands me a glass of water and two Advil.

  “Take these. You’re going to feel like shit.”

  “I do feel like shit,” I manage to croak, gratefully swallowing the pills. “What the hell happened last night?”

  “That’s what we were wondering. Kyle, Mad and I came back and found you passed out on the couch with a half empty bottle of Jack.”

  Then everything came back.

  “Fuck! It was Carly.”

  “Again. What the hell, Leo? She’s really getting to you.”

  “Her ex-fiancé came back. I overheard them talking and then Carly let him on the bus.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yes. I was going to go find some random groupie to bang and then I just didn’t have the energy. I figured I would be better off downing a bottle of Jack.”

  “You’re such an ass. I’ve seen Carly around you. I can’t imagine she would take Walker back after the way she looks at you.”

  “Yeah, well that was before she learned about Skyler.”

  “Oh shit.”

  “Yeah. Oh, shit.”

  Jacie sat back and ran her hand through her frosted blue tips. She had traded her pink for blue.

  “I don’t know,” she said shaking her head, “I still can’t see Carly going back to Walker.”

  I shrug miserably.

  “Only one way to find out,” Jacie says, standing up.

  I stare at her blankly and scratch my balls.

  Jacie rolls her eyes.

  “Go over there and find out. Ask her.”

  “Fuck it. I don’t have time for that shit.” I stumble off the couch and move towards my bedroom so I can shower.

  “Which way is it Leo?” Jacie asks sharply.

  “What?”

  “Which way is it?” she repeats. “Either you don’t care enough about Carly to ask her about Walker, or you care enough that you’re willing to go over there and suck up your dickhead pride and ask?”

  When Jacie puts it like that, it all seems so black and white.

  “Whatever.”

  “Do you care or not?”

  “Alright, I fucking care, okay? Happy now? Now leave me the hell alone so I can take a shower and then go over to her bus like a fucking pussy and ask her.”

  Jacie laughs and moves towards the door. “All right, pussy,” she teases. She stops, her hand on the bus door. “And I don’t think you’re a pussy, Leo. I think you’re actually finding your heart.”

  “My heart?” I scoff.

  “Yeah. Kind of like the Grinch, you know? His heart grew three sizes.”

  “You’re the most annoying little cousin ever.”

  Jacie laughs and leaves the bus.

  I take a quick shower, trying to shake my hangover, and get dressed quickly. I force myself to eat some food to stop my churning stomach. Before I know it, I’m making my way off the bus and heading over to Carly’s bus. I check my watch and see that we only have about thirty minutes before we de
part for the next city.

  I rap loudly on the door.

  Carly answers, looking exhausted, her hair pulled messily on top of her head and her skin makeup free. She’s dressed in mesh shorts and wearing a ratty Orioles t-shirt.

  Her face is surprised at first, and then she quickly masks it. She’s so damn beautiful it takes my breath away.

  “What are you doing here, Leo?” she asks in a tired voice.

  “I overheard you talking to Walker last night. I saw you let him on the bus. I need to know if you two are back together.”

  It wasn’t as eloquent as I had hoped, but I’d have to settle for blunt and to the point.

  Her eyes narrow suspiciously. “Were you spying on me?”

  “Actually, I could hear you all the way across the parking lot. Forgive me for being curious.”

  “What does it matter, Leo?” she asks warily, starting to close the door.

  “It matters to me, alright!”

  “I don’t want anything to do with either of you!” she cries, frustrated.

  “That still doesn’t answer my question.”

  “Leo, it’s been a long two days. If you don’t mind, I’d really like to take a shower and just relax as we make our way to Minneapolis.”

  “So you’re not going to answer me?”

  “I don’t owe you anything!” Her eyes flash. “All I want right now is to be left alone! Can you give me that? Can you give me some time alone with my own thoughts so I can actually process what the hell is going on in my life? Is that too much to ask?”

  Her voice is so broken, so hurt, that I don’t press further.

  “Fine, Carly. Take as much time as you need.” My voice is cold, but I’m fed up. This is exactly why I stayed away from relationships. They are complicated and emotional – two things I don’t have time for. Casual sex was so much easier.

  I storm away, not bothering to look back.

  As if the universe is trying hard to make my life extra hellish, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I sigh when I see it’s my mom. I should ignore her call, but I know she’ll just keep calling until she reaches me.

  “Hey Mom,” I say brusquely, not in the mood.

  “Hello Leo. How are you, dear?”

  “I’m fine. It’s not really a good time to talk.”

  “Oh,” she pauses, “Are you pre-occupied?” The way she says it makes me cringe; I get the impression that she thinks I’m with a girl.

  “No, Mom. It’s just that I’ve had a rough few days, and the buses are getting ready to take off soon.”

  “Oh, okay. Where are you now? Where are you headed?”

  I think suddenly of Kyle’s mom who keeps our tour posted on her refrigerator. She loves to brag to her friends about the different cities Kyle is in every day.

  “We’re in Madison, Mom, heading to Minneapolis.”

  “Sounds nice,” she says, trying to make conversation.

  “So, what can I do for you?” I ask, climbing onto the bus. I nod at Maddox and Kyle who are playing video games. I head back to my room. “Did Anna do something great? Or Josh? Any new awards or achievements?” I can’t hide the bitter tone and I fully anticipate my mother’s distaste.

  “Now, Leo. Why do you say things like that?”

  “Because you only call to brag about them. I’ve been making music for over ten years. Are you ever going to come out to one of my concerts? Do you ever want to see what I’ve made of myself? I’ve sold millions of records, Mom. I own an incredible penthouse in Manhattan. I get to travel all over the world. But because I didn’t go into medicine, you don’t think I’ve done anything with my life?”

  “Leo,” now she sounds hurt. “It isn’t like that. I just can’t relate to what you do.”

  “You don’t even try, Mom!” I take a deep breath; this is pointless. “I don’t want to argue, Mom. What can I do for you?”

  “Actually,” she begins, and she sounds almost nervous. “I was calling because of something Aunt Kelly said.”

  I stiffen. Aunt Kelly is Jacie’s mom, my mom’s sister.

  “Yeah?” I ask cautiously. Jacie doesn’t talk that much to her mother because she has the same issues as me. I’m wondering what Jacie could have possibly said.

  “Well, she told me that you had met a really nice girl.”

  What?

  “Mom, you’ve never called me about a girl before. What is going on?”

  “Well, you’ve never had a girl before,” my mom points out.

  Good point.

  “You’re about two days too late. I think it’s over.” My voice is flat.

  “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”

  This conversation is fucking nuts.

  “Yeah, well, thanks for the call, Mom. I’m sure you have some important shit to take care of, like kissing Josh and Anna’s ass.”

  “Leo, watch your mouth! Can’t you fix things with this girl? It would be nice to know that you had someone looking after you.”

  “I’m fine, Mom. Thanks for your concern,” I say sarcastically.

  There’s a long pause. “I’m trying, Leo, alright? It would be good for you to have a nice girl.”

  “Well, it looks like I’m bound to be a single asshole for the rest of my life.” My tone is bitter and all the anger from the past few days is surfacing.

  “Fine, Leo. Well, I’ll get off the phone then. I didn’t call to have an argument with you. Why can’t you ever just be normal when I call you?”

  “Because it’s never a normal conversation, Mom.”

  My mom sighs on the other line. “Alright, Leo. Take care. I hope things do work out with your girl.”

  “Yep. Thanks, Mom.”

  The line goes dead and I angrily toss my phone down on my bed.

  Carly

  I try not to think about Walker, or Leo for that matter, as I get ready for tonight’s performance. I’m more than annoyed that Walker had off last night and came to see me, and I’m even more annoyed that he’s off again tonight and has followed me to Minneapolis.

  And on top of Walker’s ridiculous visit, is everything Leo dumped on me yesterday. I didn’t even get time to wrap my head around it before Walker showed up unannounced. At first I was so angry and disgusted by Leo’s story, but then I found myself softening. I didn’t agree with his choice, but I could see where he was coming from, and I hated that I sort of understood his logic.

  Everything with Skyler had happened before me, and Leo had made it very clear that he had a past. Which I already knew from the tabloids anyway. Leo was a notorious womanizer. Was I willing to throw everything away for a mistake that Leo made before he met me? And I had been so strict in our rules, no wonder I scared him into not telling me about Skyler.

  Ugg, I was so frustrated with all the thinking going on in my head. And then for Walker to show up and want me back? I allowed him to come on my bus for about seven minutes. Apparently, he and Willow weren’t working out and he was desperate to have me back. Honestly, I think he was just jealous of my newfound fame with Cobalt. I think he was hoping that I would flounder and have no career after leaving Nashville.

  When I garnered as much, I sent Walker packing, telling him to stay away for good. Walker liked me when we were paired together, when I wasn’t bigger or better than him. Now, he couldn’t handle things, and certainly not the bad press that he was getting or the fact that he was looked at as a laughing stock.

  Walker hadn’t given up, and I had caught him lingering around earlier. Security seemed to suck on this tour. First Skyler got in and now I couldn’t get rid of Walker. My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on my dressing room door. I hesitate and then pull the door open.

  Sure enough, there’s Walker.

  “How the hell did you get in here,” I hiss, closing the door halfway to block his entry.

  “Let me in, please.”

  “Walker! It’s finished! Over! Get out now before I call security!”

  I guess something in my voice finally m
akes Walker realize that I really mean it.

  “Your loss,” he says angrily, turning around and heading down the hallway. Normally, I would shoot back a response, but I’m so over it that I just close the door with relief. Mae Li should be in any minute to do my make up and I sit down at the vanity, closing my eyes as I try to focus.

  Mae Li arrives a few minutes later and she quietly sets to work. It’s as if she can somehow sense that I’m not in the mood to talk.

  “Are you alright?” she asks quietly, as she applies my eye makeup.

  “I’m fine,” I lie, but I can hear the false quality of my voice.

  “I thought maybe you’d be happier since you and Walker are back together,” she hedges.

  My eyes fly open. “What did you say?”

  She looks uncomfortable. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, I just heard him as I was coming in,” she explains, looking down.

  “Wait? You heard Walker say we were back together?” I ask incredulously.

  She nods again, her cheeks burning pink. “Like I said, I didn’t mean to overhear, but I saw Leo on his way back with some flowers, and then he and Walker bumped into each other.”

  I’m hanging on her every word.

  “They began to argue and Walker said you were back together.”

  “That lying shit!” I exclaim, jumping up.

  “It’s not true?”

  “No, it’s not true!” I cry, pulling a robe on over my slip. “What did Leo do?”

  “He got really upset, said some nasty things and then left. Like I said, I was trying not to listen but it was hard not to.”

  “I need to go!”

  I rush out of my room in my bare feet, not sure what I’m doing. Something about the fact that Walker stopped Leo and lied to him. I keep picturing Leo with flowers, and I don’t know why but I suddenly need to see Leo, I need to talk to him. Because once I saw Walker outside my dressing room, I realized that it was Leo I wanted, faults and all. Walker had intentionally hurt me, had intentionally been deceitful behind my back. The only crime Leo had committed was being himself.

  And while I didn’t like what Leo did, or the way he handled the situation, he came clean and explained his reasoning. Was it my job to judge Leo? Could I live with the way he handled getting Skyler pregnant? And the truth was, yes I could live with it. I would rather help Leo through this and be supportive, than to not have Leo in my life at all. I didn’t care if anyone understood or not; I had fallen for Leo, and I accepted him faults and all.