Forever My Lady

by Jeff Rivera

  Why even try that hard? What good was it? What good was life at all without Jennifer?

  Nothing was more obnoxious than those damn obstacle courses. Jackson kept trying to time them all and they were supposed to be making some improvement each time. Dio didn’t understand the whole point. He just wanted the day to get over with so he could get on with the next one, and the next and the next.

  “Chow time,” Jackson announced to the exhausted trainees. Excitement spread among them as they lined up for food.

  Dio was starving to death and he couldn’t wait to eat.

  “Everyone get to it . . . except you, Radigez.”

  Dio froze.

  Oh, shit, what is he doing now?

  “Sir?” Dio said.

  “You heard me. Get over here.”

  Dio tried to not show his disgust.

  “Sir, yes, sir.”

  “What do you think you’re doing today? My dead grandmother could do a better job.”

  “Sir, Trainee Rodríguez is just doing what you told him, sir.”

  “No, no, and no! What you’re doing is a half-assed job. What I told you was to do them ropes and those walls as fast as you can.”

  “Sir—”

  “You want some cheese with that whine of yours?”

  “Sir, no, sir.”

  “What? What’s your problem today? Need I remind you? The longer I don’t see any improvement, the longer your sentence will be.”

  Dio sighed and muttered under his breath, as Jackson looked the other way.

  “What?” Jackson asked, charging into Dio’s face. “What’d you say? Speak up, boy. Stand up straight.”

  Dio straightened. “Sir, Trainee Rodríguez was just saying . . . he’s doing his best, sir.”

  “Your best? Your best! I know best and that ain’t it. What’s wrong with you? You want to ever see that girl of yours again or what?”

  “Sir, ’course I . . . Trainee Rodríguez does, sir.”

  “Hit dirt and give me one hundred.”

  “Sir?”

  “Hit dirt and give me two hundred, then!”

  Dio obeyed and started pounding out the pushups one at a time. Jackson kept him going like that for a half an hour; pushups, then sit-ups, then squats, anything he could think of. Every vein in Dio’s neck was strained. His muscles were beyond sore. There was a pain that simply went beyond pain and Dio had it.

  “You keep talking about this girl you want to see. You think she wants some half-assed man, some scum on the streets, some bum that can’t get a job, some ignoramus that’s going to be in and out of jail, some quitter?”

  “Sir, no, sir.”

  “Give me a hundred more pushups.”

  “Sir, I . . . sir, Trainee Rodríguez can’t, sir.”

  “Ninety percent mental, ten percent physical. There are no excuses in life, Radigez. Can’t ain’t a word in my camp, trainee, only assiduity. What’s assiduity, trainee?”

  “Sir . . . Trainee Rodríguez doesn’t know, sir.”

  Jackson shook his head. “Look it up sometime. You’re going to need it. Fine, you wanna quit, go ahead, quit. See if your girl wants to be with a quitter. Go ahead.”

  Dio caught his breath. He couldn’t move. Jackson just looked down on him and shook his head as he walked away. Fire burned in Dio’s eyes. He couldn’t stop. He wasn’t going to let Jackson get the best of him. That motherfucker didn’t know the half of what Dio was capable of doing. And he was going to show him. He just kept going, kept cranking out those pushups until he finished every last one.

  Jackson about keeled over as Dio hopped up and stood at attention. “Sir, Trainee Rodríguez is finished, sir.”

  Jackson even arranged to give Dio an extra spamburger that day.

  Dio’s bunk never felt so good. He was so tired he couldn’t even think. But a warm smile spread over his face as he realized what he had done. He’d succeeded. He’d actually succeeded at something and didn’t quit. He wasn’t a quitter. And he wasn’t going to let Jackson get the best of him.

  He knew Jennifer would have been proud. She always said he had so much potential. Somehow, in his own weird way, he felt he was one step closer to becoming somebody. He didn’t know who or what yet, but something, someone better, someone stronger. And he was going to turn out a heap better than most the trainees. From that point on, every night before he said his prayers and went to bed, he was reading the dictionary, learning new words. It was boring, but anything was better than being treated like an idiot by Jackson.

  “Rise and shine, Radigez!” Jackson yelled in Dio’s face. It seemed like he had just closed his eyes when dawn hit. He couldn’t move. His body felt like an old bucket that needed to be warmed up first.

  But Dio did manage to get up. He had a new fire inside him to succeed.

  Dio had been so busy that day he was surprised when Jennifer’s letter came in. Before Dio could even tear the letter open, Simon was at his side.

  “That from your lady?”

  “Yep.”

  “What’d she say? What’d she say?”

  He was as anxious as Dio to hear.

  “Can you read it to me?” Simon asked.

  Dio tried to hide his smile.

  “Just hold up, man.”

  He tore the letter open, crossed himself, and said a little prayer before he read it.

  “Dear Dio,

  “That letter was really sweet thank you, so was the picture you drew of me. You’re so talented. It meant a lot to me. Sorry I didn’t make it to your Visitor’s Day. I really am but I had to go back into the hospital since I started bleeding internally again.

  “I’m sorry to see you in camp, I am but it’s no easier for me in here. They say I might be able to get out of the hospital in another week. My mom’s been here just about every day so has my dad and my hermanita—”

  “What’s that mean? What’s that mean?” Simon asked.

  “Hermanita is little sister.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  “Anyway, as I was reading . . .

  “It’s funny this whole thing has brought my familia all together again. My mom even read to me like when I was little. She has this permanent worried face all the time and she’s always on my side practically day and night. She looks like she belongs in a hospital too. Her hairs all raged and everything. Dad practically has to drag her away just to pee. She always wants to be by my side.

  “They want me to come home Dio. Both mom and dad. Can you believe it? They want me to get better at home and I think I might go. I almost cried when my mom said that. You know your padres care, I mean that’s automatic but sometimes you’ve just got to hear it. Tu saves? Sometimes you just want to lay your head in your mom’s lap while she brushes your hair and you just want to cry there like when you were little. I kind of need that now. I really do.”

  “I know how that goes,” Simon added.

  “Man, you going to let him read the letter or not?” someone yelled.

  Dio looked up and noticed that everyone was listening in. Suddenly he felt all exposed, but he kept reading.

  “I’m kind of worried cause I don’t want the problems we had before. I don’t want all the gritos. I don’t want to feel like I want to run away again. I just get this feeling maybe it’ll be different this time. Maybe things will change. I hope so cause I don’t have no where else to go.

  “I told you my big dreams Dio. I believe in them still I do. It’s just it gets so hard out there alone with no place to call your own. I get tired of depending on other people. And I want to go to school again. I want to be somebody. Just for me, more than anything. I want to be like a responsible member of society. I don’t want to be some puta anymore. I don’t want people treating me like I’m just some nalgas. I’m more than that you know.

  “Mom and Dad I never told them what I did out there on the streets to survive. I couldn’t. It would break there hearts. But still I think they know. Somewhere inside I think they know but they block it
out so they don’t have to think about it.

  “I even called Wiggie. Told him I’m not working for him anymore. I put star 67 so he didn’t know where I was calling from. Scared me to death, I was shaking. But I had to do it. It’s the only way I can move forward. I was scared but Dio, it felt so good. It felt like I was powerful again. Like now I can move on.”

  “What kind of job was that? Who’s Wiggie?” Simon asked.

  Dio’s heart jumped to his throat. “Don’t worry about it. You going to let me finish this letter, or not?”

  “She’s a hooker, dummy,” Grossaint said. “That’s what it sounds like.”

  Dio stood up. “Shut the fuck up, Grossaint.”

  “Why? It’s true, isn’t it? Wiggie’s probably her pimp.”

  The guys looked at Dio for an answer.

  Dio remembered that day, that very special day. He and Spooky were cruising the streets downtown, looking for a piece of ass basically. Now Spooky and Dio could pretty much get any girl they wanted, and they pretty much had, but Spooky had a taste for street hookers, a thirst for them he couldn’t quench.

  It was about dusk, in the summertime, and they knew all the hookers would come out—tall ones, thick ones, transvestites, whatever you wanted, you could have. Dio had his eye on a little petite one, “Bounceable,” Dio joked. She hardly wore any makeup, her clothes were tight, and her dress practically went up to her belly button. She had this tough look to her, but it only seemed to mask how nervous she must have been. She had to be new at this. She had a natural beauty, almost an innocence, that you didn’t see much on the streets. Dio squinted, looking hard. There was something familiar about her. Then it occurred to him.

  “Shit, pull over,” Dio said.

  “What?”

  “Come on, man.”

  They pulled up to her and Dio rolled down his window. She poked her head in.

  “Hey, sweeties,” she said, chomping on gum, “how you feeling?”

  “Jennifer?”

  Her mouth dropped and she turned pale. “How . . . ? Oh, my God, Dio?”

  She looked completely different. Gone were the nerdy glasses and flat chest, replaced by this gorgeous, beautiful, shapely Latina. If it weren’t for her beautiful, indisputable eyes, Dio would have never recognized her.

  “You two know each other?” Spooky asked.

  “Get in,” Dio said, opening the door for her.

  “I . . . my boss, he’ll . . .”

  “No, we’ll pay ya and you don’t even have to do anything.”

  “What? You crazy, ése?” Spooky blurted.

  Jennifer got into the backseat, and they didn’t shut up all the way back to Spooky’s place. They must have talked for hours, because when Dio turned around, he realized Spooky must have left the two of them alone and gone inside his house.

  “Shit, I’m going to get busted,” she said.

  “What are you doing on the streets?”

  She looked away. “It’s just for a little bit, just ’til I can get on my own feet again.”

  “Your parents still acting a foo’?”

  “Haven’t talked to them in four years. What about you?”

  “Same,” he said, “I live with her now, have for the past six months. She’s still a bitch. Always will be. Sad, but true.”

  “That’s too bad.”

  “You still sing?”

  “Yep, going to get my demo together soon, too, in just a few more months, soon as I get enough together.”

  He looked at her beautiful face. There was so much pain and sadness on it. It was weird seeing her so much older, but she’d gotten much more beautiful.

  “Baby, you don’t have to do this shit. You’re too good for it. You need money, I’ve got tons.”

  “What are you doing? Robbing banks?”

  “Nah, just providing for the community.” He smiled.

  “Still dealing?”

  “Where else can you make this kind of money at seventeen?”

  She looked at him and didn’t say a word. He knew what she was thinking. This was not what they had planned for either of their lives.

  “Still banging?”

  “I’ll always be down with my crew.”

  A look of terror flashed in her eyes. “What time is it? I better get back.”

  “Here.” He handed her a wad of cash. “Stay with me tonight.”

  She tossed the money back and got out.

  “No, you don’t have to do nothing,” Dio explained, “that’s not what I mean. I just, you don’t have to do that shit anymore. I’ll take care of you.”

  “I don’t need some man to take care of me, Dio. I survived this long without anyone. I’ll do just fine.”

  She’d always been hardheaded. He knew that. But she was such a classy girl; he hated to see her like that.

  “Please, just for the night.”

  As she turned around, her hair flirted with his heart. She could have been a teen model if she wanted to be.

  “I missed you, you know,” she said.

  “Me, too.”

  He scrounged through his pants and found a scrap of paper to write his number on. Not finding one, he used a fifty-dollar bill.

  She sighed.

  “It’s my cell.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I told you I won’t accept any of your money.”

  “Take it.”

  She stuffed it in her bra and kept walking. “Only ’cause it has your number on it.”

  “At least let me drop you off,” he said.

  “I’ll take the bus back.”

  “See?” Grossaint said. “He doesn’t want to talk about it ’cause it’s true. All Mexican women are hookers or wannabe hookers.”

  “Shut the fuck up,” Dio blurted.

  Coffee started barking at him.

  “Shut up, you damned dog,” Dio said. Dio didn’t understand why anyone could even like Grossaint sometimes, even a damned dog. Ever since Grossaint’s brother visited him, he seemed to be on a trail of vengeance. He seemed to hate the very ground Dio was standing on more than ever. There was so much hate in his eyes. Dio didn’t understand how someone could have that much hate in his heart.

  “I’d be pissed, too, if my girlfriend was a hooker.”

  Grossaint’s cronies chuckled.

  Dio couldn’t get over to him fast enough. His fist was going to slam into him so hard . . .

  “Officer on deck.”

  Dio stood at attention with everyone else as Jackson approached.

  Did he see what just happened? Dio wondered.

  He swallowed hard, catching his breath. His attention was split between Grossaint and Jackson prowling the line. He just eyed everyone, cleared his throat, and stopped in front of Grossaint.

  “Grossaint, Radigez, Vifquain, come with me.”

  They all looked at one another, equally worried.

  “Move it!” Jackson commanded. They obeyed as he headed out the door and then stopped.

  “Well . . . ?” he said.

  They looked at one another with confusion.

  “Get the boxes,” he barked.

  Dio looked behind him. There were about twenty boxes stacked in front of their tent. He grabbed a couple of them and the guys did the same.

  “Everyone, let’s go!” Jackson told the rest of the squad. He led them to a big wooden trailerlike building, a hooch.

  It was pitch-dark inside, but as Jackson flicked the light on Dio could see it was jam-packed with bunks. A smile spread across Dio’s face as he realized what was happening.

  “Make sure you get all your things over here,” Jackson said.

  Dio and the guys couldn’t open up the boxes fast enough. They each pulled out their new striped outfit, the second level. It looked like a jailbird suit, but Dio didn’t care. He knew it was one step closer to graduating and one step closer to getting the hell out of there and back to Jennifer.

  Had Jackson come in any later, he probably would have been at Grossaint’s throat
and neither of them would have been promoted. Sometimes Dio wondered if maybe there was a God, or maybe an angel looking over him.

  Dio carried the rest of his things and shoved them into his personal trunk. Everyone got one. He sat back down on his bed and crossed himself, said a little prayer, and took the rest of Jennifer’s letter out of his pocket to read.

  They assigned this social worker to me. He’s been really sweet brought me some green tea as a joke on St. Patrick’s Day’s. Everyone’s been sweet even friends I haven’t seen in years have come to see me. It’s kind of funny. If I knew all this was going to happen I would have got shot a long time ago. Just kidding.

  Be good okay. Hang tough. You’ll make it.

  Love,

  Jennifer

  She was always so positive with him. He was glad Jennifer was more upbeat. She was starting to sound like her old self again, which gave him hope. Dio drifted off to bed, fantasizing about being back out, spending time with her. He missed her so much.

  Chapter Four

  OF COURSE SHE WROTE YOU BACK. I TOLD YOU I KNEW WHAT I was talking about,” Louise said.

  Dio was practically hopping up and down with excitement.

  “Look, a woman knows,” she added.

  “I started writing her back. Wanna hear it?”

  “Go ahead. But hurry up, you’ve got work to do.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  She tried to hide her interest as she stirred the pot of soup, listening intently to his letter.

  Dio cleared his throat.

  “Dear Jennifer,

  “Today I had to help the squad out—”

  “Wait—wait—wait. Is that what you’re going to say to her?”

  Dio’s eyes searched for a good answer, but, not finding one, said, “Yeah. Why not?”

  “Hmm,” she said, adding more salt.

  She just kept on cooking. Finally, Dio couldn’t take it anymore.

  “What’s wrong with it?”

  She put the wooden spoon down, just itching to tell him.

  “Well, all you’re talking about is yourself. What about her? What about how she’s feeling? She wants to know you care.”

  Dio thought for a while, then started writing. After a few minutes he read some to her.