Down Too Deep

by Daniels, J.

  I slowly looked over at my son, who I was sure would’ve turned down a second breakfast, or hell, a snack in general, had I been the one offering it.

  “Me too,” Olivia added. “I’m actually still pretty hungry.”

  “I was in the mood for some pancakes. Do you guys like pancakes?”

  “We love pancakes! I’ll get the mix.” Olivia rushed around the small island to get to the cabinets. “Help me, Ollie! Come on.”

  “Yeah, okay. I got the milk.” Oliver shoved his iPad into his duffle and hurried to join her just as Nathan stopped in front of me.

  “Good morning,” he said.

  A smile took up my face. I didn’t even try to fight it. “Morning.”

  “How was your evening? Anything memorable happen?”

  “Stop it,” I whispered, leaning in close. “Aren’t you forgetting something? Where is your shirt?”

  He leaned in even closer, brushing his mouth against my hair. “You’re wearing it.”

  “What?” I jerked back and peered down at my front. “Oh my God.” I tugged the material away from my body. No wonder this fits me like a dress. “Why didn’t you say anything?” I demanded, scowling at his stupid, smiling face, which wasn’t stupid at all. It was perfect.

  “What’s the problem? It’s not like it says ‘Property of Nathan’ on the back.”

  My heart skipped. I felt my entire body tense up. Oh man. I was totally wishing it said that. Is that weird?

  Nathan’s smile turned to 100 percent pure mischief. “I’m sorry. I’ll make sure to wear that shirt next time.”

  “I mean, whatever.” My shoulders lifted in a quick jerk. “Wear what you want.”

  He laughed quietly.

  “Mom, where’s that rectangle thing?” Oliver asked. I heard pots and pans clanging together.

  “The griddle?” I stepped up to the island. “Bottom cabinet, I think. Next to the fridge.”

  “Oh, right. Hey, Nate,” Oliver called out as he searched. “When we’re done eating, do you wanna see my room? I got all this cool football stuff I’ve been wanting to show you.”

  “Yeah, absolutely.” Nathan walked over, getting beside me. He yawned, lifting his glasses to rub at his eyes.

  I stared at his profile. His hair still stuck up a bit. He needed to shave, though he also absolutely did not need to shave. Nathan looked amazing with a little scruff. How was it possible to look this good on barely any sleep? I felt like a zombie right now.

  Olivia finished carrying over ingredients and spread everything out on the island. She grabbed a large mixing bowl and the serving spoon we used for batter and neatly set them beside the griddle as Oliver plugged it in.

  “Hey, where’s Marley?” Olivia peered up at Nate.

  “At her grandparents’ house,” he answered. “She spent the night over there.”

  “Aw. Everyone had a sleepover.”

  I nearly choked on my own spit.

  Nathan pressed against my side, mumbling, “Get ahold of yourself please,” and laughing under his breath.

  Seriously. If anyone was going to blow our cover, it was going to be me.

  “What’s that on your neck?” Oliver asked, pointing at Nathan.

  I sucked in a breath and held it. Oh God, no.

  “Vacuum,” Nathan mumbled without missing a beat. He glanced over at me.

  I took action and quickly smoothed down my hair in the back. Thank God I hadn’t pulled it up yet this morning. I hadn’t thought about wearing a ponytail when Nathan picked that spot.

  “That’s crazy!” Olivia giggled.

  “A vacuum did that to you?” Oliver asked, not finding this amusing like his sister in the least. My son looked concerned. He also looked ready to pick this lie apart.

  “Yeah. Weird, right? Are we ready to make pancakes?” Nathan must’ve sensed the impending interrogation. He moved quickly around the island, holding out his fist, and seeing that, Oliver forgot all about strange vacuum attacks, smiled big, and bumped it. “Where are we at on the ingredients, Liv?”

  “We’re ready,” my daughter said, rubbing her palms together. “What should we do first?”

  I pulled out one of the stools and took a seat as Nathan stepped between Oliver and Olivia, giving out instructions. Chin propped on my hand, I watched the three of them.

  Olivia dumped the mix into the bowl and cracked one egg while her brother cracked the other. Holding the measuring cup together, the kids added the milk Nathan poured, then took turns stirring while he got the griddle ready.

  “Can you make them look like footballs?” Oliver asked.

  “Ooh. Or a flower? I want a flower,” Olivia said.

  “I think I can knock that out.”

  “Really?” I asked, intrigued.

  Nathan ladled some of the batter. The griddle sizzled and smoked as he formed the shape.

  “I have this girl living with me who refuses to eat traditionally shaped pancakes, even though I know she eats them for everyone else. I’ve seen her do it.” He glanced up. “I’ve had to get creative so she doesn’t starve.”

  Olivia giggled, covering her mouth. “He’s talking about Marley,” she whispered.

  “Duh, Livvy.” Oliver side-eyed his sister, then stood on his toes to watch Nathan flip the pancake. “Can you show me how you do that, Nate?”

  “Yeah, it’s easy. Come here.”

  Nathan made another football, this time letting Oliver hold the ladle with him. The next pancake he made was for Olivia, and he picked her up when she requested so she could watch him form the flower petals.

  “How’s that?” he asked her.

  Olivia held tight to his neck and grinned at his creation. “Really good.”

  We moved to the table when all the pancakes were finished. Nathan took the seat beside me so we both sat across from the twins. We talked and ate, getting five minutes into the conversation before Olivia brought up my night with Travis.

  I was surprised she’d made it that long.

  “Are you going out on a second date?” she asked, grinning with syrup-covered lips.

  I wiped at my mouth with a napkin. “No, sweetie. We had a nice time, but we’re just going to be friends.”

  “Oh.” Olivia pouted at her plate and forked another bite.

  I looked down when I felt Nathan’s touch on my knee.

  Slipping my hand underneath the table, I gently squeezed his thumb, smiling when he turned his palm over and pushed his fingers between mine. My skin tingled all over.

  How could I keep something that felt this amazing a secret for long? I couldn’t. I didn’t even want to. I vowed to give this a week. Or, who was I kidding, at least a couple of days. Maybe that would be enough time for my kids to understand. I had no idea how they would react to Nathan and me when I’d just gone out with another man the night before. What was the correct way to navigate this?

  When we finished eating, the kids cleared the table, showering Nathan with pancake compliments. Apparently they’d never tasted so good.

  “Must’ve been the fancy shapes,” I said, getting to my feet.

  “Must’ve been.” Nathan stood behind his chair and yawned beside me, rubbing harshly at his face. He looked ready to drop.

  I felt the same way. The only difference was, I had the entire day off and Nathan didn’t.

  “How are you going to get through work tonight?” I asked him, smiling at the kids when they returned to the table.

  Nathan didn’t speak. I felt his touch move across my lower back and barely registered the two pairs of eyes widening behind glasses before my face was being turned.

  Nathan kept one hand on my hip, slid his other over my cheek, and bent down, gently kissing me.

  What the fuck! I froze against his mouth.

  “Jenna,” he murmured, his voice sleep heavy. He pressed his lips against mine once more. “Come on…”

  I felt that “come on” everywhere. My toes curled against the kitchen floor.

  �
��Oh my gosh,” Olivia whispered excitedly. “Ollie, look!”

  “Nathan,” I grumbled, pulling away from his mouth and gripping his waist. “What are you doing?”

  “Yeah, what are you doing?” Oliver asked, sounding a little grossed out.

  “Nate, you totally just kissed my mom!” Olivia shrieked.

  Nathan blinked at me. His eyes focused on my face. Then he blinked again and quickly turned us so his back was to the table and the kids and I were being completely shielded by his body.

  “I am so sorry,” he whispered, still holding my face and hip. His gaze was now mildly panicked. “I think I’m still asleep.”

  “How are you still asleep? You just made pancakes. And ate them.”

  “I’m so tired…I closed my eyes for like an hour last night. I think my brain just shut off for a minute.” He did this thing where he tried to look back at the kids without turning his head.

  I cracked up then. I couldn’t help it. “Oh my God.” I laughed.

  “Do you think they saw anything?” Nathan asked loudly on purpose. He was smiling now.

  “We saw everything!” Olivia answered.

  I shook my head at him. “You’re unbelievable.”

  Screw waiting a couple of days. We’d barely made it a couple of hours.

  I held his arms and peered around him. Both the kids were smiling now. Maybe this isn’t the big deal I thought it was going to be.

  “Do you guys want to sit down and talk?” I asked.

  “Are you boyfriend and girlfriend or something?” Oliver studied me.

  “Yeah!” Olivia giggled. “Are you? Say yes! Say yes!”

  “Uh—” My breath caught when Nathan pulled me against his chest and pressed his mouth to my hair.

  “Whatever you want to say right now, I’ll back you,” he mumbled for only me to hear. “I’m fine with this. They can know.”

  I lifted my head and peered into his face. “Um, I’m not really sure what to tell them,” I whispered.

  Nathan kept his voice lowered when he answered me. “You could say we’re dating…”

  “So, that’s what we’re doing, then?” My heart began to race. Oh God, please say yes…

  He stared at me for a long moment. “Isn’t it?”

  We are dating. Oh my God. We are dating and telling people. Yes! Yes! Yes!

  I nodded quickly.

  Nathan smiled. “Okay. What’s the problem, then?”

  “Nothing. Just making sure we’re on the same page.”

  “Mama, is this why you and Travis are just being friends?” Olivia asked. “Because you like Nate more than him?”

  Nathan quickly looked behind him. “That’s exactly why.”

  “Okay.” I laughed, giving him a shove so he’d turn around and step beside me. “Nathan and I are dating,” I announced.

  Olivia covered her mouth and squealed. Oliver smiled at his sister, then looked at Nathan.

  “How do you guys feel about that?” I glanced between the kids. My question barely left my mouth before Olivia was rushing around the table and wrapping her arms around Nathan and me.

  She squeezed us tight, saying, “I was hoping this would happen!”

  I rubbed her back and smiled at Nathan when he reciprocated the hug. Then I turned my head and looked at Oliver. “What do you think, sweetheart?”

  Nathan peered over at him too, asking, “You good with this, bud? You wanna talk about it?”

  That meant a lot to me. But aside from being caught off guard, I didn’t think Oliver would have a problem with this. He adored Nathan. And he had been smiling a minute ago.

  Why wasn’t he anymore?

  My son nodded. “Can we talk? Just us?” he said to Nathan.

  I pressed my lips together, keeping my expression stoic. A difficult task, considering how concerned I’d suddenly become. Crap. Does Oliver have a problem with this?

  “Yeah, of course.” Nathan stepped out of Olivia’s grasp and moved around the table.

  “I really like Nate, Mama,” Olivia whispered, wrapping both arms around me now. Her chin hit my chest. “So, so much. These feelings feel too big for me.”

  My daughter and I shared the same heart.

  I cupped her cheek. “Me too, baby.”

  She beamed at me. I brushed her soft hair out of her face, then turned my head, watching the boys walk side by side through the family room. They disappeared down the hallway.

  “Why don’t you go watch some TV?” I suggested to Olivia.

  “Okay.” She hurried out of the kitchen and scrambled onto the couch.

  I really wanted to take a shower, or at least get dressed, but when I peeked down the hallway, I saw Oliver’s bedroom door was open. I could faintly hear him and Nathan speaking. I didn’t want my son thinking I was creeping down the hallway to listen in on their conversation. Even though that was exactly what I wanted to do.

  Worry tightened my chest and coiled my stomach. I forced myself back into the kitchen.

  Fifteen minutes later, Oliver returned by himself.

  He heaved his duffel bag off the floor, set it on one of the stools, and started searching through it.

  “Hey, sweetheart.” I left the remaining dishes in the sink and dried my hands off, tossing the towel on the counter. I stood across from him. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah,” he said, taking out his iPad and showing it to me. “Can I play this?”

  Oliver seemed completely fine. He didn’t look any different than he had when he first got home this morning, or any different from how he typically looked. This was good…

  “Sure.” I smiled at him.

  “Cool. Thanks, Mom.”

  I watched my son leave the room and join his sister on the couch. When I stepped over and peered down the hallway, I saw Nathan standing there, admiring a picture I had hanging on the wall. I quickly walked over to him.

  “What’s going on?” I whispered. “He seems…good. He’s good, right?”

  “Yeah.” Nathan smiled at the photo of the kids at their first birthday party. They were covered in cake. I was squatting between their high chairs and smiling at the camera. “Cute picture.”

  “Thanks. Could you maybe elaborate a little for me?”

  “Really cute picture?” Nathan turned to face me then. He was smirking now. “We didn’t talk much about me and you, but he doesn’t have a problem with it, if you’re worried about that.”

  Tension released from my shoulders. “I was, yeah.”

  “He’s good with us dating. He thinks it’s cool.”

  That made me seriously happy. I began to grin, then lost it a little when my curiosity got the best of me. “What did you two talk about, then?”

  “The campout. He asked if I could go.”

  My eyes widened. For a good five seconds, I completely forgot how to form a coherent thought and just stared up at Nathan.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, the corner of his mouth lifting.

  “That’s…Sorry. He…” I waved my hands in front of myself. “I’ll talk to him. He knows my brother will take him if he’s still wanting to go.”

  Nathan lost the smirk and tipped his head, gesturing for me to follow him down the hallway. We entered my bedroom.

  He pushed the door closed behind us, then faced me, crossing his arms over his chest. “Those little shitheads are going to make fun of Oliver if he goes with your brother.”

  I rubbed at my eyes, trying to ignore that very worry. It seemed impossible. “They might not.”

  “He’s scared they will. He asked me to go instead. They’ll leave him alone if he’s with someone they don’t know.”

  “I’m sorry he put you in that position, Nathan. I wish he would’ve said something to me first.”

  “What position? I don’t mind going…”

  I blinked up at him. “Did you tell him you’d go?”

  “Yeah.”

  Oh my God. “Really?”

  He cocked his head. “Yeah, re
ally. He should get to go, Jenna. He wants to…This way those kids can’t make fun of him.”

  “They might ask who you are. I know they called out Brian the first time he went.”

  “So? Let them call me out. That doesn’t mean I’m going to give them an answer. They can think what they want.”

  My lips parted. “Nathan.” I stepped closer, forcing my arms to remain at my sides when the only thing I wanted to do was wrap them around him. I couldn’t believe what he was offering to do. “We just started seeing each other,” I reminded him. “Like, a minute ago. What you’re trying to do right now is so unbelievably sweet and I want to say okay—I do—but this is a big deal. Are you sure you want to do this?”

  “I wouldn’t have said yes if I wasn’t sure,” he replied. “And a minute? Where are you getting that? I would say we’ve been together since the Fourth, at least.”

  “But then we agreed to wait…and even if we hadn’t—”

  “Jenna.” Nathan’s tone grew serious. “This isn’t a big deal to me. If Oliver wants to tell them I’m his mom’s boyfriend, he can. If he doesn’t want to give them an answer, I’m fine with that too. I don’t care. My entire reason for being there is to make sure he has a good time—I don’t give a fuck about any other kid or what they have to say. I only care about Oliver.”

  Breath rushed past my lips. I knew Nathan had just said a lot right now, and I absolutely heard and felt everything he was telling me, but only one thing began circling inside my mind. I couldn’t let go of it.

  “So you’re my boyfriend, then?” I asked shyly, placing my hands on his hips and stepping even closer. I couldn’t hold back from touching him anymore. And holy crap, when had I ever felt this happy? I couldn’t remember.

  Nathan’s smile was warm and sweet. “We’re dating…What else would I be?”

  “I guess that makes me your girlfriend, then.”

  “That’s typically how it works.” He let his arms drop and fall around me, linking his hands behind my lower back. “I’m thirty years old,” he said. “Am I doing this wrong? Should I be asking you out, like, officially? Do you want me to? I feel like I was very official with you last night.”

  “You were.”

  “Several times.”

  “You could still ask. I couldn’t tell you the last time I was asked.”