Mr Gum and the Dancing Bear

by Andy Stanton

  ‘He’s everywhere,’ said Polly firmly. ‘He’s all around us at all times, if only we could jus’ open up our hearts to see him. Except when his mum calls him an’ he has to go home for his tea, that is.’

  ‘Really, Polly,’ frowned Jonathan Ripples as he tried to make sense of it all. It was all most peculiar – but he had to admit that the balloon really was mended.

  Well, maybe, just maybe she’s right, thought Jonathan Ripples to himself – and for just one moment, he thought he could make out a small shape playing in the sparkling waves, laughing like a schoolboy while calypso music played somewhere far off. And though Jonathan Ripples never spoke of that moment to anyone, he cherished it all his life. And often, as he was going downstairs for a midnight feast back in his house in Lamonic Bibber, he would remember that moment. His hand would pause on the fridge door and he would think, Perhaps I don’t need a snack just now, after all. And he would go back upstairs to his enormous bed and sleep like the happy bouncing baby he had once been, all those years ago before the hunger got him.

  It was early evening and the first shadows were starting to crawl across the sand. The waves lapped gently at the shore like a mother’s lullaby and far out to sea a flock of herrings wheeled through the sky, singing their mournful song. It was time to depart.

  ‘I’m gonna miss you, Padlock,’ sobbed Polly, throwing her arms around her friend’s thick glossy neck and gazing deeply into his beautiful hazel peepers. ‘You made me as proud as a go-kart an’ I won’t never forgets you, though I knows I won’t never see you ever again. Cos just as you was a stranger in our world, this island isn’t for the likes of me. I hopes you have a nice long life, Padders, an’ maybe you’ll think of me sometimes an’ smile.’

  Then Padlock bit her head off. Not really, but it would have been funny if he had.

  ‘Goodbye, Padlock,’ said Jonathan Ripples as the big red balloon began to rise. Soon they were high above the island and Padlock was just a dot on the golden-white sands below. But he was a happy dot. A healthy dot. A dot roaming wild and free and hairy like nature intended.

  Goodbye, Padlock, goodbye!

  Chapter 16

  Home Again

  ‘And that’s how it all done happened,’ said Polly as she sat with her friends upon Boaster’s Hill a few weeks later. The sun was shining, a warm breeze was blowing and there wasn’t a wasp in the sky. It was good to be back home.

  ‘What an extraordinary tale,’ said Mrs Lovely. ‘And that awful ship! I bet you’re glad to be back on dry land.’

  ‘I am indeeds,’ said Polly. ‘I did quite like bein’ a cabin boy – but next time I wouldn’t choose the Nantucket Tickler to sails on, that’s for sure.’

  ‘I’m glad to hear it,’ said Friday O’Leary, who was lying in the grass pretending to be a daisy to see what it felt like. ‘That Captain Brazil fellow sounds like an absolute CRAZER!’

  ‘How I wish I could have seen the Kingdom of the Beasts with my own eyes,’ said Alan Taylor, the gingerbread headmaster, as he played and scampered in Jake the dog’s fur. ‘It sounds amazing.’

  ‘Oh, it was,’ said Jonathan Ripples happily. ‘And best of all, we even managed to stop off in China on the way back and pick up some more potato ’n’ donkey yum-yums. Anyone fancy one?’

  But no one did, not even Jake the dog, who gave an indignant ‘woof!’ as if to say, ‘haven’t you got any nice bones instead, you big overweight human?’ and everyone laughed, not because they were making fun of Jake or anything, just because it’s fun when dogs bark. Unless they’re about to attack you, that is.

  And there we shall leave Polly and her friends, laughing and barking and pretending to be a daisy. For it is time once again to say goodbye. Goodbye, Polly! Goodbye, Alan Taylor! Goodbye, Friday and Mrs Lovely! Goodbye, Mr Ripples, sir! Goodbye, Jake! Goodbye, Martin Launderette! Sorry you weren’t in this story, maybe you’ll be in the next one, who knows? Goodbye, everyone, goodbye!

  About the author

  Andy Stanton lives in North London. He studied English at Oxford but they kicked him out. He has been a film script reader, a cartoonist, an NHS lackey and lots of other things. He has many interests, but best of all he likes cartoons, books and music (even jazz). One day he’d like to live in New York or Berlin or one of those places because he’s got fantasies of bohemia. His favourite expression is ‘I live my life as I see fit’ and his favourite word is ‘snorkel’. This is his fifth book.

  Visit www.egmont.co.uk/ Authors Name for further information on your favourite Egmont author.

  About the illustrator

  David Tazzyman lives in South London with his girlfriend, Melanie, and their son, Stanley. He grew up in Leicester, studied illustration at Manchester Metropolitan University and then travelled around Asia for three years before moving to London in 1997. He likes football, cricket, biscuits, music and drawing. He still dislikes celery.

  Shabba me whiskers! This is barking bonkers . . . You’re A Bad Man, Mr Gum! won the Red House Children’s Book Award AND the Blue Peter Book Award for The Most Fun Story With Pictures. AND was shortlisted for the Sheffield Children’s Book Award AND the Leicester Children’s Book Award AND the Branford Boase Book Award. AND Mr Gum and the Biscuit Billionaire was shortlisted for the Guardian Children’s Book Prize.

  PRAISE FOR MR GUM

  ‘Funny? You bet . . . Worryingly splendid.’ Philip Ardagh, Guardian

  ‘Andy Stanton accumulates silliness and jokes in an

  irresistible, laughter-inducing romp.’ Sunday Times

  ‘Raucous, revoltingly rambunctious and nose-snortingly funny.’ Daily Mail

  ‘Stanton’s robust humour maintains its pace throughout the book – keeping readers entertained till the last.’ Guardian

  ‘David Tazzyman’s illustrations match the irreverent sparks of word wizardry with slapdash delight.’ Junior Education

  ‘This is Weird, Wacky and one in a million.’ Primary Times

  ‘It provoked long and painful belly laughs from my daughter, who is eight, and gave her an idea of how unruly and mischievous literature can be.’ Daily Telegraph

  ‘As always, Stanton has a ball with dialogue, detail and devilish plot twists.’ Scotsman

  ‘Gross-out humour is always a hit.’ TV Hits online

  ‘You will laugh so much you’ll ache in places you didn’t know you had.’ First News

  ‘A riotous read.’ Sunday Express

  ‘It’s utterly bonkers and then a bit more – you’ll love every madcap moment.’ TBK Magazine

  ‘Chaotically crazy.’ Jewish Chronicle

  ‘Designed to tickle young funny bones.’ Glasgow Herald

  ‘A complete joy to read whatever your age.’ This is Kids’ Stuff

  Some of the crazy old

  townsfolk from Lamonic Bibber

  Tales from Lamonic Bibber

  Oh, my word, they’re good.

  Not just good but REALLY good.

  Not just REALLY good but REALLY,

  REALLY – look, just read them, all right?

  Surf the Net in Style! at . . .

  www.egmont.co.uk/mrgum

  Why do exercise and healthy outdoors pursuits when you can sit all hunched up in front of a tiny computer screen, laughing your little face off at the all-new, all-fantastic, all-bonkers OFFICIAL MR GUM OFFICIAL WEBSITE?!

  Yes, no lie, it’s true! The OFFICIAL MR GUM OFFICIAL WEBSITE features:

  Things!

  Games!

  Photos of the author with beard and without!

  News about Mr Gum books and other stuff!

  Loud noises!

  Words like ‘YANKLE’, ‘BLITTLER and FLOINK!

  Crafty Tom – the Tyrannosaurus rex with a heart of gold!*

  You’ll never need to go outdoors again!

  * Actual website may still not include Crafty Tom

 
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