“It’s just the horses, really. And the calves behind the barn,” he added.
“Do the horses get grain in the morning?”
“Not when I’m not working them. Just hay. The grain for the calves is in the bin inside the back door.”
She already knew that and nodded. “You give them three buckets.”
He looked pleased and smiled for the first time since yesterday.
“I’ll go out right away. Will you be okay?”
“Yah, but you ought to eat breakfast first. The animals can wait.”
“Okay,” she agreed. She moved from the bedroom to the kitchen. She had tears in her eyes, and Herman didn’t need to see them. They weren’t tears from just seeing him lying there so weak and frail, but also because of his kindness. He was thinking of her before the chores.
Wiping her eyes, Susanna fixed a quick oatmeal breakfast. She made enough in case Herman would be well enough to eat by mid-morning. Surely he wouldn’t be in bed that long, even with the chill from last night. But then Herman wouldn’t be in bed at all if he’d only had a slight chill. He must be really sick. And he hadn’t answered her about going to the doctor. She bowed her head in silence and prayed. She ate to the ticking of the clock on the kitchen wall. How quiet things were with Herman sick. It was a strange feeling. She was often in the house alone during the day, but it had never seemed this still before. Having Herman sick was not a gut feeling at all.
And it was her fault for not being nice to him when he came in last night. In his mind she must have confirmed his worst fears. None of which were true! Sighing, Susanna went back into the bedroom. Herman looked like he was sleeping, and she almost left without saying anything.
His eyes opened.
“Should I harness Bruce to take you to the doctor in Kalona?” she asked. “I’m worried about you, Herman.”
“I’m not that sick,” he said. A spasm of pain crossed his face.
“Are you sure?”
“I’ll be fine. I just need to rest. And we can’t afford it.”
“Okay…” She left and closed the door behind her, a tear creeping down her cheek. Herman was right. They didn’t have much money. Not after paying the down payment on the farm and struggling with the few bills that had come in. Herman didn’t come from a rich family. He was determined though, and she was determined with him. They would make it as farmers.
Still, one had to go to the doctor when necessary. Herman might not admit how sick he was. Not if he was worrying about money. She would have to keep this in mind. Herman was running a fever now, but he could get worse.
After pulling on her coat and boots, Susanna left the house. For the first time she noticed the snow on the ground. There wasn’t much, but a decent amount for this early in the year—right after Thanksgiving. Her boots scrunched as she walked and Susanna shivered. This was the snow that had fallen on Herman last night, drifting over his shoulders. It didn’t seem that friendly now. Not like snow usually felt. Especially the first decent snow of the year. Normally her spirits would be soaring, and she might even sing a Christmas carol on a morning such as this.
Pain shot through Susanna’s heart at the thought. She must not think about Christmas. That was still far away, and this trouble would be over by then. She would live through Christmas morning somehow, even knowing her family was gathered at Mamm and Daett’s house and she wasn’t a part of it.
Herman would be well long before Christmas, and they would have things worked out between them. She would make caramel popcorn that day. Surely Herman wouldn’t mind eating it with her in the evening after supper, along with cups of steaming hot chocolate. That couldn’t be against his family’s traditions…could it? They would be together, the two of them, and that would be enough.
As Susanna pushed open the barn door, the horses greeted her with wild whinnies. They were hungry. She rushed to throw them hay from the stack beside the stalls. Herman had several bales ready, so she didn’t have to climb into the haymow. And there might even be enough for tomorrow if Herman was sick that long. But surely he wouldn’t be.
Behind the barn, the calves stretched as they stood from their bed of straw under the overhang. They didn’t look that hungry. She gave them the correct amount of feed and checked on their water tank. The float wasn’t frozen, and the water was running okay.
Leaving the calves munching on the feed, she walked back through the barn. From outside, the sound of buggy wheels crunching in the snow reached her. She rushed to the window. Who would be coming at this time of the morning? She gasped at the sight of Deacon Atlee tying his horse at the hitching post. What did he want?
She eased open the barn door and stepped outside.
Deacon Atlee didn’t seem surprised at the sight of her in work clothes. He smiled and said, “Gut morning. About done with the chores?”
“Yah.” Susanna didn’t offer more. He probably wanted to speak with Herman, but she didn’t plan to let him inside the house. Herman didn’t need to be disturbed until he was feeling better.
“I see I timed my visit about right. I wanted to get here before Herman started his fieldwork this morning. Is he in the barn?”
“No, he’s sick. And unless it’s really important, I don’t think Herman should have visitors.”
“I’m so sorry,” he said. “Did this come on suddenly?”
“Yah, last night.” Deacon Atlee didn’t need to know the whole story, she decided. And he wouldn’t understand anyway.
“I see,” he said. “Well, I will speak with you then. But not alone…”
His voice fell, and he glanced at the ground.
“Yah.” Susanna said. This wasn’t Saturday afternoon when Deacon Atlee usually came calling on church matters. So they must not have done anything wrong. “Is there something you need that I can help with?”
He didn’t answer right away. His head stayed bowed for a minute or two. Finally he looked up. “There’s an urgent matter that has come up, Susanna. And I need to speak to you about it. Bishop Jacob is quite concerned and wishes me to clear up the matter with you.”
“Yah?” Susanna waited. What would bring the deacon out on a Friday morning instead of Saturday afternoon?
“I had hoped to speak with you and Herman together. Do you think we could go into the house and do that?”
Susanna shook her head. “Herman isn’t even eating right now. I don’t think he should be disturbed.
Deacon Atlee nodded again. “I’m sorry. You did tell me that. Then I will come back later with Lavina. Perhaps this evening would be okay? If Herman is better by then, we can speak together. And if not, we will speak with you alone.”
Susanna swallowed hard, her heart racing. Deacon Atlee wasn’t known for his shyness around women, so he must have quite a delicate matter to discuss if he wanted his wife along for the conversation. Something of a private nature? Perhaps something Matthew had said to Herman? But how would Deacon Atlee know anything about that?
And Herman hadn’t told her anything that might generate a visit from a deacon. Unless he hadn’t told her everything. Was there something else that had driven Herman to wander the woods last night?
Deacon Atlee was looking at her, waiting for her response. She nodded as tears threatened to come.
“I will see you tonight after supper then.” Deacon Atlee climbed into his buggy.
Susanna stood frozen in place, watching him drive out the lane. Behind him the buggy wheels left long, thin marks in the freshly fallen snow, pocked in the middle by the horse’s hooves. It was a beautiful sight, and usually she would have stood there for long moments enjoying it. But right now nothing looked beautiful. Matthew must have said something awful to Bishop Jacob last night about their relationship. Nothing else could explain this sudden visit. With a moan, Susanna walked toward the house. What was she going to tell Herman? And what was she going to do after Deacon Atlee repeated whatever Matthew had said? There was obviously plenty that could be misunderstood. Loo
k at how Herman had reacted already.
Thirteen
Susanna worked in the kitchen all morning, trying to keep the noise down to a soft level even though she had bread and pies to bake. Every thirty minutes or so she peeked into the bedroom to check on Herman. He was still asleep although he was tossing and turning. A few times she slipped in to touch his forehead. He was still running a fever, but it wasn’t climbing.
When Susanna eased open the bedroom door around lunchtime, Herman had his eyes open. She went in and sat beside him on the bed. “How are you doing?” She reached down to give him a tight hug.
“Not well,” he groaned. “Why does my head hurt?”
“Because you are sick. You got soaked last night wandering around out in the snow. Oh Herman!” She buried her face in his chest.
His hand touched her shoulder and then her cheek. “Don’t cry, dear. I’m not blaming you.”
“But I am to blame. And Deacon Atlee stopped by this morning. He’s coming back this evening with his frau.”
“With Lavina? Do they know I’m sick?”
“Yah, I told him.”
“Then they’re checking up on us. Isn’t that wunderbah?”
Susanna groaned. “No, Herman. I don’t think so. Deacon Atlee didn’t want to discuss whatever he had to say with me alone. It must be something awful. Do you know what it is?”
He shook his head. “Whatever it is, we’ll be okay.” A thin smile spread over his face.
“May I get you something? You haven’t eaten since yesterday noon. You’ll be skin and bones before long.”
“Perhaps I’ll take something,” he said.
“Then you are getting better.” She ran her fingers through his hair. “What about chicken soup? I don’t know what else to make for sick people.”
“I’ll try that.”
“With crackers?”
He shook his head. “Just the soup. Maybe the smell will revive me a little.”
“Then I’ll be right back.” She tucked the quilt around Herman before leaving.
Finding the recipe in her cookbook, Susanna heated the water while gathering the spices she needed. Thankfully she had leftover fried chicken from before Thanksgiving that could be used. Herman needed food quickly.
Measuring and stirring the soup together, she heated it to a boil. Pouring some into a bowl, she took the steaming mixture into the bedroom. Setting the bowl and spoon on the dresser, she helped Herman sit up. “Now open your mouth. I’m going to feed you.”
He smiled. “I’m not a baby.”
“You’re sick and I’m taking care of you.” Susanna retrieved the soup, ladled a spoonful, and blew on it. “And I want to,” she added.
He took the first spoonful eagerly.
“More?”
He nodded.
She continued, and he made no objections until the bowl was empty.
“You ate all of it!” Susanna’s eyes were shining.
“I’ll be out doing the chores tonight,” he said.
“No, you won’t, Herman. You don’t look well enough yet.”
“I suppose not.” He lay down again with a sigh. “But I’ll be better soon with chicken soup that gut.”
“So you liked it?”
“Yah, of course. You made it.”
“Oh, Herman. You shouldn’t say things like that. Not after yesterday.”
“I was a little out of my head,” he said. “But I’m okay now.”
She gave him a tight hug, holding on for a long time. He might think everything was going to be okay, but she didn’t.
“There’s someone driving in right now,” he announced.
Susanna raced to the front room window to peer around the drapes.
“It’s Deacon Atlee’s buggy.” She walked back into the bedroom. “He said he wouldn’t be back until this evening.”
“Bring him in, Susanna.” Herman tried to smile. “I’m well enough to see what he wants.”
Trembling, she left the bedroom, leaving the door open. It kept her feeling closer to Herman, and she needed all the comfort she could find at the moment. Why did things have to go this way?
Waiting inside until she heard footsteps, Susanna opened the front door. Her eyes widened when only Lavina stood on the porch. Where was the deacon? Susanna glanced toward the parked buggy.
Lavina followed her look. “I came by myself. Atlee said Herman has taken sick.”
“Yah, he is…or was. I just fed him chicken soup, and he seems some better.”
“May I come in?” Lavina asked. “I told Atlee he had no business making plans for this evening with a sick man in the house. He saw my reasoning at once and feels very badly about it. He wants me to pass on his apologies. Sometimes men can be that way, especially when they’re on church business.”
“I understand,” Susanna managed. “Deacon Atlee doesn’t have to say he’s sorry. Do come in.”
Lavina stepped inside, taking off her coat. “Is there anything I can do to help? I know with a sick man in the house you can be so busy the rest of the place doesn’t get tended to. And the chores. Do you need help with them?”
Susanna’s head was spinning. Lavina was here to offer her help, not to talk about whatever church business was on the deacon’s mind.
“Herman’s doing okay,” Susanna said, much calmer now. “I don’t think it’s anything serious, but perhaps you could check on him now that you’re here.” Susanna lowered her voice. “Herman won’t go to the doctor, and I’ve never taken care of a sick husband.”
“You’ll learn.” Lavina smiled. “So where is the sick fellow?”
“In the bedroom,” Susanna said, leading the way.
Herman was propped up on the bed when they walked in, apparently ready for conversation with Deacon Atlee and his wife.
“Herman, Lavina came by herself to see if she could help out,” Susanna said. “I asked her to check on how you’re doing. I don’t want you getting pneumonia or dying on me.”
“I’m doing okay,” Herman stated firmly.
“That’s what they all say.” Lavina ran her hand over Herman’s forehead. “Let me see your throat.”
Herman hesitated before opening his mouth. Lavina pressed his cheeks together as she peered inside, turning his head toward the light.
Susanna choked back a laugh. Herman being treated like a little boy tickled her immensely.
“Say ‘ah,’ Herman,” Lavina ordered.
“Ah…” Herman responded, as if he was choking for real.
“There now.” Lavina slapped him on the back. “You’ve got some infection down there, but I don’t see anything serious. What happened? Did you get wet?”
“I stayed outside a little too long in the snowstorm,” Herman admitted.
“Some men don’t have a lot of sense,” Lavina told him. “But the first snowfall can catch you by surprise sometimes. I always had to keep after our boys during the beginning of winter. But one thing is for sure, a few days in bed with the flu makes most men dress more warmly.”
“I think I’ve learned my lesson for this winter.” Herman pasted a smile on his face.
Susanna almost burst out laughing. The effort was so cute, even with Herman still feeling so poorly. He looked like a little boy eating sour candy who was trying not to spit the “treat” out of his mouth.
Lavina wasn’t noticing though. “I guess Susanna told you Atlee was here this morning?”
“Yah,” Herman said.
“He wants to come back this evening,” Lavina continued, “but I’m not allowing it with you laid up sick like this.”
“I don’t mind,” Herman said. “I’ll be well enough to hear what he has to say by then. I can’t imagine he’d have anything bad to say about us. We’ve been behaving ourselves.” Herman tried another of his sweet smiles.
He’s getting better at it, Susanna thought, glancing away. If he caught her laughing, Herman might not be as successful with his charm offensive.
“Well
, if you’re sure. I’ll tell him he can come after supper. And I’m glad to hear you’re getting better. When I first heard, I imagined the worst. I could just see a pneumonia case on our hands.”
“Thanks for your concern,” Herman said with a nod.
“And take care of yourself for the next few days,” Lavina lectured. “When one’s in a weakened state, that’s when pneumonia strikes. Even walking pneumonia isn’t something you want to deal with.”
“Susanna will take gut care of me.” Herman flashed his smile again.
Lavina ran her hand over Herman’s forehead once more before leading the way out of the bedroom. At the front door she paused. “I have no idea what Atlee wants this evening, Susanna, as that’s not my business. But whatever it is, I can’t imagine it’s that serious. You two are the sweetest couple around, if I say so myself. I know Bishop Jacob was so happy when he heard you made such a gut choice in a husband. After what you went through with Matthew, our hearts all went out to you.”
“Thank you,” Susanna said quietly.
“You just hang in there, and Da Hah will be with you,” Lavina said.
Susan opened the door, and Lavina walked out and went toward the buggy.
Watching her climb in and drive off, Susanna took a deep, steadying breath. She closed the door and headed back to the bedroom. Herman was still sitting up, looking serious now.
“Sit down, Susanna,” he said. “We need to talk.”
“About what?” she asked, her heart pounding. Easing herself down, she sat on the bed.
“Atlee’s visit tonight. You’d better tell me about your relationship with Matthew. Everything, Susanna.”
She tried to keep breathing evenly. “There’s nothing to say, Herman. Nothing you don’t already know.”
“Maybe, but why don’t you tell me anyway.”
She stole a quick glance at his face. He looked kind. A little pale perhaps, but that was from his illness. Clasping her hands, Susanna began. “Matthew and I dated for many years, but you know that. I was deeply in love with him, which I hate to admit. I think you already know that too. He asked me to marry him, and I said yes. I never thought we would break up. I kissed him a lot more when we dated than I did when you and I did. That wasn’t because I didn’t like you. I was just more cautious and the feelings came more slowly. And you didn’t seem into that kind of thing very much.” She looked at him with a pained expression.
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