by Dez Burke
After dinner we had a few glasses of wine. I could’ve stayed up all night talking to Jasalyn, but I could tell she was exhausted. Today I had put her through far more than she deserved.
“Go get some sleep,” I told her.
“Only if you promise not to run away in the middle of the night.”
“I wouldn’t get very far. I don’t have my truck,” I assured her.
“Like that would stop you!” she said, crossing her arms and pursing her lips. “I’ve seen how fast you can run. You’d move quicker on foot than you could drive any way.”
I laughed and pulled her into a hug, “I’ll still be here in the morning.”
“I hope so.”
I studied her eyes for a moment and wondered what she was thinking.
“I will be,” I assured her.
“Good,” she said, finally seeming satisfied. She stood on her toes and kissed me on the cheek.
Her lips felt soft and supple against my skin. The simple touch had stirred a desire in me that I thought had long since died along with my fallen comrades in Iraq.
“Good night,” I said, stepping away from her.
“Good night, Alex, and sweet dreams.” She blew me another kiss and disappeared into her bedroom.
I sat down on her sofa, tired from the day’s events. I stripped off my boots and shirt before sprawling across the small sofa. Most nights I’m faced with nightmares from my time across the seas, but tonight was different. When I closed my eyes, I saw Jasalyn’s eyes, her smile, the contrast of our skin colors when we were close together. I pondered my future and hers, wondering if pursuing a relationship with her would do more good than harm.
All of the sleep I had lost over the years was catching up with me and I fell asleep more quickly than I had imagined was possible. My dreams were lustful. They were filled with thoughts of what it might be like to be intimate with Jasalyn. How it would feel to be deep inside of her and look into her dark eyes as she writhed under me in pleasure, begging for more.
Suddenly, the scene changed and I was back in Iraq. The government had demanded that I return for a third tour. What a God forsaken thing to call sending someone to war! A tour. Like the soldiers were wandering around Paris or something.
Enemy fire was everywhere and in the distance was a little Iraqi girl. She was screaming at the top of her lungs for help. I wanted to sprint through the line of fire and save her, but I couldn’t. I stood there unarmed and out of uniform. Fear paralyzed me and I couldn’t even call out to the others. There was nothing I could do. This war was never going to end and I would die in this goddamn desert!
I could hear someone calling my name in the distance. The voice was vaguely familiar, but I was unable to follow it. It was too dangerous to move. Bullets were flying through every inch of the air. The cries of the dying and maimed bounced around my skull until I thought I would throw up.
Someone was shaking me, but I couldn’t pull out of the dream. It had wrapped its filthy tentacles around my soul and wouldn’t release its iron grip.
Chapter 10: Jasalyn
“Alex!” I cried out desperately, trying to wake him, “Alex! Wake up! It’s a dream, Alex! A dream! Wake up! Come on!” I grabbed both shoulders and shook him as hard as I could.
His eyelids fluttered and he stopped shouting. I clung to him, crying. I hadn’t been asleep long when his shouts of terror woke me. I raced into the living not knowing what I would find. Alex was deep asleep, locked in something that reminded me of the terrifying night terrors I had as a child.
“Jasalyn,” he mumbled, not really awake.
“I’m here. It’s okay, I’m here,” I said again and again, gently stroking his cheek.
He was sweating and panting. His eyes suddenly shot open and met mine. Not being able to stop myself I brushed my lips against his like I had done at the party.
“You’re okay, Alex. You’re safe. You’re here with me,” I whispered through the darkness.
I felt his strong arms wrap around me and pull me closer. His body shook as he held me close. He didn’t say anything and soon we both fell asleep again.
He woke two more times that night, but I stayed with him, soothing him, chasing away the hell his memories tried to confine him to. Finally, I crawled under the blanket with him and stayed there until morning. I wasn’t sure what else to do, but I knew that I couldn’t leave him by himself.
I woke sometime after sunrise when I felt Alex pulling away from me.
“You okay?” I asked timidly.
“Yeah, I think so.” He nodded and kissed my forehead.
I let go of him and he disappeared into the bathroom. I wrapped the blanket around me and darted into the bedroom before he could notice I was only in my panties and t-shirt. Things had happened too quickly last night for me to slip my pajama bottoms on before dashing into the living room. I slipped into them and headed into the kitchen.
I had just finishing putting the coffee on when Alex walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I leaned back allowing him to support my weight. My temples were pounding and I wasn’t sure whether it was from the running, the wine, or the lack of sleep.
“Thank you,” Alex whispered in my ear.
I turned around and looked up at him. I almost told him that he was welcome, but somehow that sounded too trite. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. Alex immediately took control of the kiss. His hands went to my hips and he pulled me against his strong body.
His tongue darted between my lips and twirled around my tongue. I nibbled on his bottom lip and opened my eyes. Alex was watching me as we kissed. I had never before kissed a man that kept his eyes open. I pulled away from him and giggled.
“What?”
“I’m so tired I’m slap happy,” I admitted, “and the whole kiss just tickled me.”
Alex arched a blonde brow and I laughed again.
“You need to go back to bed,” he said.
“I’m okay,” I said trying to keep a straight face. “Really, I am.”
Alex reached behind me and turned the coffee pot off.
“Hey! Don’t do that!” I said turning it back on.
“You don’t need coffee, you need sleep.”
“No, I’ll be fine,” I insisted.
He looked at me for a minute and shook his head.
“What?” I asked, cocking my head to the side.
“Nothing.”
“What is it? What’s so funny?” I demanded.
“You need to go back to bed,” he said again.
“Well, you didn’t sleep much more than I did!” I retorted. “Maybe you should get some more sleep too!”
“I will, if you will.”
“Fine!” I agreed and turned the coffee pot off.
I grabbed Alex’s hand and led him into my bedroom. I was exhausted and didn’t want to have to run back into the living room if he experienced another batch of night terrors. I had done enough running yesterday to last me for months.
I fell back into the bed and pulled him with me. I snuggled close to him and rested my head on his bare chest. It crossed my mind that I could lick his nipples, but that would lead to where I wasn’t ready to go quiet yet.
Chapter 11: Alex
It was hard to go back to sleep. My mind raced with memories of the kiss in the kitchen. Had Jasalyn kissed me out of pity, because she was tired, or because she really liked me? It was damn difficult to concentrate on sleep with her body pressed against my side. I could feel her heavy breast brushing against my side as she breathed. The room was bright with sunlight, but I didn’t want to get up to pull down the shade. I didn’t want to wake Jasalyn up. Lord knows, she had already lost enough sleep because of me.
Sometime later I must have dozed off because I woke to someone banging on the door and shouting. I recognized my father’s voice booming through the house.
“Get the hell out of my apartment!” I heard Jasalyn yell.
I jumped out o
f bed and ran into the living room. Why the hell would my father be here? There had to be some mistake, maybe I was dreaming again. Or having another nightmare since he was in it.
“Alex, you’re coming home!” my father shouted when he saw me. “I don’t know what the military taught you, but I won’t have my clients and partners gossiping about how you’re bedding some black whore!”
“What did you just call me?” Jasalyn asked, stepping up nose to nose with my father.
“Dad, just leave. This is none of your business!”
“When I’m the joke of my office, it’s my business!” he shouted back.
“Then maybe you should grow some damn balls and stand up to your so called friends. People like you make me sick!” Jasalyn said, turning away from him, “Get him out of here, Alex, before I call the cops!”
“Just go!” I shouted, shoving him hard towards the door.
For a brief moment I saw fear in his eyes. I wanted to punch him. No. I wanted to beat the shit out of him. I wanted to punch him again and again until I had given him a lick for every time he had hit my mother or me when I was younger. I could feel the anger building up in my veins and for a moment I thought I was going to lose control. Then I felt Jasalyn’s hand on my shoulder. I took a deep breath and released him.
“You come pick up your shit and get out of my house, Alex!” my father yelled at me. “I won’t tolerate this behavior! You were raised better than this!”
“Fine!” I shouted and slammed the door in his face.
My hands were still balled into fists at my side and I wanted to punch something. Had I been at home in my room, I probably would’ve punched the wall.
“I hate him!” I yelled, trying to pull my anger back under control, to put it back in its box.
“He’s a bastard, that’s for sure,” Jasalyn agreed, sitting down.
“I’m sorry that he showed up. I didn’t think he would come here. I don’t even know how he found out I was here!” Frustrated, I sat down next to her.
“It doesn’t matter. If he comes back again, I’ll just call the cops. I’m accustomed to assholes like him.” Jasalyn shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.”
I wrapped my arms around her shoulders. You shouldn’t have to go through that.”
“You can’t protect me from everything, Alex.”
“No, but I can try,” I told her.
After two hours of telling Jasalyn that I would be fine, she finally bullied me into temporarily moving in with her. She had somehow convinced herself that it was her fault that my father had kicked me out.
“It was only a matter of time,” I said, shrugging, “He’s always hated me.”
“That’s fine. He can hate you as much as he wants, but he’s not going to show up here acting like that. Him and his oil tycoon cronies can take turns ass-fucking one another for their sins, but they’re not going to tell me how to live me life! I have the right to hang out with whoever I want! This is my house!” Jasalyn ranted, still venting over it.
“Can you drive me over to get my truck? I’ll be back, I promise. I need to get my crap, and check on my mother. She’s probably a blubbering mess by now. She never handles his temper well.”
“He hits her, doesn’t he?” Jasalyn asked, putting her hands on her hips.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Fine!” She turned and stormed out of the room to grab her jacket.
Chapter 12: Jasalyn
I refused to talk to Alex on the drive to my parent’s house. I wasn’t angry at him for his father’s action. I was angry at him for not telling me the whole truth. I knew I didn’t really have the right to pry, but I cared about him. Maybe too much.
His father was just your run of the mill bigot. He pissed me off, but I would live. It wasn’t like this was the first time I’d had to deal with a racist bastard. I didn’t care how he treated me, but to watch him treat his own son that way made me sick to my stomach. I made up my mind not to tell my parents or brother.
“And don’t you go telling Riley what happened!” I snapped, breaking the silence, “I don’t want him running off and doing something stupid!”
“And what are you going to tell them about me staying with you? I doubt they’re going to be thrilled about that either.”
“Fine,” I said. “But let me tell them. You always look so angry when you talk about your Dad.”
“Okay. Whatever,” Alex said, looking out the window.
When we got to my parent’s house I wouldn’t let Alex leave until I kissed him goodbye and made him promise that he would be back. My stomach was in knots by the time I walked inside. The house was empty except for my Mama, and I was grateful, because tears were streaming down my cheeks.
“Oh! Baby!” she cried out, wrapping her strong arms around me. “Are you okay? What happened? Did you have a fight with your friend?”
I sat down on the sofa and cried it all out. When I could finally speak I told her about the park, the night terrors, the kiss in the kitchen, and finally Alex’s dad. She listened quietly as I spoke.
“Jasalyn, I’m proud of you. You’re doing the right thing. You’ve got to follow your heart, girl. That’s the whole secret of life! Sure, there’s always going to be some asshat that doesn’t like it, but you can’t let them get in your way.” She pulled me close and wrapped her arm around my shoulder.
“But what about Alex, Mama?”
“What about him? He’s gonna be okay. You’ll take good care of him.”
“What if he doesn’t come back?”
“Trust me. I’ve seen how that boy looked at you at the barbeque. He’ll be back. It’s hard to love a military man, baby. Believe me, because I know. You have to be patient, and always keep the faith that they’ll come home to you. Now, wipe your eyes. I have a Boston cream pie that I don’t want to eat all by myself, so you’re gonna have to help me.”
Chapter 13: Alex
I sighed in relief when I saw that my dad wasn’t home. Maybe he hadn’t been home yet. I opened the door and walked inside. My mother’s heaving sobs traveled through the house. I felt a stab of anger in my gut and wanted to punch the wall. I took a deep breath and shook my head.
“Get your head in the game, soldier,” I told myself. “You’re not like your old man, you’re tougher than that.”
“Mom?” I called out gently as I walked into the kitchen.
She was sitting with her back turned to me with her head on the table. I put my hand on her shoulder and sat down next to her. She looked up at me. I could tell she was trying to pull herself together. I had seen her put aside her own feelings all my life. Sometimes I wondered if my mother had ever been happy. Growing up, she took beatings from her alcoholic father, only to marry a man that beat her too.
The anger in me threatened to blow its top, but I pushed it aside. I wasn’t angry at her. She didn’t know anything else. I brushed her hair out of her face searching for bruises. A silent sigh of relief passed over my lips when I found none.
“I filed papers this afternoon,” she whispered as if she was afraid that even though my father was probably miles away he still might hear.
“Divorce papers?” I asked.
She nodded violently. “I had to, Alex. I can’t stand this any more! I love your father, you know that. I love him more than anything, well besides you and your brothers. But you boys are all grown now. I’m moving to Colorado to live with your Uncle Leon until I figure out what I need to do. I’m so sorry, Alex, but he came home at lunch time and he threw my mother’s vase against the closet door, and it shattered into a million pieces. It shattered, Alex, like I’ve watched all my dreams do over the years.”
“It’s okay, Mom. I think you should get out. I’ll drive you there myself, if you need me to,” I told her, pulling her into a hug.
“No, Leon’s going to come and get me. It was Brandon that told him he saw you in the park with that girl. Who is she, Alex? I don’t care what color she is, you know tha
t. You’re father is just a bastard who has his feet planted in bigotry. Don’t pay him no mind.” She reached up and touched my face like she had done a million times when I was a little boy.
“Her name is Jasalyn,” I told her, “She’s Riley’s little sister.”
“Riley? Your black friend from the army?” she asked, smiling.
I nodded.
“You must like her a lot. I can tell. You smile like a fool when you say her name. Be good to her, Alex.”
“I will,” I promised, hugging her again.
“I know you will. You’ve always been a good boy, and now look at you. You’re all grown up, Alex. You’re a man now. A soldier. I was so worried that you’d never come home. That you’d die in that Godforsaken desert. But I should have known better. You’ve always been so strong-headed and stubborn. We’ll both be okay. We’re like your grandmother, we’re survivors. The only thing that could kill that woman was herself.”
She was referring to my grandmother’s long battle with breast cancer. She died a survivor. My grandmother had to be the strongest woman I had ever known.
“Get out of here before he gets back. I know you want to see the look on his face when I tell him, but I need to do this by myself. Do you understand?”
I nodded. “I understand, Mom. Please call me if you need me, whether you’re here or out in Colorado.”
“Thank you, Alex. I’m so sorry you had to come home to this mess,” she said with a bittersweet smile.
I hugged her again and went to my room. After my belongings were loaded into the bed of my truck, I stood in the driveway looking up at the house. Most of my life it had never felt like a home. I had went into the service to get away from that damn house, and the man who considered himself the King of the prison it had become. I wondered how lonely and empty he’d feel now that he’d be the only one left? It served him right.
I waved to Mom who was watching me from the upstairs window. She smiled at me and waved until I was out of sight. I watched her in the rear view mirror. Thank god, we’d both be free of him soon.