“Poor little rich girl, Carmen Shelby, harboring fantasies about the man she could never have, the one who never wanted her.”
Conversations nearby ceased as heads turned in Amanda’s direction. Her voice had been getting louder and she was getting theatrical with it.
Rex fought the urge to silence her by putting a hand over her mouth. Perversely, he wanted to hear what she had to say.
“Amanda, stop it.” It was Nate.
Amanda’s head swung in his direction and she gave a harsh laugh. “No way, I’m having fun. Me and sexy Rexy have to catch up.”
“We’re here as friends,” Nate continued. “It’s not long since Rex buried his father and he’s trying to get things back to normal here. For God’s sake, try to keep your twisted sense of fun under control.”
Rex didn’t need Nate to watch out for him, but right then his thoughts weren’t ordered and he appreciated a second.
“She’s too weak for a man like you,” Amanda stated while looking up at Rex. Brazenly she met Rex’s stare and smiled, ignoring Nate.
“Carmen’s the strongest woman I know,” Rex said. “She stepped in and took on the challenge of her mother’s business when she was barely twenty-three.”
“I’m not talking about business, Rex.”
The woman was taking such pleasure in having all their attention on her. Then she grasped Rex’s arm.
Rex jerked free, reacting. He no longer cared who saw and heard. “What the hell did you say to her?”
Amanda smirked. “Just pointed out what she was missing. Same as it ever was, poor frigid little Carmen, chaste as a nun dreaming about the event.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Barely withheld anger beat at the back of his temples. “You’re more wrong than you’ll ever know and you’re way out of line.”
Amanda laughed. “Carmen had a crush on you for years and she was so uptight she couldn’t do anything about it. From the look of it, that situation doesn’t seem to have changed. Ask yourself how many lovers she’s had.”
How many lovers? There were so many things he wanted to deny, but the information was too sudden, too intense, for him to verbalize what he felt. His primary instinct was to protect Carmen, and it was more powerful than anything he’d ever felt. That confused him, because it wasn’t something he’d ever known before.
Storm in a teacup, all you have to do is tell Amanda to bugger off and get Carmen back on side. It wasn’t that simple, because Amanda’s comments had raised so many questions for him.
Had Carmen wanted him that much, all these years? She’d seemed reluctant at first to satisfy the lust that had been between them years ago, yet set on having the manor. He knew there was chemistry, that they were attracted to each other. Sex simply had to happen between them, they both knew that. God knows he was playing into that now by bargaining with her for what he’d always wanted a taste of. Was it more than that, though, and if so why couldn’t she tell him?
Amanda was on a roll, aware that she had the attention of everyone in the room. Beyond, the music faded out of significance, the tension in the hallway so strong that it seemed to muffle the sound.
“Her loss.” She lifted her brows suggestively. “She got you all wound up and then couldn’t put out the goods, but I managed to make it up to you, didn’t I, Rex?”
Rex’s hands fisted. Jesus, was that what she’d said to Carmen to upset her? He wanted to kick himself. This gathering was meant to be a surprise for Carmen, an event that would bring life into the house again and make her smile. He’d made a major error; that was more than clear. “Were you always this much of a bitch?”
He said it loud enough for everyone to hear.
Amanda’s expression morphed from smugness to spite.
“I think you should leave now,” he added.
“Don’t worry, I’m going. Men, dense as dirt.” Amanda spat her parting comment at him and pulled her car keys out of her clutch bag as she turned away.
Rex arrested her with a hand on her shoulder. “Amanda, you’re drunk.”
“So what if I am?”
“You may have no sense of responsibility to people you call friends, but some of us do. You’re not driving. Nate, would you care to escort Amanda home.”
“I’m not going home,” she declared. “I’ll find a better party.”
Nate was already at her side, taking charge.
Rex nodded at him.
Amanda laughed. “Silly cow, she’s ruined the party you put on for her.”
“One person has ruined the evening,” Rex retorted. “You. You’re a drama queen and an attention seeker and you don’t give a damn who you upset along the way. Now get out and don’t come back unless it’s to offer an apology.”
The look she gave him was full of spite.
It didn’t touch him.
* * *
REX COVERED THE upstairs of the manor in long strides, frantic while he searched for Carmen. She wasn’t in her room, or his. Thankfully she hadn’t driven there, or he’d be checking on her car. Had she left the grounds? As soon as it occurred to him he raced downstairs to the boot room and grabbed a flashlight from the storage unit there. Once he’d located it, he unlocked the back door and headed out into the night, sweeping the light back and forth as he went. He went down to the lakeside, where she sometimes used to go to be alone. No sign of her. In the moonlight, he saw the boathouse and made his way over. It was empty.
By the time he got back up to the manor he could see headlights making their way down the private driveway beyond the house, the cars headed in the direction of the village or beyond. Back in the boot room, he locked the door and counted to ten.
Where are you?
He’d been all over the house. There was nowhere else.
He took one last glance outside, and when he looked along the building from the boot room he caught sight of the low glow of light given out by the night heaters in the conservatory. They were left on timers for the tropical plants in there.
Of course, the conservatory.
Carmen often used to go there to be on her own and read. She loved the greenery more than anyone else in the house. Apart from a brief wander through it on his initial return to the manor—when he’d familiarized himself with the whole house again—Rex hadn’t been back there.
Could she be in there now?
He made his way back through the house and, as he glanced into the reception rooms, he saw that Mrs. Amery and Leanne were already busy with the clear-up operation, even though a couple of the guests still lingered. Rex headed quickly down the corridor before they could waylay him.
The double casement glass doors were closed, and he peered into the gloom but couldn’t see anything. Quietly he opened the doors and went inside. The smell of earth and sap immediately filled his senses. He padded across the terra-cotta-tiled floor and down to the far end where he remembered she used to go. In the far corner of the space you could see right across the countryside beyond.
Sure enough she was there, perched on a work surface that was used for potting plants. Beneath the solid worktop were shelves lined with pots ready for seedlings. It was her favorite spot, and he berated himself for not thinking of it earlier.
It was also the place where they’d nearly made love, all those years ago. He’d found her there then, and they got stoned and she’d put her hand on his chest, looking up at him with an invitation in her eyes. They’d kissed—and a long-awaited kiss it was, too—and it tripped something in them both. Unbridled lust. She’d plucked at his clothing with her hands, and he lifted her and sat her onto that very work surface. He’d stood between her legs, his hands wrapped around her thighs. When he asked her what she needed, she told him how much she wanted him.
Just remembering the occasion gave Rex a semi.
Now they’d been apart one week and Rex wanted her badly. What had he been thinking of arranging for other people to be around? He’d put space between them. That had to be mended. These weekends were far too precious.
Nearby the place where she sat, a night heater glowed in the gloom, just enough to illuminate her outline in the corner. She’d abandoned her heels and sat with her stocking feet up on the work surface.
Rex put his hands in his pockets and walked closer, as casually as he could. As he closed in on her, she sat up properly, dangling her feet to the floor. Her face was still shrouded in darkness, but the light from the heater illuminated her legs, drawing his attention.
“I’m sorry I left you to it,” she said when he drew to a halt some four feet away. “You must think me very childish, bailing out like that.”
“Of course not, you’ve never been that.”
Even though he was aching to hold and comfort her, he knew he had to tread cautiously. One thing he’d quickly learned was that she was a proud woman now, and she protected that fiercely. The mature Carmen Shelby was independent and prickly. That she’d let him so close and submitted herself to him so thoroughly made him feel privileged, and yet he knew she could withdraw just as easily. He’d seen it happening already and he didn’t like the way it felt. The look he’d seen on her face the week before, when she said she couldn’t do this, made him fear that she would pull away. Yet she’d looked so sure, so happy, at that end of the first weekend, happy to be back in Burlington Manor, and taking pleasure from their intimacy.
The need to make amends was great. When he’d seen her hurt it had struck home how much she meant to him, but Carmen was a proud woman and it had to be handled right. He was afraid he’d take something away from her that was important. This was real now. When they were having sex it almost felt like role-play. Perhaps it was, perhaps it wasn’t. He wasn’t sure, but Rex wanted to know.
“You went to so much trouble,” she said.
“I wanted life in the old place again. I wanted to see you happy. You used to love the parties.” He felt her scrutiny as she stared across at him.
“I know, and I appreciate your efforts.” She hopped down from her perch, and stepped closer to the heater.
Rex didn’t like the reserved, almost sad look he saw on her face when the soft glow lit her from below. “I’m sorry that I did the wrong thing.”
She gave a quick smile but he could tell it was forced. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
There was no way around it. He was going to have to ask. “What did Amanda say to you?”
Carmen broke eye contact and glanced away, shifting closer to the window as she wrapped her hands around her upper arms. Looking out into the moonlight she took some time before she answered. “She told me I was a sad, lonely spinster, and she said that you were one of the best lovers she’d ever had.”
“Bloody hell.” Rex hadn’t expected that last part. It never even occurred to him that Amanda would throw up a one-night stand from the past just to upset Carmen. Perhaps he should have thought of it, given that Amanda could be deliberately provocative when she’d had a few drinks, but he scarcely even remembered the event and assumed she’d be the same. “I’m really sorry she told you.”
Carmen laughed softly, and there was a wry tone to it. “Oh, don’t be. I already knew that you’d screwed her.”
Rex reeled. Carmen knew?
Her tone was so wary that he wondered if he’d be able to get through the barbed exterior she emanated. “I’m sorry. And I’m sorry if it was awkward, her being here tonight. It didn’t occur to me that she’d be like that.”
Women talked, he should have realized.
Carmen threw him a disappointed look, then turned away again.
“Yes, I know,” he added, “expecting maturity, decency and a modicum of civility was a bit of a long shot, in her case.”
“Too right.”
“I didn’t mean for that to happen, though. You’re too precious to me.”
Carmen’s head jerked back. She seemed surprised by that, but then her face fell.
“Like I said, I knew you two had slept together. I saw it with my own eyes.”
Again, he was astounded. His thoughts raced. It had only happened once, and even he struggled to place it. It had been here at the house, he seemed to recall, and it was a Christmas party. The memory sharpened. His father had spoken to him that afternoon, laying down laws, and he’d gone off the rails. Amanda had been a convenient distraction. Nothing more. The thought that Carmen had seen, that she’d known about it right back then, floored him. It was the last thing in the world he would have wanted.
“I had no idea.” Rex felt guilty. She was hurt. Why was she hurt by a one-night thing? Okay, Amanda had made something out of it, or had attempted to, but the lingering sadness in Carmen’s eyes at that moment was something he didn’t understand. A guarded, assessing look, a disappointed look. Betrayed, even. It’d hurt her back then, and now. Once again he had to force back the physical urge to pull her into his arms. It was a desperate need in him, but her wary expression warned him off.
“I’ll get over it,” she said, overly flippant. “It was just a shock having it thrown in my face right after she was fishing to see if we were—” she paused, as if she was trying to find the right description for their arrangement “—sleeping together, but she does love to tease people.” She gave him another one of her lingering, thoughtful glances. “In fact, the two of you are a good match. Perhaps you should have stuck with her.”
Ouch. Rex supposed he deserved that, but he felt increasingly frustrated. “Stuck with Amanda? I didn’t even want her, she was a distraction.”
“She might have been a distraction to you, but you and I were...close, we’d...kissed.” It came out in a rush, and her depth of feeling on the issue was suddenly stark and apparent, and she sounded as if she was trying not to cry. “Okay, so I was an ingenue, but it was bloody hard, Rex. I really cared about you. I thought we were going to be together, that you’d be my first, but you got with her instead. It broke my stupid teenage heart.”
Rex couldn’t hold himself in check any longer. He acted purely on instinct and crossed to her, taking her into his arms and holding her close against him. She kept her arms folded, remained rigid. Then he kissed the top of her head, and he felt her sob.
“Hush, hush now.” He wrapped her closer still, resting his cheek against her hair. It shocked him how much he hurt for her. It was enough that he couldn’t bear it and wanted it to end immediately.
Then she muttered something into his shoulder.
He looked down at her and put his hand under her chin, making her look at him. Her eyes shone with tears, but she was pouting and looking at him with that resentful glance he knew so well.
“Now I’ve made myself look like even more of an idiot.”
“No, you haven’t.” Something loosened in his chest. The tension, the resistance. It was a relief. Things weren’t perfect, but at least she was talking to him as she normally might.
“I have. I didn’t mean to blurt that out. Now you’re going to have an even bigger ego, knowing that I had a stupid crush on you.”
Rex laughed, because it was crazy. “Jesus, Carmen. This whole thing we’re doing is because we wanted each other—that’s hardly news. The only revelation here is that you knew about my stupid mistake with Amanda. I had no clue you knew. I’d pretty much forgotten it ever happened, to be honest. It was a one-off and I immediately regretted it.”
She listened, but she didn’t look entirely convinced. “What did you mean when you said she was a distraction?”
“I wanted you.”
She continued to stare up at him.
He took a deep breath. “I wanted you, but I couldn’t have you.”
Her eyebrows drew together.
/>
She didn’t know. Rex had always wondered, but it was obvious now.
Carmen didn’t know.
He moved away, just slightly, but he needed space if he was going to have to tell her. It was hard, because he never spoke about it, not to anyone. He didn’t even want to think about it. He’d cut all ties with his father and even his mother didn’t know why.
Carmen’s eyes flickered, and Rex knew what needed to be said. “It was a stupid thing to do, but I couldn’t have you and you were what I wanted. I thought she’d make me stop thinking about you. It didn’t work.”
He pushed his fingers through his hair, remembering, taken right back to that time. The frustration—the withheld longing for something that was forbidden to him—it was right there, resurrected as it was by the events of the evening. “Dad was watching me all the time. It’d got to the point where I couldn’t even speak to you without him assessing the situation.”
Carmen frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“Dad knew. He knew I wanted you, and he knew we were attracted to each other. When he confronted me, I told him I didn’t want to be a big brother to you. I told him I was going to ask you on a date. He forbade me, in no uncertain terms.”
“But I don’t understand. We heard him, on the day you left. We heard him shouting after you. Mum and I were in the drawing room and the door was open and we heard. He said that if you walked away from him—him—you wouldn’t ever be part of Burlington Manor.”
It was hard. He didn’t want it to sound as if it was her fault, because it wasn’t, but there wasn’t an easy way to tell the tale without old wounds being opened up. “He’d already warned me off you, but I guess him doing so only made it worse. After that one time in here—” he paused, gesturing toward the spot where she’d been sitting moments before “—I knew I had to speak to him, tell him I was serious about you. He wanted us to play the happy family, and in his mind that meant we were as good as blood relatives, when that wasn’t the case. He called me a freak, a deviant.” The anger he’d harbored toward his dad was rising fast. “He said it would be incest. Moron. He was a fucking control freak living in a dreamworld of his own making.”
The Burlington Manor Affair Page 13