Cipher

by Moira Rogers

  God, she loved his voice. She loved his eyes, green and a little gray, and the way his eyebrows rose when he was deadpanning to make her laugh. Of all the things she’d missed without him in her life, the biggest had been laughter.

  The way her heart fluttered when he smiled might be a close second. She dropped her hands to his chest and stroked down, tracing the well-defined ridges of his abdomen. “You’re just stupidly hot.”

  He grinned. “Stupidly? Not ridiculously?”

  “Stupidly.” She slid her fingers lower, until her fingertips found the edge of his jeans. “Ridiculously.” The cool metal of the button made her shiver. “Absurdly. Unbelievably.”

  He arched under her, and his voice went husky. “Any more adverbs you want to add?”

  “I wasn’t very good at English classes…” Her heart skipped a beat as she pressed her hand to his jean-clad erection.

  Andrew dropped his head back with a groan. “Harder.”

  More command than request, and part of her liked it. Not a small part, either. Disobeying felt like an illicit thrill, but she didn’t want to grope him through his jeans. Instead she tugged open the button and eased the zipper down. “Can I touch you?”

  “Are you going to ask, or are you going to take?”

  Her hands shook. She took a breath, and smelled sweat and his aftershave. “I think I like asking. I like the way your voice sounds when you tell me what you want.”

  His eyes flashed, and he tensed beneath her. “Touch me. Open my pants and put your hands on my cock.”

  Oh, he liked it as much as she did. It thrilled through her, an echo of his instinctive pleasure, sharper when she reached for the waistband on his boxers. “Lift your hips?”

  He did it easily, bearing her weight as well as his. Shapeshifter strength, and her hands were unsteady as she hooked her fingers under the edge of the fabric.

  Unsteady didn’t begin to cover how she felt while she eased his boxers over his cock. From ten feet away, she was sure he’d look proportional. Up close and personal…

  Kat swallowed hard and braced herself for the jolt as she curled her fingers around the undeniably impressive length of his erection. He hissed in a breath and wrapped his hand around hers, pressing her fingers more firmly against his hard flesh.

  If the sight hadn’t scrambled her circuits, the echo would have. Her eyelids drooped, and she struggled to keep her gaze focused on his large hand enclosing hers, on the sound he made as she slid her fingers slowly toward the crown.

  Hot skin, soft over steel, and she was going to come again without anyone touching her. Kat tore her attention from their hands and sought his eyes instead. “How do I make you come?”

  He laughed, a strangled, hoarse noise. “Keep breathing?”

  “Might be a problem, actually…” She closed her eyes and concentrated on the pulses of pleasure coming from him, on finding the rhythm that twisted him up and the pressure that made him groan.

  His arms dropped, but he only clutched at the bedspread as he thrust into her grip. “Fuck, Kat.”

  Empathy wasn’t all bad. Not if she could use it to put that look on his face—jaw clenched, fingers gripping the comforter as if it was all that kept him from grabbing at her. So close. They were both balanced on the edge, an edge sharp enough to slice her open.

  It might, if she didn’t let it go soon. “Come on, Andrew. Please. Come and take me with you.”

  He did grab her then, reached up and dragged her down to his chest as the first pulsing wave of ecstasy shuddered through the room. He kissed her, open-mouthed and needy, groaning her name as his teeth scraped her lip.

  Kat kissed him as his orgasm washed over her. He’d trapped her at an awkward angle, with one of her arms pinned between them, but she couldn’t bring herself to relinquish his mouth long enough to find a comfortable position. Everything was hot and desperate and now, and it didn’t matter that he’d come on her stomach and they couldn’t seem to get out of their clothes.

  Her back hit the bed, and Andrew loomed over her, his eyes bright with lust. “You don’t understand how sexy that is, do you?”

  She told him the truth, and it came out a breathless gasp. “No.”

  “Not the empathy or the orgasms,” he rumbled. “You.”

  No. Miguel had made her feel attractive. He’d given her anything she wanted from the start, though he’d known her heart was tangled up in someone else. But even at their best, when she’d been caught up in the novelty of sex and pleasure, he’d never looked at her like this.

  They’d never been like this. Wild and out of control, her empathy overriding everything but base instinct. Kat lifted her hand to Andrew’s bare chest, over his heart. “This is… I don’t know what this is. It’s like you’re inside my skin. You’re inside me.”

  His thumbs stroked over her jaw. “Isn’t that where you want me to be?”

  The joke was there, inviting her to laugh it off with dirty innuendo. Maybe he’d meant it that way. Old Kat would have clutched at the chance to lighten the moment with a suggestive smile and naughty words.

  Instead she held his gaze. “Do you remember my twenty-first birthday?”

  He nodded. “Everyone got drunk, so we went back to your place to play video games.”

  The memory was so clear, even now. She could remember the dress she’d worn—one of the cheerful, pastel ones her aunt had bought just before her death. Blue flowers and butterfly clips in her hair, and she’d been so young, barely into her belated sexual awakening.

  It hadn’t been so long ago. Four and a half years, but she hadn’t felt young for a long time. “I was in love with you by the time you left. I had a crush on you from the first day I met you, but that silly, geeky girl I was… After that night, she loved you with all of her silly, geeky heart.”

  “That’s what kills me.” His eyes went dark. “That girl doesn’t exist anymore. Because of me.”

  Always shapeshifters and their blame. Their guilt. “That girl doesn’t exist anymore because life sucks sometimes. People suck, Andrew. They do bad things, and the rest of us have to choose between stopping them or not. And sometimes we can’t win either way.”

  “No, we can’t. We just have to keep going.”

  “We did keep going. In different directions, because that was what you needed.” She closed her eyes, because she couldn’t let him see how much the next words hurt her. “I’m trying really hard to pretend that I’m not worrying about you waking up tomorrow and needing that again.”

  “That depends.” His breath feathered over her cheek. “I didn’t know I was killing you all over again by staying away.”

  “Everyone knew. They’ve treated me like a broken toy ever since. ‘Poor, stupid Kat got her heart broken and can’t move on.’”

  “I’m sorry.” The words were thick, agonized.

  “No, it’s not—” She took a breath. Her throat felt tight with tears, but she refused to cry. She refused. “It was never that simple. I know it, and you know it. It’s easier to blame ourselves and each other.”

  “I never blamed you.”

  A lie, whether he knew it or not. “Andrew.”

  “I didn’t. I don’t.”

  “Why not?”

  He sighed and propped up on one arm, traced the side of her face until she looked at him. “You saved my life. You did what you had to do, and you’ve tormented yourself over it. You don’t deserve to have me wondering if maybe you shouldn’t have done it at all.”

  Her heart might have stopped beating. “If I should have let them kill you?”

  Andrew hesitated. “Maybe.”

  “I don’t—” No. No talking without thinking. Maybe it was cowardice that drove her back from the edge, but it was too big. Too much, and she wasn’t ready to traverse a path that could well lead them back to the ugliest truths of that night.

  Instead she lifted her hand and touched his cheek. “I’m glad you’re alive.”

  Amazingly, he smiled. “So am
I, now. But it took a while, and I didn’t want you to feel that.”

  She couldn’t find it in her to smile back. He didn’t know that she was the reason their attackers had changed forms to begin with. He didn’t know that she’d lost control and brought violence down on them.

  For all her mockery of shapeshifter guilt, she was as bad as they were. Worse, because she didn’t even have the courage to own her mistakes.

  “Stop.” There was a cajoling lilt in his voice, one she hadn’t heard in a long time. “Come on, smile for me.”

  She didn’t have the guts to charge forward. But she didn’t retreat, either, and at least it was something. A step.

  Smiling, she turned to kiss his palm. “You should go back to sleep. Sera’s pulling an early shift at Dixie John’s tomorrow, and if I don’t turn up and let her yell at me, she’s going to be unlivable.”

  Andrew brushed a kiss over her chin. “We can stop by for a late brunch.”

  “Good. And after that…” The zip drive was buried in one of her bags, wrapped in a scarf for safekeeping. “You have a key to Alec’s place, right?”

  “Course I do.”

  “Instead of hitting the parts store or Craigslist, I thought we could head over there. He’s the only person I know who still uses a computer with a zip drive.” Though use might be a generous term. As far as Kat knew, the last time anyone had booted the damn thing up had been when she’d done it a year ago just to see if she could. “It’s worth a shot.”

  The corner of Andrew’s mouth twitched. “You’re brilliant. If anyone’s going to be stuck in 1995, it’s Alec.”

  “Then all I have to worry about is platform and software and encryption…” She closed her eyes. “Andrew, can I ask you something?”

  He wrapped a lock of her hair around his finger. “Sure.”

  “Are we sticking together because I’m in danger? Or are we…starting something?”

  He stared at her for a long moment, considering. “Starting something, or picking up where we left off? Either one works, I think.”

  “Except we didn’t leave off with crazy orgasms.” She settled her cheek against his chest, mostly because it was easier to say the words when she didn’t have to look at him. “We were so close to starting something. Or maybe we weren’t and it only felt that way to me because I wanted it to be true.”

  He combed his fingers through her hair. “We were, but…something wasn’t right yet. Me, I guess. People around here don’t exactly have nice, uncomplicated relationships, you know? Being comfortable, being friends… It felt so good I didn’t want to let it go.”

  His heart thumped under her cheek, just fast enough to prove his casual words a lie. He’d been scared, and she could feel the echoes in him, as clearly as she could feel the pleasure he took in touching her. “You were human,” she said softly. “I never was, not entirely. It would have been complicated.”

  “It seems stupid now,” he admitted. “It feels like I wasted so much time.”

  “No.” At least there was one thing she could reassure him about. “I skipped grades, a few of them. I graduated early, went to college early. I was never really around people my own age, so I missed out on the social stuff, and the empathy only made it worse. I was young a few years ago, Andrew. I wasn’t ready. But I would have been so afraid of missing my chance, I couldn’t have said no. Not to you.”

  “And with both of us not ready…”

  Maybe it would have worked. Maybe it would have been a mess, and ruined any chance they had. Either way, there was no going back. “I know we keep saying we’re not going to talk about the big stuff, and I don’t want to, not yet. But I need something to hold on to.”

  “I’m here,” he said simply. “I’m in it, Kat. Not going anywhere, and we can figure it out together.”

  “So we have a thing.” It brought a goofy-feeling smile to her lips. “Can I wear your letter jacket?”

  Andrew laughed. “They don’t let you letter in being a giant dork, remember?”

  “Depends on where you go to school.” Peace settled over her, following the path of his fingers as he stroked her hair. She yawned and snuggled closer. “If you don’t have a letter jacket, we’re going to have to rethink this whole thing.”

  “Obviously I’m worthless without one.”

  “Obviously.” Another yawn, and this time she didn’t try to fight it. “Except you’re warm. And surprisingly cuddly, for a big mean council member.”

  “That’s exactly what it says on my business cards.”

  Chapter Eight

  If there was one thing Andrew had never expected Alec Jacobson to master, it was videoconferencing. The man avoided technological advances with singular dedication.

  Still, necessity compelled even the most drastic changes, and it looked like it had dragged Alec into the twenty-first century. At least, it seemed so until the blurry picture on the laptop screen slid into sharp focus to reveal not only Alec, but his smiling wife as well. “There,” Carmen said. “I think that should work.”

  Alec made an annoyed face, his lips tugged down and his eyebrows pulled tight together. “I gave up ten minutes of my life so Andrew could see how pissy I am over the fact that I can’t just use a fucking telephone. How is this progress?”

  “Don’t be grumpy.” Carmen waved. “Hi, Andrew.”

  He waved back. “Is this a bad time?”

  “Not at all.” She kissed Alec’s cheek as she rose, and paused to smooth the frown from between his brows. “I’m going to make French toast for breakfast. Don’t forget we have that thing this morning.”

  When she was gone, Alec sighed. “She’s bribing me so I don’t choke anyone at our ten o’clock meeting.”

  “Must be damn good French toast.”

  “Not that good.” Alec ran his hand over his disheveled hair and shook his head. “It is not a good time up here. John Peyton’s got some upstart on his council poking at him, and things are…unsettled.”

  Knowing Alec, it was the understatement of the decade. “I wouldn’t have bothered you, but I ran into trouble in Alabama. Car chase that ended badly for the other guy, but someone might have gotten a license plate. I thought maybe you could call McNeely—”

  “Hold up.” Alec ducked out of view and reappeared a moment later with his cell phone in hand. “I thought I gave you McNeely’s number. Maybe Julio has it.”

  “Well, I have it, but…” But he wasn’t really in charge, wasn’t the one with the authority to call up a lieutenant in the New Orleans Police Department and ask for favors.

  “Oh Jesus, kid.” Alec leaned forward until his face all but filled the screen. “Okay, listen to me. I’ve been letting this slide because you need to find your footing, and we’ve been between crises. But shit’s liable to hit the fan any day now, so the training wheels are coming off. You know what to do, and you need to start doing it without checking with me first.”

  Andrew choked back a growl. “It might be that simple for you, Alec, but my situation’s a little more complicated.”

  “Yeah, on the subject of complicated, have you heard from Derek this week?”

  “No.” Andrew tensed. If he’d somehow heard what happened to Kat…

  Alec sighed again, something that was starting to sound like a nervous tic. “Great. Okay, I’m telling you this because the rumor’s spreading so fast you’re probably going to hear it before he calms down enough to call you. Nicole’s pregnant.”

  “Holy shit.” It seemed like the sort of thing Derek would want to shout from the rooftops, and the fact that he hadn’t made Andrew’s hands clench into fists. “Is something wrong?”

  “Nothing life-threatening, but Nick’s not feeling well. Sicker than usual, I guess. Carmen’s tried to tell him it’s all manageable, but Derek watched his wife’s twin sister go through a miserable pregnancy and premature labor, so panic has set in pretty hard. He’s calling Carmen at all hours, damn near every time Nick twitches a toe.”

  They w
ere going to have a baby. “He hasn’t told Kat yet, either. She’d have mentioned it.”

  Alec’s eyebrows climbed up. “I thought you and Kat weren’t talking.”

  It was stupid to feel as though he’d gotten caught smoking under the bleachers. “That was the situation. I was helping Kat with some stuff about her mom.”

  “Uh-huh.” Alec scrubbed his hand over his hair again, leaving it half sticking up this time. He looked ragged around the edges in general, as if it’d been a few days since his last shave—or his last full night of sleep. “Shit. Okay, you’ve got to handle this, Andrew. Derek can barely handle himself and his wife, and John Peyton’s got a daughter to worry about and that cagey little shit on his council who’s stirring up trouble. Can you and Julio keep Kat safe and get this shit done?”

  “Yeah, I’ll get it done.” For the first time, Andrew caught a gleam in Alec’s eyes, a satisfaction that belied his apparent frustration. For all his exasperation, he was in his element. “This thing with Kat’s mom might be big, Alec.”

  “I don’t doubt that. I know Derek’s never thought her mother’s death was really an accident. Is she digging around again? She was obsessed with it for a few months when she was nineteen and had just gotten access to our list of contacts at the detective agency.”

  “Yeah, she was digging.” And she just might have broken the whole thing wide open. “What do you usually buy McNeely to say thanks when he’s just saved your ass? Scotch?”

  “Not anymore. McNeely’s on the wagon. Get him some music. A CD or two.”

  “Done. Thanks, Alec.”

  “Hey. If shit gets so bad you can’t figure out your next move…call me. But if you know the next move, take it. You’ve got the instincts, kid. Time to start trusting them.”

  “Right.” Julio had undoubtedly already been taking care of business while Andrew kept his head in the sand, but that was going to change. “I’ll keep you posted.”

  “You do that.” Alec paused. Frowned. “Tell me one thing. Are you tangled up because it’s Kat?”

  “Yes,” he replied readily. “And also because her contact was looking for protection from the Southeast council. It had to be me or Julio, and Julio wasn’t touching it.”