Tiger Moths

by Sandra Grice

  Johnny did not want to see his best friend go, but he knew that Ben had become another victim of his fame. There was no reason to argue; he knew Ben’s mind was made up, so instead he just stuck out his hand.

  Ben shook it and patted Johnny on the shoulder. “Good luck, man. Keep rockin ’em. You know I’ll be keeping my eye on the charts. Don’t let me down, man.”

  “I won’t let you down, Ben. This is not goodbye; I’ll stay in touch.”

  “Keep it true, man.” With that Big Ben turned and walked out the door.

  Johnny felt more alone than he had since Kayla had left. He stood staring at the door. Staring and wondering why this had happened, and whether he had made the right decision in letting Big Ben go.

  “Well that’s step one,” Jason said.

  “Jason, I do not want a lecture from you, I just want you to do your job and fix this. I’ll be available for anything you need me to do.”

  “I’m not going to lecture you. I know you are hurting right now. I understand you better than you think I do. You are a good guy, and friends are important to you. I get that. But this business can be brutal on all relationships. I wish I could change that for you, but I can’t. All I can do is help you navigate through all the pitfalls. I’m sorry I was so hot, but Ben’s leaving is for the best. Now we have to do something to show the fans that you really are the All-American guy they always thought you were.”

  “I really think I need a break from all of this. I just need to recharge, to get some perspective.”

  “I agree with you. And I think I know what we can do to accomplish both objectives. I have a friend that keeps calling to schedule you to do a concert for our military men and women. I’ve studied this a little, and I think I have the perfect venue for you. We have a two-week break in your concert series after Chicago. I can schedule you for a concert on the island of Guam in that slot. I know you love the ocean, and I hear it is an amazingly beautiful place. The arena only seats a couple of thousand people, so we could cut the stage show in half and still give them a great concert. Having you travel that far will show that you really care about the troops. It will set you apart as an innovative entertainer because no one else has been there. It’s a brilliant move.”

  Johnny heard very little of what Jason had said. The man who set his own tours and produced his own records was not himself in that moment. His grief was heavy on his mind and heart. He felt physically ill over Ben’s departure. But he had picked up on the words “two week break” and “ocean,” so he was satisfied this would be a good thing.

  “Sure. Whatever you say. It sounds good. Now can you have the driver get us rolling? I’m ready to get out of here.”

  “Yes, let’s got out of here. I’m with you on that. And Johnny, don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything. You know that I always do.”

  Jason moved to the front of the bus to give the driver the go ahead. Johnny went back to his room and just stood there for a moment. He looked at the magazine he had picked up, and felt the bus pull into motion. He walked over and touched his guitar that always sat in the same corner. Two sides of the same coin. How did his grandma always finish that saying? “Remember what is printed on that coin – In God We Trust.”

  Finally he picked the guitar up from its stand and began playing. What else could he do? He glanced out the window and saw a tattered lawn chair sitting alone in the parking lot. It grew smaller and smaller with each revolution of the bus tires. He stopped playing, slowly placed the guitar on his bed, and slid to the floor. On his knees he remained silent for several minutes, and then whispered the only prayer he knew. “Our Father in heaven, honor to Your name. Your kingdom come; Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses… Oh God, forgive me for forgetting about You, for all these nights I’ve spent getting drunk and chasing women. I am so sorry. I have put my faith in my own abilities, and I’ve forgotten that You are the one who has blessed me with them. God, I know I am supposed to do something to make You the one in control. I just don’t know where to start. But, God, I want to know You better. I want to be who You created me to be. Help me find You; just give me someone to guide me through all of this, because I am so new at it. Amen.”

  For a while he remained on his knees, not quite knowing what to do. When he stood, the tattered lawn chair had long vanished from sight – as had his feeling of despair. There was a different feeling in him now. He was no longer a victim, but a man on a quest to find a connection with God. A connection he had never really considered since he left his grandmother’s house.

  CONNECTIONS

  GUAM — AUGUST 15, 1993

  Dale pulled her Guam Bomb into the first parking place she could find. She was uncharacteristically late, and she hated to be late. But there had been many preparations to make before her guests arrived. She had cleaned her apartment better than ever, and had even washed the Guam Bomb. In retrospect, she really did not know why, because there was no way to make rust shine. She would be leaving the island in a week, after two and a half wonderful years. It would be a bittersweet departure, and she was glad she had not had much free time to think about it. The island life had gotten into her blood, so much so that she had extended her tour by several months already. There would be no more extensions.

  The airport was crowded with tearful departures, excited Japanese tourists, and many happy greetings for newcomers. It had been this way every time she had ever been to the airport. The heavy military presence, which guaranteed frequent tour rotations, was the primary cause. Two of her closest friends had left in the past six months, and the party at the airport had been full of stories right up to the tearful goodbyes. It was all part of the wonderful tradition of the island. Frequently one party would combine with another, until the chain reaction led to one huge celebration in the entire airport. There was nothing but brotherhood here.

  Dale turned right and walked quickly down the familiar concourse. She glanced up on the monitor and saw the flight was on time. Her heart was pounding wildly; it had been so long since she had seen her best friend and goddaughter. They had kept in touch through monthly phone calls and dozens of post cards from Dale to Gracie. Dale had been able to go on several temporary duty tours to Japan, Korea, the Philippines, China and Australia. And true to her word, she had sent Gracie as many post cards as she could to teach her about how big the world really was. On some occasions she had even been able to buy small stuffed animals and dolls unique to the country and send them. Gracie had been thrilled, according to her letters and Laura’s phone calls.

  “At least my kid’s teeth are better now that the candy supply has been cut off,” Laura had said with a laugh.

  As Dale neared the arrival gate, she thought about that conversation several months ago with Laura. The Steven Pierce trial had just ended. After going to her special place on the beach that night to give thanks for the miracle of Luke Cook, she had called Laura.

  “Dale, is that you? Girl, do you have any idea what time it is? What is it? Is something wrong?”

  Dale was accustomed to Laura’s rapid-fire line of questioning. “Laura, I’m sorry about the time, but I figured it would be okay with you once you hear what I have to tell you. Do you remember that child molestation case I was telling you about?”

  “Of course I do. I’ve been thinking and praying about you and that kid ever since you told me about it. Mike has been praying too. So, what happened?”

  “God gave us our miracle. Another witness came forward, a young boy. The guy got fifteen years, but the best part was afterward. Steven came up to thank me, and I saw that something in him had changed. He showed me something about myself that I never realized. He taught me that even though trusting someone else can be devastating, we have to have the courage to do it again. No matter how badly we have been hurt and betrayed, God has made us to love others. It was like God just opened my eyes and my heart through the courage of that boy.”

&nb
sp; “Oh, I am so happy for you. I’ve been trying to get you to see that for years, my friend. I know how badly you were hurt by Jason, but you can’t keep your heart in chains forever. It took a while, but God answered my prayer for you to see that love is worth the risk.”

  “I think God would have answered that prayer a long time ago, but my own fear got in the way. That boy changed my life, Laura, and I think I changed his.”

  Indeed she had been a very different person since then: happier, sharing herself more freely, willing to go out again. There had been no one special, but she knew if she ever met him she would be ready. For the first time in a long time, she knew in her heart that love was more powerful than fear.

  “Aunt Dale, Aunt Dale!”

  Dale turned to see the prettiest ten-year-old she had ever seen running all-out toward her. She smiled and held out her arms. Gracie ran into them so fast she almost knocked Dale down.

  “Gracie, my pretty little - or big, I should say - girl. You have grown up! Oh, Gracie, I have missed my little buddy so much!”

  Dale had tears of joy streaming down her face. She had not known, until this moment, how much she had truly missed her adopted family.

  “Hey, don’t I get a greeting? Man, is it hot here or what?” It was classic Laura and Dale had sorely missed it.

  “And a hafa adai to you too, my friend.” Dale held out her other arm and the three hugged each other in a warm embrace. As close as Dale had come to her friends on the island, those friendships could not compare with the bond of old friends. Friends, like her and Laura, who had seen it through the darkest of times together.

  “Aunt Dale, did you know that was the longest plane trip ever? It was as far as going to the moon. It felt like we were never going to get here. I’m glad you will be flying back with us, ’cause Momma got us lost at every airport.”

  “Gracie, that’s not true, we didn’t get lost in this airport, did we?” Laura said in mock defense of her inferior navigation skills.

  “You are still not good with directions, huh, Laura?”

  “No, not so much. Let’s eat; I’m starving.”

  “Yea, me too, and I want to see your Guam Bomb.” Gracie jumped up and down with excitement.

  “Okay you two, I know just the spot and it’s right on the beach, so I hope you have your bathing suits ready.”

  The automatic doors opened, and the three walked out onto the airport drive-through. They paused for a moment to take in the panoramic view that had first greeted Dale over two years ago. She had never grown tired of it, and paused with the new arrivals to take it all in through fresh eyes. She truly loved this place, and leaving it would be almost as hard as it had been to leave Laura and Gracie. She was so happy that they had made the trip to escort her back to the States. It would ease the pain for her.

  “Wow!” Gracie exclaimed.

  “Wow is right. Dale, it is as beautiful as you said it was, but words can’t describe the beauty. You have to experience this to truly appreciate it.” Laura scanned the amazing view in awe.

  “I’m so glad you two came. I am really going to miss this place. But seeing you makes me realize how much I do miss home. I can’t wait to see Mom and Dad again. It’s going to be great!”

  Dale smiled and continued. “Oh, and I also have a special treat for you, Miss Gracie. I don’t know much about this singer, but I understand you are a big fan of the guy we have coming to do a concert for us tonight. There were limited tickets, but I was on the planning committee, so I was able to get us all front row seats. Oh, what is his name? Let’s see, oh, you know the country star you like so much. What is his name, Gracie? Do you know?” Dale feigned her momentary memory failure.

  “Aunt Dale, you mean Johnny Clark. I loooove Johnny Clark. He is here? We get to go see Johnny Clark? You have got to be kidding me!” Gracie rolled her eyes dramatically.

  Dale laughed, “No, sweetheart, I’m not kidding. He will be here, and you will be in the front row. But there is more. You get to go backstage and talk to him. Well, that is, if you want to meet him.”

  “What do you mean, ‘If I want to’? Does a dog want a treat? Of course I want to talk to Johnny Clark. He sings my favorite song about Tennessee. It’s called ‘Smoky Sunset,’ and it goes like this. I’ll sing it for you.”

  Load on up your SUV, hook up that camper, come along and see

  There’s a little old field up the road, they call it the home of the Volunteer

  Now we welcome all kinds who think they’ll contend

  But we’ll send ‘em on home with some hurtin’ to mend

  It’s another Smoky Sunset shootin’ holes in them boys from the South

  You’ll wish you’d stayed home and your fans shut their mouths

  Good ole Smoky’s gonna howl and fight

  Good ole Smoky’s Sunset delight

  “Don’t you just love that song, Aunt Dale?”

  “Oh my, well yes! You know I’m a Big Orange fan, so of course I love that song. And I doubt that Johnny Clark, or anyone else, can ever sing a version any better than yours. Now let’s get you something to eat. I am going to buy you the best cheeseburger in all the Marianna islands and you can sit right there on the beach and eat it.”

  “Really? Oh, Aunt Dale, Guam is the best place ever!”

  “That it is, Gracie; that it is.”

  “Check, check. Sound check. I don’t know, Ray. I think we need a little more bass. And let’s move that right speaker out a little. Okay, check, mike check. Yep, that’s better. Now with the instruments, please.”

  Johnny jumped off stage and walked to the back of the auditorium. He had not played in a venue this small in two years, but he liked it. The acoustics were amazingly good, and the intimate setting appealed to him as a change of pace. He and the band had arrived a week ago, and had been taking in the island life. He had not realized how much he had missed the pull of the ocean. His love for the Chamorros was immediate. It was a place of peace and rest. It was exactly what he had needed after Dallas and the bad press.

  He had to hand it to Jason; he truly was a professional, and he was very good at his job. The press releases had turned what could have been a disaster into an outpouring of sympathy for the star. It was now the public view that Johnny had been set up by the tabloid press. Tonight, when Johnny played for the troops, the smut article would be all but forgotten. Most important to Jason, his bid for entertainer of the year would be as good as ever. But other things were important to Johnny. More than anything else, Johnny was just happy to have time to reflect on his life. It allowed him to focus and rediscover the clarity he had once had.

  “Hey, Johnny, you and the boys want to go grab a bite to eat?”

  Johnny turned and saw Jason walking toward him. He was even beginning to see Jason in a new light. He had convinced Jason to lose the suit and adapt the free and easy standard island dress. It was easy attire, consisting exclusively of tee shirts, shorts and flip flops. Their week together also allowed the two to get know each other better. Surprisingly, Jason had even opened up about some personal issues.

  The first night after they had arrived Johnny had gone down to sit in solitude on the beach. He had wanted to spend time under the magnificent starry sky to continue his conversation with God, but he was interrupted. Jason walked up with a cooler and offered Johnny a beer. To Jason’s surprise, Johnny said no thanks, so they sat quietly for a while, just looking up at the stars. Finally Jason broke the silence.

  “You know, Johnny, all of us have our moments of loneliness, of wondering about all the ‘what ifs.’ Even me, although I know you would never have guessed. There was a girl back in law school. She was the love of my life. But I messed it all up, and I’ve never forgiven myself for it. Never.”

  Johnny surprised himself a little by asking, “What’d you do?”

  Jason took a long drink and sighed, “Let’s just say I let someone come between us. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Dale. I don’t think I hav
e ever really let go of her. I just keep hoping that one day our paths will cross, and that after all these years things will change. If she would just give me a chance, I will do everything I can to right the wrongs.”

  Johnny dug his toes into the cool sand. “We live and learn, don’t we, man?”

  “I hope so. I truly hope so.”

  Jason’s voice brought Johnny back to the present. “So are we going to go eat or what?”

  “Yeah, Jas, I’m starving. Ray, Harley, that sounds great. Super job, guys. We’ll rock this place tonight. Come on, let’s go down to Barney’s and grab some lunch. We are good to go here, and it’s already one o’clock.”

  Minutes later the four climbed into the rented Suzuki Sidekick with Johnny driving. They had taken the soft top off the Sidekick when they picked it up days earlier, and had never put it back on – even when it rained. Johnny loved the open air, the smell of the ocean, and the camaraderie of his band and crew members. In their short time on the island, Barney’s had quickly come to be their favorite hangout and Barney’s manager treated Johnny like a brother.

  Johnny parked the Sidekick and walked in with the boys. All of them, except Johnny, headed for one of the open air tables. Johnny went directly behind the counter, high-fived the owner, and started taking customer orders. It was therapeutic for him to do the blue collar work that had sustained him during the early years in Nashville. He laughed and talked with the customers. Johnny relished the time here, where he could be himself. Here, he was out in the open without being mobbed by fans or photographed by the imposing press.