Crumble and Custard and Other Puppy Tales

by Jenny Dale

  Yasmin nodded and dashed downstairs again with the puppies right behind her.

  “Mum and Dad are getting changed,” she told Oliver breathlessly. “I’ve got to let the guests in and give them drinks. Oh – and forget the beef – do chicken drumsticks instead – they’re in the fridge!” she called.

  The doorbell rang again.

  “OK, leave the pups here with me,” said Oliver. He was looking very red in the face now.

  Yasmin rushed out, shutting the kitchen door behind her.

  Crumble and Custard crept quietly under the kitchen table, and sat cuddled close together.

  “Poor Oliver,” Crumble whined. “Will he get into trouble?”

  “I don’t know,” Custard whimpered.

  After a while, Yasmin came back. “Can I do anything to help, Oliver?” she asked.

  Oliver nodded gratefully. “Put my crumble and custard in the dining room out of the way, will you?” Then he went into the pantry to fetch some potatoes.

  “OK,” Yasmin said. She picked up the pups and took them out of the kitchen.

  “Don’t want to go in the dining room,” Crumble yapped.

  “We want to stay with you,” Custard snuffled.

  “Now be good,” Yasmin warned them as she put them in the dining room. And she shut the door quickly.

  Crumble and Custard looked glum. But then, at exactly the same moment, their noses began to twitch.

  “I smell food!” Crumble woofed excitedly.

  “And it’s close by!” Custard added.

  Both pups bounded over to the big table, tails wagging.

  “It must be up there!” Custard yapped. “Perhaps it’s our lunch. That’s why Oliver told Yasmin to put us in here.”

  “But how are we going to reach it?” Crumble woofed.

  “Easy!” Custard yapped back. He began to climb up the nearest chair, using the bar to help him. It was a bit of a struggle, but he made it onto the seat. From there, he could just about get onto the top of the table.

  “Hey, wait for me!” Crumble barked.

  Custard was already sniffing at a long fish, covered with thin green things. He took a big bite as Crumble climbed up onto the table.

  “Yum – and yuck!” Custard spluttered. “The fish is nice, but that green stuff’s horrible!”

  “That’s cucumber,” Crumble said, taking a big bite himself. “Oliver puts it in sandwiches sometimes.”

  Custard turned to the other big plate. There was a big square of something meaty on it. “Mmm, this smells good!” he yapped. He took a lick. “Yes, it really is yummy!” he snuffled. This time he took a big bite.

  Crumble, who had eaten half the fish by now, trotted over to have a taste, leaving muddy pawprints on the white tablecloth. “Oh, that’s great!” he woofed when he tasted the meaty stuff. His tail wagged so hard, he knocked a basket of toast triangles off the table.

  Custard went over to a bowl of thick green liquid, licking the butter dish on the way. “Look at this,” he woofed. “What do you think it is?”

  “It looks like the cream Mrs Gill had on her face!” Crumble yapped back.

  Custard wasn’t so keen on tasting it after that. So he ate one of the crispy things next to it instead. “Help!” he barked. “It’s hot!” He wiped his mouth on the tablecloth, trying to get rid of the taste.

  Meanwhile, Yasmin was helping Oliver in the kitchen. She was washing lettuce whilst Oliver put the chicken drumsticks in the oven.

  “Crumble and Custard are great,” she sighed. “I wish I could have a puppy for my birthday. But I can’t because of Dad’s allergy.”

  “It’s a shame,” Oliver agreed. “I love Crumble and Custard to bits, even though they’re naughty!”

  He went over to the other end of the kitchen to get a saucepan. Then he stopped and stared at the big dish of crumble and jug of custard on the table.

  “Yasmin,” he said, puzzled, “I thought you put my crumble and custard in the dining room?”

  “I did—” Yasmin began. Then her face fell. “Oh NO!”

  Chapter Five

  “I thought you meant the puppies!” Yasmin groaned.

  She and Oliver rushed out of the kitchen. “I didn’t know you meant the pudding!”

  “I was so busy, I didn’t even notice the pups had gone!” Oliver muttered. “Let’s hope they haven’t done too much damage . . .”

  He opened the dining room door.

  It was even worse than Oliver could have imagined. All the food was ruined. There were pawprints all over the tablecloth, and food had spilled on the floor. Crumble was just finishing off the fish. He had one cucumber slice stuck to his nose, and another on top of his head. Custard had decided to try the green stuff after all. His face was covered in it, just like Mrs Gill’s facepack.

  “My salmon! My pâté! My avocado dip and tortilla chips!” Oliver groaned.

  “Hello,” Crumble and Custard barked brightly. “We’re just finishing our lunch . . .” But their barks died away when they saw the look on Oliver’s face.

  “You bad, bad boys!” Oliver said. He sounded very stern. “Look what you’ve done!”

  Crumble and Custard’s ears flattened against their heads. They crept into the middle of the table and huddled there together, trying to make themselves as small as possible. They hated it when Oliver got angry.

  “You’ve really done it now.” Oliver was so cross, he could hardly speak. “Look at all this mess!”

  “What’s going on?” Mrs Gill appeared in the doorway, wearing a smart black dress. She gasped as she stared round at the room.

  Crumble and Custard whimpered unhappily, and tried to hide behind each other.

  “It was my fault, Mum,” Yasmin said quickly. “I put the puppies in here.”

  Mrs Gill looked at Crumble with his cucumber slices and Custard all covered in avocado dip. Then to everyone’s relief, she smiled. “Nothing’s going right today,” she laughed.

  Then Yasmin had an idea. “Hey! We could get Oliver to cook the rest of my party food,” she said. “I don’t mind. We can always buy more tomorrow. And we’ve still got Oliver’s lovely pudding!”

  “Oh, why not?” said Mrs Gill. “And I’ll take our guests into the garden – we won’t be able to eat in here.” She hurried out again.

  Oliver glared at Crumble and Custard. “That’s the last time you ever come to work with me,” he snapped. Then he rushed back to the kitchen.

  Yasmin picked up a napkin and wiped the puppies’ faces.

  “We’re sorry, Yasmin,” they whimpered sadly.

  Yasmin gave them a hug. “Never mind,” she whispered. “Come on, let’s help Oliver.”

  Oliver was rushing round the kitchen pulling things out of the fridge and the cupboards. “Chicken drumsticks, mini pizzas, hot dogs, crisps, sausage rolls, burgers,” he muttered. “I don’t think any of the guests will be expecting food like this!”

  “Mmm, I like burgers,” Crumble growled to Custard.

  “I think we’ve had enough to eat,” yapped Custard.

  They both sat quietly under the kitchen table.

  Mrs Gill opened the kitchen door. “Everyone’s asking when lunch is going to be ready,” she said.

  “In about half an hour,” Oliver said, putting a tray of mini pizzas in the oven. “Can you keep the guests happy until then?”

  “Oh, I think so,” said Mrs Gill, spotting the crisps and cheesy puffs that Yasmin had tipped into big bowls. “Come and pass those around, Yasmin,” she said.

  Then Mrs Gill spotted Crumble and Custard under the table. She smiled. “Come on, you two,” she said, scooping them up. “You’re going to entertain our guests until lunch is ready!”

  “Er . . . that might not be such a good idea . . .” Oliver began.

  “Yes, it is,” Mrs Gill said firmly. “They’re so cute, they’ll take everyone’s mind off their rumbling tummies!”

  Oliver looked sternly at Crumble and Custard. “Well, you two just behave
yourselves from now on,” he warned them.

  “We will,” the two pups barked as they went out into the garden with Mrs Gill and Yasmin.

  The garden seemed to be full of people.

  Mr Gill was running around arranging chairs and tables so that everyone could sit down.

  “We thought we’d eat out here as it’s such a nice day,” he was saying brightly.

  “I’m really looking forward to lunch,” said a posh woman, who was wearing lots of gold jewellery.

  “We will be eating in about half an hour,” Mrs Gill announced calmly as she crossed the lawn, a puppy under each arm.

  “Oh, I say, how cute!” exclaimed another woman, staring at Crumble and Custard. “They’re not yours, are they?”

  “No – a-tishoo!” said Mr Gill.

  “They belong to our chef,” Mrs Gill said. She put Crumble and Custard down on the grass.

  The two pups really cheered up as everyone started ooh-ing and aah-ing, and saying how gorgeous they were.

  “But I’m more gorgeous than you!” Crumble bit his brother’s ear playfully.

  “Ooh, no, you’re not!” Custard protested, and attacked him.

  They rolled over and over on the grass, pretending to fight. And then they ran round in circles trying to catch their tails until they were dizzy. Everyone laughed and applauded, except for Mr Gill, who was too busy sneezing.

  Half an hour later, when Oliver carried out trays of mini pizzas and burgers, he could hardly believe his eyes.

  A well-dressed woman and two men in very smart suits were on their hands and knees on the grass playing with Crumble and Custard. Everyone else was watching and laughing.

  “Crumble and Custard are a big hit,” Yasmin said as she hurried to meet Oliver. “No one’s mentioned food at all!”

  Oliver smiled. “Maybe we’ll get away with it,” he said.

  Crumble and Custard wagged their tails. Their owner wasn’t angry any more.

  “Well, here goes,” said Mrs Gill. She took a tray of burgers from Oliver. “The guests are going to get a bit of a shock when they see what’s on the menu!”

  Crumble and Custard watched as Mrs Gill and Oliver carried the trays of food over to the guests. Would they like the food – or not?

  Chapter Six

  “That’s the best lunch I’ve been to in ages!”

  “Super idea to have kids’ party food, wasn’t it?”

  “Yes, enormous fun!”

  “And the pudding was wonderful – best crumble and custard I’ve ever tasted!”

  Mrs Gill closed the front door behind the last guest, and smiled. “Well!” she said. “It seems our lunch was a big success!”

  “Good,” Crumble barked with a yawn. He snuggled down in Oliver’s arms.

  “Great,” Custard added sleepily, as he did the same in Yasmin’s.

  “A-tishoo!” sneezed Mr Gill. “And we’ve got that huge joint of beef in the freezer.”

  “And we’ll have to buy some more food for my party,” Yasmin grinned.

  “Yes, I had to go and cook more mini pizzas, burgers, and hot dogs,” Oliver said. “There are none at all left now. I don’t think the guests had eaten food like that for ages!” He glanced at his watch. “I think it’s time we were going . . .”

  Oliver carried Crumble and Custard outside and tucked them snugly into the sidecar.

  Yasmin leaned inside and gave each puppy one last kiss. “Goodbye,” she whispered. “I really wish I could have a puppy like you.”

  “Bye, Yasmin,” the pups yapped sadly, as Oliver drove them away. “We’re going to miss you . . .”

  “And then all the guests said we were really cute, and started playing with us,” Crumble barked.

  “And they forgot all about the food,” Custard added.

  It was Monday afternoon, and the puppies were at Granny James’s house. It was a sunny day, and they were out in the back garden with Lady.

  “Did we tell you about Yasmin?” Crumble went on.

  “She’s our best friend,” Custard woofed. “Except for Oliver, of course!”

  The old spaniel yawned. “You’ve told me all this already. You’ve been going on about it all day!” And she padded off to have a snooze under the lilac tree.

  “Do you think we’ll ever see Yasmin again?” Crumble asked, as he and Custard ran around the garden chasing butterflies.

  “I don’t know.” Custard snapped at a big, buzzing bee that flew right past his nose. “I hope so.”

  Just then Mrs James came to the back door. “Crumble! Custard!” she called. “I’ve got a surprise for you!”

  “Oh, what?” Crumble barked, rushing towards her.

  “I love surprises,” panted Custard, who was right behind him.

  “Is it a juicy bone?” Crumble woofed eagerly.

  “Is it pancakes?” Custard asked.

  But it wasn’t either of those things.

  “It’s YASMIN!” Crumble and Custard barked loudly. They could hardly believe their eyes.

  Yasmin was in the sitting room with Granny James. She rushed straight over to the puppies, and picked them both up.

  “What are you doing here?” the puppies yapped happily, covering her face with kisses.

  “My school’s just round the corner from here,” Yasmin said breathlessly. “Oliver says I can come and visit you whenever I like, and Mum says it’s OK too!”

  “Oh, that’s brilliant!” Crumble barked, thrilled to bits. “That’s even better than a juicy bone!”

  “And it’s even better than pancakes!” Custard agreed joyfully.

  Gus

  the Greedy Puppy

  To Beulah, who was the bravest of puppies

  Chapter One

  “Gus! Stop that!”

  Gus didn’t stop. He was enjoying himself. He’d found one of Mr Carter’s ties lying on the bedroom floor and he was chewing it to bits.

  “Gus!” Holly shouted again as she ran up the stairs towards him. “Give me that!”

  No way! Gus thought. He hung on to one end of the tattered tie as Holly grabbed the other, and they both began to pull.

  “Let go, Gus!” Holly squealed. “Dad’s going to be mad when he sees what you’ve done!”

  Gus couldn’t understand why. After all, Holly’s dad only put the tie round his neck. It didn’t do anything. Gus could have much more fun with it!

  “Gus!”

  At the sound of Mrs Carter’s stern voice behind him, Gus suddenly decided that he’d had enough fun with Mr Carter’s tie after all. He let go, and Holly fell backwards, landing on her bottom.

  “Oh no! It would be his favourite tie!” Mrs Carter stared sternly at the puppy. “You’re a very naughty boy, Gus!”

  Gus decided it was time for his best “I’m sorry” look. He slumped down and put his head on his paws. His big brown eyes looked sadly up at Mrs Carter and Holly.

  “Oh, isn’t he sweet?” Holly knelt down and cuddled him. Gus wagged his tail joyfully and rolled over to let her tickle his fat little tummy.

  “He’s a monster,” Mrs Carter said, but she was trying not to smile. “Here, Holly, you’d better go and put this in the bin. And let’s hope your dad doesn’t notice it’s gone. He still hasn’t realised his leather gloves have disappeared too.”

  Gus wondered if they’d found Mr Carter’s slippers – the ones he’d hidden behind the sofa to have a quiet chew on when he was bored. He hoped not. He’d hardly started on the left one yet.

  Holly went downstairs with the remains of the tie, and Gus raced after her. He was hungry, and he was sure it was time for his next meal. He bounced into the kitchen and sat down hopefully by his empty bowl.

  “Oh, Gus!” sighed Mrs Carter as she followed them in. “You can’t be hungry again.” She looked at the clock. “You only had your lunch half an hour ago!”

  Gus couldn’t understand what the round thing on the wall had to do with whether he was fed or not. He glared up at it, wishing he could reach it – h
e’d chew it to bits!

  “Here, Gus,” Holly whispered, slipping him a dog biscuit while her mother was busy at the sink. Gus wolfed it down gratefully and gave her a big lick on the nose. Holly giggled and hugged him.

  “That dog could win a gold medal for eating!” Mrs Carter shook her head as she turned on the taps. “And what he doesn’t eat, he chews!”

  But I’m hungry! Gus thought grumpily. He barked a few times, but Mrs Carter shook her head.

  “No, Gus. You’ve had quite enough.”

  “No, I haven’t,” Gus woofed to himself. He waited until Mrs Carter and Holly were busy doing the washing-up, then he trotted out of the kitchen door into the back garden.

  It was a warm sunny day, but Gus didn’t even stop to chase the butterflies. He hurried over to the fence and wriggled through a small gap he’d found into Mr Smith’s garden.

  Mr Smith was sitting in a deckchair with a plate of cheese sandwiches on his knee. Gus was delighted. He loved cheese sandwiches. He bounded over to Mr Smith, barking a greeting.

  “Hello, Gus.” The old man put down his newspaper and patted the puppy on the head. “How did you know I was having my lunch? You always arrive at just the right moment!”

  Gus shared Mr Smith’s plate of cheese sandwiches, then he said goodbye and went next door to the Burtons’ house.

  Emma, who was in Holly’s class at school, was playing in the garden with her little brother Paul. Jock, their Westie, was there too. Emma and Paul were eating salt and vinegar crisps. Gus’s favourite flavour was cheese and onion, but he liked salt and vinegar too, so he hurried over to them.

  “Oh no, not you again!” Jock barked, as Emma and Paul made a big fuss of Gus. “Doesn’t Holly feed you?”