Maybe he’d known how difficult it would be for her to move on. Maybe he’d realized how much she’d struggle. Maybe he’d wanted his final words to be ones that would send her into the future without regrets.
If that were the case, she’d really messed things up. Instead of heading into the future, she’d clung to the past, keeping a secret that had tied her to all the things that she most needed to let go of.
A soft sobbed escaped, and she pressed her face to the pillow, muffling the sound until she finally fell asleep.
TWELVE
The sun rose sharp and bright outside the apartment building, its golden glow gleaming on the dark hardwood floor and drilling into Seth’s eyes.
He wasn’t happy about it. It had been a long night, and after four hours of sleep, he wasn’t quite ready to be awake.
He grabbed a mug from the cupboard and poured coffee into it, gulping down a mouthful that scalded the back of his throat.
“You should have waited for it to cool,” Taryn said dryly, her fingers tapping restlessly on the kitchen countertop.
“I need my brain cells functioning. Caffeine is the quickest way to make that happen.”
“You could have had the green-tea smoothie I offered you. Are you sure you don’t want me to make you one?” She took a sip of hers, shuddering slightly.
“Seeing as how you’re nearly gagging that down, I think I’ll pass. ”
“It’s not that bad.” She took another sip, set the glass down. “Then again, maybe coffee wouldn’t be so bad.”
“Told you.” He laughed, glancing at the stove clock, then down the hall to Tessa’s closed door. They had a lot to discuss—even more than he’d imagined when he’d left her room last night. “Think she plans on getting up anytime soon?”
Taryn shrugged, her braided hair bouncing. “Why don’t you go knock on the door and ask?”
“I don’t want to wake her.”
“Sure you do,” she said with a smirk.
She was right. He did. He just wasn’t sure he should.
He scowled into his coffee cup, his shoulder aching dully. Payback for the lift down the stairs that he’d given Tessa.
“So, does she usually sleep until—” Taryn glanced at the clock “—nine?”
“I don’t know.”
“So go find out. Knock on the door. Ask if she’s awake. You know, do normal, everyday things that normal people do, because I have a hair appointment at ten, and I’m not planning to miss it.”
“You can go.”
“You two need to be out before I leave. That’s the rule.”
“Sometimes rules are meant to be broken,” he griped.
“Obviously, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” Taryn took another sip of her smoothie and frowned at the glass. “Tastes like grass.”
“I’m sure it does.”
“As soon you leave, I can dump it out and get some OJ.”
“Why wait?”
“Because I don’t want a witness to my crime. Go!” She shooed him out of the kitchen, and he went, because it was past time to knock on Tessa’s door. Make sure she was okay. Tell her what he’d learned from Logan.
He rapped on her door, shifting his weight impatiently.
“Hold on!” Tessa called, her voice muffled and faint.
An image flashed through his head—Tessa, pink-cheeked from sleep, her eyes hazy with dreams.
The door opened and she appeared, eyes red-rimmed, damp hair pulled back, skin pale. The scent of flowers and berries drifted around her, the aroma as compelling as sunlight on a winter morning. He wanted to touch her silky cheek, feel the warmth of her skin beneath his hand.
Take her in his arms again, hold her like he had last night. Having her in his arms had felt like coming home—comfortable and comforting with just an edge of something fantastic and new. He wouldn’t have minded experiencing that again, and it took everything he had not to reach for her.
* * *
Tessa felt electricity in the air and instinctively took a step back, her cheeks flushed.
“Sorry for the wait. I thought a shower would wash some of the fog from my brain,” she explained even though he hadn’t asked. She felt nervous, edgy, anxious. She wanted to say that lack of sleep had caused it, but she knew better.
Seth was the reason.
His eyes. His voice. Him.
“Did it?” he asked, his voice husky.
“No. I think I need a few more hours of sleep for that. Or a cup of coffee.” Tessa sidled past, careful not to brush against him.
She’d learned a hard lesson from Andrew about people not being what they said they were, and trust didn’t come easily for her. But even after a long night of trying to convince herself that Seth wasn’t what he seemed, she still wanted to trust him.
She did trust him.
Because nothing could change the facts. Everything he’d done, everything he’d said, had been a reflection of his heart.
And his heart was pretty amazing.
She caught a whiff of coffee and aftershave as they walked down the hall, and it reminded her of long lazy mornings and conversations across the breakfast table. A million butterflies took flight in her stomach, and she had to force herself not to turn and reach for him.
She hurried the rest of the way into the kitchen, stopping a few feet away from Taryn.
“What’s the rush?” Taryn looked up from the computer screen and frowned.
“I need coffee.” And distance from Seth. A continent’s worth of distance might be appropriate. She opened a cupboard, searching for a coffee cup, her hands shaking for reasons she didn’t want to name.
“In here.” Seth reached above her and handed her a white mug, their fingers brushing.
“Thanks,” she said, pouring coffee, searching the refrigerator for cream, doing everything she could think of to put off meeting Seth’s eyes.
She’d been in his arms, her head pressed to his chest, his heart beating beneath her ear. And, she wouldn’t have minded being there again.
And again and again.
That scared her. A lot.
“This place has been dead quiet all night,” Taryn said, cutting through the tension. “I don’t know about the two of you, but I’m about ready to get out of here.”
“I feel the same. It’ll be good to get home,” Tessa responded as she halfheartedly stirred her coffee.
“I’m not sure home is the best place for you,” Seth said.
“I can’t think of any place that would be better. Besides, Bentley is coming home from the vet today. He’s a good deterrent.” She looked up from her coffee, steeling herself as she met Seth’s eyes. They were dark blue and rimmed with shadows, his face scruffy with a five-o’clock shadow. “Did you call Logan last night?”
“I did.” He refilled his coffee, took a sip and didn’t say another word.
“And?” she prodded.
“We can discuss it now—” he glanced at Taryn “—or, we can discuss it on the way to the vet. It’s up to you.”
He was worried about sharing private information in front of Taryn.
Of course he was.
His heart, again. And she just couldn’t seem to resist it.
Or him.
“We can discuss it on the way to the vet,” she replied, dropping her gaze and making a production out of looking at her watch. “I was supposed to be at Amy’s early, but I guess I’ve missed the boat on that.”
“If you’re ready, we can go now.” Seth placed his mug in the sink.
“I’m ready.” She took a last long sip of coffee and did the same, her arm brushing against his.
He stilled, his gaze dropping to her lips. The kitchen fading away. Everything faded away
but Seth.
Heat shot up her cheeks, her heart thrumming crazily.
She had to get Seth out of her life.
Or throw herself into his arms.
One or the other, and she wasn’t sure which she wanted more.
“Can you two stop staring into each other’s eyes and get this show on the road?” Taryn said dryly. “If I don’t get my hair straightened today, it’s going to be like sheep’s wool by tomorrow.”
Her voice was the splash of ice water Tessa needed to tear her gaze away from Seth’s.
“I’ll get my bag,” she muttered and ran into the bedroom to grab it. The sooner they left, the sooner she could hear what Logan had said about Jack.
It had been years since Tessa had had any contact with the mission board director. She’d always assumed that he’d kept track of her, though. To be honest, she’d always thought that he was the person behind the roses.
A reminder of the secret they’d shared.
She pressed her lips together and kept silent as Seth and Taryn escorted her to the truck. The storm had broken hours ago, but the air was bitter and cold, the bright sun adding little warmth.
Tessa shivered as Seth helped her into the truck.
He pulled off his coat, tucking it around her.
“Now you’re going to be cold,” she chided.
“I’ll live.” He shut her in, rounded the truck and spoke quietly to Taryn for a minute before he slid into the driver’s seat. “All right. We’re set. Let’s go pick up your mutt. Which direction are we heading?”
“West on I-90, and Bentley is not a mutt.”
“Then what is he?”
“A cherished member of the family.”
“I hope that your cherished family member can fit in the backseat, because I don’t think there’s going to be room for him up here.”
“He’ll fit.”
“Without chewing the leather?”
“He doesn’t chew anything but dog food,” she responded. But she wasn’t concerned with how well Bentley would fit in the truck. She was worried about what Logan had said about Jack. “You said that you spoke to Logan?” she prodded.
“I called him last night. He called me back this morning. They tracked down Jack Dempsey.” He glanced her way, his eyes dark with something she wasn’t sure she wanted to know about.
“Where is he?”
“Dead.”
She flinched at his words, pulling his coat tighter around her shoulders, wrapping herself in his warmth and scent. “When did he die?”
“Last year. He was shot during what police believed was a botched robbery attempt at his home in Houston.”
“They believed it was a botched robbery attempt?”
“There’s some new evidence, and they may reopen the case.”
“What kind of evidence?”
“Jack was murdered on the fourth anniversary of the massacre.”
She went cold at his words, her heart skipping a beat. “Are you sure?”
“I’m afraid so. I’m sorry, Tess.”
“Me, too,” she said.
Seth touched her hand, his finger brushing across her knuckles so lightly she should have barely felt the contact. Instead, it warmed her like liquid fire, made her want to lay her head on his shoulder, close her eyes, let him take care of everything.
Such a silly thought.
“Tessa, tell me what happened with your brother-in-law,” he said quietly.
She didn’t want to talk about Andrew, hated to even think about what he’d done, but what choice did he have?
Jack was dead. There was no way that his death—on the anniversary of the massacre—was a coincidence. Had he been killed because of what he knew? Was it possible that someone had survived the massacre and come to the States seeking revenge? A villager? A teenager who was now an adult? Someone who blamed the mission group for the tragedy that Andrew had brought down on the village?
“Logan and I agreed that anything you tell us will be kept in confidence.” Seth broke into her thoughts. “He’ll keep the investigation as quiet as he can, but it’s time, Tessa. We have to know what your brother-in-law did.”
She took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. “After the massacre, I found out that he’d embezzled funds from the mission and hired children from a school we were running to mine diamonds. He paid their families to keep quiet. When he died, he had a million dollars in a Kenyan bank.”
“That’s a terrible crime, Tessa, but it isn’t something that the mission board would be held responsible for.”
“There’s more. The insurgents who attacked the village were retaliating. Andrew’s crew was working in diamond mines that belonged to them. Because of his greed, twenty innocent people were killed or wounded.”
Seth whistled softly.
“Exactly,” she murmured, staring out the side window, her eyes hot and dry. Seth took her hand, twining his fingers through hers. “It’s not your fault.”
“Then why does it feel like it is?”
“Because you think there must have been some sign you missed, some way for you to know who Andrew really was. You think that if you’d seen it, you could have prevented everything that happened.”
He was right. She’d spent five years thinking she could have prevented the massacre. Five years believing that if she’d just been smart enough, no one would have died. Not even Daniel.
“Maybe I could have,” she whispered, and Seth squeezed her hand, his thumb running across her wrist.
“Nothing you could have done would have changed anything, Tess. It’s time to believe that and move on.”
He was right about that, too, but she couldn’t speak past the lump in her throat, couldn’t tell him how much lighter she felt.
Sharing the burden she’d carried had freed something inside her, loosened the chains that had held her to the past, given her a chance to have what she’d wanted all along—a fresh start, a new beginning.
A life lived out from under the long shadow of Andrew’s crime.
She wanted it so badly that her heart raced with the thought, her muscles tense and stiff with it.
“You okay?” Seth asked, and she nodded, because her throat was still too tight to speak, and because nothing she could say would compare to what she felt. Hope. Faith. Trust. All of it rolled into a ball of longing that lodged in her throat and stayed there as they made their way toward Amy’s veterinary clinic.
THIRTEEN
Seth let Tessa have her silence.
He understood her regrets and her guilt.
He also understood how useless both were. Carrying them around couldn’t change what had happened. It could only keep her from moving forward. He’d told her that. What she did with it was up to her.
“Turn here,” Tessa said, her voice thick and hot. She wasn’t crying, but he wouldn’t be surprised if she did. She’d been through a lot, and it wasn’t over yet. It woudn’t be over until they found the person responsible for her troubles.
He took the turn she’d indicated, the road narrowing, deep forest pressing in on either side. Bits of snow and ice still clung to towering pine trees but the storm had cleared, watery sunlight dappling the dark pavement. A beautiful fall morning, but danger could be hiding around the bend. He had to keep that in mind, and stay focused on keeping Tessa safe.
“I need to call Logan and give him the information you’ve provided,” he said, reluctantly releasing Tessa’s hand.
“I know.”
“He’s a good guy, Tessa. He’ll do everything he can to keep the information from becoming the news story of the week.”
“I hope it’s enough. There are plenty of people who would love to make Andrew a poster child for why Christian organizations ca
n’t be trusted. If one national news syndicate gets wind of it...”
“Don’t borrow trouble. It’ll only make you miserable.”
“I’ve had nothing but trouble since I went to Kenya, so, trust me, I’m not even tempted to borrow it.” She sighed. “Amy’s clinic is the next right.”
He made the turn, following a narrow driveway out of the pine forest and into open farmland. Several horses munched hay in one field, a few lamas interspersed among them. Another field held several alpaca and a donkey that brayed loudly as Seth drove by. As far as the eye could see, animals dotted the landscape. Tessa’s friend Amy seemed to be doing well for herself as a veterinarian.
The driveway emptied out into a large parking lot. Beyond it, a one-story brick building stretched across a wide yard. Seth pulled up close to the building and parked the car.
Tessa reached for the door handle, but he grabbed her hand. “I want to call Logan first. The sooner he starts looking into your brother-in-law’s life and death, the better.”
She settled back into her seat, her face pale, her eyes red-rimmed with fatigue. “I don’t know what good it will do to investigate Andrew. He’s been dead for five years.”
“He was killed during the massacre, right?” He dialed Logan’s number as he spoke, scanning the quiet parking lot while he waited.
“Kidnapped. He was killed a few days later.”
“He was—”
Logan picked up, cutting off the rest of Seth’s question.
“Deputy Sheriff Randal,” he said, his voice curt and rushed.
“It’s Seth. I have some more information for you.” He stared into Tessa’s eyes as he spoke. She didn’t flinch, didn’t blink, didn’t give away her feelings, but he could feel her regret and anxiety.
“Go ahead.”
Seth explained briefly, sure that somehow Andrew Camry was the key to everything that was happening. Someone had known about his crimes and had wanted revenge enough to travel halfway around the world to get it.
“Is Tessa there?” Logan asked.
“Yes.”
“Let me speak to her.” It was an order more than a request, but Seth handed her the phone, anyway. He and Logan had been working well together, and he didn’t want to change the dynamics by irritating the guy.
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