Illicit

by Opal Carew

  When she opened the door, only Travis remained in the room.

  “Lindsay, he’ll come around. He just needs time.”

  She shook her head. “No. I’m done. He doesn’t love me, and I don’t believe he ever will.”

  She strode to the door. She was tired of rejection, and she was tired of trying to get other people to love her. Audrey. Glen. And now Erik.

  She deserved better.

  She marched out the door and down the hall.

  Twenty-two

  Erik stood at the edge of the deck staring over the city, his thoughts in turmoil. The patio door opened, then closed behind him.

  “What the hell are you doing?” Connor leaned on the concrete railing beside Erik. “You can’t tell me you’re not in love with that woman.”

  Erik shrugged. “Okay.” It wasn’t an admission. He just didn’t feel like arguing.

  “So why the hell did you walk away?”

  “Look, it’s you and me and Travis. That’s what’s important to me.”

  “That’s great. And we can still have that. With Lindsay.”

  “No. That just complicates things.”

  “Three guys in a committed relationship is already complicated … as far as other people are concerned anyway. But we don’t care about any of that shit. We can make it work.”

  “But that’s because you assume I’m in love with her.”

  “And you are. I figure the only problem here is that you’re afraid she doesn’t love you back. And even if she says she does, you won’t trust it. You’ll always be afraid that she’ll leave.”

  Erik just shrugged. Of course he was worried about that.

  “But don’t you wonder why you’re comparing her to Cyndi and Becci when you know Lindsay is different? Of all the women in the world, you know she won’t leave you because of your ability. Because she understands it.”

  Erik’s heart thundered loudly in his chest. Fuck, why wouldn’t Connor leave this alone?

  “Erik, think about it. What is it that’s really scaring you?”

  He wanted to protest that he wasn’t afraid, but Connor wouldn’t buy it. And neither did Erik. As much as he wanted to convince himself he and Lindsay shouldn’t be together, he knew that he wanted her in his life. Forever.

  But with that thought, an ominous fear reared its head. What if they started a relationship, and he believed he had found his happily-ever-after … then she left? Not only would he be devastated because he’d lost the love of his life … he couldn’t even blame her rejecting him on his ability. He couldn’t point at his power and say, it’s because of that. If Lindsay walked away …

  She would be rejecting him.

  Like his mother had.

  What if he didn’t measure up to what Lindsay wanted in a man? What if she left him despite everything they shared? Despite knowing each other’s intimate desires and longings?

  No two people could be better equipped to have a lasting relationship. So if she left him—if she rejected him—how would he ever recover?

  “You know,” Connor said as he stared at the city below, “every relationship is a risk. You just have to realize if she ever were to walk away, it’s not your issue. If you’ve done everything you can to make it work—which you know you will—then if she leaves it’s because something has changed in her.”

  Connor paused to let that sink in. “You know, we all know that you were profoundly affected by the women in your life. But it’s also true that your father really did a number on you. The fact that he tried to force you to be another him instead of accepting the great person you are has made you doubt yourself at a very deep level. But, Erik, you are very easy to love.”

  Erik’s heart clenched, unwilling to believe it.

  “Travis and I know. We love you.”

  He stepped forward and placed his hand on Erik’s shoulder. “You know, your father loved you, too.”

  “How can you possibly know that?”

  Connor waved his arm to encompass their surroundings. “He left you all this. Wealth was his measure of success—what was most important to him—and he left it all to you.”

  Erik shrugged. “I’m his son.”

  “Sure, but he could have left it to his brother, or his business partner … hell, he could have left it to his dogs, but he didn’t.” Connor squeezed Erik’s shoulder. “He left you his most precious legacy. His wealth. I think it was the only way he knew how to show you he loved you.”

  A well of emotion flared in Erik. Could it be true? Had his dad actually loved him? Erik would have settled for respect, but he and his father were very different people. Maybe that just wasn’t possible. But the thought that his father actually loved him …

  Connor pointed at the patio door. “And that woman in there loves you. I’m sure of it. So go in there and tell her how you feel.”

  Erik glanced into Connor’s calm, hazel eyes.

  Should he tell Lindsay he loved her? If he did, she might walk away. Hell, she might run, but … What if she didn’t? What if she decided to stay and see where this relationship might go?

  What if she chose to stay in his life forever?

  His heart ached at the thought and he suddenly realized it was worth the potential pain to find out. He knew what that pain was like, and he’d survived it before. And even if she did reject him—and not his ability—he was strong enough to survive. Because the payoff … thoughts of her snuggled close to him in the middle of the night, her soft body pressed to him, her heartbeat synchronized to his … Oh, God, it was worth the risk.

  He grasped Connor’s arm and squeezed. “You’re right.”

  He strode to the patio door and into the penthouse, and then toward the hall leading to the bedrooms.

  “She’s not here.”

  At Travis’ voice, Erik turned around. Travis stepped from the kitchen, a steaming mug of coffee in his hand. “She left about five minutes ago.”

  Erik turned toward the entrance, determined to follow her.

  * * *

  Erik raced to the elevator and Connor and Travis followed along behind him.

  “What are you two doing?” he asked.

  “I’m going to drive.” Travis jabbed the button indicating the parking level and the doors slid closed. “You’ll race every light.”

  Connor crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “And you won’t?”

  “Sure, but he’s a cop and it looks bad if he’s pulled over.”

  Erik glanced at Connor, who shrugged and said, “I want to know what happens.”

  Moments later, they were in the car driving up the ramp to the road.

  “You know, Erik, Lindsay is pretty upset and hurt,” Travis said.

  Erik’s stomach clenched. “I know.”

  “Have you thought about the fact,” he continued, “that exactly the pain you sought to avoid—being dumped by someone you care about—is exactly what you’ve done to Lindsay?”

  The words were like a jab to the stomach.

  “Well, I’m glad you’re on my side.”

  Travis gave him a quick glance. “I am. I just want you to understand that she might not be willing to jump back into your arms. Remember, she was treated like dirt by the last guy she dated. Clearly, he just dated her for the sex.”

  “Yeah, who wouldn’t?”

  Erik and Travis both stared at Connor in the rearview mirror.

  “I didn’t mean just for the sex. I meant that sex with her is great and … Oh, fuck, never mind. You know what I meant.”

  “Anyway,” Travis continued, “she met you and opened up to the possibility of a relationship and you pushed her away. When she found the two of you shared a deeper connection than anyone could ever imagine, you still turned her away. She’s going to be extremely gun-shy.”

  “Thanks. You make me feel like total dirt.”

  Connor grabbed his shoulder and squeezed. “Then our job here is done.”

  “That’s not my intent.” Travis slowed t
he car, then turned right. “Connor and I encouraged her, even knowing you said you didn’t want to see her again, so we all share in the blame.” He glanced sideways and locked gazes with Erik briefly, and Erik could see the concern in his eyes. “I just want you to understand what you’re getting into. And that Connor and I will do whatever we can to help.”

  “Yeah, man. We’d love to have her around all the time, so don’t go using us as an excuse not to have her move in.”

  Move in? Erik’s heart clenched but he realized not at fear of commitment, but at the deep desire to have her live with him all the time, to have the comfort of her in his bed every night. To share breakfast with her every day.

  “Just get us there, Travis.”

  Travis smiled and nodded, then sped up as the upcoming light turned amber.

  * * *

  The light turned red and Lindsay stopped the car.

  Oh, God, why had she allowed herself to believe that something could come of her relationship with Erik?

  Relationship. It had never been that, really. He’d been clear from the beginning. It was a weekend fling. Fun with a stranger whose fantasies he’d sensed on an elevator. A diversion, nothing more.

  A honk sounded behind her and she realized the light had turned green. She accelerated.

  But even when he’d told her outright that he didn’t want to see her again, she’d persisted. And allowed herself to believe. After all, she had this wonderful connection with him, and an ability to read his desires. How could things not work out between them?

  Because … he had that ability with everyone. There was nothing special about her.

  She wasn’t special.

  He’d told her she was, but only to help her self-esteem. She wasn’t special to him. She was just another woman, like any other. He could read them all.

  Nothing special.

  Tears flowed again, blurring the road in front of her. She wiped them away, but instead of going straight on Garner Avenue, she turned right, heading for Jill’s place.

  * * *

  “She’s not here.” Erik sat down in the passenger seat again. “At least, she’s not answering her door or her cell phone.”

  “She probably doesn’t want to talk to you,” Connor said from the backseat.

  Travis started the car and pulled out of the parking space. “Let’s check the parking lot to see if her car’s here.”

  Travis drove to the other side of the building and pulled to a stop. There was no sign of Lindsay’s little red Tercel.

  “Maybe she’s at her friend’s place. Jill.” He’d lay odds that she’d want to talk to her close friend now.

  Fifteen minutes later, they pulled into the apartment building Connor and Travis had moved out of a few weeks ago.

  “There’s her car.” Connor pointed at the familiar red car in visitors’ parking.

  * * *

  “You’re saying he could actually read your fantasies?”

  Lindsay glanced at Jill with tear-blurred eyes and nodded.

  Jill sat beside her on the couch and hugged her. “Sorry, honey. As incredibly cool as that is, if he doesn’t want to be with you, then he’s just a jerk.”

  Lindsay shook her head. “No, he’s not.” Her previous boyfriend, he was a jerk, but not Erik.

  Jill hugged her tighter. “Okay, he’s not very smart then. You’re amazing and wonderful, and if he can’t see that, he doesn’t deserve you.”

  Lindsay’s heart ached. Jill’s soothing words were meant to help, but they didn’t. Erik just didn’t love her and nothing could take away the sting of that rejection.

  A knock sounded at the door. Jill ignored it and handed Lindsay a tissue. As Lindsay wiped her eyes, another knock sounded.

  “Go ahead and get it. I’ll be okay.”

  Jill nodded and strode to the door, then opened it.

  “Hi, I’m looking for Lindsay.”

  Lindsay froze at the sound of Erik’s voice.

  “May I come in?”

  Jill glanced toward Lindsay. Lindsay’s heart pounded in her chest, but she nodded. As anxious as she was, she couldn’t help wondering what Erik was picking up from Jill, whom Lindsay was sure was harboring wild and lusty thoughts about the tall sexy man in front of her.

  But Erik only had eyes for Lindsay as he glanced past Jill to Lindsay’s tearstained face. Jill stepped back as Erik strode into the room and toward her. He crouched in front of her, his midnight-blue eyes serious as he captured her gaze.

  Hope rose, but she tamped it down. He was a decent guy and probably felt bad about hurting her. He probably wanted to make sure she was okay. But none of that changed the fact he didn’t love her. And didn’t want to be with her.

  He took her hand as he searched her face.

  She tugged her hand away and stood up. She didn’t want him to look out for her. If it was over, it was over.

  * * *

  Erik’s heart clenched, afraid he didn’t have a chance in hell of winning her back.

  “Lindsay, please listen to me. I was an idiot. And a coward. Rather than risking that you would eventually walk away, I drove you away first. The other women in my life … I could convince myself they walked away because of what I can do. But with you … If you walked away, that would mean you were rejecting me, and I didn’t want to risk that.”

  She turned to face him and the pain in her glistening blue eyes tore at his heart. “So you rejected me.”

  His chest tightened. “I told you.” His words came out low and tortured. “I was an idiot.” He took her hands in his. “I’ll do anything to make it up to you.” He stroked a long blonde strand from her face and tucked it behind her ear. “Because I love you.”

  Twenty-three

  Erik’s heart skipped a beat as Lindsay stared at him in absolute disbelief. Then she turned her back on him and walked to the window. Jill hung in the background, watching hesitantly.

  Erik realized his hands were shaking as he gazed at Lindsay’s back. She’d walked away. Just as he’d feared.

  And he had no one to blame but himself. The perfect woman had walked into his life and he’d driven her away.

  He could either let her go and lick his wounds. Convince himself that what he had with Connor and Travis was enough, even though he now knew it wasn’t. His life would never be complete without Lindsay.

  Or he could fight for her. Convince her that he loved her, and that she loved him.

  * * *

  Lindsay stiffened as she felt Erik’s hands on her shoulders.

  “Lindsay, please. Look at me.”

  Slowly, she turned to face him. As soon as she gazed up at him, and saw the agony in his eyes, her heart clenched.

  “I love you.” His heartfelt words rang through her, quelling the numbness and stirring emotions deep inside.

  His words were true. He loved her.

  She blinked as her body started to tremble. Before she could utter a word, she was swept into his embrace, his lips capturing hers in a deep, passionate kiss.

  She melted against him, her tongue colliding with his as she clung to his big, broad shoulders.

  “I love you,” he murmured against her lips.

  Joy swept through her as she allowed herself to believe. A broad smile claimed her face and new tears sprang from her eyes. “I love you, too.”

  He laughed and kissed her again, then lifted her and twirled her around in a circle. Even when her feet rested on the ground again, she felt like she was floating on a cloud.

  Erik loved her.

  A knock sounded at the door and Jill walked over and stared out the peephole, then she opened the door with a smile.

  “Connor and Travis. Welcome to the party.”

  “Hey, Jill.” Connor stepped inside, followed by Travis. “So you two work things out?”

  Travis smiled as he took in Lindsay’s happy face.

  Erik wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her against his side. “We’re good.”

  “So h
ave you asked her to move in yet?”

  Travis nudged Connor in the ribs. “Give the man a chance.”

  Move in?

  “I just want to make sure he doesn’t blow this,” Connor responded.

  Lindsay glanced at Erik.

  “What do you say? Would you move in with me?” Erik smiled. “And Connor and Travis?”

  “Wow.” Jill sat down on the couch and watched in awe.

  “I’ll live with all three of you?” What did this mean for her and Erik?

  “Yes, but you’ll be living in my room.” He kissed her hand. “I mean our room.” He nudged his head toward his friends. “They just get to share.”

  She laughed. What more could a woman want? A man who loved her and wanted to spend his life with her … and his two best friends, and lovers.

  “Honey, if you don’t say yes, you’re crazy.” Jill smiled at Connor. “I wouldn’t let an opportunity like this slip by.”

  Lindsay gazed into Erik’s mesmerizing blue eyes, her heart bursting with joy. “Of course I will.”

  That joy mirrored in his eyes as he captured her lips and kissed her with a passion that took her breath away.

  * * *

  Elation rocked through Erik as he held the woman he loved in his arms. Her soft body close to his, as it would be every night in their bed. Close and warm. Sweet and comforting.

  Her lips moved passionately under his and his flood of happiness shifted as he felt desire surging through her. She wanted him.

  She nuzzled his neck and whispered in his ear, “Let’s go home.”

  He grinned and took her hand and she followed him to the door. Jill grinned as she watched them go.

  Connor and Travis followed them down the hall.

  “I can’t believe I’m being spirited away by three sexy men.”

  He could sense her awareness of Connor and Travis rising.

  “It’s like we’re kidnapping you,” Erik said.

  Her eyes glittered. “It is.”

  Images of throwing her over his shoulder like a captive and dragging her into a room danced through his head. The three of them stripping away her clothes and tying her down. The images were so intense, his cock rose to full mast, straining painfully at his jeans.