Darkest Sin

by Ashton Blackthorne

  “It’s emotional, I know.” The doctor handed me a tissue.

  The nurse clapped her hands. “I love this part of my job!”

  I stood there transfixed holding Sasha’s hand. I couldn’t think of anything but those beautiful babies.

  “They both appear healthy. I’ll just do your monthly exam now.” The nurse wheeled the machine out as the doctor finished the exam. “You appear right on track for your due date.” The doctor slipped off her gloves and threw them into the trash. She handed Sasha several tissues to clean off her stomach. “You’re doing great. Please be sure to schedule your next appointment at the front desk.” She turned to me. “Congratulations, Mr. Blackthorne.”

  Taking a tissue from the box, I wiped my face.

  Sasha quickly dressed then we left the office.

  “My God, Sasha that was unbelievable. I have to pinch myself to realize I’m not dreaming. Thank you for letting me be a part of this.” I searched for a cigarette as we got into the car.

  “Not around me, thank you.” She snapped the cigarette from me. Shit, I hadn’t thought of not being able to smoke around her.

  “So many things to think of now,” I murmured. I drove her back to her apartment.

  As I brought the car to a stop, I grabbed her hand. “Please move out to the Hamptons. I can get you a house just a few miles away. I’ve got one in mind. Let me pull it up for you.” I scanned through my phone until I found the house. It was a beautiful house smaller than the one I was living in now, but it still featured four luxurious bedrooms and an ocean view.

  “That’s gorgeous, but I can’t let you do that. I don’t want your charity,” Sasha snapped.

  “It’s not charity. This is for you and our children.” It seemed unreal to utter those words ‘our children’ and not be talking about myself and Reese. I knew she was going to be heartbroken when I told her of the ultrasound.

  “I’ve made a good home for myself and the babies. This apartment wasn’t cheap and I worked hard for it.”

  I knew she’d done a lot of work in public relations for prominent entertainment figures. She had earned quite a bit on her own. Still, a house in the Hamptons was out of her price range. But it was within mine, thanks to my father, I thought. I remembered my own childhood growing up without my father and how much that had traumatized me. I was determined not to let that happen with my children. “Look, Sasha, you know the position I’m in. I love Reese. I have a home I just bought near my brother in the Hamptons. I want to be a part of my children’s lives. You know how much it hurt me not to know my father. I won’t let that happen with our kids.”

  She blew her nose with a tissue. “I know, but I’m not your wife or your girlfriend. I don’t know how all this can work.”

  I felt frantic. Manhattan was two and a half hours away from my house. I wanted my children closer to me than that. I wanted to help take care of Sasha. She was carrying my children. “We don’t have a romantic relationship, I know, but these children have to come first.”

  “That’s right, Ayden, they come first not you or me or Reese.” She stared directly into my eyes.

  Her words stung me with their truth. I loathed the fact she was right. My love for my children just might cost me the love of my life.

  Was I prepared to make that sacrifice?

  One Hundred Seven

  Ash

  “They’re mine.” His words alone made my heart ache.

  “I don’t know whether to congratulate you or not, brother. I know you’re thrilled, but---“

  “----Reese, yes. She’s been weighing on my mind. She’s crushed by the news even though she pretended to be happy for me.”

  I handed him a cigar. “Here, smoke one with me. It’s a Montecristo #2.”

  He puffed on the cigar as I lit it. “That’s good. Very smooth.”

  I poured him a glass of Macallan. “Let’s toast. To you being the best father in the world.” I smiled at him holding up my glass.

  “To the second best dad in the world. Our father was the best.”

  “Yes, he was.” I chimed as our glasses clinked.

  He sat there enjoying his cigar as we chatted. I sensed his apprehension and unhappiness with Sasha. “So is Sasha moving out here? You showed me the house you wanted to get for her. My agent said she can get you an excellent price.”

  He put down his cigar. “She doesn’t want to. I think I’ve got her at least thinking about it though as she agreed to a walkthrough of it on Friday.”

  “And what does Reese think?”

  He sighed heavily taking another puff of his cigar. “She hasn’t said. She’s devastated I can tell. I don’t think it’s so much she’s concerned that Sasha wants me back it’s that she’s pregnant. It’s so hard for her. She tried and tried to have a baby and couldn’t. I can’t pretend to understand what she’s been through.”

  “Where is she now?”

  “She’s with Ava. They went out on the sailboat for the day.”

  “Ava can sail?” I asked incredulously. My sister never failed to surprise me.

  “I think Ava can do anything she sets her mind to. Don’t you?”

  Recalling her performance in Egypt, I agreed. “Man, I just don’t know what to tell you. In all my years with all the women I’ve had, I’ve never dealt with this.” I finished my scotch and cigar.

  “First time for everything. I’m sure you and Amber will be thinking of children soon, won’t you?”

  “I’m not sure. We haven’t discussed it at length. I feel like I’m getting too old for kids.” I laughed. I couldn’t imagine myself crawling around on the floor playing with a toddler. It just wasn’t me.

  “No, you’re not. You’re not much older than me. You know I’ll be 51 when my babies graduate high school.” He blinked and shook his head.

  “Amber’s 38 now. I don’t know if she wants to try and have kids. We haven’t thought about it much. We have the dogs and they keep us busy enough.” I laughed. Pedro was out in the yard running around with our other dog, Sadie. I hoped neither of them brought me back any dead squirrels.

  “Well, you’re going to be an uncle.” Ayden finished his drink and stood up. “Looks like Pedro and Sadie are having a great time.” The two dogs were racing through the yard frantically chasing each other.

  I tossed a tennis ball at them. Pedro jumped up catching the ball in his mouth. “Good boy!” I cried clapping my hands at them.

  They went running back towards the house. I guessed Amber was calling them.

  “You taking off now?” I asked as Ayden grabbed his keys off the table.

  “Yeah, Reese should be coming back from sailing in an hour or so. I have to figure all this out.”

  “You know where I am if you need me.”

  Petting both dogs on the head, I walked into the house. Amber was putting the finishing touches on her famous pulled pork, a Midwestern favorite. The house smelled delicious.

  “Ayden still freaking out?” she asked taking plates down from the cabinet. She looked absolutely gorgeous with her long hair tied back in a ponytail. Her tight jeans accentuated her firm ass. She wore a pink t-shirt knotted at the waist which fitted snugly against her breasts.

  “Yes. It’s not going to get any better I’m afraid. He’s in for a tough time of it.” I washed my hands as I sat down at the table.

  Amber placed a plate of steaming hot pulled pork on a bun smothered in tangy barbecue sauce in front of me. It smelled amazing. “Do you want a drink with this or sweet tea?”

  “I had a few outside. Sweet tea is fine.”

  She brought a glass pitcher to the table. “So what do you think, Ash? Is he ready to be a father? I have to admit, I can’t see him holding tiny babies and giving them a bottle.” She chuckled at the thought.

  “Honestly, I can. Ayden’s that kind of guy. Me, on the other hand…”

  “You? No, I can’t imagine you with children.” She laughed harder.

  Pouring myself a glass of tea,
I took a long swallow. “Why not? I’m not the daddy type?”

  Amber shook her head. “No, you’re not, but I’m not the motherly type either.”

  I honestly couldn’t picture Amber as a mother. She was terrific with the dogs, but I just couldn’t picture her holding a baby. We ate in silence for a moment. The sun was beginning to set I wondered if Reese and Ava had made it back from sailing yet.

  “I just can’t believe the babies are his. I met Sasha once and she seemed, I don’t know, kind of a party girl to me.”

  I knew exactly what she meant. “I expressed that concern to him as well. That’s why they did the DNA test. They’re his babies.”

  “I just feel so sorry for Reese. She’s such a sweet woman. I got to know her pretty well in Egypt. Your sister is another story.” Amber laughed.

  “Yes, Ava is something else. She never ceases to amaze me.” I wiped my mouth with the napkin. Amber was an awesome cook. “Dinner was delicious as usual. I’ve told you that you don’t have to cook. It’s not like we don’t have access to a chef.”

  “Are you saying you don’t like my southern Midwestern style of cooking? It’s too ‘middle class’ for you?” She grinned as she finished her meal.

  “Not at all. You know I’ve given up on the ‘pretentious’ Ash. I’m just me now. Sometimes I like the high end Macallan and other times I want a Bud Light.”

  She stood up to clear the dishes.

  “Don’t, Amber. Let’s just go relax on the deck. Bring the dogs out.”

  Sighing, she left the dishes on the table. Grabbing the pitcher of tea and glasses, we took the dogs out onto the deck. The sun was setting creating spectacular shades of orange and pink across the sky. As the dogs played, I sat with Amber just enjoying the view. The ocean crashed against the rocks in the distance.

  “This is the way I want every day to be, Amber. Just the two of us sitting here watching our dogs play seeing the sun set and listening to the ocean roar in the distance.” I laced my fingers with hers.

  “Me too.”

  As the evening wore on, I kept thinking of Ayden and hoping that everything was going to turn out all right for him, but somehow I didn’t think it would be so easy.

  One Hundred Eight

  Ayden

  Two days later, I found myself sitting with Sasha talking over the details of the purchase of the home I’d found for her in the Hamptons. I signed the papers and called the movers to bring her stuff over. She kept rhapsodizing about the first two thousand days of the babies’ lives which were supposed to be the most formative.

  “And we have to be sure to read to them daily so they develop a love for reading,” she finished saying.

  “What?” I’d spaced out staring at the empty house thinking of everything that needed to be done.

  “Ayden, you haven’t listened to a fucking thing I’ve saying! I’m talking about our children. Is it going to be like this every single time we talk? You’re just going to sit there and think about her?” Sasha put her hands on her hips and glared at me.

  She’d caught me. I was thinking about last night’s talk with Reese and how badly it had gone.

  To say she was upset was beyond words.

  More like devastated.

  “Do you seriously think this is going to work?” Reese had cried as she threw her glass at the wall.

  “It has to, baby. Just listen to me. Sasha is going to move out here. I bought her a house a few miles away. It’s important for me to be involved with the pregnancy.” I’d explained wincing as she continued screaming. I knew she had every right to be upset, but I thought it was getting extreme. I loved her. She was the one I wanted, not Sasha.

  “You’re so fucking stupid to think it’s going to stop there. You’re going to end up over there every time she has a little pain in her toe! The least problem and you’ll run to her. Is that what our lives are going to be like?” Reese had walked around the kitchen tossing a dish towel at me as she grabbed a bottle of whiskey.

  I seriously hoped she wasn’t going to throw the bottle at me. It wasn’t my fault this had happened. “No, it’s not. This is just about the babies, that’s all.”

  Reese had poured a glass of whiskey and threw back the whole glass in one swallow. I’d never seen her drink like that. “Parenthood lasts a lifetime, Ayden. She’s going to be a major part of our lives for the next eighteen years. Don’t you get that?”

  She had a point.

  “You’re right, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be with you too and love you.”

  Reese had sobbed uncontrollably. She then collapsed to the hardwood floor. “I can’t do this. You’re going to be there with her getting checkups, seeing the babies on the ultrasound, picking out baby stuff with her…..oh God, Ayden, oh God.” She’d cried so hard her eyes scrunched up tightly and her face turned bright red. She then began to hiccup.

  I knelt next to her. “Reese, I love you. She’s the mother of my children that’s all. I wish it had been us having the babies, but it’s not. I’m going to be with you. Whenever we have checkup appointments, you’re going to be by my side. These babies are a part of you too.”

  She looked up at me brokenly. She seemed to be struggling to understand what I was saying. She shook her head sadly. “I wish that was true. Do you think Sasha going to allow me to come along? Three’s a crowd.”

  “She has to if she wants me around she gets you too.”

  Reese continued crying in my arms. “I can’t do this. I need time alone.” She had scrambled to her feet.

  “No, baby, I want to be with you. I thought about you all day.”

  “No, you didn’t. You thought of your babies. I’m not mad at you about that, but I just can’t. I need time. I’m going to Ava’s for now.”

  I snatched her arm. “Please don’t go. Let’s work through this together.”

  But in the end, she’d left to go to Ava’s.

  A few hours later, I found myself face to face with Ava.

  She burst through the door storming across the room to get directly toe to toe with me.

  “What the fuck did you do to my girl?”

  “Your girl?”

  “Yes, my girl. She’s my best friend. I love her and I will not see you break her heart over some impudent low class trash.”

  “Hold up, Ava.” I felt her wrath seething at me. “It’s not like that. Sasha is—”

  “—pregnant. Don’t you think I know that? And I know exactly what kind of woman she is. I fucked her too, don’t you remember?”

  Unfortunately, I hadn’t been able to erase that from my memory. “Yes, I do remember. This isn’t Sasha’s fault. She and I were together before I met Reese.”

  A stinging slap whipped my head to the side. I caught her arm in the air before she could hit me again. “Stop it, Ava! I won’t have this! I love Reese you know that. I would never do anything to hurt her.”

  “Fuck you,” she spat.

  I let go of her arm and backed away as I found myself unable to counter her rage. “This is about me being a father. You know how shitty it was growing up with a dad. I want to be there for my children. That’s all. I have no romantic interest in Sasha at all.”

  Ava threw her hands in the air and glared at me. “Yes, it did suck growing up without our father, but that’s not the problem. The issue is the pain you’re causing Reese.”

  “This is a lousy situation all the way around. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want this, but we took a DNA test. The twins are mine.”

  Ava nodded as she slowly walked around the kitchen. Spying a bottle of whiskey, she opened it and took a swig directly from the bottle. She strolled back over to me. “So they are. I’m not a motherly type so I have no fucking parental advice for you. But here’s some advice I can offer you…don’t hurt Reese.”

  I stared into her deep blue eyes so like my own, so like Ash’s. I could feel fury emanating from her.

  She sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have stated it that wa
y. This isn’t advice rather it’s a warning. If you hurt Reese again, you’ll deal with me. Is that understood, brother?” She spat her words at me.

  Recalling the way she handled the spiders back in Egypt, I shuddered. “I won’t.”

  Ava smirked as she sauntered towards the door. “Just remember that. I know you’re my brother, but Reese, she’s my sister-a sister of pain. Don’t you ever forget it.” She threw me a final glance before slamming the door behind her.

  I sighed deeply reaching for the bottle. Now everyone was upset with me. What the hell was I going to do?

  Sasha stood in the middle of her new home wearing a huge smile. Her happiness made her glow. She’d grown even bigger in the past few weeks. We still hadn’t decided on names yet. “Thank you so much for helping me move in, Ayden.” She reached into a box unwrapping glasses and placing them in the cabinet. “This place is a lot nicer than my apartment.”

  Shrugging, I picked up some boxes and brought them to the nursery. Sasha had called a designer to come later that day to begin decorating it.

  “A son and a daughter. How lucky can one man be?” I mused.

  Sasha slipped in beside me. “I bet this is tough on Reese. How’s she holding up?” She moved her hand to brush my shoulder.

  “Not so good. She’s staying with my sister, Ava now.”

  “She moved out?”

  “Not permanently. She just needed time alone she said.” I looked down feeling an ache in my chest whenever I thought of Reese not being at home with me.

  “Sure. I understand.”

  “Do you think it’s possible you could let Reese come to our next appointment? I want her to see the twins on the ultrasound. It would mean a lot to us both,” I pleaded with her.

  Her face darkened a moment. Then she slowly nodded with a sigh. “I think I could handle that. I have to admit though when I thought about having children I never pictured another woman would be part of it.” She laughed slightly. She kept her hand firmly on my shoulder.

  It was starting to make me uncomfortable. I eased away from her touch. “You understand you and I are not a couple, don’t you? Reese is my girlfriend. The twins aren’t changing that.”