Time for Silence

by Philippa Carr

  Even Edouard seemed to sense the tension and was a little fretful.

  I was filled with misgivings. I had expected to be home by now. It was all so unusual.

  Caroline was saying, “There’s a man with Madame Rochère. He is asking for you and Anna B. He’s brought letters or something. I distinctly heard him mention your name.”

  “Where is he?”

  “With Madame Rochère.”

  At that moment Mademoiselle Artois appeared at the door.

  “Lucinda, you are to go to Madame Rochère’s study at once.”

  I hurried off.

  Madame Rochère was seated at her desk. A man in the uniform of a British soldier sat opposite her.

  He rose as I entered and said, “Good afternoon, miss.”

  “This,” said Madame Rochère, “is Sergeant Clark. He has brought a letter from your parents. I also have heard from them.”

  Sergeant Clark produced the letter.

  “You should read it now,” said Madame Rochère. “Sit down and do so.”

  I obeyed with alacrity.

  My dearest Lucinda, I read,

  You will be aware that there is trouble in Europe and it has been impossible for Aunt Celeste to meet you as usual. Travel at the ports is disrupted. We are all very anxious that you should come home as soon as possible.

  Your Uncle Gerald is having this letter brought to you. He is sending out someone to bring you and Annabelinda back to England. It might be difficult getting across France and finding the necessary transport. A Major Merrivale will be coming to the school to bring you both home. You must stay there until he arrives, which will be as soon as it can be arranged. Your Uncle Gerald thinks this is the best way of getting you back safely in these unfortunate circumstances.

  Your father and I are very worried about you, but we are sure Uncle Gerald will see that you are brought safely back.

  All our love, darling,

  Mama

  There was a note from my father, telling me to take great care and follow Major Merrivale’s instructions, then we should all soon be together.

  Enclosed was a note from Charles. Lucky you. Having all the fun. Charles.

  I lifted my eyes to Madame Rochère who was watching me closely.

  “Your parents are very wise,” she said. “I know your uncle is Colonel Greenham and he will be able to arrange for the safe conduct of both you and Annabelinda. Now we must await the arrival of Major Merrivale, and you must be ready to leave as soon as he comes.”

  “Yes, Madame Rochère.”

  I said good-bye to the soldier and thanked him. Then I sped away to the dormitories to find Annabelinda and tell her what had happened.

  That evening we heard the startling news. Germany had invaded Belgium, and on the following day, the fourth of August, Great Britain declared war on Germany.

  Two days passed. Most of the girls had left by now. Miss Carruthers stayed on. She said she could not leave until all the English girls had gone. The trains were running intermittently.

  Had we not been told to wait for Major Merrivale, we would have gone to Valenciennes; but that might have been unwise, as the French were now at war.

  The most immediate danger was the invasion of Belgium, and each hour we lived in trepidation of what might happen to us. We knew that Belgium was defenseless against the might of Germany’s army; and we did not have to be told that each day they were penetrating further and coming nearer and nearer.

  We did not stray far from the school, in case Major Merrivale arrived. I thought of the anxiety my parents would be suffering. It would be even greater than ours, for they were completely in the dark.

  Then came a day of terror. We had heard rumors that the Germans were advancing rapidly. We were not quite sure how far we could trust that rumor, but I could not help wondering whether they would reach us before Major Merrivale came.

  I was with Annabelinda in the gardens close to the school when disaster struck from the sky. I had never seen a Zeppelin before and was unsure what it was up there among the clouds. I was soon to discover.

  As the light caught this large, rather cumbersome cylindrical airship, it looked as though it were made of silver.

  It was almost overhead. I stood still, watching, and saw something fall. There was a loud explosion which nearly knocked me down; then I saw the smoke and flames.

  To my horror I realized that the bomb had fallen near the cottages.

  My throat was dry. I shouted, “They’ve struck the cottages! There are people there! The Plantains…the baby!”

  I started to run toward them. Annabelinda tried to restrain me.

  “Keep away,” she cried. “You’ll get hurt.”

  I pushed aside her hand. I heard myself crying out, “There’s the baby!”

  And I ran. I forgot Annabelinda. I could only think of the Plantains and Edouard. I could not see the cottage. Smoke was in my eyes; the acrid smell filled my nostrils. I saw the airship floating farther away. It was going now that it had deposited its lethal cargo.

  Where the cottage had been was a pile of rubble. A fire was burning. I found my way to the wall around the garden. The perambulator was still there. And…Edouard was in it.

  I dashed to it and looked at him. He smiled at me when he saw me and gurgled something.

  I took him out of the pram and hugged him.

  “Oh, thank God…thank God,” I cried.

  I did not realize that I was weeping. I just stood there, holding him. He tried to wriggle free. I was hugging him too tightly for his comfort.

  With a calmness which astonished me, for my mind was in a turmoil, I put him back into his perambulator and strapped him in. Then I walked with him to the spot where the cottage had been. Marguerite must be there somewhere. She would never have gone out and left the baby.

  “Marguerite,” I called. “Where are you?”

  There was silence.

  I moved toward the mass of broken walls and rubble which had been his home. I could see the fire smoldering there and a terrible fear seized me. I dreaded what I might find.

  I should call for help, perhaps. It would be dangerous to walk about here. I must rouse people. I must get help. But I had to assure myself that Marguerite was there.

  I found her. Jacques was beside her, and I could see that he was dead. There was blood and froth about his mouth; his coat was stained with blood and there was something unnatural about the way he lay. Marguerite was lying under a beam which pinned her to the ground.

  I cried, “Marguerite…”

  She opened her eyes.

  “Oh…thank God,” I said. “Marguerite, I must get help. They’ll come and get you out of here.”

  “Edouard…” she whispered.

  “He is safe,” I said. “Unharmed. I have him. He is in his pram.”

  She smiled and closed her eyes.

  “Marguerite,” I said. “I am going back to the school…taking Edouard. I’ll get help. They’ll come and look after you.”

  “Jacques…” she said. Her eyes turned. She saw him lying there and I guessed she knew that he was dead. I saw the stricken look in her eyes.

  “Oh, Jacques,” she murmured. “Oh, Jacques…”

  I did not know how to comfort her, but I must get help. They must remove that plank across her body. They must get her to a hospital or somewhere safe. But there was no safety. What had happened here could happen again at any moment…to any of us. This was war.

  I stood up and she opened her eyes. “Don’t go,” she said.

  “I am going to get help, Marguerite.”

  She shook her head. “Stay here…Edouard.”

  “Edouard is safe,” I said.

  “Who…who will care for him?”

  “I’m going to get help.”

  “No…no…I am finished. I know it. I feel it. Edouard.”

  “He is safe,” I repeated.

  “Who will care for him?” she asked again.

  “You will. You
are going to get well.”

  I saw a look of impatience cross her face.

  “You…” she said. “You will care for him. You love him, too.”

  I did not know what she meant at first, but all her thoughts were for Edouard. I knew how she had planned for his future, because she had told me of it. The checks that came regularly would buy him such things as he needed, things which had never come the way of Jacques and Marguerite. She had planned for Edouard. He had saved her from her abject misery; he had replaced her lost child. He had given her something to live for. Her life was to have been dedicated to him…and now she was being taken from him.

  All her concern was for him. She believed she was dying. Jacques was dead. He had been talking to her one minute and the next he was lying dead beside her. And all because of this stupid war. How could those men in the airships do such a thing? Did they stop to think what misery they were causing for people whom they had never known?

  I started to rise. “I must get help,” I said. “I’m wasting time. They’ll come, and you’ll be all right. They’ll look after you.”

  “No, no. I shall never be all right. Do not go…not yet. Edouard, what will become of him? They sent him away. They paid money…but money’s not love. Poor child. Poor little baby. Who will love him? Who will care for him? Not those who sent him away…farmed him out…”

  “He made you happy, Marguerite,” I said.

  “Oh, yes…happy. My little baby. But what will become of him? There is only one I wish him to be with.”

  I could only say, “All will be well. They will come soon. I must bring them here.”

  She shook her head. “You, Lucinda. You love him and he loves you. He knows so little of the world. He knows you are safe…you, me and Jacques. Only one of us will do. He would be frightened without any of us. He is so little. It must be you.”

  I thought her mind was wandering; then I realized how earnest she was. She clutched my hand. I looked into her eyes. They were imploring, begging.

  “Miss Lucinda, you must do this. It is my dying wish. Promise me that I may die happy.”

  “Marguerite…”

  “Take him with you. Take him away. You will go home to England. You will be safe there. Take my baby with you. Please…please take him. You must. What will become of him if you do not?”

  “We must find those who brought him to you.”

  “I do not know them.”

  “There is the solicitor, you said.”

  “I have never seen him. The money comes. I have no address. I do not know where it comes from. They do not care for him. They do not love him. They gave him away. They pay to keep him out of the way. To them he is nothing…something to be forgotten. How could they ever love him? Lucinda, it is my dying wish. Promise me. I trust you. You have a good mother and a good father. You have spoken of them and I hear the love in your voice when you do so. They are good people. Tell them how a dying woman begged of you. Your mother will understand. But take my baby. You take him. Take little Edouard—please. Let me—die happy.”

  Her breath was coming in gasps. What was I doing here? Why was I not running for help? I was here because I was aware that there was no help for her. She was dying. She knew it and I knew it, and her only desire now was to extract a promise from me before it was too late.

  “Lucinda…Lucinda…” Her voice was a whisper now.

  I bent over. “Don’t worry,” I said. “I will take Edouard with me when I go to England. I know that when my mother hears what has happened, she will want to care for him.”

  I saw a smile spread across her face. It was one of peace.

  “But, Marguerite,” I went on, “you are going to get well. They will come and take you to a hospital.”

  She smiled. She was still holding my hand in hers.

  “I will go now,” I said. “I will take Edouard with me. A soldier is coming to take us across France to England. I promise Edouard shall go with us. Trust me, Marguerite.”

  She opened her eyes and looked straight into mine. “I trust you,” she said. “You will keep your word and I will die content.”

  Her grip on my hand slackened. She was finding it more and more difficult to breathe. Then…I knew that she was dead.

  I rose. I took the perambulator and went across the gardens to the house.

  As I came into the hall I saw Madame Rochère with Mademoiselle Artois, Miss Carruthers and some of the servants. There was a shocked silence as I wheeled in the perambulator.

  I looked straight at Madame Rochère and said, ‘The Plantains’ cottage is destroyed. Monsieur and Madame Plantain have both been killed. The baby was in his perambulator in the garden. He is unharmed. So I brought him here. I shall look after him.”

  It was the first time I had spoken to Madame Rochère with authority. I was determined. I had made a solemn promise to a dead woman, and I intended to keep it.

  Madame Rochère looked shocked—as indeed they all did—and I was amazed that she showed surprise neither at my announcement nor at the sight of the baby.

  “Help is coming,” she said. “Those poor people. So soon…We will arrange something for the child.”

  “I am looking after him,” I said. “He knows me. He will miss Madame Plantain. He must be with me.”

  She took no notice and walked past me, so I lifted Edouard up and took him to my dormitory.

  I was glad I had it to myself. The others had gone, Caroline with them. She had taken the train to the French border with the other English girls on the previous day.

  Miss Carruthers came in.

  “Do you know how to care for a child?” she asked. “I think it would be best to hand him over to Madame Printemps. She will know what to do.”

  Madame Printemps worked in the kitchens, a plump, middle-aged woman who had had eight children.

  “He knows me,” I said. “He will be frightened by strangers. I have promised to look after him.”

  I realized that taking that solemn oath had had an effect on me. I spoke with a resolution that made some impression on those who heard it. Previously I should have been told not to be foolish, and to hand over the baby to Madame Printemps without delay.

  But perhaps they were all suffering from the shock of the bombardment by air. Perhaps they were thinking, It was the Plantains today, who will it be tomorrow?

  However, no attempt was made to take Edouard from me. I put him to bed and lay down beside him.

  “Edouard,” I said, “you are going to be my baby from now on. There is nothing to fear. My mother will help me look after you. She knows a great deal about babies. She will understand when I tell her I have made a solemn promise to Madame Plantain so that she could die happy.”

  Then I lay very still, weeping for Marguerite Plantain who had cared so much for this child. Edouard stared at me gravely and put out a finger to touch a tear. I took his hand and kissed it, and I said, “Edouard, we shall be together. You will be safe with me.”

  While I lay there Annabelinda came in. She stared at us.

  “I’ve heard,” she said. “I think you must be mad.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Bringing in a baby like that.”

  “He had no one to look after him,” I said. “The Plantains are both dead…killed by that cruel bomb. I have promised Madame Plantain to take him to England.”

  “Take him to England! It won’t be allowed.”

  “It will be.”

  “What about Madame Rochère? Do you think she will let you do such a thing?”

  “She will have to, because I have made up my mind. It’s not for her to say.”

  “What about this Major Merrivale?”

  “If he takes me, he will take the baby.”

  “I can’t understand you, Lucinda. You seem to have lost your senses. Do you realize what an awkward position we are in?”

  “I do indeed,” I heard myself say. “Perhaps I understand a lot more than you realize.”

  “Wh
at do you mean?”

  “I am taking the baby with me. I am going to look after him. Someone has to. His parents didn’t want to bother with him.”

  “I know it’s sad,” she said. “But he’s Belgian. Someone here can look after him. He belongs here. We have enough to do. We’ve got to get home before it gets worse.”

  “He does not belong here,” I said slowly and deliberately, and I was amazed at the strength of my anger toward her, sitting there smugly, caring only for herself. I could not stop myself. I forgot my promise to Jean Pascal. I forgot everything but my concern for the child and my anger against Annabelinda. “He does belong here, with us,” I went on. “With us…with you. You want him left behind, because to you he is an encumbrance…just as he was when he was born. Edouard is your son, Annabelinda, the child who was put out with the Plantains so as to be rid of him, so that you might not have an impediment in your life.”

  She had turned pale, and then the color rushed into her face. “What…what are you saying?” she whispered.

  I could not understand myself. I was overwrought. I had been more deeply shocked by my experience than I realized. I could not control myself. It was too late to try now, and I was not sure in that moment that I wanted to.

  I went on. “I have grown fond of Edouard. I used to go to the cottage to see him. He knows me. I found out about…everything…by chance. I know that you were not ill and that you had to go away because you were going to have a child…Carl’s child. Your grandfather and the Princesse arranged it. They paid the Plantains to take Edouard so that no one would know of your…indiscretion…and you could make some grand marriage when the time came and live happily ever after, just as though Edouard did not exist. But he does exist. And you can’t move people around just because they may be a nuisance to you. Edouard is your son. He will be alone in the world. I daresay your grandfather would find someone else to take him in and would pay them well for doing so. Oh yes, he would do all that. But Edouard is a person now. He has lost the one he loved…who was a mother to him. He only has me now and I am going to look after him.”

  She was staring at me incredulously. “You—you can’t rush into this…” she stammered. “People just can’t pick up children.”