An Officer but No Gentleman

by M. Donice Byrd

  “Nonsense. When you get to be my age, you’ll learn that we can’t let tragedy get in the way of living our lives. Jimmy wouldn’t have wanted that. Tell your mother.”

  Jaxon glanced around at the small crowd of relatives before his eyes settled on his mother. “I’ve met someone. We’re getting married.”

  He saw his mother’s look of concern change to surprise and then joy. “Where is she? When can we meet her? How did you meet her? Oh, Jaxon, that is the best news we’ve had since Imelia’s baby was born.”

  “You can meet her in a few days. She doesn’t want to meet anyone until she has some dresses to wear.”

  “Nonsense! We don’t care if she’s wearing last year’s fashions.” Betsy said.

  Jaxon didn’t feel the need to correct his mother’s assumption. “Well, she does, Mother, and I would appreciate it if you would respect her wishes. And speaking of Charlie.”

  “Charlie?” Betsy interrupted.

  “I’m sure it’s short for Charlotte or Charlene, Mother. But speaking of Charlie, she was not feeling well when I left.” He cast a caustic glare over his mother’s shoulder to Grayson who was standing in the doorframe. “I’d like to go check on her. And before anyone starts rumors, she is not in a family way.”

  “Oh, Jaxon how could you say that in front of the children. No one would think such a thing.”

  “Since she is staying with me and we’re planning to wed within the month, I would imagine most everyone will think that.” Jaxon looked at his relatives and wished he were having this conversation in a more private setting.

  “Then she should stay with me and the children until the wedding,” his mother said.

  “Or at my house,” Grayson added for the sole purpose of aggravating Jaxon.

  Other than give Gray a dirty look, Jaxon ignored him. “Mother, one of the reasons we’re rushing to the altar is because she has been sharing my cabin since she came aboard my ship. I think if we could resist temptation in such tight quarters, I think we can resist when we have separate rooms.”

  “But her reputation….”

  “Is already damaged. And frankly, I don’t think either of us cares what the gossipmongers have to say.”

  Jaxon hated to see his mother frowning at him, but he was not going to back down. He had long ago stopped worrying about what society thought when he realized they would never fully accept him as one of their own again. He kissed his mother on the cheek.

  “Charlie’s lived at sea nearly her whole life. She needs something familiar around her and for now that something is me.”

  “I’ll have Mrs. Reed make up a basket of food to take with you,” his aunt said.

  “Thank you, Aunt Pru.”

  “Gray, I’ll leave the buggy so you can take Mother home. Can you see that it gets back to the livery in town?”

  “Jaxon, you don’t need to walk that far on that leg of yours. Take one of the saddle horses. I’ll send one of the farm hands after it later.”

  “Thank you, Aunt Pru.”

  Between the two baskets, one of food and the other with the clothing Imelia sent for Charlie, and his bad leg, Jaxon nearly lost his balance dismounting when his foot hung in the stirrup. He ended up bending his leg further than the damaged muscle could comfortably accommodate.

  Charlie knew something was wrong the moment she saw the tight-lipped and pale expression on Jaxon’s face.

  “Are you all right? What’s happened?” She thought he might have gotten in a fight with Grayson.

  “Aunt Pru sent food and my sister sent clothes.” He did not answer her question, but raised the baskets. “Which do you want first?”

  Charlie was like a kid in a candy store. Her eyes were as wide as her smile.

  Jaxon set down the food and handed her the dress. “I told her you needed it all. I hope she didn’t forget anything.”

  “I wouldn’t know if she did,” Charlie laughed.

  “Run upstairs and put them on.”

  She got as far as the doorway when it occurred to her she might need help. She turned mid-step, but froze when she saw Jaxon holding his leg and grimacing with his eyes closed.

  “Jaxon!”

  He tried to straighten up and hide his expression.

  “What happened?”

  “My foot hung in the stirrup when I was dismounting. It’s that old injury. I’ll be fine in a minute. Maybe some willow bark tea might be in order—after you’ve tried on the dress.”

  “Do you want to do this down here or go upstairs?”

  “Do what?”

  “I want to look at your leg, see what we’re working with here.”

  He brushed her concern aside. “There’s nothing to see, but the old injury. What hurts now are the muscles around it.”

  “Jaxon, I’m not going to argue with you about this. You are going to take off your pants and let me see your leg. Your only choice is whether we do it upstairs in your room or down here.”

  “God, you’re bossy.”

  “It’s a trait my father cultivated in me,” she said tartly. “Now drop your pants.”

  “Vixen.” Jaxon put his hand on her arm and cast a seductive at her.

  “Stop trying to distract me. Drop ‘em.”

  When Charlie put her hands on her hips with the stubborn and determined look on her face, he knew there was no point in arguing. It was going to be like the willow bark tea incident. She was not going to quit until she wore him down. “Let’s go upstairs. I don’t trust my family to abide by my wishes to wait a few days to meet you.”

  “Do you want me to help you?”

  “It’s not that bad.”

  “Fine. You go upstairs and take your pants off. I’m going to the galley to heat up some water for a bath for you to soak in. The warm water will soothe those muscles. Holy cow, I’ve never seen a bathtub that big before. How much water will that thing hold?”

  “You’ll need every big pan in there. And more. Let me help you.”

  “No, I’ll do this. Where do you keep your flint?"

  “In a box on the mantle.”

  Charlie was nearly out of the door when she stopped. “Where’s the galley?”

  “The kitchen is down the hall and through the dining room. The woodpile’s behind the house.”

  “The scuttlebutt?”

  He smiled at her wondering if she was intentionally using nautical terms or if she didn’t know the difference. “I have an indoor pump in my kitchen. You’ll see it.”

  She smiled back at him. “Fancy.”

  It was slow going for Charlie in the kitchen. Although her father had made sure she knew how to build a fire, it was something she rarely had to do. When she emerged to retrieve the doctor’s bag for the willow bark, she noticed Jaxon had gone upstairs. She quickly boiled enough tea for them both to have a cup since she was suffering a headache as a result of her recent encounter with Grayson and the decanter of Scotch.

  “Sorry it took so long,” she said when she got upstairs with the tea. “It was my first time in a house kitchen.”

  “Hangover?” he asked noticing she had her own cup of the bitter brew.

  “I don’t think I like Scotch much.”

  In unison, they threw back the tea and gulped it down as quickly as possible.

  “You’re still dressed.”

  “Are you sure about this?”

  “Sure about what?”

  “Seeing my leg. It’s pretty ugly.”

  “We’re going to be married in a month. There’s not a square inch on your body I do not intend to become personally acquainted with,” she said casting a coy smile at him.

  He gave her a small kiss on the cheek. “You keep talking like that and I’ll be embarrassing both of us.”

  “You mean you’ll get hard?”

  “Charlie! I can’t believe you said that, much less know that.”

  She shrugged. “Men don’t curtail their speech when amongst themselves. I’ve heard it all—and seen it all. It wa
s the only thing my father could not control.”

  Jaxon thought about what it must have been like for her growing up. If the crew had known she was female, they would have made some effort to shield her, but they weren’t given that opportunity. Seaman thought little of nudity—they were crammed into the forecastle with no privacy at all. Even bodily functions were most often taken care of in full view, over the side of the ship. She would have been exposed to naked men her whole life. What was probably traumatic to her at first, undoubtedly seemed quite commonplace for her now. It made him a bit melancholy to think she wouldn’t learn about the male body in their marriage bed.

  He unbuttoned his pants. “You’re not going to say anything like that in front of my mother are you?”

  “Of course not. At least not on purpose.”

  Jaxon stripped his bottom half down to his unmentionables then sat down on the bed with pillows propping him up. He hadn’t lied. It was ugly. There was a large chunk of muscle missing from his thigh. The scar was deep and extended almost the entire length of his thigh. Charlie didn’t need to know what her own burn looked like to recognize this wound had been burned to seal it.

  “It was cauterized?” she asked.

  “Aye.”

  She pushed up the leg of his drawers to get a better look.

  “Show me where it’s hurting.”

  “Here and here, mostly.” He indicated the areas running his finger along the sore spots.

  “Since it’s such an old injury there’s not a whole lot I can do, but Dr. Kirk told me messaging the area can be beneficial. I know it’ll be a little painful, but try to relax the muscles as I work them.”

  She took the heel of her hand and slowly, but firmly ran it along the length of his leg over and over. There were spots where he seemed to grimace with each pass and she would stop there and make circles until she felt the knots give.

  “I think we should do this every day for the next week and then taper down to a couple of times a week. I think over time, it’ll make your leg more flexible, especially if you push your limits with it a little every day.”

  “It feels better already.”

  “Good. I’m going to check the water for your bath.”

  “I’ll help you,” he said, moving to rise from the bed.

  “I don’t need your help. Just stay off your leg for a while.”

  It took her a good ten minutes to tote the water and fill the tub. She poured only enough cool water to make it tolerable. While she was gone he had laid out the soap and a pair of towels.

  “You want to join me?” he asked unbuttoning his shirtwaist.

  He could see the internal debate flashing across her face.

  “I’m not ready, Jaxon.”

  She knew where bathing together would lead. But more than being nervous about the bedding, it was Jaxon seeing her without clothes on that scared her. Although Charlie might have been comfortable with the male naked form, she was not comfortable with her own. If it had been nighttime and most of the lights could be dimmed, she might have taken him up on it.

  “Maybe if you’re out before the water is completely cold, I’ll take one after you.” She turned to leave so he would have privacy.

  “You can stay if you want,” he said. “I brought up your dress if you want to see it.”

  Indecision played across her face before a small grin emerged. “Well, I suppose you might need some help with your back.” She gave him her back until she heard him sink into the water. She located the basket of clothes on the dressing table and carried it to the bed where she could lay it out.

  Jaxon saw her frown at the first garment she pulled out.

  “Is this the dress? It looks like a sleeveless nightgown.”

  “I think they call that the chemise. It goes between you and the dress.”

  “Chemise. Got it.”

  Next were the drawers. She knew what they were and hid them behind the basket so he wouldn’t see them. Then came the corset. She had heard men talk about corsets, but she’d never seen one. “How does this thing work?”

  “Laces in the back, over the chemise. The narrow part goes at your waist,” he said noticing she was holding it upside down.

  She set it aside and pulled out a pair of bloomers. “How nice. She sent me and extra pair of unmentionable.”

  “Actually those are bloomers. They go over your unmentionables.”

  “Indeed?”

  Next came the crinolines. “My heavens how many layers do I need? Do you think everyone will think I’m fat with all this on?”

  “No fatter than anyone else.”

  Two gossamer thin silk stockings came next. She touched them to her cheek and began to cry.

  “Are you crying?” he asked when he heard her sniffle.

  “Don’t make fun of me, Jax. You don’t know how much I wanted silk stockings. At least once a week, I would shave the hair off my legs then run my hand over the smooth skin and pretend my legs were smooth because I was wearing silk stockings.” She turned to him as she wiped her eyes. “May I borrow your razor so there won’t be anything between my legs and the silk?”

  It was moments like this that made him love her so much. Something as ordinary as stockings amazed her and he wanted to discover the world through her eyes.

  “What’s mine is yours.”

  The next item in the basket was carefully folded in tissue paper. It was the gown. It was gold silk with an empire waist. It was trimmed in a white embroidered vine design around the round neckline. The sleeves puffed at the shoulders then gathered tightly and stopped at the elbow. She kept wiping at her eyes as she looked at it. Her eyes wouldn’t stop filling with tears and blurring her vision.

  “It’s so beautiful. I’m going to hate to give it back.”

  “You can keep it. That was from two years ago so I know Imelia doesn’t wear it anymore. She had another baby six months ago and she’s still nursing so it doesn’t fit at all—or so she said.”

  Charlie hadn’t heard Jaxon step out of the tub. But suddenly, he was standing next to her with a towel wrapped around his waist.

  “I know I’m being silly. You just don’t know what this means to me. No one ever asked me if I wanted to be a boy, they just started dressing me that way.”

  “You’re going to look beautiful.”

  He put his hand in her hair and kissed her. “If you hurry with your bath and getting dressed, I think we can make it to the dressmaker before they close.”

  “Truly?”

  “Hurry.”

  She reached for her shirttail to pull her shirt over her head. “Turn around.”

  “I can stay?”

  “If you don’t look. I trust you.”

  It was true; she trusted him. In some ways, she wished he would look just to have the embarrassment of that moment over with, but she knew he wouldn’t look until she offered him an invitation.

  Jaxon crossed the room to a tallboy and pulled out a pair of his drawers. He pulled them up before discarding the towel.

  “May I have your razor?” she asked.

  “I don’t know if we have time.”

  “I’ll be quick.”

  He walked backwards to the tub and handed her the straight razor.

  “Thanks,” she said as she unfolded the blade. “How does your leg feeling?”

  “You did a great job. It really feels better—not, I hurt it today and it feels better—but better than it normally does.”

  “Oh, good. We’ll put hot towels on it every day after the message.”

  She tried not to rush through shaving her legs, but couldn’t stop herself before she cut her legs several times.

  “Damn. I’m going to get blood on my new stockings.”

  “It’ll wash out. Besides, I plan to buy you enough silk stockings to last a lifetime.”

  As Jaxon finished dressing, she quickly finished washing including washing her hair.

  “Jaxy,” she cooed.

  “Jaxy?”


  “Would you bring me a towel?”

  “Only if you promise never to call me ‘Jaxy’ ever again.”

  She laughed. “I promise.”

  A moment later, Jaxon stood a foot and a half from the edge of the tub. His kept his eyes closed as he held the towel in outstretched arms. She stood up and lifted her foot over the edge of the tub, her eyes never leaving his closed ones. She noted, because the tub was raised on feet, she was nearly exactly his height and decided to kiss him while his eyes were closed. As she leaned forward, her foot suddenly slipped out from under her. Charlie squealed and grabbed at his arms. His eyes flew open as he tried to grab her. In a blink, they were frozen in place until she could get her balance restored. This time they held each other tightly as she stepped out. They nearly knocked heads together as they both reached for the towel on the floor where it had been dropped.

  Jaxon got it first and wrapped it around her and continued to hold it in place.

  “I should have warned you how slippery that tub can be. Are you all right?”

  Her face burned scarlet and she wouldn’t meet his eyes.

  “I banged my knee, but I’m fine.”

  “I can feel your heart. It’s racing."

  “Aye,” was all she could manage. He could tell she was fighting tears. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “That I have such a manly body. I’m too skinny and my muscles show. I know men like round hips and big breasts and I don’t have either.”

  “First of all, I barely saw anything. But what I saw I was very nice—very nice, indeed. If you can keep a secret….” He leaned forward and whispered in her ear. “I’m hard as a stone for you.”

  She didn’t think her face could get any hotter, but it did.

  He pulled the towel tight and tucked one end into the other, securing it. “I’ll wait in the hallway until you get the chemise on then call me and I’ll help you with the rest.”

  19

  Twenty minutes later, they were running down the street hand in hand. Charlie had found a pair of shoes in the bottom of the basket, but had to put tissue paper in the toes to make them fit. She thought they must have been quite a sight to see with Jaxon’s pronounced limp and her losing her shoes at least twice on every block. Neither one could stop laughing the whole way.