”I love Carbonara,” she beamed up at him.
* * *
”This is the best Carbonara I’ve ever had,” she said a little while later, half-way through their meal.
”Really?” he asked, puffing up with pride.
”Yes, really. Don’t get a swelled head,” she teased. ”We have a saying here in Sweden, ’Even a blind hen can find a seed’.”
”Hmph. Are you implying I’m a one-trick pony, Miss Berg?” He shot her a stern glance.
”Well, I don’t know that yet, Mr Montgomery. I haven’t tried you out in the bedroom yet, have I?” She grinned at him, enjoying herself immensely.
He put down his fork.
”That’s it,” he murmured threateningly. Then he got up and came around the table and lifted her up into his arms.
”What are you doing?” she gasped.
”I’m making you sing for your supper,” he growled down at her, a mischievous look on his face.
He went into the master bedroom and grabbed the thick duvet from the bed. Then he carried it and her as if she was as light as feathers back into the main room. He lowered her onto the duvet, in front of the fire. His mouth found hers before she was fully settled. She tumbled backwards and drew him down with her. He supported his weight on his arms, so as not to crush her. She threw her legs around his waist and pressed herself against his erection.
He moaned and kissed her with an ancient, pent-up hunger, as if he’d wandered through eons of time to find her.
”Olivia, my love,” he murmured against her lips, ”I’ll never understand what I did to deserve you.”
She yearned for the feel of his naked skin against hers. She wanted to see him in all his glory. She started pulling at his shirt. He swiftly pulled it off for her and she marveled at the chiseled, male perfection of his torso. He looked like a model.
She looked at him with awe. What could he possibly see in her? Suddenly she was overwhelmed with insecurities. She pulled away and sat up.
”What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asked, clearly confused.
She felt tears fill her eyes. She couldn’t stay here. She had to get out, think, get some air.
”I need to get some air,” she muttered, too upset with herself to bear looking him in the eyes. She hurried to her feet and stumbled blindly towards the door.
”Olivia, wait, I’ll come too,” he called out.
”No, don’t!” she begged him. ”I need to be alone. Please.” She shot him a pleading look, before grabbing her shoes and jacket and rushing out the door. She stumbled across the yard, lit only by the soft porch light, and into the deep shadows under the pine trees.
She couldn’t get the shocked and hurt expression on his face out of her head. It was burned into her memory.
”Oh, God,” she groaned. ”I’ve ruined everything. What’s wrong with me?”
She knew exactly what was wrong with her, of course. She was scared to death, and she had chickened out. She was terrified of letting him close, of true intimacy, of giving in to the love she felt for him, and of letting go completely of the control she strived to have in her everyday life. She was being a coward because she was terrified of being this vulnerable to him, of putting her whole being into his hands and risk losing everything if he one day walked away. And she was scared stiff of him not liking her, of losing him, because she was no good in bed. She envisioned the parade of perfect beauties he must have been with in the past; women so sophisticated and sexy, she was nothing or less than nothing, in comparison. He must be used to getting some really good sex, she thought.
”Oh, God,” she groaned again. ”I’m in love with him, I can’t stand to think about this.” The idea of being nothing more than a notch in his bedpost raked her insides with pain. She wanted him more than she’d ever wanted anyone or anything. She was already madly in love with him. And it made the stakes so high for her. She was taking a huge risk by trusting in him, in the feelings he said he had for her. But wasn’t he worth the risk? If she chickened out now, she knew she would regret it for the rest of her life. Falling in love with someone is never taking the safe route, but she was tired of hiding and playing it safe.
She remembered something her mom once told her, when Olivia asked her why she stayed with the boy’s father, George, even though he hurt her so badly.
”Olivia, who can explain love?” she’d answered. ”If you’re lucky enough to find love, then take the leap. There is nothing more frightening than loving someone, but if you turn your back on love, then what else is there? George is the love of my life. And I still see in him the man I fell in love with - he’s still there, underneath it all. I may find the strength to walk away from him one day, but I’ll never regret loving him. Ever. No matter what happens. He gave me the twins. And in the beginning - before he lost himself to the madness - I was happier than I’ve been in my life. I will always be grateful that I was brave enough to embrace that love, when it found me.”
Chapter 10
With her mother’s words still echoing through her mind, Olivia stood up and started moving back to the house. She had never felt fear like this before, but she would take the leap.
She caught a glimpse of him through the window by the front door. He looked crushed, miserable, his head in his hands, staring down at the floor. He hadn’t even put his shirt back on. Her heart contracted with pain and tenderness at the sight.
She flung the door open and started running towards him across the floor, shedding her shoes and jacket along the way. He looked up, startled. She fell to her knees and flung her arms around him.
”Nate, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry. I was being a coward and stupid.”
”What are you afraid of, sweetheart?” he asked, taking her face in his hands, looking into her eyes as if he could read her soul.
”I started thinking about the past; about the women you must have been with before and how I can never measure up. But I realized it doesn’t matter, if you want me then I’m not going to second-guess that. I’m just going to stay in the moment and be happy. I’m not going to waste any more of our time together fretting over my inadequacies, or fearing the future.”
”Olivia,” he whispered, his eyes blank with tears, ”haven’t you listened to a word I’ve said? There’s no competition, there never was. You hold my heart, my whole being in your hands, you have since the moment I met you. No one else even exists for me anymore. I see only you. If you don’t want to be with me physically, wait, hear me out,” he said, placing a finger on her lips, ”or if you’re not ready yet, if we’re moving too fast, that’s okay with me. I want to make you mine in every way possible, but I can wait for you. Forever if you need me to. As long as I get to be with you, that’s all I’m asking for. I won’t take anything from you that you’re not willing to give.”
Tears spilled down her cheeks.
”Don’t cry, baby,” he said, but tears fell down his face too. She reached up and started kissing them away.
”I do want you, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my whole life,” she reassured him. ”I’m sorry I let my fears get the best of me and ruined everything. I’m so sorry.”
”I’m scared too, Olivia. It’s only natural. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and it makes me feel so vulnerable. It scares the shit out of me. But I’m willing to risk everything, because I can’t live with the alternative.”
”If I disappoint you when we make love,” she blushed as she rushed to say this, but she had to get it out, ”then will you please let me try to do better and not give up on me?”
”Olivia, you are so absurd!” He smiled, shaking his head in disbelief. ”How could you ever disappoint me? All I need from you is this, breathing the same air as you, preferably for the rest of my life. All the other stuff you give me is just icing on the cake.”
He peppered her face with soft kisses. Then he pulled back a little to look at her.
”Don
’t think about the past. The past is no more. I’m yours if you’ll have me, and whatever has been in the past for either of us is of no consequence anymore. It’s just you and me and the future we’ll have together.”
She smiled through her tears and started kissing him, a new desperation to her need.
He responded in kind, and drew her down on top of him. His hands wound themselves around her waist, finding their way under her shirt, caressing her skin. She felt as if she was on fire, a ravishing need burning in her.
”Nate…” she panted. ”Please, I need you.”
He gently flipped her over, supporting his weight on his arms, and never broke off from kissing her. His lips trailed down her chin to her neck and left her skin tingling with pleasure and need everywhere his mouth touched her.
”Nate?” she murmured. ”I want to look at you. All of you.”
He stopped and looked down at her, his eyes glazed with desire.
Without saying a word, he rose and started removing the rest of his clothes. He hesitated for a split second when he only had his boxer shorts left on, looking a little shy.
”Please,” she whispered, stunned by his masculine, physical beauty; the perfect symmetry of his muscles and limbs.
He inhaled, and then he dropped his underwear too, and his manhood sprung free. She gasped at the sight of him. She had never seen anything more sexy than him naked - he was the quintessential man, perfect in every way.
”You are so beautiful,” she whispered and got to her feet.
Slowly she closed the gap between them, overcome with the desire to touch him. He stood perfectly still, his hands at his sides, as if he didn’t want to frighten her.
She looked up into his eyes and reached for his erection. She caught him in her hands and he groaned. The silky hardness of him was a surprise - she’d never held a man’s penis before. She touched the whole length of it, marveling at the overpowering moist ache between her legs. She wanted more than anything to feel him inside her.
”Olivia,” he murmured, his breath jagged and torn. ”Can I see you now, please?”
She smiled at him, and stepped back a bit. Her heart was pounding so hard she thought it was going to leap out of her chest, but she was through being a coward. He’d been brave and stripped for her, now she was going to do the same for him.
She pulled off her shirt with trembling fingers, standing there in her black lace bra and jeans. She didn’t dare look at him - she focused instead on undoing her jeans. When she stood there finally, in just her underwear, she peeked up at him. He stood there, perfectly still, as if frozen. She didn’t know if that was good or bad, but she couldn’t stop now. She drew a deep breath, then she unclasped her bra and let it drop to the floor.
Nate swallowed loudly. She blushed, her nipples hardening under his burning gaze. She brazed herself and slipped out of her panties. Then she pulled her shoulders back and looked bravely into his eyes.
”Olivia,” he whispered hoarsely, stepping closer to her, ”you are exquisite. Do you have any idea what you do to me? I…” he hesitated. ”I need you, baby. I want to make you mine in every way.”
She reached for him and pulled him down next to her in front of the fire.
”I want to belong to you, only you,” she whispered.
He started kissing her then, his fingers caressing her body as if to make sure she was real. She clung to him, feeling the silky steel of him pressed against her thigh. He paused and held her cheek in his hand.
”Sweetheart, do you want me to use protection? I’m clean, I just got tested back home.”
She looked at him and felt such tenderness.
”I’m clean too,” she said with absolute certainty, ”and I’m on birth control so you don’t need to wear a condom.” She reached up and touched his cheek. ”Nate, I want to feel you inside me with nothing at all between us.”
”God, Olivia, you’re too good to be true,” he said as he covered her mouth with his again. She opened up to him and felt the immense need she had for him spread from her stomach down between her thighs as he slowly claimed her mouth with his tongue.
”You’re trembling,” he marveled against her skin, slowly covering it in kisses.
”Nate, I’ve never felt anything like this before.” She caught his gaze, feeling wonder and fear at the same time.
”Shh, baby,” he whispered softly, ”I’ve got you. Don’t be afraid, love.” He soothed her with his voice and loving touch and she felt the fear melt away.
”But if you’re not ready, if you need us to slow down, it’s all right with me. Just say the word,” he murmured after a little while, and tried to slow his breath.
”No! I want you so much, Nate. Please, I need you.”
”Oh, God, Olivia, I’m using every ounce of my self-control right now to not rush this,” he grunted.
His lips resumed their journey across her skin. His hands caught her breasts and they ached heavy and ripe with his touch.
”So beautiful,” he murmured as he covered her skin with soft kisses. His thumbs brushed slowly, exquisitely over her nipples. She gasped and grabbed hold of his hair with trembling fingers. The emotions he evoked in her when he worshipped her body like this with his hands and mouth were so raw and primal she felt completely overwhelmed and could do nothing more than hold on to him. His mouth blazed a trail to her nipple and he caught it carefully between his teeth. His tongue traced her areola and she moaned his name. He sucked her into his warm mouth, tasting her and caressing her hardened nipple with his tongue. She grabbed his neck and held on as shivers of pleasure ran down the length of her body. All the while his mouth didn’t let up, only moving to her other nipple, while caressing the first one with his thumb. She pressed her pelvis up against his erection and he groaned her name.
His mouth continued its trail down across her stomach as his fingers kept making love to her nipples. His tongue dipped into her navel and she moaned again as the heat between her thighs flowed and made her grind her hips against him. His hands caught her hips and held her still as his mouth found the top of her mound. His fingers started slowly tracing circles on the inside of her thighs and her legs fell apart in welcome to him. He nuzzled her soft feminine curls.
”Shit, baby, you’re so sexy,” he grunted, tenderly spreading her soft folds with his fingers and then his tongue found her and she cried out with the overwhelming sensation. She had never experienced anything like the pleasure he gave her now.
She called his name in wonder, pressing herself up against his mouth. His strong hands held her hips in a steadying grip as she started shivering violently.
”Come for me, love,” he murmured between strokes and then when she felt as if she was going to shatter into a million pieces he closed his mouth over her engorged nub and sucked gently and with a scream she didn’t even recognize as her own, she slipped off the edge and came in his arms. Still it wasn’t enough.
”Nate, please,” she begged breathlessly, ”I need to feel you inside me. Now, please, Nate.”
All of a sudden his face was close to hers again. He lowered his head to kiss her at the same time as she could feel his finger gently feeling its way inside her wet heat. She locked eyes with him and she could no longer feel the fear that had crippled her before.
She felt the tip of him pressing into her. ”Shit, baby, you are so incredibly tight,” he groaned as he tried to ease his way into her.
”I… I’m sorry,” she stuttered, embarrassed.
”Sorry? No!” he exclaimed. ”It feels amazing, for me, but I’m worried I’m going to hurt you, baby.” He looked down at her with tender concern.
”I’m fine, Nate, you’re not hurting me,” she gasped and felt herself grow even more slick as he pulled out a bit and then carefully pushed a little further in. She squirmed a little beneath him, feeling an intense desire to be filled up by him, all of him.
”Please, Nate,” she breathed, ”please, I want you so much.”
He g
roaned and locked her gaze in his and then he thrust all the way inside her in one smooth push.
She gasped and cried out as the sharp pain caught her by surprise.
He froze then, suddenly still as ice above her.
”Olivia,” he murmured, looking confused. He searched her face, as if looking for clues. ”Baby?” He seemed dazed.
”Please, don’t stop,” she implored.
”Are you sure? I didn’t know, I would have been more careful. I had no idea. Did I hurt you, love?” He held her gaze, worry mixed with utter tenderness in his eyes.
”I’m fine,” she smiled at him, ”please, Nate, don’t stop,” she moved a little beneath him, tentatively.
He groaned in response and started moving inside her, thrusting in and out. She wrapped her legs around him and dug her fingers into his muscular back, oblivious of anything but the exquisite pleasure of him filling her so completely. So gloriously.
”You’re mine, Olivia,” he groaned, looking deep into her eyes as he thrust. ”Mine alone, love, I will never let you go,” he vowed and threw his head back as the fire drove him over the edge.
As he plunged himself as deep inside her as he could get, she felt herself losing control, falling again. She clawed him to her, trying desperately to take him even deeper, and then she cried out at the same time as him and suddenly they lay there, in a sweaty tangled mess, breathing heavily.
”Olivia, are you okay?” he murmured in her ear. He pulled himself up a little so he could look at her.
”Nate, I have never been better,” she smiled at him, tears spilling down her cheeks.
”Don’t cry baby, please,” he said, alarmed. ”Did I hurt you that much?” he asked, self-loathing tinging his voice.
”No,” she protested fiercely. ”These are happy tears, Nate. It hardly hurt at all. It was the best experience of my life. Thank you,” she murmured, catching his face in her hands. ”Truly, Nate, I can’t imagine it gets any better than this. Not for a woman, at least.” Suddenly she felt nervous it hadn’t been as good for him. ”I will get better at this with time,” she whispered, blushing crimson with embarrassment.
Destined for the Star (Starstruck) Page 10