Follow The Wind

by Janelle Taylor

  Mary Louise didn’t think twice before seizing the golden opportunity. “That sounds fine. Let me gather a few things and we can go home.”

  “You are home, Mrs. Fletcher. But I’ll leave Matt here to guard you. I want him to check over the remaining men and my new property. If you’ve forgotten, there are chores to be done here, too. I’ll send a few men over tomorrow to stay here until the deal is closed. You’ll be fine. You always are.”

  “What about Gran and Tom? I have to tell them good-bye.”

  “You did, when you deserted our family to marry our enemy. When Fletcher rode out with his gang, you could have sent word to the boys at the ranch to meet us on the trail to warn us, but you didn’t. However, you can say what you like to them after our meeting. Gran and Tom are still in town. Surely you recall that our little brother was almost murdered a week ago. I’m going to fetch them Tuesday. We’ll close our deal and go our separate paths. Besides, you need to stay here and pack for your long journey.”

  “You sure it’s safe for me and Matt?”

  “Yes, or I wouldn’t let him remain behind. Fletcher’s gang was different from his hired hands. Perhaps I’ll keep some of them. I’ll leave that up to my foreman. As soon as the deal’s closed, we’ll tear down the fence between us.”

  “You hate me, don’t you?”

  “No, Mary Louise. You’re my sister, but I’m disappointed and angry with you. All you think or care about is yourself. One day you’ll be sorry. You’ve caused us all a lot of pain, and I don’t want you around us right now. Lord knows I wish it were different, but it isn’t. You have what you wanted, so be happy.”

  The girl tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder. “I most assuredly will, Jessica. When I’m settled back East, I’ll let you know where to send my payments.”

  “I’m certain you will.”

  “Tell Matt he can sleep in one of the other bedrooms.”

  “If you’ll promise not to try to frame him like you did Navarro.”

  The girl frowned. “Whatever would I want with Mathew Cordell?”

  “Since Fletcher’s the kind of man who appeals to you, I can understand you wouldn’t be interested in Matt. He’s much too good for a cold and greedy woman like you.”

  “Don’t provoke me into changing my mind, Jessica,” she threatened.

  “You won’t, because it’ll keep you here. But I’m warning you, little sister, if you don’t sign those papers Tuesday, the deal is off permanently. Challenge me on this, and you’ll pay heavily. I swear I’ll let you flounder and fail to teach you the biggest lesson of your miserable life.”

  Jessie left the beautifully appointed room of the hacienda-style home. She walked through the walled yard and joined Navarro and Matt. “She took the offer. Are you sure you want me to have the money, Navarro?”

  “Yes. You deserve it. Fletcher cost your family more. I’ll go after it and see you two back at the ranch. My job’s over, so I’ll be leaving afterward.”

  Jessie rushed on to conceal her reaction to his words. “I told Mary Louise Matt would stay here tonight.” She related the talk with her sister. “Do you mind, Matt? I don’t want her coming home, but she is my sister. You think it’s safe for you to stay here with their boss dead?”

  “Navarro and I have looked the place and the men over good. It’s all fine, Jessie.”

  “I’ll have Davy and Rusty come over first thing in the morning. You tell the men what to do. Decide which ones you want to keep on, if any.”

  “I won’t let you down, Jessie,” the foreman vowed.

  “I know, Matt. Thanks.” Jessie turned to her lover who seemed to be pretending he wasn’t watching her. She sensed how much he hated to leave her and end their relationship, yet she also sensed that he was anxious to depart as quickly as possible. She wished she knew why. “You sure you need to fetch the money tonight?”

  Navarro glanced at the horizon and inhaled. “Yep,” he replied. “I’ll see both of you at the ranch tomorrow. I’ll tell everybody good-bye, then ride out.” Before Jessie could protest, the fugitive mounted and galloped away.

  Matt was pleased that Navarro was still determined to leave, but he couldn’t understand why the gunslinger would go. The foreman was certain the other man loved his life at the Box L, as well as Jessica Lane. He couldn’t imagine why Navarro would rather return to lonely drifting and gunfighting instead of remaining with a woman who would no doubt marry him, bear his children, and make him a successful rancher and happy man. Something terrible had to be eating at Navarro and pushing him ever onward in search of peace.

  To lessen her sadness, Matt coaxed, “Don’t worry, Jessie; he’ll be fine. Men like Navarro Jones know how to take care of themselves.”

  “I know, Matt, but he could have a good life here.”

  “Settling down isn’t what he wants or needs, Jessie.” He caressed her cheek as he urged, “Don’t try to change his mind about leaving; it will hurt both of you. Part as friends; that’s what he needs most from all of us right now. If he ever gets wandering out of his blood, he might return,” he suggested, hoping Jessie would let the drifter go, and give him time to win her. He couldn’t with Navarro present.

  “You’re right, as usual, Matt. I’ll keep quiet. Thanks for the advice.”

  Matt smiled at Jessie and bid her farewell, glad Navarro would be gone soon.

  It was nearing dawn when Navarro returned and placed the money in Jessie’s hand. He had ridden all night to accomplish his mission. He looked tired and dejected. “I kept a little to see me to my next job somewhere far away. Your trouble’s over, Jess. I have to leave now and I won’t be coming back.”

  Jessie had slept little and her eyes were dark with worry. “Do you really have to go? I need you.”

  The desperado stared at the floor, then looked at her. “No, Jess, you don’t. You’re just tired and scared. Your father is gone and the ranch is yours now. In a couple of days, Fletcher’s spread will be yours, too. You’ll do fine. One day you’ll meet a good man and marry him. Forget me, Jess; I’m nothing but trouble.”

  “How can I forget you? I love you. Please stay. I can make you happy. You can’t keep drifting forever. I know you love me and want me, too. Don’t be so stubborn and proud. Make your home and peace here with me, with us all. Please.”

  “Don’t make it harder for us to part, Jess. I’ll never forget what you’ve done for me. I took this job as a hiding and resting place, but I got too involved with you. I lost my head for a while. We can’t settle down together. When your head clears after I’m gone, you’ll know this is for the best.”

  “Will I, Navarro? You’re the first man to make me want to be more than Jedidiah Lane’s ‘son.’ You’re a special man. How can anyone take your place in my heart and life?”

  “Don’t you be stubborn and spoil things for yourself, Jess. I hope I’m not the last man to make you glad you’re a woman, a strong and beautiful and giving woman. Don’t ruin the rest of your life because of me. I was wrong to let you believe this could last. I’m sorry I hurt you. If you remember anything about me, remember how well we worked together, what good friends we were.”

  “Were, Navarro?”

  “It’s past now, Jess, and the past can’t be changed. I should know.”

  “I don’t believe you. You said before you wouldn’t say anything rather than lie. Now you’re trying to pretend nothing important happened between us. That isn’t true, and we both know it. I’ll wait for you to change your mind. You can’t run forever. When you realize that, I’ll be here.”

  “Don’t wait, Jess. I won’t be back—ever. I can’t. I’m a condemned man.”

  “What do you mean? You said you would explain everything before you left.”

  Navarro squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled deeply. “I dread this, Jess, but you have to know the dirty truth. I’m wanted for gold robbery, murder, and theft. I didn’t commit the robbery, but I was arrested and imprisoned for it. The last time I was with my f
ather, his gang stole a shipment of gold. I was at his hideout packing to leave when the law surrounded the place and attacked. Carl and his men were killed, but I was only wounded. I was tried and sentenced. I told them I wasn’t guilty, but they didn’t believe me. I spent two and a half years in a brutal prison in Arizona.” He told her about the cruelties and deprivations he had endured, and how he had gotten the scars on his back. “I had seventeen and a half years to go. I couldn’t take any more. I escaped into the desert one day, but was so weak that they recaptured me. Prison was even worse than the first time. I escaped again last November, but I had to kill the guard beating me. I set a false trail to Colorado, stole that horse and saddle and supplies, and rode this way. I was out four months when I met you. I figured the law was heading in the other direction and I needed rest, so I took your job. I only meant to stay for a little while.”

  Her hand grasped his. “But you’re innocent. You had no choice.”

  He squeezed it and released it. “The law doesn’t see it that way. You hang for murder, Jess. The longer I stay here, the tighter I feel that noose closing around my neck. I have to leave or all of you are in danger. If the law came here, you’d be charged with helping me. I can’t do that to you or Tom or Gran. Fletcher sent out those sketches and detectives. Men could be on my trail this minute. If I’m caught, you’d have to watch me hang. You could lose everything you’ve fought for because of me. It isn’t worth the risk, Jess. None of you would be safe with me around. Think about Tom and Gran, Jess, not about us. Besides, I was raised a wild Apache half-breed. I have trail dust in my boots and blood. I’m not the settling-down kind.” He had to discourage her. He could never endanger her and the others just so he could enjoy his dream for a short while. He was angry and bitter. He didn’t want to lose her and the life she was offering, but he had no choice. If only he hadn’t killed that guard, he might have been able to give himself up, serve his time, and return to her a free man. Maybe he could have straightened out his mess then, but now it was too late. “It’s ride or die, Jess. I have to move on.”

  “I could sell out and we could go with you,” Jessie suggested. “Surely there’s someplace where we’d all be safe and happy.”

  “No, Jess. This is your home; you can’t give up now. I don’t want you all living like I’m forced to live. You and your family and the boys are the only friends I’ve ever had. Don’t ask me to endanger them. You’ve taught me how precious life is and how good it could be if I didn’t have this black cloud over my head. You made me open up and feel things I never have before. They broke me in prison, Jessie, but you gave me back my confidence. You made me care about how I survived. I’ll try to stay out of trouble and danger from now on. It’s been good here, but I won’t stay and I won’t return. I mean it, Jess.”

  “Can you forget me, Navarro?”

  “I won’t even try. Don’t want to. My only good memories are of the times with you. But a memory is all you can be to me, and me to you. Accept that, Jess, or you’ll be as miserable and bitter as I was for years. I kept fooling myself about what was important and real in life. Don’t make that same mistake.”

  “What’s real and important is us, Navarro.”

  “Don’t, Jess, please.” For the first time in his life, Navarro wanted to cry. He couldn’t reveal any weakness before her. She had to be protected.

  “I can help clear you, Navarro. I can get the money to bribe those other guards to silence. I can tell the law what a fine man you are, what you’ve done for us.”

  “What good would that do, Jess? I’m guilty! I’m a wanted, hunted man—a killer, an outlaw. You don’t know what prison is like. I can’t risk having you sent there as my accomplice. I’d rather die than hurt you. If the law finds me, it’s either more killing as a means to escape or surrender to the hangman. And I can’t risk involving the people I…like most in this world.”

  “You’ll be safe here, Navarro. Arizona is long way off. The boys like you. They’re loyal to me. They’d help me protect you.”

  “You’re forgetting about Fletcher’s sketches and his detectives. None of us would be safe with a condemned man around.” He tried another road to convince her. “I have sand in my boots and the law on my back. It’s riding time. Be strong and never look back, Jess. Like the wind, I’ll always feel you around me.”

  “You’re too hard on yourself, Navarro. I don’t care about your birth or blood.”

  He had to make her care, or think she did. “You don’t care I’m part savage? You don’t care my white blood butchered my Indian blood and imprisoned the survivors on a filthy reservation? You don’t care I’m a bastard child? A killer?”

  “I’m sorry about your mother’s death and your father’s cruelties.”

  “Don’t be. They never loved me or wanted me.”

  “I love and want you, Navarro. You’re good enough for me. You’re good enough for anyone. Don’t be afraid to love, afraid to take risks to claim happiness.”

  “I’ve taken plenty in my life, Jess, and they all hurt me.”

  She stepped closer to him. “I won’t.”

  He backed away, determined to keep a clear head. “But I could hurt you. I can’t chance that, Jess. I left my evil father three times: at twelve, twenty, and twenty-four. But I was never free of him; his blood was always flowing in me, making me feel worthless. I saw him gunned down, and I didn’t even shed one tear.”

  “I don’t blame you for feeling that way. But haven’t you learned that not everyone can feel or show love, Navarro? My own sister is like that, and she didn’t endure the harsh things you have. She had a good life and a family who loved her, but they weren’t enough. Something happens to certain people to make them cold and hard and selfish. Either your parents never learned about love and all that goes with it, or things happened in their lives to kill that emotion. Maybe it was the way they were raised, but you aren’t like them. Sure, you’ve made mistakes, but you’ve suffered enough for them. I don’t care if the law is after you.”

  “I have to care for both our sakes, Jess. I’m not what Miss Jessica Lane needs. Think of your family and friends and hands. Think of the people you do business with. Think they want to deal with a half-breed bastard? Think we could keep me hidden on the ranch forever? The truth would come out one day, Jess. It’s useless. What about children? You want to pass this evil Breed blood and peril on to them?”

  “You aren’t evil, Navarro. You gave up that kind of life, white and Indian.”

  “Blood don’t leave your body unless you’re dead, Jess. Your past can’t be rubbed out like a message scratched in the dirt. What could you tell folks when they asked about me? Make up lies? Can you live like that for the rest of your life? Become hard and cold, like me? No, Jess. It isn’t fair.”

  “I’ll do whatever I must to have you.”

  “I’m no good for you or anyone,” he stressed.

  “You’re perfect for me, Navarro Breed.”

  “You’re wrong, blinded, Jess. I used to think it wasn’t my fault, but partly it is. I could have run away as a boy. I could have left the Apaches anytime. I could have never returned to my father. Inside, I’m just as bad, selfish, and heartless as my mother and father were.”

  “Nothing in your past alters my opinion about the man you are today. You’ve changed, Navarro. Can’tyou see that? You didn’t stay for the money. You aren’t giving up what you want now for selfish reasons. Doesn’t that tell you something about yourself? If you’re selfish and heartless, how can you feel anything for me and the others? Why would our safety mean anything to an evil man? You have cause to be bitter and wary after what you’ve experienced. You have so much good and gentleness inside. No matter how hard you struggle to hide that, you can’t. Don’t try, my love. No matter how your parents raised you, you know the difference between right and wrong, between good and bad.”

  “My father and the Apaches taught me,” he murmured, “when you see something you want, you take it and the risks
be damned.”

  “Then why haven’t you stolen me?”

  “I have, Jess, in some ways.”

  “Are they enough for you?”

  “They have to be. I’ve done lots of bad things in the past and made lots of enemies along my trail. If I stayed, it would only bring you even more heartache. How could I never step off this ranch or let anyone step onto it for fear of recognizing me? There could be—probably are—wanted posters out on me. You have seasonal hands in the spring and fall; you have cattle drives; you have contact with suppliers. I can’t hide out, Jess. We can’t seclude ourselves from the outside world. The more you expand, the more likely that someone who hasseen my poster will arrive. You’re listening, but you’re not hearing me, Jess. It’s too late for us. It’s good-bye this time.”

  Jessie realized the truth in his tormenting words. She knew she couldn’t stop him from leaving, but she would always go on hoping he would return. “No matter what you say, I’ll wait for you. The law can’t keep searching forever. Go somewhere safe and lay low. When enough time passes, come back to me. You can’t change my mind about waiting. Can you love me one last time?”

  “No, Jess; it would be too hard on us. Besides, the boys are stirring. There’s no time left. You don’t need a half-breed bastard outlaw fouling up your new life. You’re chasing the wind. Let this wild and dangerous mustang go free to roam alone, or you’ll get hurt trying to lasso and break him.”

  “You’ll be back one day, Navarro. I believe that with all my heart. I want you to take something with you to remind you of me.”

  Navarro waited for her to fetch a locket with her picture inside. It was a tiny painting that she had commissioned for her grandmother’s birthday. She opened it and showed it to him. “Would you like to have this?” she offered.