To Touch the Stars

by Tess Mallory

  "We were among the first children brought to Station One," Telles said, speaking slowly as if to a small child. "We were the older ones—I guess we were about fifteen years old. We were among the first to be placed under the probe, but Zarn took a fancy to the two of us and decided to try something different than the same old indoctrination. He was experimenting a lot back then, and he decided not only to suppress our memories of our past on Andromeda, but to give us new ones—and not just the usual 'Andromeda attacked Rigelian ships first'." He shook his head.

  "No, he wanted to try something bigger, more grandiose. Instead, he implanted the memories in our minds that we were Rigelians. He particularly liked you. He admired your spunk and the way you had tried to fight the troops when they killed your father and mother. He didn't have an heir, and for some twisted reason it gave him pleasure to think the son of a Seeker would be raised to be his heir apparent. He implanted the belief in your mind that you were his son."

  Eagle moved to the chair and clutched the back of it, half-afraid that if he let go he would crumple to the floor, no longer able to stand.

  Telles paused and crossed to his side. "Do you understand what I'm saying, Eagle? He was afraid the strength of our friendship would break through and we would remember our true pasts, so he gave us the memory of growing up as childhood friends on Rigel. He gave you the memory of a wonderful childhood, a wonderful mother. He gave me similar ones. He took away the memories of his slaughter of our parents and our brothers and sisters. My father was a Seeker too, Eagle." Telles's gaze dropped. "He killed them in front of us—our mothers, fathers, everyone."

  Eagle stared at him, his jaw slack for a moment. Finally he swallowed hard and spoke, his words harsh as though each one was being ripped from his throat.

  "Why are you doing this to me?"

  Telles looked up, compassion in his eyes. Eagle looked away, unwilling to let him see what he knew must be mirrored in his own. Telles reached out and grabbed him by the arm, his grip reassuring.

  "I know it's a lot to take in all at once and I'm sorry I had to tell you so abruptly, but you had to know—before we go any farther."

  The man's fingers tightened on his arm and with a sudden sense of panic, Eagle shoved him away. He was dizzy again. Terribly dizzy. He staggered, a terrible sense of unreality flooding over him, confusing him, dragging him toward darkness, a darkness from which he feared he would never return. He had to get out. He began backing toward the door, wishing he had his phaser.

  "Eagle," Telles said, voice hushed, brows pressed together. His face was wreathed in concern as he moved slowly toward him. "Hell, don't go. We'll talk this out. We'll get through it."

  "Get away from me, Telles." Eagle groped the side of the door for the release switch. The surface behind him slid open and he backed through it into the hallway, feeling as though a giant vortex had just opened beneath him and was pulling him down. He had to get away from Telles. He had to get where he could be alone, where he could think. This was ridiculous. Preposterous. Of course it was. Then why did he feel the screaming beginning, deep inside him? Why did he hear it reverberating inside his skull? He had to get away. He turned, and ran.

  "Eagle—damn it to hell—don't go!" Telles shouted after him. "Let me help you!"

  As his feet hit the deck in one resounding thud after another, Eagle felt the last shreds of his old life crumble around him.

  "Kell, I'm so glad to see you?" Sky motioned for the man to come closer and reached out with her good arm to pull him down beside her. "I'd rather stand if you don't mind," he said, looking stiff and uncomfortable.

  Sky's smile faded. In recent days Kell seemed to be keeping his distance, physically and emotionally. She'd once thought she was the only one who could provoke feeling from the Altairian. Her thoughts flew back to the day they had begun this voyage, how he had knelt beside her and massaged her hands. What had happened to that Kell? She sighed and turned to the business at hand.

  "How did you find us? The last thing I knew was we had gotten separated during that fight in Barbaroscity, and after we were captured I didn't—"

  "Captain."

  Kell's quiet use of her title sobered her abruptly and a quick flush stained her cheeks. Here she'd been babbling like a teenager, but she'd been worried about him. Why couldn't he unbend just for a moment?

  "Yes, Commander," she answered, slipping back into her command mode. "I presume you have much to report. Please, sit down." The pale blue of his skin was a stark contrast to the purple tunic he wore. Sky stifled a smile. "Er, you're still out of uniform, Commander?"

  Kell grimaced. "I haven't had a chance to change. I've been seeing to the engines after having to shift into warp drive so quickly." He pulled the chair next to the bed out and sat down in it stiffly.

  "So tell me what you think of our situation. Eagle—that is, the colonel—helped us escape. Should we trust him now?"

  "Not in the slightest. The colonel is not on our side, Captain. You must remember this in your dealings with him. He is only pretending in order to find out where your sister is. You must know that in spite of your… connection to him."

  Sky looked away from the censure in Kell's gaze. The truth was she didn't know what to think of Eagle anymore. "I'm not sure what he's up to," she said with a sigh, leaning back against the pillows behind her. She drew the robe more tightly around her. "He did refuse to probe Telles's mind, though. He stood up to his father."

  "It was probably some prearranged performance de-signed to make you trust him. The only thing you can trust is that the colonel has his own agenda. I did not even want to let him and his cohort aboard the ship, but what choice did I have? They had you and you were injured. I must say I think you are making a mistake by allowing them the run of the ship."

  "What else can I do?" Sky took a deep breath and tried to ignore the slight throbbing in her shoulder. "They are the only ones who can lead us to Mayla. And they did help us escape, whatever their underlying reasons may have been." She smoothed one lock of hair back from her face and noted that once again Kell looked uncomfortable in her presence. Did he think that she was crediting Eagle with their rescue? "You were wonderful, Kell," she said quickly. "But I'm curious. How did you manage to fire on a Dominion ship and not be blown out of space? How did you find us? Why did—"

  "Captain, you need your rest." Kell's smooth interruption made her frown again. Kell never interrupted. Was the strain telling on him as much as it was her? He went on, as he rose and stood at attention. "I will give you a more detailed report when you are fully recovered. But I must ask you, did you discover where Mayla is hidden?"

  "No." Sky sighed and lifted one hand to rest lightly on the bandage at her shoulder. "Telles claims he doesn't know."

  "Do you believe him?"

  "Well, actually he said that Mayla had caused him to forget where he had taken her."

  "Then it might be possible to find that memory, if she only obscured it somehow."

  Sky felt a sudden depression sweep over her. She didn't want to think about all of this anymore. She didn't want to try to figure out the enigma of Eagle. She didn't want to think about her little sister, alone, needing her.

  "I think I do need to rest for a while, Kell." She yawned and turned slightly away, dismissively, hoping he would take the hint.

  "Sky."

  At his hesitant tone of voice, she turned back. Kell seldom appeared indecisive, but she sensed this time he was not altogether sure of what he was about to say. He sat back down, his hands spread tensely on either leg as if for support, his blue eyes so dark they were almost black.

  "What is it?" she asked, drawing herself up and away from the pillows behind her. Kell was never tense. She didn't like it. She didn't like it at all.

  He cleared his throat. "I think the colonel knows where Mayla is, and I think we are being led into a trap."

  Sky closed her eyes, shutting out Kell's face. She wished she could as easily shut out her doubts about Eagle.
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  "You must find out, Captain." Kell's voice was filled with determination. "Either Eagle knows, or Telles. You must use your abilities and read their minds."

  Sky opened her eyes and stared at him, smoothing the top of the blanket with both hands distractedly. "Kell, you and I agreed on this after Redar died. I won't use my telepathic powers any more to invade another person's mind—not even for the rebellion. You know what it costs me, emotionally. My one journey into the colonel's mind has already clouded my judgment where he's concerned; you said it yourself. Why would you want me to do it again?"

  "It may be the only way you can save your sister." He shook his head. "I don't know what game Zarn and his son are playing, but I am convinced they know where Mayla is. They are setting a trap for you, and you must use whatever weapons you have to fight them."

  She leaned back against the pillows. So much had happened in the last two days. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd eaten. She seized on the excuse as a way to get her first officer out of the room.

  She allowed a wan smile to flicker across her lips. "You know, I just realized I don't think I've eaten in about thirty-six hours."

  "I'll bring you something at once," Kell said, rising hastily from his chair. "I should have had something sent up for you already."

  "That's all right. I was asleep until just a few minutes ago."

  "Just rest, Sky." Kell was all business now, having been given an order and a way to help his captain. "I'll be back shortly."

  Sky watched him leave, keeping her pent-up breath under control until the door slid shut behind him. She released it in a long sigh, then threw the covers back from her body and sat up. Easing herself to the floor, she was surprised to find she felt a little stronger, in spite of what she had told Kell. Moving to her closet, she opened the door and rummaged inside for something comfortable but a little less revealing. She pulled out the short tunic she'd worn the day Eagle had almost seduced her in the briefing room. Staring down at it, she rubbed the material between her fingers for a moment as she remembered what his lips had felt like on hers, hot, burning, demanding. She flushed and threw the garment back inside, not bothering to hang it up again. Angrily, she jerked out a regular one-piece uniform in navy blue and spun away from the closet.

  She didn't care what Kell said. She wasn't going to infiltrate Eagle's mind again. There had to be another way to find out where Mayla was—there had to be! Since her first journey into his thoughts, she had become fixated on the man. If she explored his mind again, she knew she would be lost. Quickly she shed the robe and donned the uniform, feeling immediately better, more in control. Why? she demanded from herself as she sat back down on the edge of her bunk. She picked up the small cat statue on the nearby table and idly smoothed it with her fingers. Why is it so necessary to feel in control every minute? You've been injured; give yourself a break. The answer came to her swiftly.

  Because 1 am afraid. Because 1 am no longer in control of anything, including Mayla's safety.

  The thought pierced her and spurred her to action. She had to question Telles now that she was coherent and back on her feet. A wave of dizziness swept over her. Well, practically back on her feet. She turned to switch on the com unit near her bed and order Kell to bring Telles up when he brought her food. He would argue with her but she couldn't eat a bite until she talked to the man. The door buzzer sounded, indicating someone was outside. Kell? Back so soon? With a sigh, she replaced the little cat on the table. He would scold her for getting out of bed. Sometimes his concern bordered on suffocation. She sat back down on the bunk with a sigh.

  "Come."

  The door opened but instead of Kell, Telles strode into the room. Startled, Sky jumped to her feet and drew herself up into her usual erect military stance. To her surprise, Telles did the same, standing at attention just inside the door. Something was wrong. She sensed it.

  "Telles," she acknowledged, a formal tone in her voice. She realized she didn't know his rank or she would have called him by that. "I was about to send for you. We need to talk."

  "Yes," he agreed. "Eagle told me you're a telepath."

  She nodded, warily, wondering what else Eagle had told him.

  "I want you to help him."

  Sky sank back down on the edge of the bunk.

  "Help him? What's wrong? Why does he need help?"

  "Sky, I've got to tell you something that is going to make you trust me and Eagle even less than you already do, but it can't be helped because I'm afraid for him. I can't let him face this alone."

  She shook her head, uncomprehending. "Face what?"

  "The knowledge that he is not Zarn's son but the son of an Andromedan, a Seeker."

  The blood drained swiftly from her face and Sky reeled with his words, her vision growing blurred, her senses faint.

  "What?" she whispered.

  Telles moved to her side, pulling a chair closer to the bunk and slamming himself into it. He leaned forward, his arms resting on his thighs, his golden hair like a bright curtain around a face dark with fear.

  "Read my mind, Sky. Look inside my head and find the truth—about me, about Eagle, about Mayla. I freely open myself to you—just believe what I'm telling you. Eagle is not Zarn's son. His true nature, his old memories, are beginning to surface. He is beginning to rebel against Zarn, but unless someone trained—like you or Mayla—helps him, he may lose his mind."

  "I don't understand. How do you know all of this?"

  "Mayla. She never told you that when I was brought to Bezanti I had been a Forces soldier, did she?" Sky shook her head, shocked. "I was left for dead on Alpha Centauri and found by rebel forces looking for survivors who could give information against Zarn. That's how they get a lot of their recruits, you know. They scour the battlefields and get the soldiers who are fed up and sick of the carnage of the Kalimar." A shadow touched his face. "But I was dying. They took me to Mayla, who healed my body—"

  "Wait a minute. Who took you to Mayla? Why wasn't I told?"

  "The leader, Redar I think they called him. He died not too long after that, I heard. Apparently she did this for him all of the time." Telles took her hand as she sat in astonishment, holding it between both of his, his voice fervent. "But do you hear me, Sky? Your sister healed my body; then she healed my mind. You see, Zarn can't really take out the memories without risking damaging the mind, but he can overlay the memories with other, more dominant memories. She saw my real memories and made them the dominant ones."

  "She never said a word to me."

  "Your little sister is a very forgiving child. Perhaps she wasn't sure you would welcome a Forces soldier into your home so easily."

  "But what about the rebels who brought you to me? They never said anything about your being a Forces soldier."

  "Same reason. They're used to taking burnt-out soldiers and convincing them to come over to the rebellion. And since I readily gave them information, they were pretty sure about my new loyalties. But they were probably pretty sure you might not feel the same way." He leaned toward her. "Will you do it, Sky? Will you read my mind? We've got to help him. You've got to help him."

  "I'll do it," she said, lifting her hand to touch the silver band around her forehead, feeling vastly overwhelmed. The door to the room slid open and Kell walked inside, his blue face taciturn. Sky jerked her head toward Telles.

  "He wants me to read his mind, Kell. What do you think?"

  The man almost smiled and Sky almost fell off the bed. The first officer caught himself and subdued the emotion, leaving his captain wondering as he turned to Telles and nodded.

  "An excellent idea. We must find the princess."

  Sky stood and motioned Kell to one side, keeping her voice low. "You get your cabin set up again for me to take off my band. Take Telles there."

  "How did you get him to agree?"

  Sky started to tell him the whole story, but for some reason hesitated. He wouldn't believe Telles's story and she'd rather have the proof,
one way or another, before she went into the whole thing with him. If it wasn't true, she didn't want Kell thinking her a fool for even entertaining the possibility.

  "He says he wants to help," she said, in answer to his question. "Maybe he means it."

  Kell lifted one blue brow and his eyes told her eloquently what he thought of her statement. "There's only one way to find out."

  "Yes." She turned to Telles, who'd been listening to the whole exchange, arms crossed over his broad chest. "Take him down to your room, Kell. I'll be there directly."

  "Where are you going?"

  Still tired from her ordeal, Sky turned on the officer in irritation. "Am I now to report my every move to you, Lieutenant? You forget yourself."

  "My apologies, Captain," Kell said. "We will be waiting for you."

  Sky found Eagle on the small observation deck of the cruiser after searching the bridge and all the living quarters. She had hurried Telles and Kell out of her quarters. Why was she so anxious to find him? Why was she willing to help the man she knew to be her enemy? Because deep down, she didn't really believe he was. It was foolish, crazy even, but nevertheless, ever since she had joined with his mind, on some level she had trusted him, at least where Mayla was concerned. She hadn't admitted it to Kell, of course. But it was true. It was also true that she desired him as she had never desired another man. But that was all secondary.

  If Telles was right, if this wasn't some elaborate hoax, then Eagle was not her enemy. And if he wasn't her enemy, if she could help him understand what Zarn had done to him, perhaps he'd be willing to help them rescue Mayla. One thing was certain: If what Telles said was true, she knew when she found him she would find a man whose world had suddenly come crashing in on him. He needed her.

  She came to a stop as she rounded the corner leading to the observation deck and saw him standing in front of the curved window. On the Defiant, everything was functional. It was a ship designed for hauling cargo—or fighting. The observation deck was a tiny cubbyhole of a room about six feet wide by ten feet long, curved, hidden at the end of a hallway in an alcove that doubled as an auxiliary phaser bank. She watched Eagle silently for a moment. Starlight glimmered outside the window. Since the ship had dropped out of warp a few hours ago, the dim pinpoints of the distant stars were clear and stable, not blurred as they were when viewed while the ship was traveling at the speed of light.