by Lori Foster
“I think so. Why?”
“Yesterday you showed some interest in the Jacuzzi.” His gaze dropped to her mouth and stayed there. “I thought maybe after dinner you’d want to try it out. It might help to relax you.”
Heat uncurled, chasing away the last remnants of embarrassment over her flight of terror. “Do you have a swimsuit?”
“No. But I can just wear my briefs.” His gaze held hers, his eyes bright. “As long as you don’t have a problem with it.”
Brandi knew in that instant exactly where her knees touched him. She felt his body stir, felt his erection grow hard and long and knew it was the thought of being with her that affected him so strongly. But she was in charge. She could do this—play in the Jacuzzi, indulge in the special feeling of being alone with him—with no fear of being pushed and no fear of consequences.
She called all the shots, and she trusted him to abide by her rules.
Knowing he expected her to refuse, or to at least look shocked, she lifted her chin and nodded. “All right. We can try out the Jacuzzi. But dinner first.”
Though his expression didn’t change, she saw him draw a deep breath. He lifted her from the wall, then stood there looking down at her. “What the hell? I think I’ll need to restore my energy with a good meal anyway.”
CHAPTER FIVE
WAITING THROUGH THE concert had just about killed him.
Sitting in the grass with Brandi at his side, her body swaying in time to the music, was enough to make him crazy. But what played even more havoc with his male libido was the memory of how she’d run to him. Whatever had frightened her—and he had no doubt there was more to it than she claimed—she’d run to him. Even though she hadn’t trusted him enough to share the whole truth, it still had to be counted as progress. No wonder his mood was uncertain today. She kept throwing him off balance. It had all started with that kiss last night, a sweet little kiss that had kept him awake tossing and turning until the early morning. Since then he hadn’t been able to get his thoughts gathered.
Something had happened during that brief, all too innocent kiss. And it had to do with Brandi taking control. He’d suggested it as lark, hoping to encourage her. But it had gone beyond that. Somehow, they’d crossed some invisible boundary. He only wished he knew what it was.
Waiting through the concert had been torture enough, but compared to that, dinner was the Spanish Inquisition. He hadn’t even found the wit to complain about the damn T-bone steaks Brandi ordered, steaks that had cost enough to feed a family of four. When she finally leaned back in her seat and pronounced herself finished, he pushed away the rest of his uneaten steak and offered to do the dishes.
She shyly looked away. “No, you did the dishes last night after I went to bed. It’s my turn.”
He’d taken care of cleaning up and banking the fire just to give himself something to do. But it hadn’t worked. He’d still wanted her so much sleep wouldn’t come. All because of that one simple but explosive kiss.
He didn’t argue with her now, not when he had other things to accomplish. “Fine. You can do the dishes and I’ll go take the cover off the Jacuzzi.”
Brandi came to her feet, wringing her hands. “You don’t think anyone could see us out there, do you?”
“This cabin’s pretty isolated. And there’s no one around, but we can leave the lights off if you want.”
“No!” She blinked, then collected her control. “That is, I like the lights on. Maybe just a few dim ones.”
More secrets for him to try to decipher. But he could be patient when the end result was worth it, and this was definitely worth it. “I saw some candles in the cupboard. Will candlelight do?”
Nodding, she whispered, “Yes, that would be fine. Thank you.”
He smiled at her formality, then couldn’t help but touch her. His fingers drifted over her cheek, then catching one curl and tugging lightly. “Hurry and change into your suit. I’ll wait for you in the Jacuzzi.”
She looked relieved that she wouldn’t have to face him under the bright fluorescent lighting of the kitchen. The truth was, he’d been thinking of himself. Already, his body was anxious for the sight of her. Being in the water was more to preserve his modesty than hers.
He grabbed three fat candles from the shelf and a pack of matches. Brandi already had the two dishes scraped and returned to the basket they’d come in. All she had to do was place them back on the front porch to be picked up later. She glanced at Sebastian, her blue eyes dark with uncertainty, then smiled and left the kitchen. He went outside to get things set up.
And hopefully to get himself under control.
Fifteen minutes later, while he impatiently waited for Brandi, he realized no amount of warm churning water could ease him. His muscles felt restricted and he hummed with tension. His breathing was thick, his arousal complete. All it would take would be one small smile from her and he’d be a goner. He tilted his head back and stared up at the stars through the glass roof of the enclosed patio. Muted candlelight flickered around the deck, casting a warm mellow glow over the water…over him. But he was far from mellow.
He should have given in and taken care of his need last night. Lying in his bed, he’d given it serious thought. But finding satisfaction without Brandi hadn’t seemed right. He didn’t want to revert back to the tactics of his youth. He wanted Brandi—over him, under him—any way at all.
He heard a soft sound and his body hardened even more. He was so painfully erect, he hurt. The caress of the bubbling water only served to arouse him more, not ease him. Slowly, he shifted his gaze from the stars to the deck, searching out Brandi’s slight silhouette. She stood facing the Jacuzzi, her body curiously still, feet together, hands at her sides. Her skin shone white against the darkness of the early-evening sky and the black of her one-piece swimsuit. She was so tiny, so female. Her curves weren’t voluptuous, but they were there, and all the more enticing for being so subtle. Her hips were narrow, only slightly rounded, her legs slim. He saw her tremble and he gave her a smile.
He didn’t say a word, only held out a hand. After a long hesitation, Brandi took it. Once she’d stepped down into the water, she released his hand and moved away from him to the other side of the tub. She slowly sank into the warm water, finding the bench that circled the tub. He heard her soft sigh as the heat enveloped her.
Silence dragged on, then Sebastian levered himself up and over to her. Without asking, he positioned himself close beside her. The water sloshed around them before settling into a froth again. Brandi glanced up at him, then whispered, “Sebastian?”
“I’d like to kiss you again.” The rough, aroused gravel of his voice didn’t embarrass him. He wanted her, and he didn’t mind her knowing it.
Brandi dragged her fingers through the water, not looking at him. “I kissed you, remember?”
He smiled, though it pained him to do so. “Will you kiss me again?”
“Will you move?”
Frowning, he asked, “You want me to move away from you?” He didn’t understand her, but he wanted to. And this was her show. Much as he’d have liked to call the shots, he was leaving it all up to her.
She still hadn’t looked at him, but he caught her chin and lifted her face. “Talk to me, honey. If you don’t tell me what you want, what you need, then I can’t know. And I want to make you happy.”
He felt her sigh, felt her scoot a few inches away from him. The candles afforded enough light for him to see her face, her eyes wide, her lips slightly parted. She looked uneasy, undecided. “Brandi?”
“I want to kiss you,” she whispered, her low voice filled with embarrassment…and maybe some excitement. “But I don’t want you to touch me.”
He searched her face, trying to glean the meaning behind her words. Maybe she was just into control. If she wanted to play sex games, he was more than willing. But he had to know the rules.
When he remained silent, she pulled farther away from him. “Never mind. I’m sorry.”
“No, wait.” He caught her arm, felt her stiffen and immediately released her. “Just spell it out for me, okay? I don’t mind playing.”
Now she looked confused, but after several deep breaths, she muttered, “Remember how you sat last night? When I…I kissed you?”
He settled lower on the bench beneath the water’s level, resting on his spine. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at her. “Like this?”
“Yes.” She half turned to face him, coming up some on her knees. “Just like that. Now don’t move.”
His jaw clenched. He didn’t know if he could take it. The black suit clung to her small breasts and narrow ribs. Her shoulders gleamed with moisture, the curls in her hair were already damp from the steam. His body throbbed in anticipation as she leaned toward him. He didn’t dare close his eyes; never had a kiss meant as much as this one.
Her right breast touched his shoulder and he could feel her stiff little nipple poking at him, making him shudder. He wanted to touch that nipple with his fingertips, tease it with his teeth and tongue, suck her deep into his mouth.
His breathing became choppy, and even though he felt foolish, he couldn’t help the instinctive response to her nearness. Her breath fanned his cheek, then his lips and then finally she kissed him.
His groan erupted despite his efforts to remain quiet. But he didn’t move. It was a measure of his control that he restrained himself. The touch of her mouth was inquisitive, cautious. He needed so badly to haul her close, to turn her so he could press over her, feel her breasts burning against his chest, feel the part of her slender thighs to cradle his erection.
But he remained immobile, only his panting breaths giving away his excitement. She leaned back.
“Sebastian? Are you okay?”
He half laughed, half groaned. “I’m so damn hot, it’s a wonder this water isn’t boiling.” He bit back the need to touch her and said instead, “You have no idea how much I want you, do you? How close I am to exploding.”
Her gaze searched his face, and he saw her incomprehension.
“Brandi, I’m a touch away from coming right here in the damn water. And right now, I’d give just about anything for that touch.”
“Oh.” Her gaze dropped to the churning surface of the water, searching.
He managed another laugh, husky and deep and persuasive. “You can’t see what I mean—but you could feel.”
Before he’d finished, she was shaking her head. “No, I can’t.”
“Why not? You’re in charge. You can do whatever you want.” He added in a soft promise, “I’m not going to move.”
She wanted to. He could tell by her unsteady breathing, by the way she stared at him as if trying to come to a decision. He didn’t dare move, afraid she’d choose to leave him. He waited, and it felt like a lifetime before her gaze dropped again and he saw her hand dip into the water.
His body vibrated with a deep groan—a response in anticipation to her touch. Her fingertips bumped against his hard thigh, then shyly slid higher to the smoother skin of his hip. His thighs parted the slightest bit; her hand moved to the inside of his knee.
He knew he was working on a hair trigger. It was no longer a matter of exquisite torture—he had lost his control.
Sebastian jerked away, unwilling to embarrass her, unwilling to be pushed so far over the edge. It was insanity the way she affected him. This wasn’t the time or place. He couldn’t rush things, not until Brandi was ready to be with him every step of the way. Whatever game she wanted to play, she’d have to play it when he was in better control.
“I thought…”
Her voice quavered, and his irritation with himself grew. “Forget it,” he rumbled, “I’m sorry, but the game is over.”
He heard a splash and turned just in time to catch Brandi’s arm. She crouched on the edge of the Jacuzzi, her face white, her eyes wide, almost wild. “Let me go.”
Startled by her vehemence, by the sound of tears in her voice, he released her. “Brandi?”
Just like that, she was gone, dashing into the house and leaving the patio door open. Though his body was still tight, his lust had died, banished by the sight of her stricken face. Sebastian frowned, then cursed viciously. The game had been hers, so why was she acting so upset?
It was past time they talked, understood each other. He needed to know what was going on, and he needed to know tonight.
He stepped out of the Jacuzzi and stripped off his sodden briefs, wringing them out and tossing them over the back of a chair before putting the cover back on the Jacuzzi. He found a towel and wrapped it around his hips. When he went into the cabin, silence greeted him. Brandi’s door was shut. He started to knock on it, to demand she talk with him, let him explain, but he decided it might be more prudent to face her with pants on and his hormones in check. This turbulent anger was almost as bad as the lust, and he needed the iron control he used on the job, the alert consciousness of every detail that made him so successful at providing personal protection.
By the time he felt he had some measure of control and had dressed again, it was late. He tapped on Brandi’s door. When he didn’t get any immediate reply, he silently turned the knob and peeked inside.
Brandi lay curled on her side like a small child, her hands tucked beneath her left cheek, the blankets pulled over her shoulders. She’d left on the bedside lamp.
Darkness. She really didn’t like the darkness. He filed away that small bit of information. To the economical man, it was a waste of money to burn a lamp all night long. But this time, his concern for her fear overwhelmed the worry of expense. He didn’t like that she had any fears at all. What he disliked most, though, was that, on some level, she seemed to fear him.
Closing the door, he decided to put off their talk for the morning. Sleep was the furthest thing from his mind, so he removed his shirt, shoes and socks, then went and settled himself on the small sofa. He used the remote to turn the television on low and found an all-night movie station.
Hours passed, and he was almost asleep, the movie forgotten, when a small, choked scream awoke him. He was on his feet in an instant, his heart pumping adrenaline. But before he could fully react, Brandi’s bedroom door flew open. She took one look at him, let out a low pain-filled moan, and came running into his arms.
BEING HELD TIGHT, feeling the solid thumping of his heart, his warm firm flesh, made her feel a little more secure. But the dream had been so horrible, especially since she hadn’t suffered through it in so long. She’d prayed the nightmare was gone for good, but it hadn’t taken much to revive it. With a sense of despair, she accepted that the horror would never truly be gone—just as she would never truly be the same person again.
She snuggled closer to Sebastian, wanting to crawl inside him, to hide herself away someplace safe. He rocked her gently, murmuring small nonsense words, and it helped so much just having him close. After several moments holding her that way, he tipped her back just a bit and smiled.
“I gather there’s no villain in your room? I don’t need to go dashing in like the white knight, after all?”
Brandi shook her head, her eyes wide on his handsome face, her mood solemn despite his gentle teasing.
“And no snake came in the window? No spiders under your covers?”
“No. No snakes, no spiders. Just boogeymen.”
“So, it was a dream?”
She was so relieved he hadn’t said just a dream, that she managed a quavering smile, too. But with the smile, she began to feel foolish. It was more than she could bear, constantly playing the immature fool in his presence. She tried to pull away, but his arms tightened. When the dream had awakened her, she hadn’t thought about what she was doing, she’d simply gone looking for Sebastian. Now she wished she’d dealt with the dream as she always had—alone.
“Shh. It’s all right, Brandi. Don’t run away from me again, okay?”
God. After their disastrous Jacuzzi experience, he had to think she was a
ninny—either running to him or from him, unable to make up her mind. She dropped her forehead against his chest, fighting against the tears.
His large hand smoothed over her hair, then moved farther down her back, rubbing up and down her spine. There was nothing sexual in the touch, only comfort. “Come here.”
Before she knew what he was doing, he’d sat back on the couch and lifted her into his lap. To her surprise, the position didn’t alarm her. It felt secure and warm and cozy. Her long flannel gown was pulled tight over her knees and he lifted her an inch, adjusted her gown with an economical touch, then resettled her again, as if she were a child. It was so amazing to her how different he was from the man who only hours before had been the epitome of raw masculine lust.
With her head tucked under his chin, his arms around her and her legs draped over his own, she seemed to absorb his heat. He was so hot. And his skin… She opened her hand the tiniest bit, feeling his smooth texture, his hardness…. And then she caught herself. She had no business exploring him, leading him on again, when she couldn’t do anything about it. He’d already proven earlier tonight that he wasn’t interested in her silly brand of timid intimacy. And there was no guarantee she’d ever be able to get past the nightmares, the memories.
She started to pull away, but he gently tightened his hold. She realized he planned to keep her close for a while. She was glad, in spite of herself.
After a soft kiss to the top of her head, he said, “You want to tell me about the dream?”
“No.”
She felt his chuckle deep in his chest and some of her grim mood lifted, filled by him instead of the reality of the dream. “But I will. If you’re sure you want to hear this. I mean, it wasn’t a simple dream.”
“I didn’t think it would be.”
She sighed, wondering where to begin, and decided an apology should probably be first. “I suppose, given the ridiculous way I’ve acted, I owe you a few explanations.”