Agonize

by Xavier Neal

  “You really do that twice a month?”

  “Yeah. I started playing in college as something to do to kill extra time since parties weren’t really my scene and well, I’m good at it. So the dudes that run the shop and a couple others meet twice a month eat pizza, drink beer and play.”

  “I wanna come!” I declare.

  “No,” he shakes his head quickly. “Absolutely not.”

  In a pout I shoot up. “Why not?”

  “One. I don’t wanna spend my evening with you making fun of me—”

  Quickly I interject, “I do that anyway.”

  Tony ignores my comment, “Two. Bringing the hot girl with a foreign accent to the nerd party isn’t smart.”

  Still teasing him I coo, “You think I’m hot?”

  Fighting a smile he finishes, “And three. I just canceled.”

  “Un cancel,” I push my way so my body is on its knees between his legs. Draping my arms around his neck, I tilt my head to the side. “Please?”

  When Tony’s arms wind around the ends of my hair he sighs, “You seriously wanna go do that with me?”

  “I don’t wanna play. But I’ll watch.”

  “You’ll be bored.”

  “I won’t,” I fight. “Besides, I like the idea of being a part of your dirty little secret no one else gets to be a part of.” Before he can argue any further I crush my lips against his and let my tongue softly stroke the outside. When he drops his lips to moan I push my tongue inside, his cock rising against me.

  See. He votes that I go.

  Pulling away he whispers, “Fuck, baby...that’s not fair...”

  “I know,” I whisper back before kissing him again.

  And this is one of those moments it’s damn good to be a girl. Pussy power is a real thing! Make sure you use yours often.

  ***

  “What’s that one?” one of the guys playing with Tony points at my wrist. I turn it over exposing the microphone tat that has a cord wrapped around my arm. “Whoa...”

  “She’s not a sideshow, freak.” Tony adjusts me in his lap, both arms around my waist.

  “Not a freak at all,” one of the other guys gets a sleazy smile.

  Ever seen a sleazy nerd? Yeah I hadn’t until just now.

  “Cooper, if you don’t stop looking at my wife like that you’re gonna get a twenty sided dice somewhere you really don’t want it,” Tony threatens.

  “You wouldn’t...” Cooper tries to argue.

  “Over Lex? You’re damn right I would.”

  Cooper nods like he’s impressed.

  “Now are we gonna get started or just gawk at my lady all night?”

  “I vote the second one,” one of the other players chimes in as I reach for a slice of pizza.

  “Unbelievable.” Tony shakes his head.

  “Thank you,” I jokingly say. He looks up at me with a scolding look moments from me biting the slice forcing, me to stop. “What?” When he doesn’t say anything I roll my eyes. “I’m wearing jeans and t-shirt like you requested.”

  Mind you it’s a white t-shirt. Why? Do you wanna know what color my bra is underneath?

  “And you’re a singer?” Cooper ponders out loud.

  “That’s right,” I answer.

  “Can you sing for us?” Cooper asks another question.

  One of the other players, I think named Dave, nearly jumps out of his seat, “Yes! Sing for us.”

  “Something sexy,” Cooper’s sleaze slips out.

  “Something about sex,” Dave pushes up his glasses.

  “No,” I giggle taking a bite of pizza finally.

  “She’s not singing for you or doing a little dance,” Tony mocks, protectively pulling me into him closer.

  “You dance?” Dave asks. “Like...like...like...a...” his voice drops low. “Like a stripper?”

  “Why does everyone think my wife is a stripper?” Tony snaps tossing a hand in the air before grabbing his beer.

  “Baby, when you’re body looks this good half-dressed people just assume.” I wink at him and feel his dick nudge slightly against me from its denim prison. “Now I would love to see what you boys do with all those dice.”

  Two of them nearly fall out of their chair from my words and Cooper gets a very uncomfortably large grin. My adorable husband snaps again, “For the love of Christ! Can we just play?”

  With a good laugh, I turn over my shoulder and plant a slightly greasy kiss on his cheek.

  Finally the boys start the game and I comfortably watch while asking Tony a million questions, him answering without the least bit of annoyance. Throughout the night we adjust positions from me on his lap, to me beside him holding his hand, to me resting in his arms, to back in his lap. The rotating door of snuggle positions is not only something I’ve never had with another human being, it’s never been something I wanted before him.

  Just like wanting to see a nerd game in action. Just like wanting to be honest. Open. Just like before Tony wanting to settle somewhere to make a home wasn’t something that even crossed my mind after getting kicked out. I guess that’s just what he does to people. He makes them wanna be better.

  Chapter 16

  Tony

  “You took her to play Dungeons and Dragons?” Maxx gags from beside me at the open bar at my brother’s wedding.

  I asked her long before I found out she was pregnant and before I ever met Lex. And while I would love to parade Lex around my brother’s stuck up friends and Clarissa’s even more stuck up family, she had a gig out of town. She won’t even be back until tomorrow. Yeah. I really did say gig. Was it weird? Felt weird.

  “She insisted,” I hiss back taking the glass of champagne and glass of water from the bartender.

  “Still...that’s major nerd territory, Tony. You ease a girl into something like that.”

  “I’m telling you it was her idea to go!”

  “Does she like it too?”

  “No,” I chuckle at the memory of her confused faces and the fact the more confused she got the heavier her accent got. “I think she just wanted to spend time with me in my world ya know? I spend time in hers.”

  “Yep,” Maxx agrees. “Just like a couple should. You should see the look on Kellar’s face when I try to describe a book with a complicated plot like Gone Girl.”

  “The blank stare? I think we all know it well,” I tease.

  I go to say something else when another set of relatives from Clarissa’s side of the family approaches us, “Congrats on the baby!”

  “It’s not mine,” I say for the tenth time already. “We’re just friends.”

  “I’m a married woman,” Maxx flashes the knockout ring Kellar got her.

  We should go get real rings, huh? We’re still toting around the fake gold crap we got in Vegas. Maybe I should get her something huge like Maxx wears as a warning to others while she’s on the road. That’s why dudes get ‘em that big right?

  When the relative wanders off she gives me a scolding look forcing me to say, “What?” She puts a hand on her hip displeased. “How was I supposed to know you were gonna be pregnant when I signed you up as my date?”

  “What is wrong with Clarissa’s side of the family?”

  “Her bitchiness had to come from somewhere right?”

  “Ugh,” Maxx agrees taking a drink of water. “I remember the first time I met her. Couldn’t get the stain of snob off my dress.”

  “Man, we gave all of them a good shake up when they found out what we did for a living back then,” I reminisce as we stroll around the wide open reception area.

  “Can you blame them? Do we look like we belong in the amateur fighting world?” Chuckling I help her into the seat at the table where our name cards are. “Hell, do we look like we belong here?”

  I adjust my tie and sit down beside her. “I don’t think we look like we belong anywhere, Max-a-roo. It’s one of the best things about being friends with you.”

  Grabbing an appetizer from a passing wai
ter she questions, “What’s that?”

  “You and the fam. You’re not all about looking like one thing or another. You’re all just about being you. We’re all a bunch of misfits.”

  “Like the island of the misfit toys!” Maxx exclaims loudly at me, before taking a bite out of her shrimp.

  “Sure...”

  “Now I wanna watch Christmas movies.”

  “It’s March.”

  “Yeah, I blame you,” she giggles and I roll my eyes at her.

  This. This is my best friend, ladies. And these moments are the ones she was worried about losing.

  “Speaking of misfits,” she starts while wiping her hands on a napkin. Opening her clutch purse she pulls out a long envelope. “C.J. asked me to give this to you.”

  Confused on what it is I go ahead and open it. The contents have me muttering, “Right...”

  “Does that say divorce?” Maxx snaps, reading over my shoulder.

  “Shhh,” I try to calm her down as I put the papers in my inside coat pocket. “Yes.”

  “But I thought you were in love with Lex.”

  “I am.”

  “You took her to nerd city!”

  “It’s not called that!”

  “Whatever,” she mocks again. “If you love her enough to take her to the Hobbit Hole, then why do you have divorce papers?”

  “It’s complicated,” I try which is when Maxx pops me with her clutch. “Ouch!”

  “Every time you have the audacity to say to me it’s complicated, I’m gonna hit you.”

  That’s fair. You think Lex and I are complicated? The shit her and Kellar went through was the true definition of complicated. Not my story to tell, but trust me, it’s a good one.

  “My brother brought up some very valid points about my relationship with Lex—”

  “Excuse me?” she cuts me off. “Did you really just say that sentence?”

  Don’t agree with her!

  “Tony, your brother just married a demon donkey witch till evil cackle do them part or some shit,” she reaches for another shrimp appetizer as a waiter passes by again. “There’s nothing he could possibly say and be right about on this subject.”

  “We’re so different.”

  “Obviously.”

  “Lex is gonna be on the road.”

  “Duh.”

  “And she’s not used to stability.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “And so maybe...you know I should prepare myself for when she’s done wanting to do this with me. You know, being a couple. Being tied down?”

  “What makes you think she is gonna wanna stop? Because of that night club scandal?”

  “How do you know—“

  “You really think Logan would not come home and gloat about helping you?” She shakes her head at me again having a bite of the breaded thing that takes her no time to get through. “The only reason I didn’t bring it up sooner was because I was waiting for a good time to make fun of you.”

  After I chortle I say, “Yeah a charity event isn’t really the place or time, huh?”

  “Nah...” She licks her fingers. “Now, what makes you think Lex is just going to walk away?”

  “Her career—”

  “Really?” Maxx’s inability to tolerate that as an excuse hits me late. “You’re not the only one dating someone who has to travel like some sort of celebrity. Who has people throwing themselves and their underwear at your significant other.”

  “Girls do not throw their panties at Kellar.”

  “Let’s not get me started on that.” she holds up a hand. “My point is what she does for a living doesn’t guarantee her walking out on you. You being a dickhead does.” My jaw drops and she shrugs. “Face it. It happens. People say the wrong things all the time. You know this. You’ve had to help in situations when this happened...”

  So very true.

  “Ignore whatever your brother said to you and ask yourself what really matters. Are you in love with her?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you want to make this work?”

  I open my mouth to answer when I notice Clarissa and my brother approach us.

  “Happy my wedding day!” Clarissa shrieks joyfully.

  “Congrats,” Maxx’s phony smile is so sweet I even buy it.

  The girl is pretty good at that.

  “You’re not gonna pop at my wedding and ruin it are you?” she rudely asks looping her arms around my brother’s. “I mean no offense but I’d like to keep this day about me....”

  Maxx takes a long deep breath in and out before saying, “I’ve still got a few weeks to go, so no worries.”

  “And you’re that big already?” Clarissa’s puzzled look ignites rage in Maxx’s eyes.

  “You know what honey? Why don’t we go say hi to the Mullers?” Mike suggests pulling her off towards an elderly pair in the back.

  As soon as she’s a couple feet away Maxx turns her head to me, “And to think you wanna take advice from the man who willingly married Cruella De Vil?” I start to snicker and Maxx shakes her head. “Those poor puppies....I wish we could turn her into a fluffy coat, though with as much tulle as that bitch is carrying around I’d die of a heat stroke in this city.” I laugh a little bit louder and Maxx shoots me a look. “I want more food now.”

  “Gonna eat away your hate for Clarissa?”

  “Yup.”

  “I’ll get you a plate to tie you over before the main course,” I pat her lap gently and rise to retrieve it. On my way towards the bar to grab another drink while I’m up, my phone vibrates in my pocket.

  Quickly I pull it out to check the message.

  Lex Reed: I miss you baby.

  With a wide grin I type back.

  Me: I miss you more.

  “Texting at your own brother’s wedding?” my mother scolds me.

  I put it away like the kid caught texting during class.

  I’m fucking twenty-seven for crying out loud.

  “It was my wife.” My response widens her eyes.

  “You do not have a wife.” She snips in a hushed tone. “Your brother has a wife. Your brother is in a marriage. You have some little piece of music trash you had no business leaving Vegas with.”

  “Lex is not trash.”

  “She is.” My mother repeats in a lower tone. “Why couldn’t you have married a girl like Maxx? Someone that is respectable. And has her life together. And has a good job.”

  “Because she’s in love with someone else!” I struggle not to yell. “And I don’t wanna be with Maxx like that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m not in love with her.”

  “Marriage is about more than love.”

  “Do. Not. Give me marriage advice.”

  “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Exactly what I said.” Her face scrunches, upset and I say through gritted teeth, “If you’ll excuse me mother, I have to feed my best friend who is carrying one of my other best friend’s child.”

  No wonder my mother and Clarissa get along.

  Walking around her I make a bee line to the bar where I demand a jack and coke instead of another glass of champagne. He acknowledges me with a hand that he will be right with me. Frustrated I run my fingers through my dark brown hair.

  “Saw you talking to your mother.”

  In mumble I say, “If you can call it that.”

  “She giving you shit about why you’re not more like your brother?” My father says leaning beside me with a beer in his grip. I don’t answer. “Wow. Even on his day she’s not cutting you any slack?”

  “Because you ever have?” I snap. Immediately I go to apologize, “I didn’t mean that.”

  “You did,” my father nods and shrugs. “But I deserve that. And so does your mother.” Confused by where this conversation is headed I raise my eyebrows. “Look, I know we weren’t easy on you but it wasn’t because we didn’t love you. It was just harder to learn the right way to love you.
You were so different from Mike.”

  “Am so different.”

  “Yeah. Him we got. He was easy. Sports. Girls. High power job doing...” his hand waves in the air. “That thing he does that keeps his snobby wife happy. You...you were video games. Books. And computers.” I offer him a soft smile.

  “Still am.”

  “My point is, don’t let your mother’s bullshit get to you. You did what was right for you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Lex is good for you.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. I saw the way she looked at you during dinner last week. More importantly, how you looked at her. I know that look. I’ve had that look.” I grab my drink and request a plate for Maxx. “Where is she anyway?”

  “She had to play a concert out of town,” I explain. “She’ll be home tomorrow sometime.”

  “Well...keep her,” he reiterates. “She’s good for you. You deserve some good.”

  I can’t tell you the last time my father has ever said anything remotely supportive. And of all the things he could be supportive of, he chooses Lex. Isn’t that a clear sign I should choose her too?

  ***

  Slightly still intoxicated I don’t resist when I feel my pants being pulled off.

  Why are they still on?

  I struggle to open my eyes but am pleasantly surprised by Lex’s naked body when I do.

  Well that’s...awesome. Drunk dreaming? That’s gotta be safer than drunk driving.

  “I thought you weren’t coming home until morning?”

  “I didn’t wanna spend the night without you,” she answers sweetly crawling on top of my lap. As her hands begin to unbutton my shirt she explains, “So I skipped the after party, let the boys’ crash at the hotel, and drove myself back.” When my shirt is loose she pushes it off my shoulders and leans her lips so they are barely touching mine. “Now can you slide inside me already?”

  A wild feeling races through me and I toss my shirt off the bed before flipping her over onto her back. I admire the way her legs are spread open in such an inviting way. The swirling colorful designs all across her skin call to my tongue. Lowering my mouth to her ankles, I begin sucking and kissing my way up towards her thighs eventually landing on her clit. With just a few hard sucks and my fingers nestled firmly inside she’s coming, her back arching hard off the bed, chanting my name like a prayer. As she starts to come down off her high she starts clawing at my back, arms, side, and chest to come up to her. I drop my lips on hers at the same time I slowly ease inside of her, eager to feel every tight squeeze her pussy is offering. Our tongues collide forcefully. Her hips shift up to meet my every blow, her moans pouring out of her and into me. Part of me wants to increase the speed but the other part of me enjoys the first slow session we’ve ever experienced.