“Is it just me or do a lot of these kids seem really young?” Candy asked nonchalantly.
I looked at her, then back at a few kids scattered around the quad and studied their faces harder. She was right. I wasn’t sure if it was because we had gotten older over the summer or if somehow the universe morphed and the world changed during our summer away. I spotted a boy who was just dropped off by his minivan driving mom. He looked like he was a fifth grader. He walked by me, seeming very lost and terrified of his new world, and it made me think about Jeremy. He was starting high school this year and I wondered how he was adjusting to it. Was he scared or feeling out of place today, like these fifth graders?
“Nicky!”
At the sound of my name, my head jerked to the side, breaking my daydream. Before I had a chance to respond, a very bubbly Amber latched her arms around my neck.
“Oh, my gawd! I haven’t seen you all summer!” she squealed in my ear.
Amber had gone to school with Candy and me since elementary school, but we hadn’t become fast friends until a few years ago. Amber is very cute and sweet, but very energetic. She made the cheerleading squad this year, which will suit her perfectly, not only because of her perkiness, but also because she’s so tiny and petite that the other girls wouldn’t have a problem throwing her all over the place. She’s really pretty too, with short brown hair and the biggest brown eyes I have ever seen. She’s sure to be popular this year.
“Hey, Amber,” I said, hugging her back. “I know. I’ve been out of town. My parents bought a beach cottage at Atlantic Beach so I was there all summer,” I said, prying her boa constrictor arms off of me.
“Atlantic Beach? Where’s that?” she asked, tilting her head. “Anyway, how was your summer?”
Candy stared at us, amused, before rescuing me. “Hey, Amber, tone it down a notch, why don’t ya? It’s kinda early for all that, don’t ya think?”
Amber looked back and forth between me and Candy and gave us an apologetic smile before sitting down beside Candy.
“So really, Nicky, what did you do all summer?” she asked me in a calmer voice.
“Like I said, we spent the summer at the beach.”
“She met a boy,” Candy teased. “Not only did she meet a boy, our girl is in love.”
“Shut the front door,” Amber said. “Who is he?”
I hadn’t intended to divulge my life and the pain I was enduring on the first day of school, especially not to Amber. I loved Amber, but she liked to gossip and I didn’t want people gossiping about me or feeling sorry for me because I fell in love for the first time. And then there would surely be those who thought I was just flat out making it all up like some pathetic attention starved drama queen, which for the record, I’m not.
I narrowed my eyes at Candy and shook my head, mentally thinking of all the ways I could get back at her for this, before turning my attention back to Amber. “His name is Jeremy. He’s not from around here.”
“Aww…will you ever see him again?” she asked dreamily.
“Of course. He only lives three hours away and we write each other all the time.”
“That’s so sweet,” Amber said.
Everyone looked up at the same time when the first bell rang.
Saved by the bell. Thank God! I thought and gathered up my stuff without a word, leaving to go to my first period class.
I spent the rest of the day thinking about Jeremy and what he might be doing. Were his classes in sync with mine? Did he have lunch when I did, and if so, who did he sit with and what did he eat? Had he found a spot to hang out during breaks from class and if so, what did he do during those times? There were so many questions and I couldn’t wait to ask him. Unfortunately, I had to wait until he wrote me to find out because I was the last one to send a letter.
***
After the third day of school was over, I hurried home and threw open the mailbox door, just like I’d done the past few days. I sifted through the mail and my heart leaped to find a letter for me. I tossed the mail back into the box and rushed inside and up the stairs, taking two steps at a time to my room. I sat at my desk and opened my letter. I was so excited, my hands were shaking.
Dear Nicky,
Today was the first day of school. It wasn’t so bad I guess. This area is so small that I already knew a lot of people there so it wasn’t much different than last year. Brandon and I even got a few of the same classes together, which was good for us, but probably bad for our teachers. Nothing really happened today since it was just the first day. It felt like it was more of a socializing day than anything else since I saw so many people I hadn’t seen all summer. After school let out I went surfing. I was nervous about it at first since I haven’t surfed in a few years, not since Tonya. But the waves were great today and I fell into a rhythm. I think there’s a storm brewing out in the Atlantic somewhere though, it being hurricane season and all. It was nice to get out there and be by myself. I wish I had taught you how to surf while you were here. Make sure I do it next summer for sure. It’s a powerful feeling sitting on a board out in the middle of the water alone with the sea, with the water rippling all around you and the sun setting over the horizon changing the sky all different colors. It’s the closet thing to a religion that I have ever experienced. I get chills just thinking about it.
I love you and miss you, Nicky, and I can’t wait to hear all about your day. By the way I love what you put at the end of every letter. It makes me smile every time I see it.
Always yours,
Jeremy
I sat back in my chair and thought about what he had said about the water. It’s not something I had ever experienced before, so it was hard to imagine the intensity of it. He still seemed sad though and that made me sad.
Is all of this too much for him? I asked myself as I reread the words he wrote about wanting to be alone on the water. I pushed those thoughts out of my mind and opened my notebook to write him back.
Dear Jeremy,
That sounds amazing. I will most definitely remind you to teach me next summer and maybe we can sit out there and enjoy it together.
I’m glad your first day of high school went well. I was a little nervous for you, but now I see it was all for nothing. Mine was pretty much the same as yours. I saw a lot of people that I hadn’t seen all summer. I was asked a lot of questions about my summer away, but I didn’t want to tell anyone about it. Is that bad? It’s not like I am ashamed of you or anything because I promise I’m not. I just didn’t want people feeling sorry for me or making our relationship seem like some cliché summer fling and make it less than what it is. That would not be okay with me. I’m glad you like how I end my letters. I wrote it the first time and it just kinda stuck. It can be like my thing.
My love for you is forever. This I promise you.
XOXO
Nicky
Nine
We continued to write every week. It was never easy being apart from each other, but somehow it made us feel connected. On special occasions like holidays and birthdays, our parents even let us call one another. Those were the greatest days and I lived for them. It made holidays seem even more special. Strange as it may seem, I was always so afraid that I would forget his voice. I had this dreadful fear that I would answer the phone one day and he would be like “Hey, what are you doing?” without even announcing who he was and me on the other line like “Who is this?” It was a silly fear. I get it, but it was a fear nonetheless. Every time I heard his voice on the other end of the line, it always made me choke up and it would convince me that no matter the time in between, I would never forget the sound of his voice. Because our phone calls were a rarity, getting letters was definitely the highlight of my day. I knew I would get one every week, but which day was always an unknown. After school and on the weekends I would rush to the mailbox to search out my prize and when I got it, I would race up to my bedroom to read my letter in privacy. If letters were my prize, hearing his voice was a blessing, but
nothing would ever compare to that first time I would see him again in person. It was a day that would go down in history, my history anyway, as the best day of my life and one I would never forget.
Dear Jeremy,
I have just received the worst news I think I could have ever gotten. My dad was appointed first chair on a high profile case and we won’t be able to go to Atlantic Beach for spring break. He said it was the opportunity of a lifetime and he couldn’t turn it down. I’m so distraught right now I don’t know what to do. I have been looking forward to spring break at the beach for months—now it’s going to be another two months before I can see you. Ugh! Two more months! I can’t even talk right now. I’ll write you again later when I cool down.
Love you, Nicky
I laid on my bed and stared up at my ceiling. I was so disappointed about not seeing Jeremy. He and I had planned out the entire week that I was going to be in Atlantic Beach from the time I woke up until the time I was forced to go in for the night.
Knock! Knock!
A loud knock at my bedroom door broke into my thoughts. “Go away!” I yelled.
Knock! Knock!
I jumped up from my bed in a huff and threw my bedroom door open, prepared to lay into whoever had the nerve to try to speak to me after the horrid news I was just given.
“What?” I yelled, opening the door, but gasped and blinked rapidly when I saw who it was. Candy and Amber were staring back at me. Candy leaned up against the door frame with her arms crossed. Her polished but together look seemed off with the defiant look on her face. Sweet little Amber, on the other hand, stared at me with her brown eyes wide in shock. “Sorry, I thought you were my parents,” I said to them. I opened the door wider to let them in.
“And what’s your major malfunction?” Candy asked as she sat on my bed. She flipped her shiny dark hair over her shoulder and stared at me, waiting for an answer.
I took a deep breath and followed them into the room and sat on the bed beside them. I curled my legs under me and stared at the wall.
“Well?” Candy asked.
I blinked and looked at her. Her crystal clear blue eyes still radiated with defiance, but now concern as well.
“I’m not going to the beach for spring break,” I said quietly.
“Oh, no! Why not?” Amber asked, her big brown eyes seeming even bigger than before.
“Because my dad got appointed to a big case and he couldn’t turn it down.”
“Yay! So you’re stuck with us for spring break?” Candy asked, her demeanor turning to excitement.
“Seems like it.”
“I’m sorry you don’t get to see Jeremy,” Amber said sympathetically.
“Thanks, Amber. I am, too.”
“I know you really wanted to see him,” Candy said, “but I’m happy you get to spend the time off with us. Amber and I have been invited to a party on Saturday night at Cole Lee’s house. Now you can come, too, which is a good thing because he’s been eye-balling you all year.”
“He has not,” I said quickly.
“He has, too. I’ve seen him. Lots,” Candy said back.
Smiling, I thought about it for a minute. A year ago I would be all over this news, but things were different now. My smile faded as reality hit. “A party?” I asked. “I don’t know …”
“That’s crap, Nic, and you know it. I’m sorry you don’t get to see your dream boy, but seriously, get over it,” Candy said, annoyed. “We’re in eighth grade this year. Do you know what that means?” She didn’t wait for me to answer, not that I had an answer. “It means this is the last year of our innocence. Next year, in high school, everything is going to change. We’re going to be older, starting to drive, getting jobs, dating boys, and finding less and less time to spend together. Besides, who’s to say Lover Boy isn’t going out and hanging out with his friends?”
I stared at her, speechless, because she was right. Jeremy and I both had a life before we met, so why couldn’t we still have one? I hadn’t thought about what this year meant for any of us. I had been too preoccupied with my budding love life to even take anything else into consideration. I sat up straight. “You’re right. I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting all year.”
“Of course I’m right. Did you really have any doubt?”
I started laughing. At times like these, I remembered why she was my best friend.
“So are you in?” she asked me hopefully.
I looked between her and Amber. “I’m in, but please don’t try to push me on Cole. Jeremy and I are going to be together and that isn’t going to change.”
Candy rolled her eyes and smiled. “Deal.”
“Yay!” Amber squealed in my ear as they both pulled me in for a group hug.
After they left, I felt so much better than I did before they came. Candy was right. We’re young and should be having fun and enjoying life. Oddly, I felt somewhat guilty for that, though. Guilty because I should still be upset about not being able to see Jeremy after all these months apart instead of being excited about going to a party with two of my best friends at a boy’s house, especially one I’ve had a crush on since elementary school. Candy seemed convinced that he has been checking me out, but I hadn’t noticed, and why should I? I laid on my bed and stared up at the ceiling, feeling confused. Candy’s words rang in my head. Who knows what Jeremy is really doing when I’m not around? He probably does go to high school parties and everything, but doesn’t tell me about it. In that case, why shouldn’t I do the same things?
I sat up and grabbed my notebook off of my nightstand. I bypassed the angry letter I wrote earlier and started fresh.
Dear Jeremy,
I hate to start my letter off like this but I have some bad news. We won’t be going to Atlantic beach this weekend for spring break. My father was appointed first chair on a high profile case and he couldn’t refuse. I’m really happy for him because cases like this one don’t happen all the time and he has worked so hard for it. But also I am really sad. I’m sad because I miss you so much and I have been really looking forward to seeing you. Maybe in a few years when I have my license I can start driving myself down there, as well as you coming here. That would be pretty awesome. But for now we have to manage. It’s only two more months, and after eight months already, two more won’t be so bad. Hopefully. Candy and Amber came by earlier. Having just been given the news, I was really upset. But they cheered me up like usual. Candy had even invited me to a party this weekend. I guess that will be the next best thing to seeing you. Oh well, I am going to close with that because, well, I have nothing else to say. Nothing positive, anyway.
My love for you is forever. This I promise you.
XOXO
Nicky
Ten
Jeremy rushed home as soon as school let out on Friday afternoon, pedaling his bike harder than he had ever pedaled before. He was so excited because finally, after so many months of being apart, he would be able to see Nicky again. It was something he had been looking forward to ever since she told him her family was going to the beach for a week during her spring break. Thankfully, his time off coincided with hers. Breathless and sweaty, he dropped his bike at the foot of the front steps and rushed inside.
“My goodness, son! What’s the rush?” his mom asked him, throwing her soapy dishwater hands to her chest when he ran through the living room and into the kitchen, scaring her half to death.
“Oh, Mom, sorry,” he said, bracing himself against the island to catch his breath. “I’m just excited. Nicky will be here tomorrow morning.”
“Oh, that’s nice,” she said with a smile, drying her hands on a dish towel. “Speaking of which, you got a letter.” Mrs. Hayes had watched her son self-destruct for two long years after Tonya’s death. No one blamed Jeremy for what happened, but it didn’t stop him from blaming himself. To make matters worse, there was nothing she could do to help him but sit back and hope it got better. And it did. Nicky was his saving grace. She had some reservations abou
t the girl at first and again when she left, but there was no denying the improvement in Jeremy since meeting her last summer. Had it not been for Nicky, she didn’t know where her son would have ended up. She only hoped that it would continue to improve.
Jeremy stood up straight and took his letter from his mom and stared down at it. For some reason he didn’t have a good feeling. He hadn’t expected to get a letter this late in the week, considering Nicky was going to be there tomorrow.
Maybe the mail was delayed, he thought.
“Thanks, Mom,” he finally said and gave her a forced smile, then went to his bedroom with his letter in hand. He closed the door behind him and sat on the bed. His hands shook as he stared down at the white envelope, his heart pounded with unexplainable dread. He put the letter on the bed, stood back up and walked toward his closet. He opened the door and bent down and reached in the far right corner. He moved a few things around before pulling his hand back. In it he grasped a half empty fifth of vodka. Just as he had done every day for the past seven months, he unscrewed the cap and took a deep breath before putting the bottle to his lips. He took a few big burning gulps before reemerging for air. He wiped his lips and put the bottle back in its hiding spot. No one knew about his newfound hobby, not even Brandon or Mary, and he wanted to keep it that way. Especially since his parents would probably kill him if they found out. He knew he was too young to drink alcohol, but at the age of fifteen he had seen far too much to know how to cope with life any other way. It had been almost three years since his sister’s death, but to him it felt like only yesterday. It seemed like every time he closed his eyes, he could clearly see that day. He could see spouts of water splashing as she swam towards him, her short blonde hair plastered down on her head and the feel of her slick arms as she pulled him out of that dreadful undertow. She grabbed him so tightly. He remembered turning to her, surprised by the grip she had on him. But as he did, his dark eyes met hers and he knew that something was gravely wrong. Tonya sucked in as much air as her lungs would hold and she used that force to throw him forward, out of the forceful undertow. Keeping his eyes locked on hers, he let her launch him forward a good few feet.
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