Discovering April

by Sheena Hutchinson

  “Ooo, right on time,” I hear Jared announce from his spot straddling his motorcycle.

  “Well, you’ve already taken me on a death ride through the middle of nowhere and tried to kill me with mud, so I’d hate to see what you do to someone who stands you up.”

  He laughs before throwing me his extra helmet.

  “We’re going to school together?” I blurt out without thinking. I don’t know why in all my overanalyzing last night this didn’t come to mind.

  “I prefer carpooling. We are going to the same places…” He looks at me like I have three heads.

  It’s not that big a deal; in fact, I don’t know why I even mentioned it. Maybe it was anxiety of being seen in public on the back of Jared’s motorcycle in front of the school. Actually, that sounds like a great idea; I’d love to watch Hunter’s face.

  “I just didn’t think about it, I guess...” I mutter, strapping my helmet on. I walk over and climb onto the bike behind him. It’s kind of awkward with my backpack on.

  By the time we pull up to Jack’s Coffee Bean, all excitement is lost and anxiety begins to set in. The college kids like to hang out here before school sometimes, and I wonder if maybe Hunter will be here. Jared pulls into a spot right in front and I scramble off. My hands find their way into my pockets to hide the fact that they are trembling.

  The door chimes as Jared holds it open for me and my heart flutters around in my chest as I take a step inside. The shop has only a few customers and none of them I recognize, except one: Sera with an E. Jack hasn’t taken his eyes from her to greet anyone else. Her red hair is pulled back into a bun and her little dress is flared out at the waist, flattering her curves perfectly. She is strikingly beautiful and I hate her! I mean, not just because of the fact that she’s like perfect, but the way she comes in and flirts with Jack, never making more than polite conversation. It’s like watching middle-schoolers date. It’s ridiculous and it makes me sick.

  “See you, Sera. Have fun at work!” Jack calls.

  I roll my eyes. He sounds so pathetic. She walks past me, sipping her latte and smiling a stupid, lovesick smile, her keys dangling free from her purse. I watch her exit the shop and walk out to her car, the white sedan parked in front of Jared’s motorcycle. The only thing that wakes me out of my trance is when I hear Jared ordering. My mind whips back to the here and now when I recognize my very unique, very specific coffee order being placed.

  “Ah, we call that the April-special!” Jack winks at me before turning around and beginning my triple caf-one pump hazelnut, no foam latte. Not having the words, I look back to Jared who seems confident, sure of himself. How does he know how I like my coffee?

  “Do you want a bagel or something?” Jared asks and I suddenly remember how to speak.

  “Uh, I’ll get a muffin,” I mumble, turning my gaze toward Jack’s back.

  Jack turns around, handing me my coffee and a blueberry muffin before grabbing Jared a coffee and telling us it’s on the house. So, I guess I still don’t know if this is a date. Determining who pays is generally one of the ways you can tell. Geez, I haven’t done this dating thing in a while; I need like a manual or something.

  Jared directs me out of the shop and over to the little table out front where he takes a seat. I look around one more time before taking a seat in the chair beside him. The silence between us grows and becomes slightly uncomfortable, so I keep taking sips of coffee to busy myself. My eyes glance around every once in a while to watch the townspeople get ready for another day.

  Jared finally breaks the silence. “How’s the coffee?”

  “Mmm, my favorite,” I murmur with my lips against the lid of the cup, preparing for yet another sip.

  He smiles. “So what’s on the agenda for today?” He’s trying again to loop me into conversation.

  “Oh, a very exciting day.” I lean back against the chair and roll my eyes, “First up—we have English 230, followed by a very exciting art history class, where they turn the lights out and put boring slides on right before a lunch break, only to end in an even more boring advanced math class with a lady that sounds a lot like Charlie Brown’s teacher.” By the time I finish, my feet are propped up on the round table and my hands are around the coffee in my lap.

  “Sounds like I’m not missing much.” He looks amused at my change in disposition.

  “Thousands of dollars a year only to learn that common sense can’t be bought… nah, not much to miss,” I joke, taking another sip of my coffee. I begin to feel the caffeine spreading its warm way through my veins, finally waking me up. “Do you regret it? Not going to school, I mean?”

  Jared’s brown eyes lock with mine and I regret the words as soon as they’re spoken. It must still be an open wound; I had no right to bring it up.

  “It’s not like I had a choice,” he says, so softly I almost miss it. My heart drops. He coughs. “After your brief rendition, I can’t say that I’m missing anything. Plus, I was always better with my hands than my brains.”

  I smile, wondering if that is really true. A blush creeps into my cheeks at the turn my thoughts have taken and I have to look away.

  “So, what’s the plan? After school?”

  “Like after graduation?” I ask. He nods and I think for a minute. “Uh, well… I don’t exactly know.” I begin to lose my confidence and I drop my feet back down to the pavement.

  “Well, what’s your major?” He leans in slightly over the table.

  “Undecided,” I practically whisper, kind of ashamed. It’s not like I haven’t given it any thought; I just can’t seem to come to a decision. “I just don’t know what I could stand doing for the rest of my life. Deciding a major just seems so… final.”

  I watch as Jared digests this for a minute before leaning back and muttering, “I think that’s just an excuse.”

  “Excuse me?!” I just put it all out there and he stomped on it!

  “I don’t think you know yourself. If you did, you would know what you like.” He shrugs like it’s the most logical conclusion.

  Jerk. I think I hate him more because maybe he’s right.

  “I … I,” I say, trying to come up with some smart-ass comeback. But nothing comes to mind.

  “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. Just get to know yourself again.” He tosses his empty coffee cup in the garbage behind him before turning to me. “Life is all about choices. Choices define us, sculpt us. What will your choices say about you?”

  I feel as if all the wind is knocked out of me as his big brown eyes laser into me like he’s drilling in a point. Jared has made me speechless, twice in the past five minutes alone. What would my choices say about me? What would people think if they knew how deep I fell after Hunter? What would they say if they knew I had slapped him? That I probably would have stayed even though he was cheating on me? What would those decisions make me?

  Breaking me out of my internal breakdown, I hear Jared cough, a little uncomfortable. His eyes come into focus again and I think I see a trace of guilt. “Do you still like that band, what were they called?” he asks, thankfully changing the subject.

  “Blue Lagoon?” I smile. It was a band I was mildly obsessed with in high school. The main singer is still super dreamy! I still listen to their music, but I haven’t been to a concert since I started dating Hunter. Rock and roll just isn’t his scene. “I don’t think you ever really get over your one true love!” I exaggerate, looking out into the distance, pretending to be in deep thought. Jared practically falls out of his chair in a fit of laughter.

  “Especially, if its unrequited love!” He stops laughing long enough to tell me this. “There’s just something about it; you never really get over something you can’t have.” His eyes gleam.

  “Hey, who says I can’t have him?”

  Rolling his eyes, he climbs out of the chair. “Come on, we are going to be late.”

  Rising to my feet, I walk over to his motorcycle and strap back on my helmet.

 
; “No seriously, why can’t I have him?”

  “Oh, maybe because he’s 40 and a married has-been!” He climbs on the bike first, bracing his hands on the handlebars.

  “Listen Mr. Scrooge, I can’t help if I’m a dreamer,” I say as I sneak in behind him, laying my hands at my sides.

  “Oh are you now?” I hear him loud and clear before he mumbles, “Coulda fooled me.” It’s barely audible but I pick it up.

  The motorcycle jerks out onto the main road and I grab at him suddenly. We ride through the scenery of the few towns that separate us from the school, feeling the fading warmth of the sun as autumn has officially begun. The leaves on the trees have turned their golden shade, and some sprinkle down as we make our way to North Commons University. I duck behind Jared’s back to hide from the cool wind whipping my cheeks. Beginning to feel his warmth, I once again find myself sliding closer to him on the seat.

  Before I know it we are pulling up to the school. Jared whips into the parking lot in front of the Hall. I can’t help but notice we are gathering a lot of attention. He idles while I clumsily climb off the back of his bike. Once I have both feet on the ground again, I turn around to thank him, but Jared has already zoomed off towards the dorms.

  Taking a deep breath, I gather my strength and walk towards my first class. Feeling eyes on me the entire way, I head up the three flights of stairs in the Old Building to English and collapse into a chair by the window. Glancing across the field, I catch sight of Jared. Like a stalker, I watch as he straps his tool belt around his waist while giving some of his guys directions. He leans over, staring at some papers for a while. My eyes wander down his body, stopping at that perfect…

  “He’s hot, right?”

  It’s then I notice I’m biting my nails. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I respond to the girl with the dark eyes.

  Looking at her now, I realize she’s the girl who always comes in late, usually with a different guy kissing her goodbye. She has perfect olive skin and dark curly hair I always wished I had. My hair will barely hold a curl; it’s just plain straight and boring. That’s why I added the pink tips.

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about! Hot pants over there in the tool belt!” Leaning over my desk, she checks Jared out now through the window. “You two dating? What’s the story?”

  “No, we are … neighbors.”

  “Neighbors, huh? Is that why you two are carpooling?” She smirks, reading my face.

  “Yup.”

  “Okay, then you won’t mind if I do!” She licks her lips, finally getting to her real point.

  The teacher walks in just as I begin to feel a stab of jealousy tear through me. Why? It’s Jared. This girl is totally not his type; she’s all wrong. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jared with a girlfriend. I don’t even know what his ‘type’ would be. Maybe it is her? What if it is? I’d have to watch her come home with him.

  I don’t realize I’m shaking my head until she whispers, “You okay?”

  “Just forgot to do my homework,” I mutter, keeping my eyes on my notebook on the desk.

  “Girl, I never do my homework!” she scoffs. She pulls out a notebook of sketches and begins to doodle.

  WORD OF MY RIDE to school must have traveled through the entire campus because I feel people looking at me when I’m in line at the cafeteria. I feel someone cut the line next to me and slam a tray down.

  It’s Hunter. “Tool bag Jared? April, I thought you could do better.” And with that, he’s gone.

  I don’t even look after him. His words still hurt me to my very core. What’s that supposed to mean?

  Struggling to hold back tears, I try to confidently walk to an empty table in the corner and eat my lunch in peace. The rumor mill is whispering about me and I close my eyes, slump in my chair and try to ignore everything.

  “What an asshole!” I hear someone say in an abnormally loud voice.

  Looking up, I find the curly-haired girl from class making herself comfortable in the seat across from me. “I’m Ro, by the way.”

  “April.”

  “Well, April, I think Jockhead is just jealous because Mr. Dreamy is hotter than he will ever be in that ruggedly, I-will-stain-your-deck-and-then-ravish-you-on-it kind of way.”

  “Is that all you think about!” I somehow get out in between giggles.

  “What are you, a virgin?” she gasps, as if I had told her I killed her mother.

  “No, but I don’t feel the need to flaunt it.”

  “Honey, I don’t flaunt it… on purpose. I can’t help it if I exude confidence and sex appeal!”

  We pause, meeting the other’s eyes, sizing each other up like some kind of ancient act of dominance. We stare for what feels like minutes, but turns out to be only seconds before we break into a fit of laughter.

  “Exude, huh?”

  “I just speak the truth!” She shrugs comically, “So what’s your story? I mean besides what I’ve heard!”

  “Don’t believe everything you hear,” I mutter, taking a tiny bite of my chicken wrap. I don’t really have an appetite after my interaction with Hunter.

  “Well, I know you used to screw Hunter. I know he’s now screwing Veronica and there are a ton of rumors swirling around about you and your Neighbor.”

  She gave her a name; she called her Veronica—V. A name I will never forget for the rest of my life. Veronica. So original and different, so sexy—it’s everything I am not. I feel the tears begin to well up behind my eyes.

  “Nevermind then, you got me all figured out,” I whisper behind my sandwich, blinking rapidly to hold back tears. I will not cry again, especially not in the middle of the cafeteria. I will not give Hunter that satisfaction.

  “Whoa, it’s worse than I thought.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “If that’s what your entire life is all about, you need help, girlfriend.” She glances around the cafeteria for a second before leaning in closer to me. “See, my life doesn’t revolve around men. Men revolve around my life. Think about it.”

  I’m speechless, staring at her. Is this hoochie trying to tell me how to live my life? I stare at her for a few seconds longer than normal before I glance down at my plate. Maybe she’s right. Men shouldn’t determine my life.

  “What are you doing later? Let’s go out?”

  “It’s Monday!” I roll my eyes; this girl is crazy.

  “Perfect! It’s Margarita Mondays at the Bar!”

  I’m staring again, and this time she stares me right back and wiggles her eyebrows, waiting for my answer. I know she’s not going to take no for an answer and part of me is grateful. I could use some girl time… actually, I could use a girlfriend, period.

  “Okay, Margarita Monday it is.” I finally force a smile.

  “Good girl, cuz we need to get you out.”

  I laugh finally, for the first time today, and it feels good. This girl Ro is okay in my book.

  We sit there at the table, talking about everything and nothing until I notice I’m late for my next class.

  FINALLY WALKING OUT of the building, I take a deep breath of the fresh air. Man, that class was draining. Today we learned how to solve problems with infinity in them, something I can’t quite get a handle on yet. I sigh, shaking the thoughts of math out of my head. I reach into my book bag for my keys when I finally come to the realization— I don’t have my car. Crap, I didn’t think this through. I pull my phone out of my back pocket and search for local cab numbers. That’s when I hear it, the exhaust. Jared pulls up in the same spot where he dropped me off this morning and kicks down his kickstand. Pulling his helmet off his head, he places it down between his legs and scans the hill. I didn’t notice anyone beside me because I was slightly distracted, but I hear someone at my ear.

  “Looks like your ride is here…” Ro winks at me.

  “Yup, there’s my carpool!” I shrug back as I walk down the pathway to the parking lot. Jared’s eyes lock on
me making my way to him and I watch as a small smile begins to crown his cheeks. It’s then that he turns forward and straps his helmet back on. I turn my head, trying to hide my disappointment. A group of jocks have tried to look nonchalant hanging out in front of the Hall, probably taking notes, getting ready to report to gossip central. Let’s make it good. Picking up confidence from somewhere deep down, I saunter out past the crew of football jerks, one foot in front of the other as my hips emphasize every step I take.

  “Ow! Work it, gurl!” I hear yelled from the hill where Ro is sitting with the catch of the day. I spin, flipping my hair, and wave at her. I’m almost by the bike when Jared turns his head back and watches me walk the last few steps.

  “You’re late,” I tell him, taking the extra helmet from his hands.

  “Well, I didn’t want to miss your little runway show over there.” He nods past me.

  Hiding a smile, I shrug strapping on my helmet. “Yeah, ya know, I get my Tyra on once and a while.” I grab his shoulder as I swing my leg over and hop in behind him, letting my hand strategically slide down his arm to his waist as he kicks up the stand. He guns it and roars through the parking lot. If people weren’t staring at us before, we’ve got their attention now. Rounding the corner and stopping at the red light, I take the time to scoot myself close to him again, just close enough to smell his soap. Only, I can’t seem to smell it through the leather jacket he’s wearing. I pull my face closer until I’m practically touching him. The light turns green and the force of him hitting the gas makes me lean away from him again. He’s driving strangely, almost like he’s mad. It’s not a serene ride like this morning; it’s harsh and fast, almost like the ride home from the orchard. I try to peek my face around to gauge his expression, only every time I get close to him he seems to put the pedal to the metal and I’m forced back again. After the second longest ride of my life, he finally pulls into his driveway and rips himself from my grasp. Leaving me to put the kickstand down, I steady the bike against it and slip off.