Discovering April

by Sheena Hutchinson

  “And the rose?” I ask breathlessly as my eyes stare, unbelieving.

  “It’s you.” He pauses, taking a step closer to me, and I lift my eyes up to his. “Because once you get past the thorns, you’re absolutely beautiful.”

  “Oh, Jared.” My shoulders slump completely as all the wind is knocked out of me.

  “I told you—you can’t say my name like that,” he murmurs, lifting my lips to his.

  “Can you do me a favor?”

  “Anything.”

  “Stop saying all the right things! I mean, Goddamn!” My sarcasm is overtaken when he pulls my body closer to his, deepening the kiss between us.

  THE NEXT DAY, I wake in Jared’s bedroom alone. Sitting up, I pull the covers up over to cover my naked self. It’s finally starting to get cold like a normal winter. I can’t even imagine camping in this weather. They must be crazy, this bunch. Breaking my thoughts, Jared enters the room with a steaming cup of coffee.

  “Morning,” he murmurs, trying to walk without spilling the cup’s contents all over himself. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, he hands me the cup. It feels so good against my cold hands. The smell of coffee used to remind me of work and make me depressed; now I don’t think I could feel sad even if I tried.

  “What are you doing today, Bear?”

  “I have a surprise for you.”

  “What?”

  He hands me an envelope. Curiously, I slip my finger under the flap and tear it open. Unfolding the paper, I see an insurance card at the bottom with my name on it.

  “I worked some magic and got you onto my insurance plan.”

  “What? How did you manage that?”

  “I told them you were an employee.”

  “What? Didn’t they ask for paperwork?”

  “Which I supplied.”

  “Jared, this is kind of serious. Like joint-bank-account-serious!”

  “Relax, Apes. You need insurance to get that leg looked at by a professional.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it could be infected or—”

  “No, I mean why did you go through all this trouble for me?”

  “Because you deserve to have someone look after you for once.”

  “I don’t need someone to look after me. I’m—”

  “Is this that thing you have against chivalry again?” he interrupts me with that cute smirk of his playing across his lips.

  I laugh. “No, it’s a—”

  “Well, it’s non-refundable until you get your own plan, and you have an appointment with a doctor on Monday.”

  “Fine!” I concede, leaning back against the pillows in defeat. Forgetting to take the blankets with me, my bare chest peeks out and I see Jared’s pupils dilate slightly as the brown of his eyes deepen. My body automatically is ready. Like I said, we are magnets; we crave to be joined.

  AN HOUR LATER, Jared is tiding up his room as I wander about the halls. Directly across the hall is the Lavender room, and the door in between them is the bathroom. But as I spin around, I notice another door I never realized was there. “Bear?”

  “Yeah,” he responds with a strained voice, like he was lifting something.

  “Where does this door lead?”

  Immediately he’s in the hallway. “Don’t open that!”

  “Jared… Jare, is that your parent’s room?”

  “Drop it!” he responds, stomping down the stairs away from me.

  I follow after him. “Jared Hoffman, answer me!” He pauses halfway down the steps when I use his full name. “Is that your parent’s room?”

  “I said drop it!” he yells again, continuing down into the kitchen. He whips open the fridge and whisks out a beer, flicking it open and shot gunning the whole thing. Crinkling it in his fist, I watch as he turns and throws the empty can into the sink.

  Slowly I walk up to him and wrap my arms around him in a side hug. “It’s okay, Bear.”

  “You don’t get it. I know I have to get rid of it… I just can’t! Okay?”

  “Let me help you. You helped me, so let me help you do this.” His chest rises and falls against me and I know I’ve won. “Okay, then, grab a garbage bag. Let’s do this.”

  “We don’t have to do this right now!”

  “Jare, if there is anything you’ve taught me, it’s to live in the moment… There’s no time like the present… chop, chop!” I clap my hands for emphasis.

  OPENING THE DOOR, I climb the steps slowly, half expecting ghosts, until I reach the top and take a look around. It’s as if they never left. The bed is still unmade, covers thrown off like they were late for work. His mother’s make-up is still scattered on her dresser where she left it. His father’s socks are on the floor by the bathroom. The only indication that this was years ago is the stale air and the thick layer of dust that coats everything. I hear creaking on the steps behind me. I look down to eye Jared, who is walking like he’s stuck in quicksand.

  “It’s okay Jare, I checked the room for ghosts. We are clear.”

  I see a smirk cross his face; it’s a step, halfway to a smile. He climbs the remainder of the steps and I begin tossing things into the middle of the room for him to put in the bag. We stay like that for a while; I’m the one touching everything as he stands in the middle of the room like it’s a museum.

  Once the tops of the dressers and night tables have been cleared out, I grab a dresser drawer and start stuffing clothes into another bag. This time he turns to help me. Going to his father’s dresser, he begins taking things out and placing them in bags. We work like this for hours, without words, breathing in the stagnant air and cleaning. We slide drawers in and out, the rustle of bags opening and closing the only sound, until finally everything is packed away, except for the furniture.

  “Okay, you gonna help me lift this?” I ask, grabbing a leg of the bed, ready to hike it down two flights of stairs.

  “It’s okay, Apes. The furniture can stay.”

  “Really?” I mutter, looking around and back at him.

  “Yea, I’m okay now,” he tells me, nodding as he looks around.

  “How about a new paint job?” I ask.

  “Yea, I think I can spruce it up a bit. I’m quite crafty…” He winks at me.

  “So I’ve noticed!” I wink back with a little too much enthusiasm and he laughs.

  “Okay, don’t do that again. You look like you just had an aneurism or something!”

  “Hey…” I punch him playfully. He opens his arms to me and I go willingly. Wrapping me close, he places his chin on my head.

  “Thanks for this, Apes.”

  I wrap my arms around his waist. “You needed help. That’s what I’m here for.”

  “Why can’t you tell me that you love me?” I freeze, my eyes open, staring straight ahead of me. So, he noticed. “Things like this tell me you do, but why can’t you say it? Tell me.”

  “I… I just…” I sigh, taking the time to sort my thoughts before I respond. Picking my head up, I look at him. “Jare, I’m pretty sure I do. It’s just the next time I say it, I want to be absolutely sure that I mean it. I don’t want there to be any doubts, and I don’t want to say it to just say it.”

  “So if you say it now, you don’t know if you’ll mean it?” His arms fall from my sides to his own. I hurt him, yet again.

  “I want to be absolutely, completely, totally, borderline insanely sure before I ever tell anyone I love them ever again.” I tell him, pleading with him to hear me.

  He sighs a defeated sigh. “Okay.”

  “Okay?” I repeat.

  “I’ve waited this long, Apes. I can wait for you to be sure.”

  I almost say it right then and there, but something inside me holds back to keep my word.

  MY FINGERS ARE tapping against the cold, hard table I’m sitting on. Jared – having insisted that he come with me – is sitting in the chair in the corner of the room. I’m taking deep breaths when I hear a knock at the door.

  “Come in,” I
croak.

  “Ms. Landau, we have the results of the X-rays.” Jared leans forwards, slightly anticipating his next words. “There wasn’t a break and the impromptu stiches healed up the wound just fine. The skin is healing nicely, but I want to take blood tests just to make sure you didn’t get an infection.”

  “Okay,” I was really hoping that I wouldn’t need to give blood; I hate needles. Jared sighs in relief, sitting back in his chair.

  “I just need to get this string out and the nurse will come in to draw blood.”

  “Wait. You need to take the string out?” My hands brace themselves against the sides of the table.

  “Yes, it’s fishing line. We need to get it out of your leg before the skin heals over it.”

  “I think it’s fine. So I have some string in my leg!” I reason, remembering the pain of the stiches when they went through my skin. I don’t even want to think about how it will feel being pulled back out.

  “April—” Jared starts, but Dr. Goldfarb interrupts him.

  “Ms. Landau, the wound has healed. It won’t hurt like I’m sure it did when the wound was open. Once we get the string out, the scar has a chance of healing over less noticeably.”

  “I don’t care about the sight. I don’t want that needle thing going anywhere near my leg!” I point towards the tray of metal instruments on the counter behind him.

  “Just give us a minute, Doc.” Jared finally climbs to his feet. Dr. Goldfarb leaves the room and Jared is pulling my hands into his. “Apes, remember what I said about those perfect legs?”

  “That you didn’t want to ruin them?”

  “Exactly.” He smiles. “I’ll be right here. Just let him take it out. He said it won’t hurt.”

  I glare at his brown eyes, looking for any weakness, pleading with him to not let me do this. But I’m only met with hard, determined ones. He’s not going to let me leave without doing this. “Ugh! Fine, but you’re never going to hear the end of this.”

  “I’ll be right here.” He kisses the top of my hand and leans across me to knock on the door.

  Dr. Goldfarb comes back in with a nurse. This time, I lean back, staring up at the ceiling. I can’t watch this again. Jared keeps his word, and his hand never leaves mine. He clenches it a few times in response to my moans and groans.

  The doctor was only half right. I don’t feel pain like I had the first night, but I still felt the string sliding through my skin, pulling and tugging at it in the strangest feeling I’ve ever experienced before. Jared even holds my hand while the nurse draws my blood. I almost pass out when I see the needle, but Jared pulls my face into his neck when I felt the prick and I just try to focus on the smell of his soap.

  I can’t wait to be out of this place and never return. I get dressed again and meet Jared in the hallway. Kicking off the wall, he comes over to my side to head out of the office and back home.

  “You did great.”

  “You owe me one.”

  “Fine,” he concedes. We are rounding another, corner trying to remember the way we came in when Dr. Goldfarb comes out of the room right in front of us.

  “Have a good day, Mrs. Landau,” he cheerfully calls, placing a chart into the bin next to the room. “Oh, and Mr. Landau, that was a great job with the stiches. Better than some doctors I’ve seen! You’re definitely good with your hands, young man!” he tells our surprised faces before disappearing down the hallway we had just come.

  I look over at Jared. “Mr. Landau? I like the sound of that!” I smirk.

  “Why do I keep hearing that I’m good with my hands?”

  At that, we both break into hysterical giggles as we walk back to his car.

  “APRIL?” I HEAR Jared’s voice over the television in my room. He’s been tapping away on that computer over on my desk for hours now.

  “Yes, Mr. Landau?”

  He turns and gives me a funny look. Jinx meows annoyingly from Jared’s lap at the disappointment of being interrupted from his slumber.

  “Where’s your printer?”

  “Downstairs. Why?”

  “No reason.” He picks Jinx up and tosses him onto the bed beside me before leaving my room. I hear his footsteps trace their way downstairs, then back up again. I’m sitting up in bed now by the time he comes traipsing back in.

  “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

  “Nope. I owe you one, remember?”

  “I didn’t say it had to be a surprise!”

  “Well, I’m an overachiever!” He plops down on the bed beside me and pets an angry Jinx. Surprisingly, he lets him. Jinx would never let me come close to him if he was mad at me. Jared, on the other hand? It’s like they are long lost friends. “We are going to be late. You should get dressed.”

  “Get dressed for what?”

  “I just told you it was a surprise. Jeez, woman!”

  “How do I know what to wear if you won’t tell me where we are going?”

  “It’s not a ball, Cinderella, just get dressed! Here, let me help you out of those clothes!” He smirks, reaching for the hem of my tee shirt. I allow him to pull it off over my head, shaking my hair free.

  “Mr. Full-of-Surprises… how long do we have before we have to get going?” I give him a mischievous smile.

  “Long enough.” His eyes meet mine with a smile of his own before his lips trace their way up the side of my thigh peeking out from the covers.

  I HOP ON THE BACK of Jared’s motorcycle before he blindfolds me. He actually blindfolds me! I’m not going to lie, it’s a better rush riding a motorcycle blind. Every bump and groove surprises me, and every turn I’m not expecting makes me grip him tighter. It’s also a deeper sense of trust forming between us. I can’t see; I have to trust he won’t kill me. After what feels like an exhilarating and quite frankly arousing ride, I feel him slow and cut the engine off. He places a piece of paper in my hands before I feel his fingers untie the knot behind my head. My eyes immediately glance down at my hands. Between them sits two tickets to see Blue Lagoon, my favorite band. My eyes flick over to Jared for explanation or reassurance that this is real.

  He shrugs. “I owed you one.”

  “How much were these?”

  “Not that expensive. They are has-beens, after all.”

  “Hey! Don’t talk about my future husband like that!” I pull the tickets close to my chest.

  “Lucky man,” he whispers, helping me off the bike.

  I finally notice we are outside a small town theater. Once I pick my jaw up from the floor, I follow him inside the tiny theater.

  The rest of the night is a blur of music and screaming (mostly from me). Jared jumps up and down with me, although he probably thinks the songs are super lame. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much fun in my life. It isn’t until we are walking out the front doors that I see the trailer pull up. I guess small theaters like this don’t exactly have secret back entrances. He’s in there! The very first love of my life is sitting in that bus right now. I’m staring at the bus with Jared’s arm around my shoulders when I feel him tap me on the shoulder. As I turn to see what he’s showing me, I see him, Travis Lagoon. The Travis Lagoon is walking out the front doors behind us, heading towards the bus.

  “Mr. Lagoon!” Jared shouts and I freeze, wide-eyed, like a deer caught in headlights.

  Travis Lagoon turns to us. Actually, he turns and looks at me. Now, this is definitely what a heart attack feels like. My legs immediately go numb.

  “Hey guys, like the show?” Travis nods in greeting before jogging over to us.

  “My girlfriend here is a huge fan!”

  “Oh, really? Are you sure you want me to be meeting her then?”

  “Probably not, but I’ll be the bigger man.” Jared is actually joking with him.

  “In that case, hi there!” He waves his hand in front of my still open-mouthed face.

  “Hi.”

  “April here is in love with you; has been since 6thgrade.” Jared pats me on the back
for emphasis.

  “Jared!” I sneer through my teeth as I punch him in the side.

  “What? It’s true!”

  “Well, then, Miss April, I hope I’ve lived up to your expectations! Do you have anything for me to sign?”

  “Uh… no.” I look reluctantly to Jared.

  “We didn’t think that far…”

  “How about that white tee shirt?”

  “Are you trying to get to second with my girlfriend?” Jared’s mock sarcasm is making me blush.

  “I’m a rock star – did you really expect anything else?”

  “Good point, sir. Sign away!”

  I glance between the both of them, unbelieving as Travis Lagoon pulls a marker out of his leather jacket. He pops the cap between his teeth before wrapping an arm around my stomach. Pulling me close, he leans down. I feel his breath on my chest as he signs my shirt by my left breast before releasing me.

  “Okay, you guys have a nice night.” Travis Lagoon waves goodbye as he jogs over to the trailer with his face on it.

  I stare down at the black scribble on my shirt, then at the back of my future-wannabe-husband’s back as he hops onto the trailer and they start off down the road.

  “Now, I think it’s fair to say you owe me!”

  “Oh. My. God.” I finally get my voice back.

  “I just let you get to second with another man!”

  “He’s my first love, remember? Maybe he’s letting you get to second with me.”

  “True, I did feel the love.” He winks at me.

  “That was awesome.” I jump up and down, trying to get feeling back in my legs.

  “I know, right? I think we had something special, Travis and I. He gave me the eyes!” He pretends to swoon, batting his eyelashes at the sky.

  “Jared!”

  “Okay, I’ll stop, but you can’t deny you felt it too!”

  I roll my eyes, pulling him down to my lips. “Thank you, Bear.”

  “Anytime, babe.”

  I’M DIGGING AROUND Jared’s fridge later that night. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to a full fridge. Sometimes I think Jared keeps it that way just for me; we are almost never home to eat anymore. A scratching sound makes me lift my head over the door. When it doesn’t come again, I duck back inside looking for another can of soda. That’s when the scratching comes again.