Judas

by Lacey-Payne, Chandler

  The glance was passing but Adessa was wondering if she would need a napkin to contain her drool. His hair wasn't as dark as his two brothers, and it was long, and flowing. It was hair that she could vision herself yanking in the heat of passion. And those eyes. They were piercing in intensity and she had to force herself to look away from him.

  There was no darkness in Liam, but she could sense that he took life a little less seriously than his brothers. His jeans bore holes in the knees, and he wore a black hooded sweatshirt, but he had a presence, and it seemed to fill the entire room. It baffled Adessa as she watched them how different each of them could be, yet they were exactly the same. Anita's words replayed in her head. “All women love my sons. Rich, well, all but one. Handsome. Ignorant. What more could you ask for,” the woman had said. Looking at them, especially Liam, she couldn't imagine how a mother could be so blind to how magnificent they were.

  “Doll, meet my brothers Liam, and Mathew,” Judas called, leading them to where she had risen from her seat. She extended her hand to each of them forcing her mind to the present and not the dream she just concocted in her mind. “Hello Mathew. Liam. It's a pleasure to finally meet you both.”

  Mathew spoke first, his lips curved in a sincere smile, “Likewise, Adessa, it's nice to finally welcome you to the family in person.” She thanked him as Liam chimed in.

  “Sorry I missed the big day, someone forgot to invite me,” he said, nudging Judas with his elbow.

  She laughed softly, “Well, now, that wasn't quite planned. None of this was, actually.”

  He was at ease, despite the circumstances and he responded with with a boyish playfulness. “So I've heard. Judas never was one to follow the rules.”

  Mathew interjected haughtily, “You should talk!”

  Adessa went quiet, allowing the brothers to catch up, exchanging light banner for the next hour. She was watching the three of them, but her eyes kept returning to Liam. She had no idea how life could have been so unkind to him amongst such privilege but she knew it had to be something horrible that had happened.

  His own mother called him a mistake, and he had been on his own since he was fourteen. If the rumor was true, then she could easily see how he might have earned the reputation of the town drunk. Anyone would drink in order to erase Anita Quinn from their memory.

  Liam stood, stretching his legs, and walked toward the small bar to pour himself a shot. His drink of choice was Jack, and she was mildly amused when he swallowed a double shot glass full of it. She suddenly wished she were a drinker. Maybe it would help her not want to strangle their mother.

  Judas watched him curiously, quipping, “Starting early, bro?”

  Liam shrugged, pouring another double, before replacing the bottle on the shelf. “Can't hurt. I figure beer isn't going to cut it for this affair. Might be about to throw my body into shock by eating real food.”

  Mathew chuckled lightly, “Indeed. Such is the bachelor life.”

  “You could change that,” Adessa said, butting in.

  He shook his head, pointing to his brother, “No thanks. Matt's next in the firing line. I'll wait my turn.”

  Mathew nodded, but shot down the not so subtle plot. “It's getting about that time for me, but my practice is first on the list.” He was a doctor, just starting out, Adessa remembered.

  Liam smirked, “You just don't know the value of a naked woman squirming beneath you. You should get out more.”

  “Spoken like a true playboy. Some of us get off on success,” Mathew chided, sounding ready to throttle him.

  “All of my sons. Grown men now, but still bickering over the chicken or the egg. Some things never change,” Phillip's kind voice came from behind, as he entered the room. He walked straight to his son and hugged him tight. “Welcome back, Liam. We've missed you around here.”

  Liam returned the embrace, but shook his head, his gaze drifting toward Adessa. “Don't get too sappy. I came for the food, and the redhead.”

  Judas cleared his throat in warning. “That redhead belongs to me. Go find your own.”

  Liam chuckled, feigning hurt at the implication. “Relax, just had to come and see for myself how well you've done. And well, it's a free meal,” he said, raking his fingers through the unkempt brown strands that fell over his hooded sweatshirt.

  Adessa peeled her stare away from his, jumping in to save them all. “What are we having, anyway? I'm starving,” she asked, turning to Phillip.

  “Ms. Marie is making her famous Lasagna and whatever else she can throw together to go with it,” he replied, adding with a glance toward Liam, “We're eating in an hour. Don't ruin your appetite.”

  “My appetite is alive and well,” Liam answered, stealing another glance at Adessa. If he wasn't her husband's brother, she might have thought he was throwing her a hint. Her attraction to him was carnal and immediate but she wasn't about to go there. She was almost at the finish line, and she wasn't going to let Liam's presence throw her off course.

  Their meal was surprisingly uneventful. Anita had kept herself in line, barely speaking to any of them but then again, she probably wouldn't have managed a word between all of the chatter of her sons. They were a lively group, and even the servants had come to join in the easy repartee.

  Judas smiled warmly at her, holding her gaze several times during the meal. He was relaxed and happy, and all of this morning's nervousness had disappeared. This was the way family was supposed to be.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  They were settled into the soft bed in his old room, laying beneath the same linens that had been his since he was a teenager. The nostalgia was nearly breathtaking, as he thought of how long it had been since he left. Twenty years now. Twenty years of hiding from the one person he could never run from. Himself. He wrapped his wife in his arms and held her, sighing softly at the memories that paraded through his mind, reminding him of everything he had missed. His brothers were grown men now, and on their own paths. He was too late.

  Of all the things he missed, seeing Liam grow up was the most difficult. He should have been there to protect him. He should have taken him in. He should have done a lot of things, but he didn't. This was his chance to heal his past, and he would find a way to make it up to them all. Especially, his wife. He would become a brand new man. One without secrets, and one they could all be proud of and respect. He would have his family back.

  “It was really nice to have Liam home,” he said quietly, kissing his wife's forehead.

  She was alone in her own thoughts, but she smiled at his gentle words. There were questions in her clear blue eyes as she turned her head to look at him. “Why did your father allow her to throw him out. So young, I mean?” It was an honest question, and she was interested in knowing about his family.

  Judas shrugged as he answered, “He couldn't stop her. She and Liam never got along.” That was an understatement, but she already knew that.

  She shook her head weakly, “I don't understand. He's her son.”

  He took in a long breath, explaining, “Actually, he's not. He was born of an affair my father had with a stripper.” And the secret was out. Well, one of them. Judas knew there was more to it but he was young at the time, and he knew that there were things his parents didn't tell him.

  She blinked, processing the information, before continuing the gentle questioning. “So.. this stripper, didn't want him?”

  He shook his head, “No. She sent him to live with us when he was three. Mother never warmed to him.”

  Adessa groaned. “Is that why she's so bitter?”

  Again, he shrugged, realizing just how much of his childhood he didn't understand. “Who knows. I never remember a time when she wasn't.”

  “And Anita, why did she stay?” Her words were quiet, as she began to play light strokes against his chest.

  “No one knows. All the money is hers. Dad never had a thing before he met her, but we always wondered why he stayed with her,” he explained. It was hard fo
r Judas to garner any sympathy toward his mother. Especially after living with her undeserved wrath all of those years.

  Adessa smirked, “So she was the fool who rushed in? Ironic.”

  He nodded, “Among other things.”

  “What about Mathew? No skeletons in his closet?”

  Judas shook his head, “He's a good man. Probably the only normal one in the family.”

  She smiled warmly at that, leaning in to kiss him softly, “You will be normal again too. I'm not giving up on our dreams.”

  He cupped her face in his hands, stroking the high cheek bones with his thumbs as he told her, “That means everything to me right now.”

  She covered his hand with her palm as she cooed, “Good, because all I want is for you to be happy. I mean that, Judas.”

  He returned the warm smile, dropping his hand to begin stroking her back. “And I want the same for you. I hope it's obvious by now how far I'm willing to go to make that happen.”

  “Tell me about your childhood. I mean, before...” Her voice trailed off, but she didn't need to finish.

  Judas stared straight ahead, recalling the memories to his mind, “Not much to tell. Typical boy. Only four years between Matt and I, so we did boy things. Scaring Mother with frogs and bugs. Anything outdoors. Never was big on sports though.”

  She listened quietly as he spoke, telling her about him and Mathew and their escapades. Finally, she asked, “What about Liam? Was it hard to accept him?”

  He shook his head, “No. He was one of us. His circumstances weren't his fault. I was thirteen when he was dropped on the doorstep. Too young to be a rival.” Judas chuckled at that. His favorite memories were of little Liam.

  “He didn't get in the way?”

  His laugh was genuine as he told her the truth of the matter. “Hell no. He was cute, and the girls loved him. I got laid more just by showing off pictures of Liam than through my own charm.”

  He continued to reminisce, sharing stories of both Liam and Mathew until finally, she began to yawn. “Am I boring you, Doll.?”

  “No, not at all. It's just late.”

  “He looked at the clock and gave a soft sigh. Two more days.

  The bar was dim and smoky, and everywhere Adessa looked, there were people laughing and sharing drinks. This was her first time inside a bar, but she knew she really hadn't been missing much. She rarely drank and when she did, she tried to limit herself to only a few drinks. The group found a table near the back, and Liam, who was right at home in the setting, caught the attention of the barmaid. “Two double Jacks, and keep em coming,” he told her with a boyish grin.

  “Chasin with Bud?” She asked, making a note on a slip of paper.

  “You guessed it. And whatever these lightweights want,” he said, waving his hand toward them. It was obvious that Liam was familiar with the girl. Not surprisingly, she was a petite blonde, young, and had breasts the size of large grapefruits. He probably knew every person in the place, if Adessa had to guess. Judas and Mathew both ordered Bud Light in bottles, so Adessa did the same. She was in a group of men, so there was no way she was going to order some fruity princess drink. “I'll have the same,” she said with a friendly smile.

  The woman jotted down the order on the scrap and repeated it back. “This is an easy group. Four Buds and a double Jack coming up,” she said, sending a flirty wink to Liam before disappearing into the crowd.

  Mathew turned to Judas, settling in against the wooden booth, “So how long you planning to be in Florida?”

  “Indefinitely. Probably staying for good,” Judas told him, lazily throwing his arm around Adessa's neck.

  “That's good news. Always figured you'd come back eventually,” he said, accepting the bottle of beer from the barmaid as she passed their drinks around the table.

  Judas shrugged, twisting the top off his cold bottle. “Not much of a choice. I'm going into impatient treatment beginning on Monday.”

  Liam downed the double shot, blowing out slowly against the burn, “Woah, bro. That's some serious talk. Drugs?” Liam had no idea of his brother's past.

  “No. Not drugs. Worse,” Judas said, taking in a long swig.

  Mathew raised a brow, “Does this have anything to do with your anger issues?”

  If Mathew only knew, Adessa thought. He was never given the whole story of his brother's issues, and no one was going to tell him tonight.

  Judas nodded, “Yeah. Same shit, new year. Just time to handle it.”

  Liam leaned back in the seat, already accepting his second round shots. “How long you staying?”

  Judas considered the question. “A few months. Not sure really. Depends on how fucked up I am,” he said, taking another drink.

  “Nice knowing you,” Liam told him, grinning.

  “That's no shit,” Judas shot back.

  Mathew glanced toward Adessa, who was sitting quietly sipping her beer, listening to the three men.

  “What about Adessa?” Mathew asked, peeling the label back on the dew covered bottle.

  Adessa grinned, teasingly fluttering her eyelashes, “I'm going to be in the castle. Locked in my tower.”

  “Yikes. Good luck with that,” Mathew said, flinging the wet sticker at her.

  “I'm not worried. I've got books and an agenda. I'll be just fine,” Adessa said, tossing the wadded paper back at him.

  Liam scowled at them both, “Books? Call me when you get bored. I'll show you how to have some fun in Florida.”

  “Thanks, but I'm sure I'll be just fine,” Adessa giggled.

  Judas cleared his throat, adding to her reply, “Besides that, we all know your version of fun, and it isn't going to include my wife.”

  Liam grinned, undaunted, “Hey, it was an offer. She's welcome to decline.”

  Judas shot him a look to kill. “She declines.”

  There was no real threat, from either of the brothers, and Adessa thought the banter was endearing. She knew how much Judas cared for Liam, but she also knew that deep down, Judas wasn't kidding. They were brothers.

  They sat there for nearly two hours, drinking and watching the crowd. There were a few people on the dance floor, drunkenly kissing and grinding provocatively and Adessa was glad to hear a slow song when it began to play.

  She and Judas made their way onto the floor, leaving Mathew to keep watch over Liam who was flirting openly with the barmaid and going through the shots like water. They danced until it was over and Judas requested another slow song, but Mathew interrupted.

  “Can I cut in?”

  Judas broke the dance, allowing Mathew to take her hand. “Of course. Just don't seduce her,” he said sarcastically.

  Mathew bit back, “I'm not sure if you met me before, but my name's Mathew.” He barely missed a beat, circling her waist with his arm as he pulled her into a tight embrace. “I hope you're not offended by my cutting in.”

  She shook her head, “No, not at all.” Hell no she wasn't. He smelled delicious and she was not put out at all by being in such close proximity.

  He started the easy conversation as they swayed to the music. “You're really going to stay with my parents alone? You must be brave,” he commented airily.

  Adessa giggled softly, “I'm not afraid of your mother. I'm sure in the ten thousand rooms, I'll be able to stay out of her way.”

  His face grew serious as he changed the subject. “I also heard about your son. I'd like to offer my condolences.”

  She smiled weakly in response to the heartfelt words, “Thank you, Mathew. I've learned to move past it. Maybe one day we'll try again.”

  He furrowed his brows, questioningly, “Moved past it? Hmm. I've always heard that one never moves past the death of their child.”

  What a strange comment, she thought. Why did he care if she moved past it or not. It wasn't like it was his baby, and she had her own demons to battle. The loss of the baby was just one on the list.

  She nodded, tempering her response. “It's not easy, but I ca
n't dwell on things I can't change.”

  The two finished the dance and he kissed her hand, thanking her for the indulgence. “If you need anything while he's away, I'm only a phone call away.”

  “Thank you. Really. But we'll see. One day at a time,” she said, returning to her husband.

  It was late when they finally left the smoky hole, and for her first time in a bar, she was surprised to not see a fight, or a random puking drunk, or any of the horror stories she had heard over the years. All in all, it was a pleasant evening, and Judas seemed to enjoy it too.

  It was the most gut-wrenching thing he had ever done. Adessa cried just as much as he did, when he left. It was sadness, and fear, and hope, and even love that had put him on this path. He would see it through. He would heal and he would make them all proud. He had to. He sat in the lobby, painstakingly filling out the endless amount of paperwork, answering questions that he had never been asked in his life. His heart pounded as he answered truthfully, thoughtfully spilling every secret.

  When he was finished, he handed the papers to the receptionist who ushered him into a private room, where another woman entered, explaining the procedure. “Your therapy will begin tomorrow officially, but you will be using the rest of today to get acquainted with the staff and the other guests, but first, we need to go over some rules,” she told him, pulling out a folder of leaflets. She went over each one, explaining everything he needed to know and allowed him to ask questions when she was finished.

  Judas was listening intently, trying to keep his focus and not be intimidated by what it was he was doing. He was putting himself in jail. Well, not exactly but he already missed his wife and he had only been there a few hours.

  “Now, I need your signature by the X on these three documents, all protecting your privacy, and then we're all set to show you around,” she said, hanging him an ink pen.

  When he finished signing, she rose and walked around the small desk, leading the way down a long hall, and through the double doors that led to the living quarters.

  She showed him the kitchenette, and the common room, where he would be able to socialize with the other men, and then the public facilities that he would use during his stay. Yep. Jail. He was feeling nearly ill when she finally led him to the small room that would be his only private space.