Judas

by Lacey-Payne, Chandler

  A daughter. Jaime couldn't stop looking at the ultrasound image. Two feet, two hands, it was all there. Their daughter was perfectly healthy and active inside her womb. She tried to imagine what the delivery would be like, and worried that something would go wrong. The doctor assured her that it was normal to have those fears and that every other pregnant woman went through the same thing, but Jaime had no one to share any of this with. She was excited and afraid all at once and she wished beyond wishes that Judas would have come back for her, but he hadn't. It was final.

  She was already in her eighth month, but she maintained her slim figure the entire time, save for the rapidly growing bump that protruded well past her swollen feet. She was just getting past the eating everything in site stage and entering into the uncomfortable one, and all she could do now was wait. Her instinct told her to go and find Judas, but each time she considered it, she heard Adessa's harsh words ringing in her ears in warning.

  He had a right to know about the baby, and she wanted so much to tell him, but she believed he was happy where he was and she knew it would be playing unfair to lure him back to her just because of the baby.

  She didn't want to be an obligation and she wasn't about to ruin whatever his life had become now. She was living with her choices and learning to fend for herself. There were times she wished she had taken the money, if only for the baby's sake, but she hadn't and when what was left of the money ran out, she hoped she would have earned her degree by then so she could finally live her dream. She thought back on the times they shared and she was immensely grateful that he had come into her life.

  He was broken, but he was real and it didn't matter to her that their relationship was wrong in the eyes of the world. All she cared about was survival for herself, and happiness for him. It seemed like years now since she saw his face, and as the time wore on, even the image in her mind had begun to change. Sometimes late at night, she wondered if it had all been a dream, but her home and the gentle movements of their daughter reminded her that it was all real, and in a very short time, she would become a mother.

  The thought of his child inside of her was heartwarming and made her feel close to him in ways she couldn't explain, but she was also afraid of the task ahead. She had no idea how to care for a baby and once she went to work, she had no one she could trust to help her. This must be what all single mothers went through. It was terrifying and surreal, but she wouldn't have changed it for anything.

  She would do whatever was needed to be the best mother she could, but without having a mother of her own as an example, she knew she would have to rely on only herself to figure it all out. And she had no doubt that she would. Somehow. She needed a plan, and one that didn't include asking Judas Quinn for money. She smiled, feeling the baby's foot protrude beneath her rib and she gently rubbed the little foot as she continued to rock in the chair she had grown accustomed to sitting in, to daydream as she relaxed her aching feet.

  “You need a name, little one,” she softly cooed, thinking that it was time to begin considering what their daughter would be called. “Amanda?” she asked, “How do you feel about being Amanda?” The baby gave a sharp kick, sending a pain through Jaime's belly and Jaime took it that her daughter was disagreeing with the moniker.

  “Alright, what about Mia?” Another swift movement sent another flash of pain through the same area, and Jaime laughed as she rubbed the area. “Opinionated already, I see. What do you think about Emma?” Jaime waited and nothing. The baby had calmed and after several moments, she knew her daughter had accepted the name. “Emma it is!”

  All she needed now was to decide whether Emma would bear her father's name. The name that she deserved. She wasn't sure what the laws were pertaining to such matters and she knew it would probably be complicated, given the fact that he was married. She just hoped there was a way around actually having to contact him.

  She wanted to find out, but she had already resigned herself to the fact that it might not happen. Emma might have to be a Carter, but she was already willful and definitely her father's child.

  Liam opened the door, leaning against the frame as she clicked up the steps in her new black stilettos. She adjusted the matching miniskirt as she smiled up at him. The smell of whiskey was still on her breath, but she knew he wouldn't mind. It had given her courage, just like every other night she spent under the Quinn's roof. He folded his arms, with amusement glinting in his eyes, “It's about time.”

  She grinned, “You expected me sooner?”

  He chuckled openly now as he replied, “Maybe”

  She shook her head. He hadn't changed. “You're arrogant,” she smirked.

  “You enjoy it.”

  He had her there. She enjoyed the very sound of his voice. The words would have been unimportant, had she not come for a purpose. “We need to talk”

  “I don't like to talk,” he said, wiping the playfulness from his face.

  “I know. You like to screw.”

  “Smart woman,” he grunted.

  She patted his cheek, giving a seductive wink. “Thank you. Now let me in.”

  He strode straight to the kitchen, pulling out a fresh bottle of whiskey and offered her a drink. She accepted and he watched the smooth liquid disappear in a single gulp.

  She took the bottle from his hand and refilled the heavy glass, making herself at home in his small, mess of a townhouse. “What's on your mind?”

  She thought about the words, unable to recall exactly what it was she needed to say, and the sight of him standing there in a clinging t-shirt and faded jeans. She finally stammered, “I don't know. I feel horrible about what happened.”

  He rolled his eyes at her. “Then stop.”

  “I can't.”

  “No regrets,” he said smoothly, coming to stand in front of her.

  She took a step backward, pushing against the counter top behind her as they stood in the tiny kitchen. “Maybe not for you,” she said trying to keep control.

  He tilted his head, smirking in that sensual way he had. “You're not convincing me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He immediately pressed his hand between her legs, raising the skin tight skirt she wore, revealing the absence of her panties. “You're prepared.”

  She averted her gaze, not answering to the accusation and without warning, he lifted her up to the ledge and spread her thighs. He drew back his hand and landed a hard slap just below her mound, causing her to jerk against the sudden impact. This man would be her undoing. He hesitated only a second before smacking her again, harder this time as his crystal eyes captured her own.

  She bit against the force as blow after blow came, each one delivering powerful, shattering bliss directly to her heated center. She began to moan, raking in ragged breaths as her hands cupped her breasts, kneading in earnest as she leaned against the wall, spreading her legs wider, giving him all the room he needed to continue as she writhed in ecstasy.

  The entire area was swollen and red, numb, yet alive beneath the pain and the torture. She was panting now, nearly frantic in her need as he growled passionately, “Tell me you don't want this!” She moaned something inaudible, unable to form the words as he grasped her hair with his free hand, yanking her head backward. “Tell me!”

  “I can't,” she rasped, feeling herself begin to unravel.

  “Then cum!”

  In that instant, she let go, meeting his harsh demand as his name spilled from her lips in betrayal of everything she had ever felt for her husband.

  He released her hair, taking a step back as she heaved breathlessly, staring at him in wonder. He leaned against the refrigerator as he waited for her to recover. “I don't play games, Adessa,” he said evenly, once she was able to sit up and close her legs.

  “I've gathered that.”

  “Then from now on, when you come here, do us both a favor and shut up.”

  She chewed on his words the entire way back to her new home. The man was dangerous for h
er and the thought thrilled her. She was certain that he meant what he said when he told her he wouldn't tell Judas, and Adessa started to feel confident that he was right. There was nothing to talk about, and Judas would never find out. He gave her what she needed, and that was enough for her. It wasn't about love, it was lust, and she was full of it.

  “She's a distasteful wretch,” Anita sneered, angrily jabbing at her food with the shiny silver fork. The witch had picked up and moved without a word and now Anita would have to rely on Phillip's help to keep up with the little snot.

  He was the only one welcome in their new home, and she knew her presence there would be met with criticism. Phillip, however would be safe. Adessa trusted him, and Anita knew that he would do anything to protect their son. This was war.

  “She's just simple, Anita. Nothing wrong with normal people,” he said absently, oblivious to the point she was about to make.

  She shoved a small bite of meat in her mouth and chewed, fully disgusted that there was even a need for this conversation. “I don't give a damn about her breeding. I give a damn about her secrets and her lies.” There. She said it.

  He made a face. One that silently questioned her sanity for the statement. “Secrets? Lies? What could she possibly have to hide? Or to lie about? She's of fantastic character,” he said, set to defend the little mouse.

  “You're blind, Phillip. Just like you have always been.” She picked up her corgi, feeding the dog directly from her plate.

  He shook his head in confusion, dropping his fork on his plate and reaching for the cloth napkin that rested on his leg. “Then fill me in. I don't know what you're talking about,” he said, wiping his mouth.

  “Where do I begin? With the Carter girl, or with the Verino woman? Or, we can talk about her new hobby of getting sloshed and seducing your son.” His eyes grew wide. Finally an acceptable response. She watched him choke on her words, delighting in the value of his surprise.

  “Oh yes, I know all about Jaime Carter and the baby she carries. Judas has no idea. It seems his wife has threatened the girl if she comes forward,” she said, spilling the words as if it were someone else's gossip. She wasted no time, filling him in on every detail of what she knew about the fraud who was her son's wife. The only missing piece of the puzzle was what role the Verino woman had played in all of this and what she knew about the night her grandson died.

  It was another conversation Anita had overheard between the two women and whatever it was they discussed, it had to do with the night her grandson was born and it was serious. As for her drinking and carrying on with Liam, that was a whole different matter.

  It was something that Judas and his brother would sort for themselves if Judas were to find out on his own. Anita wasn't prepared to interfere, knowing what effect it might have on Judas when it all played out. She wasn't a fool. She knew which cards to hold and which to fold and some hands, she just couldn't win. She would choose wisely where her bets were placed. She stroked the soft fur of her prized pooch, hugging the yapping mutt to her chest.

  “I think our best course is obvious. We can't tell him about any of this,” Phillip finally said, after processing the information he was given. He was quieter and gentler, but Phillip meant business when it came to his sons and she knew that this would be one time she could trust him.

  “No, but we can allow him to finish his treatment, and meanwhile, we will keep an eye on the woman,” she suggested.

  He furrowed his brows, considering the situation. “She's moving out. I suppose you have a plan?”

  She laughed, waving him off. “Of course I do. You just go on back to your... well, whatever it is that you do, and leave this to me.”

  He nodded and stood to leave the dining room, already lost in his thoughts.

  “And Phillip,” she called, stopping him before he disappeared, “Don't think you can hide anything from me. There is nothing I don't know.”

  He nodded without humor. “I'm picking up on that.”

  “Good. I'm sharing this with you is because I need you to be alert and not falling for her lies. She will hang herself soon enough and Judas will need you to make everything better again. Just as you always have.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Four months came and went before he knew it. He felt better with all the knowledge of his condition that had finally been diagnosed, and took comfort in the fact that he wasn't alone. What bothered him was that he wouldn't know if it had done a bit of good until he was back in the real world and applying the techniques he had practiced so vigorously while he was away.

  He was disappointed that he couldn't tell her he was a changed man, but he was hopeful and determined like never before and he would do all he could to be sure that the mistakes of the past were never repeated. He was shocked to learn that he had not only one issue, but two. The psychiatrist told him very clearly that he was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He had never considered that before because his life had been mainly uneventful until his symptoms began when he was a child. Unfortunately, his way of handling the situation had caused another complication to the healing process he needed to go through in order to find peace within.

  He was now a recovering sex addict. He understood now how using sex as a crutch, and as a power tool to control his PTSD symptoms, he was throwing himself into the fire, and actually harming himself more than it would ever help. What they were not able to define was a specific incident that had caused him to suppress the memory, but he was certain that they were right. He learned that with time, and the proper treatment, he may eventually recall what it was that lurked in his sub-conscience, but in the mean-time, it would still be there, seeking to devour him at any moment.

  They also helped him accept that such a revelation might never come. He decided to put it out of his mind, and live his life productively, one day at a time, and allow the past to heal itself. If he never knew the cause of all of this, he would be just fine. He had found peace, just knowing that he was not the monster he had somehow convinced himself to be. Dr. Wyndham had finally given him what he needed all along. A diagnosis, a plan, and a path. It was time to go home.

  He couldn't wait to see his wife, and their new home, and tell her everything he had learned. The plan for his first day was to catch up with his wife, and then the second day, he would begin to use some techniques that would help keep him from being on edge. He also learned a new way to handle his triggers when they happened, and he was assured that at some point, those would begin again. He wasn't afraid. He felt empowered and at ease for the first time in his life.

  He pulled into the small drive, taking in the scenery around him, in the quaint little neighborhood. It suited them, he thought. It was pleasant, and serene, yet there was a busy bustle along the palm lined street as children played in front yards and fathers washed their cars in the driveways.

  He could easily see himself being such a father, but he had no children, and probably never would. It was one of the hardest things for him to swallow, but he finally had.

  He was finished putting himself through the torture and it wasn't worth the price that was ultimately paid. It no longer mattered, because he was home, and he had a wife and a family to catch up with.

  She was standing in the living room when he came through the door and she nearly fainted at the sight of him. She leaped into the air, clearing the sofa as she threw herself into his arms. “Welcome home! I've missed you so much!” She was clinging to him as he stood there, holding her tight against him.

  “I missed you too,” he told her before leaning in to kiss her deeply for the first time in way too long. She showed him around the new place, excitedly dragging him from room to room, showing him all the amenities that came with the simple home. It was smaller, but cozy, and he thought it was perfect for them. She did well.

  He took her to dinner at a well-known place in the middle of town, and both of them were focused only on each other as they waited for their mail. She was dress
ed to kill in a dress he'd never seen before and her nails and hair were impeccable. Florida looked good on her, he had to admit. The deep tan she acquired was a startling contrast to the creamy pale features he remembered. She was a whole new woman, and she was just as stunning as ever, and the dim chandelier that hung overhead only dramatized the effect.

  She fidgeted through dinner, chatting happily but she started to seem distracted and he wondered if she was uncomfortable in the lavish setting. She checked the clock religiously every little while, and he chalked the entire scene up to nerves. Even though they hadn't been there earlier. The conversation turned to his treatment and he quietly spoke of some of the things he had learned. It wasn't the time or place to go into great detail, but what he told her was enough, and he knew she was pleased that he had made at least some progress.

  He asked about his brothers and if she had kept in touch, and she nodded, telling him that Mathew had called to check on her every few weeks. He figured that would be the case but he was surprised to learn that she hadn't spoken to Liam since the night at the bar. It was out of character for him, but Judas was proud that his brother had kept his hands to himself. Liam never meant any harm, but he wasn't like the rest of them. He was a man who learned to survive, and feelings and emotions were rarely shown, and if they were, it was usually because someone had pissed him off.

  Liam had no moral structure other than what he had taught himself, and despite their father's attempts to teach him, Liam always resisted. However, he trusted his wife and never believed she would betray him by falling for Liam's advances. Adessa loved him and it just wasn't in her to do such a thing.

  He had a whole new course and he was ready to face his future. He had home, family, and hope. It was enough for him.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Chandler Lacey-Payne is a pseudonym for Kate Lacey-Payne, who lives in Batesville, Indiana, with her husband and four teenage children. In her spare time, she enjoys several online games, including WoW, LoL, Minecraft, Secondlife, and many more. If you enjoyed this novel, please consider leaving a review and don’t forget to click to rate it on the next page.