My Star

by Christine Gasbjerg

  He still gets startled as he sees me, and instantly pulls back from the window, through which it must appear to him as if a crazy alien is looking in. Me! I wave and smile. I can only guess that my face is as green and smudged as my suit is. What can you do when there’s no water to bathe in? I must look like a green alien to the poor pilot.

  “Millie?” the man speaks.

  “Yes? Who are you?” I’m surprised and baffled to hear my own name.

  “It’s me, Millie. It’s me.” The man sounds fatigued and worn out. “Thank god you’re alive.” He falls to the floor.

  “Kurt? Is that you?” I don’t waste a single second, and fling the door open.

  With finesse like an elephant, I manage to haul the pilot out of the pod.

  Sure enough, it’s Kurt. My hero, my savior... perhaps even my love?

  His oxygen is lower than mine is, so he might have passed out on account of low oxygen, or he might have passed out because of the impact of the crash landing. I haul him as fast as I possibly can towards the crater. He’s very heavy. It feels like twice my weight.

  “Stay with me, Kurt! Stay with me!”

  I feel adrenalin and panic pumping through my body, as I struggle to drag Kurt across the blood red plane.

  “You’ve come this far to get me, please don’t leave me already.” I keep talking to him, hoping it’ll somehow help in keeping him alive.

  The thought of loosing Kurt forever like this, breaks my heart, makes me want to cry, and makes me feel like giving up. I hit myself in the head to get a grip—just resulting in a loud awkward bang on my helmet.

  I set aside all considerations for myself, and summon all my strength to get Kurt into the Diamond Hole. I let unknown strengths rise in my body, along with a deep and fierce growling. I haul like hell. I haul with anger, like I was lifting the entire planet.

  Finally, we reach the Diamond Hole. Kurt’s body is lifeless. I pray it’s not too late. I open the safety visor of his helmet and plop him into the hole. I take a deep breath, jump out of my suit and into the hole after him.

  “Breathe, Kurt, breathe!” I slap his cheeks, take a deep breath, and do mouth to mouth. I blow air into his lungs a few times, until he finally starts breathing again.

  “Millie?”

  “Yes, I’m right here.”

  “I can’t see.” Kurt sounds weary.

  “It’s dark here. Don’t worry. Just breathe.”

  “What’s the smell?”

  “We’re in one of the black holes. There’s air here. And green nutrition for lack of a better word.” I smile in the dark.

  “Yes, green... I noticed that on my gloves. That’s what gave me hope that you’d still be alive. That’s why I had to hurry back here for you.”

  “You’re my savior.” I gently caress his cheek in the dark.

  “I had to come and get you.” Kurt’s voice fades.

  “Just rest now. I’m right here.” I feel like nothing else matters in the world right now. Everything I need is right here.

  TWELVE

  stranded in space

  Looking closer at the pod, it doesn’t seem all that damaged. Apart from one of the three landing legs being broken, there’s only dirt and surface scratches.

  “I’ll pile up rocks to support the pod, where the leg is broken. That’ll give us a fair chance to take off.” Kurt is immediately on the job.

  “Are we going to crash-land, without the leg being repaired?”

  “Yes, we’ll crash-land again. Hopefully we’ll only have to land once, because I’m not sure the pod can take anymore crash-landings. And me neither, for that matter.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “I don’t think we have much choice.” Kurt makes a face. “There’s no way the pod can take us all the way back to Earth. E-corp’s space station is the closest harboring platform, and we’re lucky if we can even get back there.”

  “Won’t we be apprehended?”

  “Sure. They’ll probably lock us up. They might not even let us live for long.” Kurt takes a deep breath. “But what other options do we have? We can’t stay here, living a life confined to a hole smelling like fart.”

  Kurt is right. We can’t stay here. We’d go crazy living in holes. The Virgin Planet has kept me and us alive, but isn’t hospitable enough to sustain a life. Better take our chances trying to get back to Earth. Even if we might not survive.

  “Okay. I’m with you. Let’s go.” I go to pick up my love rock.

  It’s the only souvenir I’ll bring.

  Kurt follows, and we fill the suits with as much air as we can, to get back to the pod. The pod holds tanks with enough oxygen to provide what we need for the journey. It can work.

  The take off doesn’t go smooth at all. The pile of rocks on the ground, replacing the broken landing leg, makes the pod go off spiraling at an awkward angle rather than straight up. The gravity of the planet then pulls the pod severely off track, catapulting the pod further into space, away from the direction of home.

  It takes us a lot of precious fuel to get back on the right trajectory. Fuel, which we don’t have enough of.

  I really really want to go home now that it looks like a possibility. Just over two months ago, I couldn’t get away fast enough, and I felt my life was so redundant, that I almost had a death wish. That certainly isn’t the case anymore. Now there’s nothing I want more than to go home... with Kurt. My attraction to Kurt has slowly crept up on me, and now it’s become so dominating that I can’t even think of any other man close to me. But I don’t know where Kurt is at. His gestures say he likes me too, but his words don’t. It confuses me, and makes me apprehensive. I try not to think of it, and just enjoy the time with Kurt, no matter what any of it means.

  “All I remember was Lorenson walking up behind us, and then everything went dark. What actually happened?” I have been wanting to ask the question for a while. It finally seems like a good time to talk about it now.

  “Erhm...” Kurt is obviously uncomfortable. “Lorenson walked up behind us and knocked you out with a stun gun. Before I could get on my feet to defend you, he knocked me out too. Next thing I know, I wake up in isolation on the Apollo as we’re docking back at the E-corp station. I suppose he must have drugged me after knocking me out with the stun gun to keep me unconscious. I don’t know why we were knocked out or why you were left behind. Only Martin managed to sneak in for a moment to speak with me. He said they were told we had a terrible accident, and that you died and couldn’t be rescued. He also said that they were heading back to Earth.”

  “Then what did you do?”

  “I felt fine an hour or so after waking up on the space station, but pretended to have amnesia, and unable to find my balance. I once read that the shock from a stun gun can have those effects on the human body, so I faked it, hoping they’d install me in the infirmary at the space station—away from the captain. And they did.” Kurt sounds intrigued with his own cunning. “As soon as they’d left me at the sick bay with a gullible doctor, I asked permission to go to the bathroom. Then I quickly made my way to the hangar, got the first unattended and fully fueled vessel I could find, and took off. There was a lot of activity in the hangar and around the station for some reason, so nobody seemed to take notice of me. I wasn’t even contacted on the radio.”

  “But surely they know by now that you’re gone?”

  “Who knows? Looking back, it strikes me how busy the E-corp station was when I left... almost as if the whole station was on red alert.”

  “And the Apollo wasn’t scheduled to go back to Earth so soon either...”

  “Right, so perhaps the Apollo was called back due to an emergency.” Kurt hesitates.

  He looks like he’s thinking so hard, that I should be able to hear it rumbling.

  “It makes sense that there might have been an emergency alert going on. The crew members I encountered looked either highly tense or flustered, and no one paid any attention to me walking around in
conspicuous sick bay clothing. But I didn’t take notice at the time. All I thought about was going back for you.” Kurt sounds determined and a little guilt-stricken.

  I feel a sudden rush of emotions. A lump in my throat prevents me from speaking. Tears are pressing behind my eyes. His words resonate in my mind. Kurt only thought of saving me... me? Does it get anymore heroic and romantic than that?

  He’s my savior... Does that mean he loves me?

  Or does it just mean that he’s a good and caring man, who couldn’t have another person’s life in his conscience? Would he have done the same for anybody else?

  “Thank you, Kurt. Thank you, thank you.” I take his hand in mine and squeeze it. “You did a very brave thing.” I lift his hand, and press it against my chest above my heart, but I really want to put it everywhere else on my body too. I want to give myself fully to him. I want to surrender to him. I’m his for the taking.

  “Oh, I don’t know.” Kurt blushes and removes his hand. “I think I did what anybody would’ve done.”

  “Nobody ever did anything like that for me before.” I caress his cheek.

  “It’s okay.” Kurt starts tampering with the control board.

  I know that the conversation is over. I went too close.

  But what about the kiss, then? He kissed me back at the Apollo. Did that mean that he liked me?

  I’m at a loss for answers. The only thing I know is that I don’t understand men. It’s like they’re an alien species, when it comes to intimate relationships. Or is it just me? Do other women understand men better than I do? I just know that I don’t understand... and I know that I’m not supposed to speak openly to him about it either. That will only make it more awkward, if he’s not sure of his intentions, or isn’t interested like that at all. I’m better off just biting my tongue, and trying to turn off my brain. How peaceful life would be without my head constantly churning thoughts over. Yes, an amputation from the neck up would bring me peace and calm... LOL!

  I’m dozing off, when Kurt wakes me up.

  “The station is coming up. Just in time. We’re running out of fuel fast.”

  “It looks deserted.” I notice there are bits of what looks like junk and trash floating in the space around the station too. Highly disorderly and not up to standards.

  “I wonder if it’s an ambush.”

  “Honestly, I wouldn’t think myself as significant to Captain Alvah or anybody else in E-corp that they’d mobilize the entire station.”

  “Sure. And they know that in this pod we’re unarmed and ripe for the picking. We’re defenseless, and it wouldn’t take much effort to confine us.”

  Kurt makes a crash landing in the hangar. As far as elegance goes, we’re off the charts, but at least we make it in one piece... or two pieces, as we’re not Siamese twins.

  The space station really is deserted. There’s not a single armed guard coming to hold us up. Not even a humming of conversations in the background. It’s like a ghost station. There’s no sign of the Apollo either.

  “Where is everyone?” I feel the hair rise on my neck.

  “Who knows? If there is anyone here, surely we don’t want to alert them of our presence—two deserters hijacking a spaceship. The sooner we get out of here, the better. So let’s just get a move on.” Kurt doesn’t seem the least creeped out by the deserted station. He starts rummaging the hangar for a ship that can take us home. But the hangar holds only small half-fueled vessels.

  “None of these damned ships can take us anywhere but a fraction of the way back to Earth. Dammit!” Kurt splutters.

  I’ve never seen Kurt frustrated like this.

  “Can we take fuel from all the ships combined to fill up the tanks of just one ship?” I try to be helpful.

  “Look at these ships! They’re all built purely for space travel—from space, in space, to space. Every single one of them will end up as charcoal when entering Earth’s atmosphere. We’ll only get to see Earth from a distance, before we’ll burn up alive!” Kurt wanders off at a hectic pace. His moves are abrupt and aggressive. I don’t need any interpretation to know which mood he’s in. Then he turns and yells back at me. “All the spaceships able to land on Earth are gone. They must all have left to go back to Earth. I’m pretty sure we’re alone here. All alone!” Kurt stomps through a large door, and disappears out of my view.

  I reckon it’ll be a while before he’s back.

  Then I see a notice screen on the wall flashing in red letters: EVACUATE NOW. Kurt was right—we really are alone on the space station. This might be the end of us. We didn’t want to end our days alone on The Virgin Planet. But if we can’t find a spaceship to get us out of here, we might still end our days alone on this deserted space station. Same same, but different, I guess. At least here, there are facilities to help you look and feel human and civilized again. Anyone not knowing where I’ve been, might mistake me for an alien with green skin—that’s how thoroughly green and dirty I am. I find a lavatory to freshen up and get the goo off my skin. I lock the door securely behind me. I allow myself the luxury of letting go of all worries and fears for a little while. Right now, there’s nothing else I can do. Besides, my mind seems to clearer in the presence of water—and I need fresh ideas on how to get us out of here.

  I wash the green off my face in the sink. My skin looks surprisingly refreshed—as if I’ve grown 10 years younger. I can only presume that the green slime contains nutrients that work wonders as a rejuvenating facial mask. Perhaps I could start a business selling green slime facials for old rich ladies. I could call it “Pink Planet Purifying Plaster”

  I enjoy watching myself in the mirror again—all fresh and poppy cheeked. Even my usually dull and flat hair looks all shiny and bouncy—and a little green. I pout and throw a kiss through the air at myself in the mirror. “I don’t know if he loves you... but... I love you.” It warms my heart to hear the words out loud. I feel light on my feet, lift my arms and my head high, and dance a few twirling steps. I’m still alive and in one piece. Right now, I’m okay.

  Then it strikes me—what if I could get the Extra-Terrestrial Vessel going? Would that get us back to Earth in one piece? Is it even still here?

  I rush out of the lavatory eager as a kid on Christmas morning. “Kurt! Kurt! Where are you?” I run down the empty echoing halls.

  “I’m here. I’m here. What’s the matter?” Kurt sounds worried until he sees my lively face.

  “Come, come.” I’m excited. I pull him along.

  At first, I can’t find my way back to the tiny hangar holding the ETV.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Just bear with me please. I’ll find it eventually... if it’s still here.”

  Finally, I open the right door, and the ETV. is still there.

  “Holy moly!” Kurt sounds astonished.

  I think I hear his jaw hit his chest. I’m happy and proud.

  “I don’t know if it holds enough fuel, and I don’t know how to fly it. But perhaps you can figure all that out.”

  I already know that I’m in the right joyful vibration to enter the ship, and sure enough, I slip right in. It almost feels like it’s too perfect. There’s nobody here to stop us. We can do exactly as we like. Kurt doesn’t follow me into the ship, so I slip out again to get him. My plan won’t work if he can’t enter the ship—I’m not leaving him here.

  “You’ve got to relax. Wash away all dark thoughts from your mind. Feel peaceful, and know in your heart that you’re safe.”

  Kurt tries again and again, but the entrance remains rock solid to him.

  I can tell by his face that he’s about to explode from impatience, which isn’t helping.

  “Hold my hands.” I reach out for him, and take his hands. “Breathe with me.” I take long deep breaths, and gradually slow down the frequency. Kurt follows my lead and seems calmer.

  “Can you trust that everything will be fine?”

  “Well...” Kurt is about to object, so I cut him
off.

  “Everything is fine right now. We’re alive, we’re whole, we’re together. Now trust that everything will stay fine.” I feel like I’m telling him off, and it doesn’t feel good. Perhaps I’m too impatient or too bossy—I’m open to that possibility. But I don’t see any other way right now, so there you go!

  Kurt leans his head back and sighs. I feel his hands relax in mine, and I know that now is the time. Still holding his hands in mine, I reach for the entrance of the ETV, and this time we both slip right in.

  “You can open your eyes now.”

  “Whoa!” Kurt seems dazzled, as if he’s just arrived to a different dimension.

  “Do you think you can fly this?”

  “I’ll try.”

  “I don’t know if it’ll get us as far as Earth, and I don’t know if it’ll even stand the descent through the Stratosphere.”

  “Well, since we don’t have any alternative, why don’t we just give it a shot... and trust that everything will be fine.” Kurt looks at me with a peculiar expression on his face.

  I can’t read whether he’s spiteful or jesting. I choose to believe the latter, and smile. “Well, Captain Kurt, you’re in charge—so let’s go then.”

  “Hi-yo Silver!” Kurt sounds like a true prehistoric cowboy.

  I crack up laughing.

  Once Kurt finally gets the grip on how to maneuver the ETV, the small laboratory hangar is pretty much beaten to smithereens, and looks like the sorry ruins after a hostile attack from a vengeful enemy. Fortunately, the ship is a lot more resilient than the lab, and seems untouched by the numerous collisions.

  It turns out, that whenever I rest my hands on Kurt’s shoulders or anywhere else on his body, his control over the ship dramatically improves. So I get to touch him all the way back to Earth... lucky me.

  Now that we’re safely on our way back to Earth, I relax. And Kurt does too. The result is that we both get very tired, so we take turns sleeping. We also both get cold and flu symptoms, which is typical after a lengthy period of high pressure. That’s what happens when you push yourself to the limit. Business as usual.