Radclyffe - Passion's Bright Fury

by Passion's Bright Fury (lit)

  Straightening, she frowned at Jude and Melissa, who were flanking Sax on the other side of the bed, but she dismissed their presence as one factor she could not control. "We'd better dilantinize her just in case this is some kind of brainstem instability," she said to Deb. "Can you find a loading dose on the crash cart somewhere?"

  "I'll have it mixed in a minute," Deb replied tersely, breaking open a vial and drawing the medication into a syringe.

  "That's an anti-seizure drug, right?" Jude asked, watching Sax shiver all over while her lids fluttered rapidly. Resting her palm against the surgeon's jaw, she stroked her face softly.

  "Yes," Pam answered distractedly, checking Sax's vital signs on the portable monitors. She waved away the members of the code team who had just barreled through the doors ready to start CPR. "Hold off-her signs are all stable." What the hell is this ?

  Jude thought she felt Sax's cheek press into her palm. In her mind she heard Sax's voice. I'm very sensitive to any kind of drug. I know that now. I'm careful to avoid them. Turning to the neurosurgeon, she asked, "Can I speak to you, please?"

  "I can't tell you anything right now," Pam said sharply. "In a few…"

  "It's about Sax. It's important. I think that the dilantin could hurt her."

  Pam's looked quickly from the monitors to Jude, her eyes narrowing. "Do you know something about her medical history? For god's sake…"

  "I didn't realize…"

  "Never mind. Just tell me now." Pam took Jude's arm and led her away from the bed, directing over her shoulder, "Stein, hold the dilantin but watch her vitals carefully. If her pO2 drops, push it." Facing Jude, she said, "Go ahead."

  Jude hurriedly related what Sax had told her about the misdiagnoses in her childhood, the problems she had as a result of the drug therapy, the unusual REM patterns that no one could explain, and her altered neurologic responses. Desperately, Jude added, "I just thought the usual meds might not work or that they might hurt her."

  "You might be right," Pam agreed, hiding her surprise and her intense curiosity about what Jude had just told her. Saxon Sinclair was an astounding woman in more ways than one, and she would dearly love the chance to learn more about this aspect of her life. The fact that the very private surgeon had chosen to share such confidences with the redhead suggested to Pam more powerfully than anything else could that she wouldn't be getting to know Saxon quite so intimately. "We need an EEG before we do anything else. She doesn't seem to be in any kind of trouble, at least not at the moment."

  Turning, Pam instructed, "Let's move her to trauma admitting, Deb. We'll get a bedside EEG there."

  As Deb nodded and started to wheel the gurney out of the room, Jude stepped over and reached for Sax's hand. Linking her fingers through Sax's, she said firmly, "I'm coming, too."

  "Could anyone stop you?" Deb asked with a faint grin.

  Jude's heart twisted a little as she realized how much Deb reminded her of Sax at that moment, but she managed to smile back. "Not in this lifetime.

  *****

  Chapter Thirty-three

  atypical EEG...WAIT...look at this... accelerated or...NO...focal anomaly...seizure activity...no it isn't...more like REM...cycles unusual...what the HELL...

  Fighting to open her eyes despite the piercing glare, she found herself staring into a huge silver disk suspended above her head, a hot white bulb in its center. Oh, god . Waking up...just like before. Alone . She recognized the lights...the smell. Hospital . Her chest tightened. She tried to move her arms, tried to lift her legs. Restrained . She struggled, moaned at the swift surge of pain. Suddenly, a silhouette took shape in her field of vision, backlit by the bright light. She tried unsuccessfully to focus. "Please..."

  Gentle hands touched her cheek; a soft voice spoke. "You're in the hospital. You're going to be all right."

  Lies . They tell you lies; they give you drugs; they make you lose yourself. She shuddered. She closed her eyes. Please .

  "Can you hear me? You're safe."

  Lies . Tender fingers brushed her forehead. They lie .

  "Sax," gently pleading now. "Wake up, please."

  She knew that voice; she knew that touch. Frantically she tried again to focus. Features began to emerge from the shadows, giving her something to cling to in the sea of confusion and pain. A face bending near-green eyes, caring and reassuring. Dark red hair, shimmering with gold, a perfect face. The look in those eyes-strong and steady and sure. Tightening her fingers on the hand holding hers, she asked desperately, "Jude?"

  "Yes, right here," Jude soothed, seeing the bewilderment in Sax's eyes. She's trembling. She's terrified . "I'm right here." Reluctantly, because she had to, she looked away for a second, calling to the doctors still bent over the EEG tracing, "She's awake."

  "Don't go," Sax said urgently, struggling to sit up. She wasn't sure where she was. She wasn't sure what was happening. They can hurt me...no...Jude is here. This is now, not then. Jude . "Don't go," she asked again.

  "Of course not," Jude said, one hand on Sax's shoulder, caressing her even as she guided her back down. Sax's obvious fear was tearing at her. Her chest ached with the need to comfort her, but she knew it wasn't her sympathy Sax needed, but her resolve. "Sax, you're at St. Michael's. Everything is all right."

  Pam moved to the head of the bed opposite Jude. "Welcome back," she said with a fond smile, but her eyes were searching Sax clinically--examining, assessing. "Do you know who I am?"

  Sax studied the tall, lithe figure, her initial panic subsiding second by second as she realized that she did know who the woman was. Even more importantly, she knew who she was. "Pam Arnold. Neurosurgeon. And I'm Saxon Sinclair." She turned her head as far as the restraining collar would allow. "And this is my trauma unit."

  "Excellent," Pam affirmed with a nod, hoping that her intense relief didn't show. She had so not wanted to put a drill to Sax's skull.

  Sax looked from Pam to Jude, aware for the first time that Jude's face was smeared with soot and streaked with sweat...or was it tears? "What happened? Are you hurt?" She tried again to sit up. The two women by the bedside answered simultaneously.

  "No, I'm fine. Lie still," Jude assured her, pressing one palm to Sax's shoulder.

  "You got cracked on the head and sustained a significant concussion, but no serious long term damage," Pam stated.

  "You're sure you're not hurt?" Sax asked again, her eyes searching Jude's face.

  "I am just fine." Jude smiled, the burden of fear she had labored under for the last sixty minutes finally relenting. "Everyone is."

  Satisfied, Sax lifted her left arm to the extent that the arm board taped around it would allow and saw the plastic catheter in her vein. "Did you give me anything?" she asked, looking at Pam, her face losing the last of its color. Not again. God, not again.

  "No. Nothing," Pam assured her swiftly. At Sax's look of surprise, she added, "You have Ms. Castle to thank for that."

  "Thank you," Sax murmured, glancing at Jude and linking her fingers more tightly through hers. She took a deep breath, feeling infinitely more settled. Time to move on. "Pam, can you get this damn thing off my neck?"

  "Yes, your spine is clear on the CT," Pam informed her, releasing the velcro straps on the molded cervical collar and removing it. "Do you need something for pain? Let me finish my exam and I'll order some morphine."

  "I'm fine," Sax lied. Her disorientation, while lessening dramatically, had unfortunately been replaced by a throbbing headache. A trade she was happy to accept. She pulled at the strap that ran across her chest pinning her to the narrow table. "Let me up."

  "As soon as Stein closes that laceration on your head, we'll get you upstairs to a room," Pam informed her as she began checking reflexes and motor tone.

  "No."

  "I'm sorry?" Pam asked, raising her head to meet Sax's implacable expression.

  "I'm not going to be admitted."

  "Saxon, this isn't negotiable," Pam said, an edge in her voice now. Perfect. Lovely. Jus
t what I need-a power struggle in the middle of a goddamned mass casualty alert.

  "I'm sure you have something better to do than argue with me," Sax said reasonably, as if reading Pam's mind. "I'll sign the 'against medical advice' form if you insist, but I'm not staying."

  "Now look..."

  "Can I talk to her for a minute...alone?" Jude interrupted calmly. Sax's voice was strong and her eyes were clear, but she was pale as the sheets and the hand that lay in Jude's palm shook. It was clear to Jude that she was in pain.

  "Be my guest," Pam replied in clipped, angry tones. "I'm going to check on my other patients." She glanced at Jude, who was softly stroking Sax's arm, and added tersely, "Talk some sense into her."

  "As if I could," Jude said with a smile. Before Sax could make any kind of argument, she leaned down until her lips nearly touched Sax's ear and whispered, "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

  Sax carefully turned her head until their eyes met, their lips barely inches apart. Jude's irises were so many swirling shades of green she almost got lost in them. She forgot what she had meant to say. "How much?" she asked softly, just because she wanted to hear her say it.

  "So much I can't even imagine being without you," she admitted. She'd said it. It was the truth, and the truth of it was amazingly simple to accept. I love you. Yes . "I was scared to death out there when we found you. I can't go through that again."

  "Oh, that's not fair," Sax murmured, wanting desperately to hold her. She reached across with her unrestrained right hand and stroked Jude's cheek, traced her fingers along her jaw, rested her thumb against the corner of her mouth. "I love you. I'd do anything for you."

  "Then stay here," Jude said softly, leaning closer, kissing her.

  "I'm scared."

  Jude's heart twisted, because she knew what that admission cost her. "I'll stay with you."

  Sax turned her face away, struggling with old terrors, wanting desperately to embrace new trusts. She felt Jude's touch, knew she was not alone. She drew on that strength, relied on that constancy, as she searched for reason and fought to conquer fear.

  "Just overnight."

  "Deal."

  *****

  She awoke drenched in sweat. Rivers of it soaked her hair, the hospital gown, the sheets. The room was dim, illuminated by a faint light from the bathroom. Nighttime.

  Pushing the covers aside, she slowly shifted toward the side of the bed. The movement didn't seem to produce any adverse effects. Headache-nearly gone. Nausea-minimal. Vision-clear. Excellent .

  "What are you doing?" Jude asked from the chair a few feet away where she had been dozing.

  "I need a shower."

  "I don't think you're supposed to get up," Jude remarked as she went to Sax's side. She brushed the hair from her forehead. It was wet, but Sax's skin was warm, not clammy.

  "I'm fine," Sax replied, sitting up. No dizziness. Good .

  "What's going on then-you're soaked."

  "It happens to me sometimes-it's probably just the tail end of the trauma. Like when a fever breaks, I guess," she said, reaching for Jude's hand. "Don't worry."

  "Is Pam going to flay me when she discovers I let you get up?" Jude asked only half-teasingly. The neurosurgeon's last words to her had been, "Make sure she stays put."

  "With any luck we'll be gone before she shows up." She took two steps, felt fine, then a few more. All systems go .

  "Sax," Jude said, holding her back with a hand on her arm. "You have me at a disadvantage here. I don't want you to hurt yourself. Tell me you're not being stubborn and foolish."

  Sax turned, met her eyes. "I need about two days before I can drive or work, but I'm okay. I can rest at Maddy's a lot better than I can here. I won't take chances. I promise."

  "Then let me give you a hand."

  "Deal."

  *****

  "These weren't designed for two," Jude observed, bumping her elbow against the shower wall as she carefully worked the lather into Sax's hair.

  Sax pressed her hips into Jude's pelvis, observing mischievously, "Maybe they were."

  "Stop," Jude breathed, liking a little too much the slick feel of Sax's skin against her thigh. She'd been so scared that she would lose her, and now she was so damn glad to have her back. God, it feels good. Too good . "There are so many reasons why we can't do this here, I can't even count."

  "Mmm, I know," Sax remarked distractedly, running her fingers along the edge of Jude's breast, watching her nipple harden. "What were they again?"

  "Do that for another second and I'll forget, so... stop ."

  "Jude," Sax said quietly, her hands resting on Jude's waist, her expression suddenly serious. "Thank you for this morning. For being there, for talking to Pam about the meds."

  "Sax..." Jude started to protest, her palms on Sax's shoulders, their breasts lightly touching, their eyes holding one another.

  "No wait...I'm not done," Sax interrupted, smiling faintly, wanting to say the words. "You took care of me, and I...I needed that. I needed you . So I...just..."

  "Sax, I love you," Jude said. Firmly. Clearly. Tenderly. "I need you."

  Sax closed her eyes, rested her forehead on Jude's. "God, I love you."

  "Good," Jude whispered, and kissed her. So very good .

  After a moment, Sax moved her mouth to Jude's ear and murmured, "I can't remember why we weren't supposed to do this."

  A sharp knock resounded on the bathroom door, clearly audible even above the pounding of the running water.

  "That would be one," Jude said dryly. She turned the knobs to off and slid the curtain back. "Yes?"

  "Sinclair better be in there," Pam Arnold warned from the other side.

  "Uh, could you give us a minute?" Jude called.

  "No."

  "We need to get dressed."

  "I'm not hearing this," Pam's voice announced ominously. "I'm really not. Five minutes."

  When they emerged, Sax in the jeans and tee shirt Jude had retrieved earlier from her on call room, and Jude in the clean clothes Mel had delivered from her apartment, they found Pam waiting in the one chair, legs crossed, looking elegant and decidedly cool.

  "You agreed to stay overnight. It's 9:30pm," she said, fixing Sax with a piercing stare.

  "I'm fine," Sax replied.

  Before Pam could snarl a response, the door opened and Deb Stein entered, followed closely by Melissa.

  "Hey, boss," Deb called, smiling with delight. "You're up!"

  "Hi," Mel added.

  "Wonderful. Now we can have a party," Pam growled, rising to her feet. "You two," she said to the newcomers. "Out."

  As they looked from her to Sax and Jude in confusion, the door opened yet again.

  "Whoa," Melissa blurted before she could stop herself as a woman stepped inside.

  "Maddy," Sax exclaimed. "I told you on the phone not to come."

  "I know that, Saxon," Maddy remarked, smiling at Mel, who was staring unabashedly at her. "But you can't drive that motorcycle; Jude's car is parked behind the house; and I thought you would be about ready to leave by now."

  "How did you get here? Tell me you didn't drive the Rolls," Sax cried.

  "There's a very nice policeman right out in front of the hospital who is watching it," Maddy explained, her eyes twinkling. Saxon appeared fine, just as Jude had said, but she felt better seeing for herself. She knew what being a patient would do to her granddaughter.

  "Oh my god," Sax moaned. "I have to go right now."

  "Wait a minute," Pam said, very nearly shouting.

  "Ah, let me make introductions," Jude said quickly before the scene could deteriorate further. As she went around the room getting everyone acquainted, even Pam began to relax.

  "Madelaine Lane," Melissa said reverently. "You're Sax's grandmother. Whoa."

  "And you're Jude's DP. Lovely work," Maddy rejoined sincerely.

  Melissa blushed and was, for once, speechless.

  Maddy fixed Pam with an assessing stare. "So, may
I take her home? Jude will be there to see that she behaves."

  "Maddy," Sax groaned while Jude grinned.

  "She seems fine," Pam admitted reluctantly. "I'm not entirely comfortable with the idea, however."

  "How about if Deb comes along?" Jude suggested.

  "Check ," Sax whispered to Jude, too low for anyone else to hear. She watched with pleasure as Jude deftly moved the pieces with surgical precision.

  "Yes," Maddy agreed. She looked from Mel to Deb, and added, "And you are welcome, too, Melissa. I've lots of room."

  "Well..." Mel replied hesitantly, looking at Deb with a question in her eyes.

  "It's fine with me," Deb answered, grinning at Mel.

  Jude moved a little closer to Sax, resting her hand on her back. "Do those arrangements satisfy?" she asked Pam.

  "It would seem I've been outmaneuvered," Pam conceded, a wisp of a smile softening her face.

  " And mate ," Jude whispered, firmly taking Sax's hand.

  Epilogue

  Twelve months later

  "Who is it?" Sax called, her scrub shirt half off over her head.

  "It's me," came a deep voice from the hallway outside her on-call room.

  Hastily, she pulled down her shirt and quickly crossed to the door. "What do you want?" she said hurriedly, peering out. "It's already twenty after six."

  Clearly, he was on schedule. He looked dashing in black-tie, every blond hair in place as always. Raising an eyebrow at her obvious state of un-readiness, he said, "I know precisely what time it is. I was just checking to see if you were ready."

  "No, Aaron, I'm not ready. Do I look ready? Are you planning on helping me get dressed? Because if you're not, would you please go away and leave me alone?"

  Aaron Townsend was enjoying Sinclair's nervousness. It wasn't often, make that never, that he got to see her the least bit off her stride. Nervous was just not a word that applied to her. "Well, if you want me to, I could probably accommodate you."

  "Aaron, just because I might once have said I missed you, I've forgotten that by now. Don't push, or you could be back doing float work on the medical floor."

  "Deb just left. She looked-outstanding. Nice ride, too," he continued, walking into her on call room and completely ignoring her empty threats.