In His Arms

by Yasmin Sullivan

  Rashad went up to Baltimore alone the next day. He hadn’t told anyone about his proposal; he thought he would simply announce their engagement. Now there was nothing to tell, and it was easier not to say anything at all. But he couldn’t stop from being notably down. Even his brothers took the hint and ribbed him less. And even playing with his nieces and nephews didn’t ease the ache.

  He called Michelle every day for the four days he was at home, but none of his messages were returned. Okay, she needed some time. He didn’t want to give her time, but he would. How much time he would give her he didn’t know, but when it was up, no man-made obstacle would stand in his way.

  Chapter 19

  Michelle took the present she had gotten for Rashad from the living room and put it under her bed. She couldn’t stand to see it and be reminded that she wouldn’t be spending Christmas with him and his family, wouldn’t be seeing him at all.

  It was early on Christmas morning, and she had a little time before waking Andre up to open presents, time before she would have to put on a happy face for her son and the world. In the meantime, she sat at the dining room table and covered her eyes with her hands to hold back the tears.

  For the past two days, she’d been walking around in mourning, but she hadn’t found a flaw in her reasoning. Being with her put Rashad in danger, and the threat of Lucius wasn’t going away. It would hang over them like a hailstorm. That bastard was ruining her life, but it was up to her whether or not she’d take someone down with her. It felt like cutting off her own flesh, but it was the right thing. When she could see her way clear of this, then she could have the prize. And then she could be one, too.

  That meant she was on her own.

  Michelle got up and went into the kitchen. She did the dishes as quietly as she could and then started preparing the ham and the cobbler that she was bringing to Nigel and Regina’s. She packed the presents she had gotten for them and for Sharon; she picked up the living room, and she sorted the laundry for washing the next day. Then she got dressed, put on some Christmas music and plugged in the little tree on the coffee table.

  When she ran out of things to do, she woke up Andre.

  “Hey, pumpkin. Are you going to sleep in all day? Merry Christmas.” She sat on the bed and gave her son a long, warm hug. “Aren’t you coming to open your presents?”

  Andre bolted up and bounded for the living room. Michelle tried to smile.

  In the living room, Michelle took a seat on the couch while Andre circled the presents on the coffee table.

  “Which ones are mine, Mommy?”

  “Give me that one near your hand, the one with the snowman paper on it. That’s mine from Grandma and Grandpa.”

  Andre brought her the present and turned back to the table.

  “The rest are for you. Go ahead. Open them.”

  Michelle turned the package in her hands, not wanting to open it. She tore the paper off anyway. It was a scarf, and wrapped in the scarf were a cuff bracelet, an inspirational desk calendar and a card with a check from her father.

  “Look what Mommy got,” she said to Andre, wrapping the scarf around her shoulders. She put on the cuff bracelet and held up her arm. She also held up the calendar. “This starts in January, so I’ll open it later.” She wasn’t succeeding at being cheerful.

  Luckily, Andre’s attention was occupied. He was ripping open his presents and piling them next to him on the couch, saying what each one was as he went along.

  “What’s this one, Mommy?”

  “That’s a little computer just for you. You have to be very careful with it so you don’t break it. Cousin Nigel and I can show you how to use it. We might need to get a little desk for you to put it on. Open the rest of your presents, and we can look at that one later. We’ll bring it to Cousin Nigel’s with us. Open those two. Those are from Grandma and Grandpa.”

  When all his presents were open and Andre had selected one to play with first, Michelle went into the kitchen and made him breakfast. She checked on the cobbler and took it out to cool. The ham needed more time.

  She took Andre his breakfast in the living room, switched off the CD player and put on cartoons that Andre could watch while he ate and played.

  In the afternoon, she made a few Christmas calls, let Andre speak to his grandparents and had him change. Then she packed his mini-laptop, the ham and cobbler and the presents they were bringing. First they stopped at Mrs. Miller’s, and next they headed over to Nigel and Regina’s.

  Her cousin greeted her at the door with a hug and helped her with her packages.

  “What size ham did you cook? This feels like it could feed an elephant.”

  “Elephants don’t eat ham,” she said.

  “We don’t know that,” he countered. “Hey, cousin, I had a call for you—Rashad. He wanted to know how you’re doing.”

  Michelle didn’t want to give explanations. She wasn’t prepared.

  “Thanks. He likes to check on me with the whole Lucius situation going on. He must not have gotten me, so he called here. I’m sorry to be a bother.”

  “It’s no problem. I like Rashad. It sounds like he’s doing some good looking out. Call him if you haven’t spoken to him since yesterday.”

  “I will,” she said and was relieved that he left it at that.

  “This is Andre’s new mini-laptop. I was hoping you could help him learn how to use it.”

  “Sure. You want to look at it now, Andre?”

  Andre nodded.

  They set the mini-laptop up on the coffee table. Nigel took Andre onto his lap and showed him how to turn it on.

  “Oh, man,” Nigel said. “Look at all these programs. Half the desktop is filled with icons, and most of these he can use right now. This is great. How did you get all these?”

  “Rashad put those on it.” It hurt to say his name. “I have the disks at home.”

  “Well, this is one to grow on. He’ll be using this through high school.”

  Regina came in from the next room with Sharon and headed into the kitchen. Michelle followed to help.

  “Men and their toys,” Regina whispered. “They’re going to be at that all night.”

  When the table was set, they ate. Then they exchanged gifts with one another, and, as Regina predicted, the boys made quick work of the toys Nigel and Regina had gotten for Andre and went back to the laptop.

  Michelle took Andre home just after nine so that she could put him to bed and get ready for work the next day. She was tired from the tension of having to hold herself together, and she went to sleep right after Andre. At least she had made it through that day.

  The next few days were not such an easy matter. She was back to work but had no other distraction at home. She had time for her mind to wander to Rashad, time to miss his arms, his face, his presence.

  That weekend, her phone rang. No name showed up on the caller ID, but the area code was 843—Charleston. She’d been vigilant about checking the caller ID to avoid calls from Rashad as well as Lucius. Now she wondered who this could be and whether it could be her ex-husband.

  She turned from the phone to let it ring. Then she turned back. She was tired of being afraid to answer her own phone, and she was more than tired of the havoc Lucius was causing in her life. She thought of the primal yell and the jab to the neck, and part of her even wished it was Lucius so that that she could tell him a word or two.

  She got her wish.

  “Hello, whore.”

  For a moment, she didn’t know what to say. Then she was filled with a calm rage.

  “Don’t you dare call me whore, you two-timing, pigeon-hearted mongrel.”

  “As long as I pay for you—”

  “You pay the alimony and child support you’re supposed to pay. There’s not enough money in the whole
world for you to buy me. Get it straight.”

  He wasn’t used to her talking back, and he didn’t seem to like it.

  “When I get there, I’m going to knock you down to the ground.”

  “You might try, but you won’t succeed. I’m not scared of you anymore. Only a coward picks on someone half his size. And that’s what you are—a coward.”

  “I’m coming to take care of you, and I’m coming to get my son.”

  Michelle banged her hand on the table.

  “Oh, hell no. The day you put a hand on my son is the day you lose a hand. You’re unfit. Un-fit. He deserves better than you, and you won’t be getting him or—”

  “You think you can stop me? You’ve seen you can’t stop me. I—”

  “You aren’t worth my time. And I’ll have something waiting here for you when you get here, so if you think I can’t stop you, you’ve got another guess coming. Uh-uh. You won’t be throwing me on the ground anymore, you two-timing coward. I’m waiting for you this time. This time you’re going to have to bring it, and you don’t got it to bring.”

  “When I get my hands on you, you’ll feel it.”

  Michelle had been getting louder and now reined in her voice. She didn’t want Andre to hear this.

  “You don’t have the common sense of a dog. When the police get you, you’ll see. I’m not the one who’ll feel, you bastard. You’re going to feel for all the wrong you’ve done to me.”

  “I’m not going to feel a thing but your head beneath my fist. When I’m done with you, you won’t even recognize yourself.”

  She could tell he was getting flustered. His comebacks were slowing down, and he was sputtering his words. Good. She didn’t care. He was ruining her life, and she was tired of it.

  “You think I’m something for you to walk on. You’re a toe rag. You’re what was made to clean my feet.”

  “You can’t even satisfy a man, and you think I’m—”

  “You got it wrong, mister. You’re the one who can’t even satisfy a woman. You’re so lacking in the bedroom that the women flee. You’re so lacking in the bedroom that—”

  “You want to play the dozens with me? I got a dozen for you—two fists and two feet. When I come for you, I’ll show you who’s lacking—”

  “You are, Lucius. You’re not a man. You’re not even a boy. And you’re not worth any more of my time.”

  Michelle clicked off the phone and caught herself as she was about to bang it down. Andre was asleep.

  She cradled the phone and spun on her heels, her hands balled into fists. She was about to walk away when it occurred to her that she needed to call the police.

  She called the police detective she had spoken to before. She didn’t get him, but she reported the incident to the officer who answered, told him the number that Lucius had called from and left a message for the detective working on her case.

  She checked on Andre, in case she had been too loud, but he was still asleep. She emailed her lawyer and then changed for bed.

  Lucius would be more vengeful than ever, but she didn’t care. She was tired of being cowed by him. She was tired of having him control her life. Tired of having him threaten her happiness. Tired of being backed to the wall. Tired of living with his black hole. When she saw him again, she would give him an elbow in the neck and see how big and bad he was then.

  He might shoot her, but she’d go down leaving her mark on him. She had already drawn up papers making Nigel and Regina legal guardians of Andre should anything happen to her. She’d done that after moving to D.C. She had reached the point at which she didn’t care, the point at which she’d had enough, the point at which she was dangerous.

  Michelle checked her thoughts. She couldn’t be a danger in comparison to Lucius. He could beat her to death if he got the gumption. At least Rashad was out of the range of fire. Now she was going to stand up for herself. She was going to her gym class tomorrow. She would at least go out with a primal yell.

  They knew he was in Charleston now. They had the number he had called from. They had the make of his car. Something was going to yield. It had to.

  * * *

  When she woke up the next morning, Michelle was still depressed and still angry. She dropped off Andre at Mrs. Miller’s and went to work. She would have to be even more vigilant now. If Lucius wanted revenge, he could target Andre to hurt her, and given the man that he was, he might do just that.

  Michelle was on watch that day and the next. That afternoon, though, she got glorious news. Her phone rang when she was at work. Usually, she wouldn’t take it, but something told her to get that call. She grabbed her phone and took a seat at an empty table.

  “Hey, Mom. I’m at work. I can’t talk long.”

  “Oh, honey. They got him. I just heard from his mother. They arrested Lucius last night down here in Charleston. Seems he was in some kind of brawl at a nightclub. His mother’s just beside herself because he’s been getting himself into so much trouble.”

  “They arrested him?” Tears of relief formed in Michelle’s eyes.

  “Yes, siree. He’s in jail right now. He won’t be bothering you on the phone for a while. I’m so sorry I gave his mother your number.”

  “Mom, I have to go. I’ll call you later.”

  Michelle found the number and called the police detective. She told him that Lucius had been arrested in Charleston and asked him what to do to get the other charges added. The detective said that Lucius should have been flagged automatically but that he would follow up on it. Her next call was to her lawyer. She was in court, but Michelle left a message.

  Michelle sat back and took a breath. Lucius may not be put away for long, but she would at least have a moment of serenity, a moment when she didn’t have to look over her shoulder, a moment without the threat of him snatching Andre, a moment without having to think of him at all.

  Michelle went back to work, but as her mind cleared of worry over Lucius, it turned more and more to thoughts of Rashad and the decision she had made. It had been motivated entirely by Lucius, and now that the threat of Lucius was gone, even if it was only temporary, she could think about it in a different way. With Lucius in jail, she could see that she had been letting him control her life, letting him make her feel unworthy of someone else, someone good.

  Michelle counted out the register at the end of her shift and then changed into her sweats. She had an hour until her class, with no homework to read, nothing to do, so she sat down in the coffeehouse and sipped on a medium roast.

  She hadn’t seen or spoken to Rashad since she’d turned down his proposal just over a week ago. That was just before Christmas, and now it was New Year’s Eve. Rashad had told her not to let Lucius win. She had been doing exactly that. He won when he controlled her decisions. He won when he kept her afraid. He won when she was forced to cut off her own flesh to keep it safe from him. He won when she was the victim.

  Michelle didn’t know what do to. Lucius would be out of jail at some point, and the threat would be there again. How could she keep him from winning in the long term?

  When it was time, Michelle said goodbye to her coworkers and headed to her class. Afterward, she picked up Andre and took him home to get him dinner. All the while she troubled over what to do.

  Andre was in the living room playing with one of the games she’d gotten him for Christmas when Michelle went into her bedroom to make the call. She got Rashad’s Christmas present from under her bed and dialed his number, knowing only that she had to see him.

  “Michelle? Is everything okay?”

  “Yes.”

  “You haven’t returned my calls,” he said.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t have an excuse. I’ve missed you so much.”

  “I’ve missed you more,” he said softly.

  “I’m so
rry I made one big old mess. Can we talk?”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Can you come over?” she asked.

  “I’m in Baltimore. My parents had us all come up for New Year’s Eve.”

  “Can I come up? I don’t have to stay. I—”

  “Come and spend the night.”

  “Can I bring Andre?”

  “You have to bring Andre,” he said and gave her the address. “Can you find it all right?”

  The humor hung between them, but neither entered into it.

  “I’ll find it,” she said. “I’ll be able to leave in about an hour. I’ll see you in two.”

  She hung up. She called and found someone who could cover her shift at work the next day. Then she searched through her closet, jumped in the shower and put on the dress she’d worn to Nigel and Regina’s wedding. It was an orchid-purple knee-length gown, sleeveless with beadwork over the front. The gown had a solid shell but a sheer outer fabric, and the matching jacket had beadwork and sheer arms. When her face was done, she put up her hair, put on her two-inch black pumps and called Andre.

  She pulled out a pair of blue slacks and a blue dress shirt for Andre, and while he changed, she told him where they were going and started packing overnight bags for them. She got on the computer for the directions to Baltimore and to the house. Then she stopped in Greenbelt for some champagne, and they got on the highway.

  She got lost only once, and then they found the address they were looking for. She recognized the house from their last visit. She parked, took a breath, gathered their things and held Andre’s hand on the way in.

  Rashad’s father answered the door and ushered them inside. She gave him the champagne, and he took the overnight bags from her. Rashad’s mother came over to get their coats. Michelle recognized Rashad’s brothers and in-laws from the Kennedy Center, and she smiled and nodded at them and the gathering.

  Shaka found them before Rashad did, and he was leaping at her legs when Rashad came into the living room. Andre pulled free from her hand and ran to Rashad when he saw Rashad. Rashad caught Andre in open arms. He lifted the boy for a hug and then settled him on his hip.