“Of course I care, and I do want to hear all about it, so please tell me.”
“When I found out that I was having a child, I was devastated. As I told you when I last saw you, I held a good position as a housekeeper for a wealthy gentleman, well, I knew I would be discharged as soon as he found out I was in the family way. I know what happens to unmarried women in that situation, and I was so afraid that my daughter Dolly and I would end up in the poor house. I couldn’t imagine any worse place for our child to be born.”
“Oh, Glad, I’m so sorry. Forgive me for being so thoughtless. My God, what did you do?”
“I confessed to James Hornsby, my employer, and begged him to keep me on until I could find a place in town to rent where I hoped to earn enough money sewing to support the three of us. Luckily, James is a very caring man. In fact, he’s the kindest man I’ve ever known. He offered to marry me. It was a way to ensure Dolly and our child would have a respectable upbringing, and because I thought you were married and had a family and I would never see you again, I accepted his offer. Now everyone thinks Eddy is his son. James provides us with everything we need. We live in a grand manor and even have servants to wait on us.”
“I’m happy to hear you’ve been looked after, Gladys, but you are mistaken; I have no family.”
Gladys’s mouth fell open. She shook her head and said, “I don’t believe you, unless . . . unless you were lying to me six years ago when you said you had a wife and were expecting a child.”
“It wasn’t a lie. I did have a wife. Her name was Rosa, but she died in childbirth aboard the ship. The baby, a boy, was born dead.”
Stunned, Gladys replied, “Oh, I’m so sorry, Toughie, er, I mean, Angelo.”
“It was an ill-fated crossing from the start. The weather was against us all the way. For two weeks, there wasn’t so much as a soft breeze, and it seemed as though we would spend the rest of our lives floating in the same spot in the middle of the ocean. Then, when the wind finally came, it brought the rain. Oh, Glad, I’ve never seen it rain like it did out there on the sea. It was as though we had sailed under a giant waterfall, and no matter how fast the wind blew, we couldn’t get out from under it. There were two inches of water in all the cabins. With nothing waterproof to wear, we walked about barefoot.
“It was during this time that I lost Rosa and my son. Then, a few days later, when the weather finally cleared, we suffered an outbreak of mumps. There were three families aboard—two without a man, and amongst them they had fifteen children. All but three were stricken with the disease. To keep my mind off my troubles, I volunteered to help with their care, and by the time they had all recovered, I came down with the disease. I don’t know if you’ve heard what can happen to a man with the mumps, but the ship’s doctor told me that I would probably never be able to father a child again. I’m sorry, Gladdy, but Eduardo will be our only child.”
Gladys pulled his head down, held it tight to her breast, and said, “You poor, poor darling. What a time you’ve had.”
“Yes, I have, but that’s all in the past. Now that I have you and Eduardo, I will never be alone again.”
Realizing that he thought she and Eddy were going to stay with him, Gladys knew she had to tell him the truth.
“Angelo, please sit down. There’s something you should know.” When he was seated, she continued, “I only brought Eddy here to meet you because I wanted you to see how wonderful he is. But you have to understand that the only father he has ever known is James Hornsby.”
Toughie felt fear building up inside his chest. He was afraid of what her answer would be to his question, but he had to know, “I hope you are not trying to tell me that this James Hornsby will try to keep me from taking what is rightly mine?”
“I am sure he will allow you to visit with Eddy now and again, but he only allowed me to come see you if I promised never to tell Eddy that you are his father. If it were to become known that we had been living a life of lies, it would ruin his reputation in Sandwich. I could never do that to James. You can understand that, can’t you?”
“No! No, I can’t. This won’t do. I have to return to America in two weeks’ time, and I intend to take you and Eduardo with me.”
“I wish that were possible, Tough . . . er . . . Angelo, but you must remember that I have two daughters. Dolly is fifteen now, and Eliza, James’s and my daughter, is three.”
“I don’t care. In fact, I’m delighted that Eduardo has sisters. It’s better than being an only child. We will take them all to America.”
“James would never allow it.”
“I can’t believe you allow him to tell you what to do. You don’t love him, do you?”
“Yes, yes, in a way I do. But I don’t love him like I do you. He’s much older than me, and we don’t sleep together, but he has been good to me, and we are very fond of each other. And, more importantly, I respect him.”
“You’ll never belong to anyone but me, and you know it. If you come with me, he can probably get a divorce on the grounds of desertion. The troupe is breaking up now, and Uncle and I have invested our money in a restaurant in New York City. We have to go back in two weeks to open it, and I do not intend to leave without my son.”
“First, Angelo, I do not belong to you or to James. And second, I shall never let anyone take Eddy away from me.”
“I don’t want to take him from you, Gladys, but if you won’t come with us, I’ll have to. He is my son. You only have to look at him to see that.”
“Because he looks like you does not prove anything, and if I deny having slept with you, there’s nothing you can do. Please, Angelo, you must listen to me. I have my other two children to think of, and I could never part with Eddy.”
“What do you expect me to do? Forget I have a son?”
Before she could answer, Eddy called out, “Mother? Mother, where are you?”
Gladys ran up the stairs, and, after a while, she brought the boy down.
“Eddy darling, this is an old friend of mine. His name is Angelo Mathews Rossini,” she said.
“Hello, Eduardo, I’m very pleased to meet you.” Angelo reached out his hand while he fought the urge to take the boy into his arms and say, “I am your father.”
Eddy didn’t seem to notice that the stranger had called him Eduardo. He rubbed his eyes and mumbled a greeting before asking, “Mother, why didn’t you come to bed? I woke up, and you weren’t there.”
“I know, dear, we’ll go to bed in a minute, but first we will have a little visit with my friend,” she replied in such a stern voice that he didn’t argue. Besides, there was something about the man’s appearance, especially his smile, that Eddy liked.
“How old are you, my boy? I would guess by the size of you, you must be about seven,” Toughie said.
The flattery wasn’t wasted. Eddy stuck out his chest and answered, “Oh no, sir, I am only five, but I can read very well. I often read stories to my sister.”
“I think she must be a very lucky little girl to have a big brother like you.”
“Yes, sir, she is! Sometimes I put her in front of me on my pony, Chestnut, and take her for rides around the corral. She is going to have a pony of her own soon, and then we can ride together. She could not come to London on the train with me, so do you know what we did?”
“No, I can’t imagine.”
“We bought her one. Of course, it is just a toy train, but it even has a whistle. Would you like to see it? Can I show it to him, Mother? Please?”
“You certainly can, dear, but why not show him the one you have? Then you won’t have to undo all the pretty wrappings.”
When Eddy left to get the train, Toughie remarked, “My God, Glad, he’s wonderful. He loves his little sister, doesn’t he?”
Gladys nodded, and, for the first time, Toughie began to realize that it would be years before he could give
the boy what his stepfather provided him with. It didn’t help when Gladys started to tell him about the wonderful estate they lived on before Eddy returned with his train and interrupted her.
For over an hour, Angelo and his son sat on the floor playing with the train and talking. Eddy, having ridden on one, felt he knew enough about trains to explain all about them and was very pleased to find such an attentive audience. Toughie listened intently while doing his best to memorize Eddy’s every word and expression.
Seeing the two of them playing with their heads together wrenched Gladys’s heart. She was ashamed of herself for not thinking of Dolly and Eliza, but she wished time would stand still and the three of them could remain where they were forever.
“Come now, dear, you must get some sleep,” she said as she reached for Eddy’s hand.
“But, Mother, we are having such fun!”
Toughie knew he had to agree with Gladys, so he added, “I suppose your mother is right, son. I had a wonderful time. You certainly taught me a lot about trains. I’ll never forget it.”
“If you come home with us, you could even ride on one.”
“I am afraid that’s impossible. You see, I have to leave London before long and sail to America.”
“Is that where you live?” When Toughie said it was, Eddy then asked if he had any children.
Toughie had to swallow a lump in his throat before he could answer. “I have a boy the same age as you.”
“Where does he live?”
Gladys interrupted, “Now, Eddy, that’s enough. I’m sure Angelo is tired of answering questions, and it is really not polite to ask such personal things. Come on, off to bed now.”
“Are you coming too, Mother?”
“I’ll tuck you in, then I’ll come down and say goodnight to Angelo before I come to bed.”
When Eddy went over to say goodnight, Toughie could no longer hold back. He embraced the boy and held him tightly. Eddy didn’t appreciate the gesture and pulled away. Then he noticed the moisture on the man’s cheeks, and he could sense his sadness.
“Why was the man crying, Mother?” he asked Gladys when they were in the bedroom.
“I think he misses his little boy, my darling.”
After a pensive moment, Eddy replied, “I wish I had hugged him back.”
Chapter Twenty
A wave of depression came over Toughie as he sat waiting for Gladys to put Eddy to bed. Just two hours earlier he had been lightheaded with joy when Gladys told him they had a son. After having the mumps, Toughie had given up hope of ever having a family.
At first, he thought that Gladys brought Eddy to London so they could be together for the rest of their lives, but when she said she intended to return to her husband and take Eddy with her, he could hardly believe it. He did his utmost to persuade her to change her mind, but when she told him of all the advantages Eduardo would have if they stayed in Sandwich, he realized how little he could offer in comparison, and his hopes were shattered.
“When are you leaving?” he asked as soon as Gladys returned.
“We were going back tomorrow, but I think we could stay for another day, if you want us to.”
“Of course I do.”
She could tell by the subdued tone of his answer that he was beginning to see she was doing the right thing. Feeling more guilt than pity as she watched him slump down on the divan with a look of defeat, she began to think she and Eddy should not have come to London. It would have been far easier for him if he had never known about Eddy.
Sitting down on the floor by his feet, she laid her head on his knee and said, “My poor dear. I wish it were different, but there is nothing I can do.”
Annoyed by what he felt to be a tone of insincerity, he pushed her aside and stood up. “That’s not true! If you truly loved me, nothing could stop you from coming with me.”
After thinking he was beginning to understand why she couldn’t leave, Gladys was losing patience. “I have already explained why I can’t! Please, Angelo. I, oh fiddle! I really cannot talk to you if I am forced to call you by that new name. I have spent years dreaming of someone named ‘Toughie,’ not ‘Angelo,’” she cried as she got up and started to pace back and forth. “Now you say that I mustn’t call you that anymore. Very well, Mr Angelo Rossini, if you don’t like what I call you, perhaps you had better leave.”
Her outburst not only surprised him, but aroused him. She looked so beautiful when she was angry.
“Not on your life! You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” He got up and put his arms around her. “You can call me anything you like, but don’t ever stop loving me.”
At first, their lovemaking was more passionate than tender, but after their lust was sated, they took time to enjoy the closeness of their naked bodies. “Do you know what I wish, my darling?” Gladys asked.
“I hope it’s the same thing that I wish.”
“What’s that?”
“I wish we could be together forever.”
“Of course I wish that too, but since it can’t be, I wish we were made out of butter, so we could just melt into one another.”
Toughie laughed. “I think for a while, we came close to making your wish come true.”
“Oh, Toughie, I love you so much,” she said as she snuggled against him and put her face under his chin. “Do you know that when I’m not with you, I close my eyes and feel my face right here against your neck? I love your neck. I don’t know why, but it makes me feel so safe and warm. Which part of my body will you miss the most?”
His answer surprised her. “Your tummy.”
“My tummy?”
“I love lying with my head there while you scratch my back.”
She laughed and said, “That doesn’t seem very romantic. Why can’t you be like all other men and dream about breasts?”
“And how would you know what other men dream about?”
“You’d be surprised what I know.”
They were enjoying a few minutes of light-heartedness, but the thought of their forthcoming separation soon sobered their mood, and they spent the rest of the night holding each other and dreading the moment when they would have to say goodbye.
Eddy was glad to find the man was still there in the morning and pleased that he no longer seemed so sad. When he asked Gladys why she called the man Toughie, she explained that it had been his nickname when they were children.
“I think it’s a jolly good name, Mother. I should like a nickname like that,” he remarked. Then he asked, “Toughie, could you give me a nickname?”
Gladys spoke up. “You must not call him Toughie, Eddy; it isn’t proper. And you do not need a nickname. Eddy is your nickname, and it’s a lovely one.”
“Eddy is a sissy name! And why shan’t I call him Toughie? You do,” Eddy said crossly.
“Now, darling, you know it is not polite for someone your age to address an adult by his first name,” Gladys replied, hoping to calm him down.
Eddy was all set to demand his way when Toughie intervened, “Your mother is right, but, perhaps, since we are only going to be together a short time, she will forget the rules and allow you to call me anything you like. Perhaps she will even allow you to have another nickname if we promise to keep it just between us. What do you say, Gladys?”
“Well, I suppose it cannot do any harm,” she replied.
Eddy beamed. “Good show! I should like one much like yours, Mr Toughie.”
“I think we can do better than that. Let’s think about it for a while.” Then he suggested they spend the day visiting the Zoological Gardens in Regent Park.
They spent all that day at the gardens. Gladys gave Eddy a pencil and a piece of paper and helped him print the names of all the animals, so he would be able to tell Eliza about them. In the afternoon, they found a pleasant place in the garden where they coul
d buy refreshments and some nuts to feed the animals.
When Eddy became too tired to walk, he rode on Toughie’s shoulders. It was the first shoulder ride he had ever had, and he felt like a giant looking down on all the people as they passed by. James often gave Eliza rides on his shoulders but never him.
They were enjoying a delicious dinner at a little inn on the way home when Eddy announced that he had decided on a nickname. “I should like to be called ‘Tiger,’” he said. Then he laughed and clapped his hands with delight when both his mother and Toughie agreed that it was a fitting name for such a brave boy.
By the time they arrived back at the flat, Eddy was sound asleep. Toughie carried him upstairs and was undressing him when he woke up. “Well, Tiger, let’s get you into your nightshirt, so you can go back to sleep,” Toughie said, hoping the boy wouldn’t object.
Hearing Toughie call him Tiger gave Eddy a warm tingling feeling, and he grinned. When he had his nightshirt on, he remarked, “You had better call Mother now; she always likes to hear my prayers. You know what mothers are like.” Toughie stifled a laugh and nodded his head seriously.
After they listened to his prayers, Toughie agreed to tell Eddy what it was like to go to sea. The lad was fascinated to hear about the schools of inquisitive dolphins, the huge whales that blew water from their spouts, and the seagulls that sometimes rode high up on the yardarms and dove down to catch the pieces of stale bread the cook threw to them. Before Toughie had finished talking, Eddy fell asleep. It was all Toughie could do not to wake him up, so they could spend more time together.
The two lovers spent their last night making love and holding each other. Gladys didn’t tell Toughie, but she was pleased he couldn’t have any more children. She even thought that it was a shame there hadn’t been an epidemic of mumps in England instead of cholera. She knew that if she went with Toughie, they could make love every night without having to worry about having babies they might not be able to afford.
Gladys had become resigned to the chaste life she led during the last decade, but now that she and Toughie had spent two nights together, it was going to be extremely difficult to live without him. She certainly couldn’t look for love in James’s bed, and she knew that he felt the same way. How badly she longed to say yes to Toughie’s proposal and sail off to America, but she was compelled to think of her children and their future.
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