Agent Provocateur

by Faith Bleasdale

  Grace does a U-turn and feels dreadful for being such a bitch. Betty loves him; she doesn’t deserve to be hurt. The problem is that although Grace knows she should let go of the whole thing now, she can’t. She can’t because she has come alive, and he is her life support. He is the blood that is coursing through her veins. He is her reason. So as much as she feels awful for Betty, which unexpectedly she does, she cannot let go. She is not ready to die again.

  ‘Betty, I am sorry. I shouldn’t be goading you, really I shouldn’t. I know how much you love him. I can’t stop this because a bet is a bet and I need to see this through; we had a deal, after all. But listen to me, the reason I said we shouldn’t speak was because I didn’t want you driving yourself even madder, or for me to lie to you and tell you things which will make it worse. So, although I think this should be the last time we talk until it’s over, I am going to tell you something. Firstly, the men I am paid to test are normally horrible, but Johnny is not. Secondly, he loves you, that is the clearest thing I have ever seen. Thirdly, if you feel threatened at all, then just ensure that he knows how much he means to you. I can’t imagine I’ll win this, Betty, I really can’t.’ She is surprised by how nice she is being but she feels guilty herself.

  ‘Do you mean that?’ Betty is surprised by Grace’s kindness and she doesn’t altogether trust it.

  ‘Yes. Listen, you were out of order with the way you treated me, and I am full of anger at you, chock a block full. Moreover, although I can behave like a bitch, I’m not really one. Now, I’ll talk to you when the agreed deadline is up, all right?’

  ‘Yes, I am now.’

  Grace puts down the phone and feels her face. It is wet with tears. She is crying because she has just realised the full extent of what she is doing. Betty sounded desperate, and although she isn’t her biggest fan, and despite her recent actions, being horrible isn’t her. As she thinks about stopping, she feels even worse. She can’t contemplate not seeing Johnny again; she has to see him, she needs to see him again. As sorry as she is for Betty, she is more sorry for herself. Her tears are for her, not Betty. She is ill equipped to deal with her feelings; she is not familiar with them. She is terrified of everything, and she cannot think of Betty. For now, she has to think of herself. For once she is going to try to catch some happiness.

  Or, if Johnny chooses, he will melt her frozen heart. The ice queen will learn how to smile. But one way or another she will pursue this. Because she has only just found that she has a heart, she needs to ensure that it is real and the only way she can do that is by feeling it fill with happiness, or by hearing it break. She is prepared for either option.

  Betty puts down the phone and banishes the threat of tears. At first, she thinks that Grace is going to lose because she herself admitted that Johnny loves Betty. Then she thinks of the advice she gave her. She takes Johnny for granted, and that is her only danger. Grace will present him with perfection; Betty must learn to compete. There is no rule in the bet that says Betty has to sit back and do nothing. She can try to win too. If she makes sure that he knows how much he means to her, and she treats him like a king, then he will have no reason to go elsewhere. She is taking out extra insurance. Bye-bye, Betty Parkin; hello Betty Super wife. She will not surrender without a fight, nor will she behave in the paranoid way she has been behaving. It is time for her to take control and win the damn bet.

  Despite her tears, Grace has to pull herself together and get on with the bet. She mustn’t think of Betty; she can only think of herself. This is not yet Phase Five but an appendix to Phase Four. Grace dials Johnny’s direct line and, to her relief, he answers.

  ‘Johnny Parkin.’

  ‘It’s Grace,’ she sobs.

  ‘Grace, what’s wrong?’ He is surprised to hear from her so soon, and although part of him is pleased, another part feels wary.

  ‘I left my job.’ She wonders how many lies are forgivable.

  ‘What?’ Why she is calling him with this information? He knows why – because even though they barely know each other, he held out the branch of friendship, and she took it. He doesn’t mind her calling – in fact, he is happy to hear her voice – but no matter how many times he tells himself that he isn’t doing anything wrong, part of him feels that he is. He has no idea how to stop this guilt without breaking contact with her, and he can’t do that: she needs him. He doesn’t want to do it, he just doesn’t.

  ‘He was so horrible to me, I just couldn’t stand it. Oh, Johnny, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be calling you. You’re a financial adviser, not a counsellor. I am so sorry.’ She sobs harder. The tears are left over from the conversation with Betty, hence their willingness to return.

  ‘Grace, it’s OK. You can talk to me.’

  ‘But you’re at work.’

  ‘Look, I’m flat out, but why don’t you meet me for lunch, in J&J’s, the deli opposite my office?’

  ‘Are you sure you have time?’

  ‘I can spare an hour. I’ll meet you there at one.’

  The appendix to Phase Four is underway. She tries to be pleased with herself but that is becoming slightly difficult.

  Betty goes to the fashion department.

  ‘Rich.’ She approaches the fashion assistant.

  ‘Yes, darling?’

  ‘I need some underwear.’

  ‘Why are you telling me?’ He looks at her in his campest mock horror.

  ‘I wondered, have you got any fancy stuff down here I can nick?’

  ‘Well, there is a baby-blue negligée with a little tiny dressing gown – you know, fifties style. It’s over there and we haven’t used it. But if you tell anyone I led you to it, I’ll shoot you.’

  ‘You’re a star. Will it fit me?’

  Rich looks at Betty’s slim frame. ‘Of course, and probably have room for him in there too.’

  ‘That’s the idea.’

  ‘You know what you need?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Those fluffy high-heeled mules. We don’t have any here, but you could go buy a pair.’

  ‘I might just do that.’ She kisses Rich on the cheek and then goes to steal the negligée.

  While Betty was thinking about underwear, Grace is thinking about outerwear. She picks out a suit, one that she imagines is the sort a legal secretary would wear. It emphasises her long legs and tiny waist. She wants Johnny to think she has come from the job she has just quit. Again, she feels a small pang of guilt at the fact she is lying. She is also aware that she is playing a role all the time, one that didn’t matter when it was about revenge but does when it is about more than that. She can only hope that he will forgive her, or be too in love with her to care, details that she is not equipped to deal with yet. If he does fall in love with her, then she will address the problem. Now, she still needs to get him to fall for her.

  Grace sits in the deli, still wearing her ‘work suit’. She is early, so she orders a coffee and waits. Her stomach is fluttering slightly, another new sensation. She is enjoying the experience of each new emotion, although each takes her by surprise. She would like to pin them down, to isolate them, but they are moving too fast for her to catch. She is on a roller coaster ride, and she is screaming with joy.

  ‘Have you been waiting long?’ Johnny asks, concern apparent in his eyes.

  ‘I kind of wandered around after I called you. I ordered a coffee, but nothing to eat.’ She gestures to her coffee.

  ‘What do you want? I’ll order.’

  ‘Nothing. I’m really not hungry.’

  ‘You have to eat. What about a cheese sandwich – plain, but at least it’s something?’ She likes the fact that he is taking charge; he hates the fact that he wants to make her feel better. His old friend guilt has returned.

  ‘All right then.’ She smiles at him sadly. This is genuine. She doesn’t want to be lying to him, she wants to tell him the truth. But if she does she will never see him again. She watches him at the counter with intense fascination. She only ever felt like
this when she looked at her fish, but she could watch him for hours. He returns with a coffee and two sandwiches.

  ‘Johnny, I’m sorry I called you. It wasn’t fair.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You’re trying to sort out my finances, not my other problems. It’s just... well, it’s embarrassing but I don’t have anyone. I trust you.’

  ‘What, no friends?’

  ‘Not many. By the time I married I’d whittled all my friends down to mutual ones. When we split up everyone found it easier to side with him. It’s hard for me to trust people, but for some reason I trust you.’ She casts her eyes downwards.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I don’t know. People I thought were my friends weren’t. I learnt not to rely on people.’

  ‘That’s awful.’

  Johnny is thinking about his group of friends. Despite the recent party, most of their friends are couples, who somehow or other are mutual friends. There are a couple of guys at work that he is friendly with, but socialising is limited to an occasional after work drink. He wonders what would happen if he and Betty split up, then he brushes that thought away. They won’t split up. He has no idea what is happening to his head, but thoughts are entering it that he should never allow. He finds it hard to breathe. He looks at Grace, and wonders if she has put a spell on him. He knows that now he should walk away, go back to Betty and tell Grace she will have to find another adviser. He opens his mouth to tell her as much. It is for the best.

  ‘I can’t fucking believe people sometimes.’ His vehemence takes them both by surprise. He didn’t say what he thought he would; he knows he can’t. He has no intention of having an affair, cannot believe his head will allow that thought in either, but he can’t walk away. She needs him, that’s all there is to it, and he is a good person. No, he can’t walk away.

  ‘Anyway, I still shouldn’t have called you. I know, let’s go back to business. I haven’t seen your proposals yet and, God knows, I’m going to need to sort something out now I have no income.’ She thinks he wants her, but she also senses his reluctance. He is in love with his wife, and she thinks of herself as a distraction for him. She is excitement, versus routine. She knows that he will not have an affair with her. She cannot tell how she knows but she knows. If she wants to win the bet or, more importantly, win Johnny, she will have to get him to leave Betty. Can she get a devoted husband to leave his devoted wife in under three months? And could she live with herself if she did? She has no idea, but one thing she does know is that she is falling deeper and deeper into him.

  ‘Well, you could come in tomorrow.’ He pulls out his Palm Pilot and checks his diary. ‘About two?’

  ‘Sounds good. I’ve got nothing else to do.’

  ‘What you are doing now?’ His voice is full of concern.

  ‘Shopping, I guess. What all women do when they need to cheer themselves up. Oh, and I’ll probably go home and watch Carry On Camping.’ Grace has decided that if the golf isn’t enough she will invite him to a film with her. She has no idea where or how, but sowing the seed now seems like a good idea. Carry On Camping is the only one she knows.

  ‘You like Carry On films?’

  ‘Love them.’ She smiles and so does he. It is incredible that she likes the same things he does. That is the thought he takes with him that afternoon.

  Grace doesn’t go shopping when she leaves him. She goes home to prepare for her job that evening. But although she is determined to remain professional, she is acutely aware of the lies.

  Betty spends an hour shopping. She decides that as she has a work function that night she will thrill her husband the following night to within an inch of his life. She smiles and then laughs. Her confidence is back.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  ‘Unbelievable,’ Grace says, when she has listened to him.

  ‘What?’ Johnny is feeling nervous about her reaction for some reason.

  ‘I understood. I actually understood! Wow, this is amazing.’

  ‘Brilliant. I must be better at explaining things than I think.’

  ‘Oi, matey, it might be that I am actually secretly a financial whiz-kid.’ They look at each other. ‘Nah,’ they say in unison and laugh.

  ‘Grace, I hope you’re all right about your job now?’

  ‘I was upset, but more because of security than anything. But now I feel liberated, free. I feel like doing something really crazy.’

  ‘Such as?’

  ‘A bungee jump or something – I don’t know – but something that I wouldn’t normally do.’

  ‘Well, be careful.’ He laughs. ‘Listen to me, I sound like a stick in the mud.’

  The phone rings to announce his next appointment is here. Grace stands up.

  ‘Thank you for letting me disrupt your day.’ She smiles and walks to the door. He follows her.

  ‘It was a pleasure,’ he replies, still feeling light-headed. She leans in and kisses his cheek, lingering for just a few seconds. He blushes again.

  ‘Goodbye,’ she says. The papers he prepared for her are still on his desk, the lipstick mark is on his face. Traces of Grace, both mental and physical, are there.

  She is about to get into the lift when someone calls her. She turns to find herself facing a young suited man whom she has never seen before.

  ‘It’s Grace, isn’t it?’

  ‘Hello, do I know you?’ She hopes to God that she doesn’t, as the panic of someone who is being deceptive intensifies.

  ‘No, sorry, I’m stalking you. Oh God, that sounds awful. Don’t call the police, I’m not really stalking you, but I saw you come in for an appointment and I wanted to talk to you.’ He looks flustered; Grace looks amused. A perfect tool for a new phase has fallen into her lap.

  ‘Well, my non-stalker, I’m at a disadvantage. I have no idea who you are.’

  ‘Dan. Sorry, I’m Dan. I work with Johnny. I’m also a financial adviser.’

  ‘Typical, you wait years for one and then two come along at the same time.’ Her composure returns as quickly as it had fled.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’m teasing. Tell me, Dan, what can I do for you, or are you trying to poach me from Johnny?’

  ‘Oh no, nothing like that. No, I wouldn’t nick business. I just wondered if you might... Shit, I sound like a moron. Of course you don’t want to.’

  ‘Meet me at seven at the bar round the corner, what’s it called?’

  He steps back in surprise. Grace is smiling at him with one eyebrow arched.

  ‘Aeration?’

  ‘That’s the one. I’ll see you tonight at seven, shall I?’

  ‘You certainly will.’

  Grace shoots him a last smile before getting into the lift. She notices the receptionist staring at them, which is good. She just hopes she is a gossip. Just before the doors fully close she catches him still looking at her. He appears so pleased with himself, and he was sweet. Grace feels awful: another life played with, although she is sure he won’t suffer too much. A date, a kiss on the cheek, he’ll recover. He’s just a casualty of her own private war and, unfortunately, as in every war, there have to be casualties.

  Grace arrives home and goes to her notebook. Under the heading ‘Phase Five’ she writes two words: ‘jealousy’ and ‘Dan’. Then she goes to get ready for her date. Perhaps she is going to hurt him, or maybe he’s a playboy that picks up women and discards them all the time. Of course, she will not feel bad about him because a man who asks a woman out after just seeing her in his office must be full of confidence, and also a serial philanderer. Just like all the men she works with. But not like Johnny. She may be using him to get to Johnny, but he is using her. So, they are quits and she has nothing to feel guilty about.

  Johnny is about to leave when he sees Dan still in his office. ‘You’re working late.’

  ‘I’ve got a date. I’m just hanging around, really.’

  ‘Oh yeah? Well, have fun.’ It doesn’t occur to Johnny to ask who he is seeing an
d Dan doesn’t get a chance to boast to him before he’s gone.

  Grace chooses a pair of tight jeans, high-heeled shoes and a black chiffon blouse. She looks sexy, but not as if she has tried too hard. She arrives at the bar fifteen minutes late, and immediately spots a very anxious-looking Dan at a table. She goes to join him.

  ‘Sorry I’m late.’

  ‘I thought you might have changed your mind.’ He cringes at his keenness.

  ‘No, of course not.’ She feels bad now, because he thinks she is on a date with him, but she’s not, although she resolves that she will try to be. She will be as charming as she can, and she will try to ensure that he enjoys himself. Then she won’t feel so guilty. ‘I’d love a glass of white wine,’ she says, slightly teasing.

  Johnny opens his front door and hangs up his jacket. As he turns towards the sitting room he stops in his tracks. Betty is standing in the doorway, one hand on her hip, the other clutching the door frame. Her hair is wild, she is wearing more make-up than he has seen her wear, ever, and she is wearing a blue negligée and high heels. He has an uncontrollable urge to laugh, but thinks better of it.

  ‘What’s this in aid of?’ he asks, approaching her. He has to admit she looks amazing in a slutty way.

  ‘You,’ she replies, throwing her arms around him. Then, after she has kissed him and made her intentions clear, she leads him to the kitchen, where she makes them even clearer.

  Dan returns from the bar with a bottle of Chardonnay. Grace thinks he really is a nice guy.

  ‘Can I ask you a personal question?’ she asks.

  ‘Sure.’ He looks pleased.

  ‘How old are you?’

  ‘Twenty-nine.’

  ‘A youngster then.’ She is smiling in the way she does when she wants to tease.