‘I feel like I’m taking my pissed teenagers home,’ she says, laughing.
‘Only worse,’ Matt replies, running after Johnny.
When they get back to the house, Johnny pours four brandies, rather generous measures, while Alison goes and checks that the cat has food. Alison comes into her own in a crisis and she sees this as one.
She grabs Matt, and drags him into the kitchen.
‘I’ll talk to Betty, while you ask Johnny if there’s anything on his mind.’
‘Why?’
‘Because he’s acting strangely and he might tell you.’
‘Fine then,’ he sighs. He would much rather be tucked up in bed with his arms around his wife than questioning his drunk friend. Matt doesn’t really like problems because he never knows how to deal with them.
Alison coaxes Betty into the kitchen and sits her down on a stool.
‘Do you want some water?’
Betty purses her lips and shakes her head. ‘Yes,’ she replies, sounding almost together.
‘Come on, I’ll get some.’
Alison hands her a glass of water and decides to put her to bed. ‘Come on, upstairs.’
‘Johnny?’
‘He’ll be up in a minute, he’s talking to Matt.’ Betty obeys and walks upstairs, with Alison on her heels. She manages to get her to take her make-up off and clean her teeth. Then just as she has removed her clothes, Betty pulls Alison over.
‘Ali, look,’ she says, opening the wardrobe.
Alison can barely believe her eyes as all sorts of things tumble out. She looks at Betty, and decides to leave it. She bends down and starts putting them back, shocked at what she is actually handling. Body paint she can cope with, handcuffs and blindfolds she can accept, but Lesbians from Outer Space and Lesbian Mud Wrestling she has a slight problem with.
Finally, after Johnny has accepted their suggestion to stop drinking and join his wife in bed, they leave.
‘Did he say anything?’ Alison asks, as they start the short walk home.
‘Nothing that made sense.’
‘What did he say exactly?’
‘Well, he talked about golf and rummy, for some reason, and Dan, he doesn’t like Dan but it’s not Dan’s fault. Christ, Johnny never gets drunk like that.’
‘That’s what worries me.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Matt, you don’t think that Johnny could be having an affair, do you?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
‘Would you know if he was?’
‘Of course I would. Even if he didn’t tell me, I’d know. We’ve been mates too long. We can’t keep secrets from each other. He’s not having an affair. Of course he isn’t.’ But Matt has his doubts, because if Johnny were having an affair, that would explain his behaviour perfectly.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
It takes two days before Johnny’s hangover truly lifts. He has guilt as a lodger, but he cannot stop thinking of Grace. He also thinks of his wife, and feels twisted up inside. But one minute he smiles, and the next he scowls at his behaviour. He is angry with his feelings, but he is also aware of the positive way they make him feel. He blames the hangover but knows the true culprit is himself.
Betty, being used to hangovers, recovers sooner. She forgets about how strange Johnny seems to her, and concentrates on arranging a perfect weekend in bed. She buys more underwear, goes to the beautician for a top to toe makeover, and reads all the sex tips that her magazine has ever written. She intends on ensuring that by Monday, Johnny will only have thoughts for her.
Their friends, however, are still having a few problems with the evening. Although one of them knows more than the other, they are jointly insistent on sorting things out. Without confiding in Matt, Alison resolves to get Betty to put an end to it all with Grace. Without fully understanding, but being increasingly convinced that Johnny is having an affair, Matt prepares for confrontation.
Grace goes out shopping for a new outfit, suitable to play golf in. She can’t help herself, although she is unsure of the outcome – whether it will leave her happy or in total despair. She has a couple of jobs before Saturday, but she does not mind because she is too consumed with happiness.
Nicole is worried about Grace. Not because of work, her professional life is fine, but she is worried about her personally. The more she thinks of the admission that she is in love with Johnny, the more she blames herself for allowing her to make such a bet in the first place. She should have known better. Nicole was upset when Grace told her how she’d been treated by Betty. She took it personally because Grace is special to her, but she knew that there was so much risk involved in Grace’s plan. Everyone was going to end up hurting. Things were falling apart.
Nicole decides to talk to Grace, face to face, about what is happening and put an end to the bet properly.
Alison emails Betty.
Betty
Let’s go shopping on Saturday and for a nice girlie lunch. I need to get out of the house and spend some money on myself before I go mad with decorating chores.
Ali xx
It isn’t strictly true, but Alison wants to make out that she needs Betty, not vice versa. However, she hopes that Betty doesn’t see through the decorating lie – Alison has never worried about decorating in her life – but she desperately needs to do something.
Matt sends Johnny an email.
Mate
A good game of golf on Sat is in order. Can’t bear to spend the day shopping for carpets, which is what the Mrs wants. Let me know.
Matt
Matt hopes that Johnny doesn’t remember that they got new carpets only a couple of months ago.
Nicole sends Grace an email.
Grace
How about a day out with your old boss on Saturday? My beloved is away and you know how terrible I am at being on my own. We’ll have a fun girlie day, and it would be doing me a real favour.
Nicole
Nicole believes that a day will be all she needs to talk Grace out of continuing with the bet.
Betty reads the email. She sees through it straight away, and is immediately reminded of that drunken night when Johnny was late and they both ended up a bit worse for wear. But she is no longer worried. She has everything under control. Johnny isn’t seeing Grace, she is sure of that, and they will spend the whole weekend under the duvet.
She fires an email back to Alison, saying sorry but she and Johnny have plans. She smiles as she presses send.
Johnny reads his email just after coming out of a meeting. He reads Matt’s, and wonders why he is wittering about carpets when Alison bored them all to death discussing it a few months back. He thinks of the planned golf game, and finds himself smiling at the thought of seeing Grace. He makes a mental note to buy her a gift, to say thank you for the opportunity to play at London’s top golf course. Then he tries to decide what to buy her. Betty likes being given chocolates and flowers – she says she is old-fashioned in that way. He is angry again, because he is thinking of buying Grace a present, but not Betty. Then he tells himself that a thank you gift is very different from a present he would buy for Betty. He calls up a gift service his company uses and arranges for flowers and chocolates to be sent to Betty on Saturday when he will be at golf. Then, with an extra pang of guilt, he adds a bottle of champagne. He then shops on the Internet and decides to buy Grace something connected with golf. He buys her a golfing cap. Totally un-romantic.
He forgets about his email, until Matt sends him another one, prompting him for an answer. He replies that unfortunately he has to play golf with a boring client. He crosses his fingers as he sends the lie.
Grace checks her emails. They are nearly all from Nicole, apart from one that Eddie has sent. She reads the message about spending Saturday with Nicole and feels immediately suspicious. Nicole never spends time with her at the weekend; they just don’t. She knows that this is about Johnny. Just as she is about to reply, telling her she can’t make i
t because of the golf, she changes her mind. Instead she tells her that she is seeing Eddie. That way, Nicole will not try to hassle her into changing her mind. And she doesn’t want to do that. She is looking forward to a day in the fresh air with Johnny.
Betty receives final copy for the profile on Grace and the honey trapping feature. The issue that it is going to appear in is being finalised already, as monthly magazines are always produced far in advance. She decides to email the final copy to Grace, just for her information. She adds a note saying that she hopes she is well. That way, Grace will know that Betty doesn’t feel at all threatened by her.
Grace has just sent an email to Eddie, saying that she needs to talk to him, when she receives Betty’s. She thinks that the woman is so transparent. Then she reads the profile and feels angry again. It is not a bad article, but there is Betty’s patronising tone running through it, especially in the interview with Grace. She smiles as she realises she no longer cares about that, and she replies saying:
Love the feature. You have made it so interesting. Glad that you are feeling well and seem calm about the bet now it is well underway. I have to say that I admire your composure. I’m not sure I would be as together as you, with so much at stake.
She smiles as she presses send. That will teach Betty to patronise her.
Betty receives Grace’s reply and all her composure melts away. She feels the threat, the distinct threat.
‘Hannah,’ she shouts.
‘Betty, I’m right here. Why are you shouting?’
‘Because I am angry. Fucking angry. Can you call Fiona’s office and get me a meeting, and also can you pull some strings and get me a hair appointment with Guido?’
‘Of course. Are you all right?’
‘I will be once my hair looks good.’ Fighting talk.
Grace calls Johnny. Upsetting Betty is no longer the goal, but it is looking like an attractive bonus.
‘Hi, it’s me.’ She likes the familiarity that comes with saying that.
‘How are you?’
‘Not bad. Listen, I just got a call from the club checking our reservation. It made me think that you might have changed your mind.’
Johnny can hear the hesitation in her voice: she sounds worried. He feels a jolt of affection.
‘Absolutely not.’ Even if he knows that he shouldn’t go, he cannot help himself. He needs to see her.
‘Good. You’re still OK to pick me up?’
‘I’ll be there at ten. Grace?’
‘Yes?’
‘I wondered if we should grab an early supper before heading home?’
‘That would be lovely.’
‘What’s up, Betts? We’ve just finished a great story.’
It is time for Betty to make Fiona realise what she’s done.
‘I am so glad, seeing as it’s going to cost me my marriage.’
‘Don’t be so dramatic. Only the other day you said it was all fine.’ Fiona feels herself heat up at Betty’s words. She is beginning to realise that she perhaps shouldn’t have done what she did.
‘I try to believe that, but when I know that she is trying to seduce my husband and I have no idea how she is doing it, what methods, when she sees him, it’s driving me a bit crazy.’
‘Betty, darling, you trust Johnny.’ Fiona speaks to Betty as if she were addressing a child. Not that she knows much about children.
Betty paces her office. ‘I do, but I don’t trust her. Would you?’
‘I don’t have a husband.’
‘That’s not the point. The point is that the other night I put on a negligée before he came home and I did unspeakable things to him on the kitchen floor.’
‘Great idea for a feature. What exactly did you do?’ Fiona realises that she just can’t help herself as she mentally tells herself to shut up.
‘Fiona, please, let me continue.’
‘Sorry.’ Fiona rarely apologises but she is beginning to realise just how serious it is.
‘And then, Rich took me shopping.’
‘Oh dear!’
‘What do you mean “oh dear”?’
‘Well, the last time he took me shopping I ended up buying this really silly tent thing which was meant for meditation and tantric sex. I’ve never had tantric sex.’
‘Yeah, well, I got chocolate body paint, edible undies, handcuffs and lesbian porn.’
‘Oh.’
‘Yes, oh. Don’t you see what I’ve been reduced to? A couple of nights ago I went out and he was two hours late and I got so drunk worrying. I’m falling apart.’
‘Um. I think you’re doing the right thing.’
‘What?’
‘Well, spice up your sex life. Have your hair done – have you done that?’
‘Does it look like it?’
‘Not really.’
‘That’s because I haven’t. But you know what I have done? I’ve had everything waxed. I even had a Brazilian. I’ve got this tiny tuft of pubic hair left, and it was bloody agony. I also had a facial, a manicure, a pedicure, it is costing me a fucking fortune.’
‘But it’s worth it. Did you consider colonic? I can get you a special deal.’
‘Fiona!’
‘Sorry, wasn’t thinking; what I meant to say was, if you need anything, you know where I am.’ She wonders if now would be a good time for her to hide under her desk.
‘That’s why I’m here now.’
‘Oh. Why exactly?’
‘Because you encouraged me to do this so I thought it only fair that I rant at you.’
Fiona looks relieved that that is all it is. She is worried that she might have been rumbled.
‘Quite right too. Well, I think you are proving yourself to be very resilient. And if you want to borrow my tantric tent, I’ve never used it and would be quite prepared to give it to you.’
Betty glares at Fiona, who looks a bit scared, a little confused and slightly manic. Then she laughs.
Fiona breathes a huge sigh of relief and laughs too. ‘Remember, she will not win. He is yours.’
‘You’re right. Thanks, Fiona. You’ve been really helpful.’
‘Any time,’ Fiona replies, without a clue about what she actually did.
Betty marches back to her desk, feeling refuelled.
‘Hannah?’
‘Six on Friday night. I pulled every con to get this so make sure he does you proud.’
‘He will. You’re a star.’ And Grace is history, she adds to herself. It is time for her to stop being a wimp and fight properly.
Johnny pays extra for next day delivery to his office for Grace’s cap. A cap, even though it is a funky one, is not a romantic present and it is not too expensive. He feels pleased with himself.
Grace has her new outfit, and is ready to go. All that stands between her and a day with Johnny is a couple of jobs. She just has to wait patiently for Saturday to arrive. It’s like waiting for Christmas.
‘What are you doing this weekend?’ Alison asks Matt over dinner.
‘Nothing, so far. I did ask Johnny if he wanted to play golf but he was busy.’
‘I know. I asked Betty if she fancied shopping and she said they had plans.’
‘That’s funny, because he said he had to play golf with a client.’ Alison looks at him, feels herself panic, and decides not to let on.
‘Oh, I must have been confused.’
‘Right...’ Matt doesn’t believe her. Alison never gets things like that mixed up. He feels as if everything is strange at the moment, but he is trying not to think about it. Matt doesn’t like to think too much.
Later, Matt is watching a drama on television, so Alison goes into the hall and calls Betty.
‘Hi, it’s only me,’ she says when Betty answers.
‘Hi, Ali.’
‘I just wanted to check if you definitely can’t come shopping on Saturday.’
‘I can’t. You know, operation handcuffs and porn, that’s Saturday,’ she whispers.
‘With Joh
nny?’
‘Who else would it be with?’ Alison quickly changes the subject and wraps up the call soon after.
‘I spoke to Betty, Matt, and she thinks that her and Johnny are spending Saturday together.’
‘Well, maybe they are then, and the client thing was him being confused.’
‘I hope so.’ Alison has a bad feeling about everything now, and especially about Saturday. ‘But if not, then Betty might want to go shopping.’
‘That’s fine. I wouldn’t mind a day in peace to watch sport.’ Matt hugs her extra tight, not-something he normally does. ‘I love you,’ he says, and buries his lips in her hair.
Alison can’t help but feel that the bet is affecting everyone, and that Saturday is going to be a turning point.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Grace never went on day trips or holidays as a child, but she thinks that this is how it would have felt if she had done. She can’t sleep with the excitement. Every time she tries to sleep her head whizzes round, but she is so happy that the lack of sleep doesn’t upset her. She gives up at five in the morning, lies in bed for another hour, then gets up and goes to have a long, hot bath. She pours in her most expensive bubbles, and lies for as long as she can without wrinkling up. She thinks, thinks, thinks. All thoughts of Johnny. When she gets out, she goes to make coffee, which she enjoys with the fish. It is still too early, so she has another cup before making herself eat some cereal to try to calm her stomach.
She liberally applies her best body moisturiser, and she gets dressed and puts her make-up on. Then she sits, like a child, staring out of the window, even though she has almost three hours left to wait.
Betty is so excited that she can’t sleep. She got in late on Friday night after a work do, and Johnny was gently snoring in bed. But that served a purpose because she wants to blow his mind today. She lies awake, planning her outfit, her entrance, what she will do first, what she will do next. She watches him sleep, smiling at the thought that he has no idea what treats are in store for him. At seven she gives up on sleep and gets up. She goes to the bathroom and has a long hot bath, with expensive oils, before covering herself in moisturiser. It is still only seven thirty so she quietly tiptoes to the wardrobe, pulls out the edible knickers, her high heels and the handcuffs. She puts the knickers and the high heels on once she is back downstairs, and she makes a breakfast of croissants (partially cooked, only need heating), orange juice (freshly squeezed) and coffee. He won’t know what’s hit him.
Agent Provocateur Page 28