Grace tries to imagine what he is doing but stops herself because he is probably in bed with his arms around her. If she had known what this would do to her she would never have started it. Or she might, because at least she knows now that she can fall in love. But she also knows she was right all along: love always hurts. As she makes her way to bed, she realises that she feels more miserable than she can ever remember feeling.
‘Maybe, we should go to bed now,’ Matt suggests.
‘Yeah. I am really sorry that I lied to you.’ Alison strokes his arm.
‘I just don’t think it was the sensible thing to do.’ He is beginning to thaw.
‘I know, but if you hadn’t recognised the name, would you have told me what Johnny told you tonight?’
‘Probably not.’
‘It’s hard having best friends married to each other.’
‘Especially if it threatens our relationship.’
‘But we won’t let it, will we?’ Alison feels scared.
‘No, Al, we won’t.’ But they both feel cold as they climb the stairs because somehow it seems that every relationship has been threatened now, and all because of one stupid bet.
Chapter Thirty-Three
‘I feel dreadful,’ Alison says when the alarm goes off.
‘So do I.’ Matt looks at her and kisses her. Not only is he tired but he is also worried. But he has already decided what he’s going to do.
‘Do you want first shower?’
‘No, you go. I’m pulling a sickie.’
‘Good idea. I’ll join you.’
‘No you won’t. I’m taking the day off to sort things out and I don’t want you around.’
‘Oh God, you’re going to tell Johnny.’ This makes her feel even worse.
‘I think he has a right to know.’
‘But what about Betty?’
‘Alison, Betty might be losing him anyway. I have to tell him. We decided that last night.’
‘I won’t be able to concentrate at work.’ Alison adopts her little girl voice. She wants to pretend that none of this is happening. She is terrified.
‘Alison, just go. Please.’ He looks at her and she does what she is told. She knows that she should be on probation for lying to him.
While Alison is in the shower Matt calls Johnny’s mobile.
Betty is in the kitchen when she hears Johnny’s mobile ring. She immediately prickles as she picks it up, but Matt’s name is on the display and she relaxes. She hands it to Johnny.
‘Hi.’
‘Johnny, listen, we have to talk.’
‘Hold on.’ Johnny is regretting telling Matt, especially as phone calls this early in the morning will only evoke suspicion in Betty. He doesn’t want to talk to him all of a sudden, but furtively, like a true adulterer, he leaves the room. ‘OK. We can talk later.’
‘No, I need to see you now.’
‘There’s this little thing called work.’
‘Call in sick, I’m doing that. This is more important and it can’t wait. Don’t tell Betty, but be at mine by half nine.’ He hangs up before Johnny can reply.
‘What did he want?’ Betty asks. The problem is that once suspicions are aroused they grow. She is thinking that maybe he put Grace’s number into his phone as ‘Matt’, so she wouldn’t know. She feels sick.
‘He’s mad. He was going on about football tickets. Apparently he had a dream about them and decided we needed to go.’ Johnny is not pleased with himself for the way that his lies are like second nature, even if they sound a bit strange.
‘Right. Well, I have work.’ She kisses his cheek and leaves the house. The burden is on her. The two-month deadline is forgotten. Grace has already broken the rules. Now there are no rules, this is a bare knuckle fight, and Betty has no idea how to throw the next punch.
Johnny phones his secretary at nine and says he has flu. More lies; the foundations of his life are being built on them. Then he has another cup of coffee before changing into his jeans and making his way to Matt’s.
Matt has showered and although he feels awful, he has managed to dress. He really is ill, so he wasn’t lying. He feels sicker by the minute for what he has to do; the conversation he is about to have.
‘This’d better be good.’
Johnny is standing on the doorstep. Matt moves aside and ushers him in. They go into the sitting room.
‘Listen, Johnny, we’ve been friends for years, and I won’t see you hurt, not if I can help it, but there is something I have to tell you and you’re not going to like it.’
‘Well, get on with it then.’ Johnny has not given too much thought to Matt’s demanding behaviour. He thinks that he will get a lecture from him, a telling off at worst.
‘Grace, your Grace, is Betty’s honey trap woman.’
‘Impossible. She’s a PA, an unemployed PA.’
‘Do you remember Betty telling you about the honey trapper?’
‘Yeah, but she usually called her bitch. I have no idea what her name is. Oh yeah, she called her Griselda, remember?’
‘Griselda, Grace, coincidence?’
‘They both begin with G. Matt, are you all right?’
‘I heard Betty mention the name Grace Regan a while back. She was with Ali and she said, “That Grace Regan is a right bitch.” Well, I didn’t think anything of it, until you mentioned her name yesterday.’
Johnny is feeling hot. He still doesn’t understand what is happening, but he has a feeling that he isn’t going to like it.
‘Go on.’ He looks stony-faced.
‘The name rang a bell, but not a very clear one. I was trying to sleep last night when it came to me. I got Alison out of bed, and I asked her about it. She told me everything.’
‘So you’re saying my Grace is Betty’s Grace?’
‘Yes, and there’s more. They had a big row, that much you know, and Grace pulled out of the story. Then Fiona told Betty that she had to get Grace to agree to the piece because otherwise she’d be demoted. Well, Grace offered to do the feature if Betty agreed to a bet.’
‘A bet?’ Sweat is pouring off Johnny’s head. He feels sick. The room starts spinning for a minute until he composes himself.
‘Grace and Betty had a bet over you. Grace had to try to seduce you. That was the bet.’
‘Why would they do that to me?’
‘You’re the innocent victim, as far as I can see. Grace wanted to get back at Betty so she chose the thing that Betty valued most, you. Betty didn’t want to lose her job but she was so sure that you loved her and you wouldn’t capitulate, that she agreed.’
‘They did this to me?’ He is feeling odd. Detached, almost. As if he is hearing about someone else. There is no way that this can be happening to him. No way.
‘Johnny.’ Matt has been thinking nearly all night about what he is going to say, and how he is going to say it, but everything sounds inadequate, especially as he is not good at handling difficult situations. ‘Johnny, I am sorry. I didn’t know what was happening, and if I had known, I would have put a stop to it. Alison said that Betty tried to pull out a number of times, but Grace – well, it seems that Grace was determined.’
‘She told me she loved me.’
‘Grace?’
‘Yes. And Betty – all that underwear, new seduction techniques … Oh God, they were both playing me.’
‘I thought that at first, but then I’m not so sure.’
‘Really?’ Johnny is still having trouble absorbing the information.
‘Betty didn’t want to lose her job and didn’t imagine she’d lose you. Grace must have fallen for you along the way, so when Betty asked her to call the bet off, she couldn’t, because she really has fallen for you.’
‘When did you get to be such a fucking expert?’ Anger has finally arrived.
‘I’m not, but Grace offered you a break; she wouldn’t have done that if she wanted to seduce you. It doesn’t make sense.’
‘It was probably part of it, just like Be
tty being so fucking understanding, not questioning me when I was behaving oddly, because she knew. How sick is that? She knew that I was with Grace and she didn’t even try to keep me away from her. Apart from the golf day. Oh shit, this is sick. Twisted. Yesterday I was in love with two women and today I find out I was a game to them.’ Anger is here to stay.
‘I don’t think it was like that.’ Matt has no stronger argument, and he is worried about his best friend, who he has never seen lose control.
‘I think it was. It was exactly like that. But they’re not fucking going to get away with it. The whores. The bitches. How dare they play with my emotions? I cannot believe they’d do that. Love me? How can they love me? They hate me, that’s the only explanation, I was this fucking close to fucking her but I didn’t because of loyalty to my lying wife. I was going to make a choice, but now there is no choice. None at all.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean, that yesterday there were two women and today there is none. And you, Matt, are the only person left that I can trust.’
Matt is a man’s man, so when his best friend starts crying, he only manages to pat him on the shoulder, although he knows that it isn’t going to help.
‘What am I going to do?’ It is the hundredth time that Johnny has asked that question.
‘Talk to them, both of them. Individually. Ask them why.’ Matt is quite sure that this is the right advice; it is his only advice.
‘I want to kill them.’
‘You’re not the murdering type.’
‘No. But I am angry.’ He looks like a lost boy. He is unable to express, properly, how he feels.
‘I know, and hurt.’
‘I was wrong too, though. I fell for her; I was mentally unfaithful. That’s the worst thing. I didn’t do anything as bad as they did to me, but then I wasn’t exactly innocent either. Even I am guilty.’
‘Go and talk to her, phone her.’ Matt means Betty.
‘I want to talk to Grace.’ Johnny gets up and goes to the bathroom where he washes his face. Then he picks his phone from his pocket and dials her number.
‘Hi.’
‘Grace, it’s me.’
‘Johnny?’
‘I know we said a week but I need to see you. Can I come over?’
‘Sure. I’m just at home.’
‘I’ll be there as soon as I can.’ He hangs up.
‘Johnny, don’t you think you should speak to Betty first?’
‘No, I want to speak to Grace and get the whole story before facing my wife.’
‘Look, please call me, whatever.’
‘I will. I’ll come back here when I’m finished with her.’
‘I don’t know what to say. Good luck?’
‘I don’t know either. Matt, I have never felt this bad before in my entire life.’
‘I know.’
‘I might be able to stand up straight and walk and talk, but inside, inside everything is crumbling.’
‘I know.’
‘What if I never recover? At the moment, everything is rushing around and I don’t know how to process it, but what if I realise that I’ve lost everything and I can’t cope?’
‘I’ll help you cope.’ Matt gingerly pats Johnny’s shoulder again. ‘Come on, I’ll drive you and wait outside.’
‘I might be a while.’
‘I know, it’s fine. I’ll sit there and wait.’ It is the only useful thing he can think of to do. And also, Johnny and a car might not be the best idea under the circumstances.
‘How could they do this to me?’ They are in a traffic jam and Matt feels that it is not just the traffic that isn’t going anywhere.
‘Johnny, you have to speak to them. That’s the only thing you can do. Now, where exactly am I going?’
‘Come in.’ Grace, steps aside as Johnny walks into her flat.
‘How are you?’ He sounds normal but she can see he is not.
‘Fine. You?’
‘Horny.’ Not what she was expecting. He is a stranger.
‘Sorry?’
‘I’m horny for you.’ He moves towards her and kisses her, hard on the lips.
‘Johnny, this isn’t like you.’ She pulls away, confused.
‘I’m sorry but I can’t stop thinking about you. I need you, don’t you understand?’ Finally as he says the words she has wished for, she leans in and kisses him. He tears at her clothes, and manages to get her down to her underwear.
‘Shall we go to the bedroom?’ she asks breathlessly. Finally passion has taken over; she is helpless.
‘OK.’
He follows her, holding on to her hand tightly. She pushes him on the bed, where she unhooks her bra, and he pushes his head into her cleavage. She feels all the sexual tension that she has felt almost since their first meeting dissipate. She pulls off her knickers and starts to undo his trousers.
‘Stop,’ he shouts.
‘Why?’ she asks breathlessly. He pushes her off him and grabs her wrist harshly.
‘You’d go that far for the bet? You would sleep with me for the bet?’
‘Oh shit,’ she replies.
She sits down on the bed, still naked, but unaware.
‘Did she tell you?’
‘No. She doesn’t even know I know.’
‘Johnny, I have to explain.’
‘What? That you’re a honey trapper and you tried to trap me. And congratulations, darling, you did a good job, because I fell for it. I was considering leaving my wife for you. Which would have made me look really silly, wouldn’t it?’
‘No.’
‘What the fuck do you mean, “no”? I would have looked like a fucking idiot.’
‘No you wouldn’t because that’s what I wanted. I love you, I really do love you. Yes, there was a bet but I forgot it ages ago.’
‘Yeah, and I know what a great actress you are. Divorcee? Probably not. PA to a lawyer? Definitely not. Quit your job? I don’t think so. Tell me, Grace, please fucking tell me where in all that is the truth.’
‘I didn’t intend for it to be like this.’
‘Really? Well, it is. And thanks a fucking bunch for ruining my life.’ He does up his trousers, which are still unbuttoned. ‘Tell me, do you love golf? Do you love Carry On films?’ He is fully clothed.
‘Johnny, wait. Please let me explain. I really did fall in love with you. This has nothing to do with the bet, you have to believe me.’ Tears are falling down her cheeks. Her insides are burning. She feels that she will collapse.
‘Give the girl an Oscar. It has every fucking thing to do with the bet.’ He storms out.
He climbs into the car, next to Matt and cries again. Matt gives him his customary pat on the shoulder.
‘She tried to tell me she loved me.’
‘Did it occur to you that she might do?’
‘It doesn’t matter now, because it was all lies. With both of them. And love doesn’t have much to do with lies.’
‘No. Where to now?’
‘Home. I need to speak to Betty.’
She has never cried so hard in her life. Her sobs are rocking her body; they are so violent. She gets off the bed, where he left her, and she goes to get her robe. She is cold. Freezing cold. She cannot, contemplate her life, and how empty it is now. She cannot contemplate what has just happened. She wants to die. She has never felt that. Even at her most unhappy she has never wanted to die, but now she does. She is not being dramatic, because she feels calm. But she will not die; that is not an option. It is a sin to take a life, even your own. Her mother taught her all about sins. And while she has committed most of them, that one she won’t. Not now.
She is calm when she reaches the phone, and calm when she dials, but then when the voice answers she falls apart.
‘Nicole.’
‘What’s wrong?’
‘It’s all gone wrong, all of it.’
‘I’ll be right over.’ She hangs up before Grace can answer.
Grace has no idea wh
at amount of time has passed before her buzzer goes and she lets Nicole in.
‘I shouldn’t be doing this. You’ll sack me.’ She manages a dull smile.
‘I feel responsible. You go sit down and I’ll make some coffee.’ Grace hugs her legs to herself as she sits on the small sofa. Again, she has no idea how much time has lapsed before Nicole reappears and hands her a cup of coffee.
‘It was so awful, so humiliating.’
‘He found out?’
‘Yeah. I’m still not sure how, but he said that it wasn’t Betty.’
‘Oh.’
‘He came over and he said he wanted me. I was naked, on top of him, and he told me that he knew. He said, “How far were you prepared to go for the bet?” I felt so cheap. He thinks I’m a whore.’ She collapses with a fresh batch of tears; Nicole takes her cup off her and puts it down.
‘Did you tell him how you felt? How there is no way you were doing it for the bet?’
‘I told him I loved him, but he didn’t believe me. Now he’s probably going to confront her. I messed up.’
‘I feel responsible,’ Nicole repeats. She puts her arms around Grace and holds her as if she is a child. That is the way she has always felt about her: weirdly maternal.
‘You didn’t give me the idea.’
‘No, for that we have Fiona to thank, I know. But I pushed you into the article. I know you only did it because you were doing it for me.’
‘I love him.’
‘I know.’
‘What am I going to do?’
‘I have no idea.’
‘What if he never wants to see either of us again? What if I’ve wrecked all our lives?’
‘It wasn’t just you. She agreed.’
‘She agreed to the bet; she didn’t agree to me falling in love.’
‘You don’t control who you love.’
‘You really don’t, do you? But I can’t bear it if he hates me. I need to stop him from hating me.’
Agent Provocateur Page 34