Agent Provocateur

by Faith Bleasdale

  ‘Do you?’ Betty feels confused, but she cannot cope with processing the information.

  ‘I was a big fat fake.’

  ‘So you’re saying that Johnny didn’t fall in love with you?’

  ‘No, he fell in love with this illusion, that happened to like everything he liked. You know how much you hate Carry On films?’ Betty nods. ‘I even said that I loved them, because I planned to take him to a film at some point. I don’t get Carry On films.’

  ‘My God. You know what, I was doing the same.’

  ‘What, saying you liked the same films?’

  ‘No, I was being the perfect wife, but not me. God, I really humiliated myself doing it.’

  ‘We’re a couple of losers.’

  ‘One thing I don’t understand is how you fell in love with him if you didn’t like the things he did.’

  ‘Easy. I might not have liked them but I liked the way he liked things. You know what I mean. How when he talked about those films he had a smile on his face and in his eyes at all times. When he played golf he would concentrate and become really competitive, although normally he’s so gentle. Have I said too much?’

  ‘Yes and no. You know him too well and that kills me. It really does.’

  ‘It’s you he loves. I was just a diversion.’

  ‘You really think that?’

  ‘I would rather it wasn’t true, but yes, I believe that.’

  ‘Well, it looks as if we’ve both lost him, anyway.’

  ‘Betty, I will back off if you fight for him.’ She can barely believe she is saying it. She knows she should have walked away – she knew it ages ago – but maybe it can be a case of better late than never.

  ‘I know Johnny. He’ll never forgive me for this.’

  ‘You can’t just give up.’ It’s suddenly important to Grace that Betty stay with him. She has to fix it and that’s the only way. It will be one person alone, not three. That she can live with. She is good at alone.

  ‘I don’t see I have a choice.’

  ‘I’ve ruined everything.’

  ‘With a little help from me.’

  ‘Yeah, what a team. Remind me never to see you again.’

  ‘Sure thing. Grace?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘I’m feeling a little drunk now, and totally destroyed, and my life is over and everything. What am I going to do?’

  ‘I wish I knew. I wish I could turn back time and leave him alone.’

  ‘But then you wouldn’t have fallen in love.’ Betty knows it is surreal, sitting here with Grace after everything they’ve been through.

  ‘I know. It felt so good. Even though nothing happened between us, it made me feel good. Just to hear his voice.’

  ‘I know. I wish you weren’t talking about my husband, but I do know why.’

  ‘He’s amazing.’

  Betty puts her head in her hands. ‘What am I going to do?’

  ‘Look, I know it’s late, but if you give me the number of your friend – you know, the one who’s married to his best friend, then I can call her and at least she can tell us if he’s all right. Anyway, she is probably worried about you.’

  ‘Yeah, Alison will know what to do.’ Betty writes the number down and hands it to Grace.

  ‘I can’t believe we’re here in this situation.’ Grace is again voicing her thoughts.

  ‘Me neither. Why on earth would I be sitting drinking brandy with my archenemy?’

  ‘You got me.’ They both smile weakly.

  The phone was snatched up immediately.

  ‘Hello.’ She sounds panicked.

  ‘Is that Alison?’

  ‘Yes, who are you?’

  ‘I’m Grace, but before you shout, I’ve got Betty.’

  ‘She’s with you? I’ve been worried sick. I’ve left her a million messages on her mobile. Shit, is she all right?’

  ‘Not really. I just took her home because she fell apart in the bar. We both did. Look, I know this sounds weird, but it’s so late and we’ve both been drinking, and I don’t think we’ll sleep any tonight, so I wondered if you could pick her up in the morning.’

  ‘Of course. Give me your address.’

  Grace dictates her address. ‘Alison?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘One more thing. Is he all right?’

  ‘No, he’s far from all right, but Matt’s with him. I don’t understand you, and I certainly didn’t approve of what you both were doing, but even I didn’t think it would end like this.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘Tell Betty I love her and tell her I’ll pick her up in the morning.’ Alison hangs up and Grace feels even more full of questions. It’s like he’s dead now, dead to her, and perhaps that is how it has to be. Betty needs him, and although Grace feels she does too, she realises she has no right. She never, ever did.

  Johnny is storming around his kitchen. Cyril is cowering under the kitchen table and Matt is tempted to do the same.

  ‘I almost wish I hadn’t told you.’ Matt is thinking aloud.

  ‘What, and let me go on being deceived by the two women I thought I loved?’

  ‘No, you know I couldn’t do that, which is why I didn’t. But now … well, I hate to see you this hurt.’

  ‘I am so angry. Not only angry, but confused, and what do I do next? Christ, how could she have done this to me?’

  ‘Which she?’

  ‘Betty. Grace – well, she was a stranger, so it doesn’t matter so much. No, actually it fucking well does matter because she made me have feelings for her too, but Betty is worse because she was my wife, and I trusted her. Shit, Matt, please tell me this is just some fucking nightmare and it’ll all go away.’

  ‘I wish I could, but you know it’s not.’

  ‘No. What am I going to do?’

  ‘Get through tonight, then tomorrow we’ll think. It’s too soon to know.’

  ‘I never want to see either of them again.’

  ‘Do you mean that?’

  ‘No, I want to see both of them right now. You know, that’s the worst thing. The set-up is bad enough, but if I hadn’t had any feelings for Grace then it wouldn’t have been so bad. I mean, I blame myself. Because if I hadn’t found out, or if it hadn’t been a set up, I can’t say, hand on heart, which woman I would have chosen to be with.’

  ‘I think you’d have stayed with Betty.’

  ‘Yeah, I like to think so too, but, Matt, I really fell for Grace.’

  ‘But you know that she was there to be whoever you wanted her to be – of course you fell for her.’

  ‘Yeah, I guess. I fell in love with perfection, but it wasn’t real.’

  ‘Shit, if perfection was real, then we’d be in big trouble.’

  ‘In case you hadn’t noticed, I already am.’

  ‘Alison is coming over tomorrow morning.’

  ‘What about Johnny?’

  ‘He’s with Matt. That’s all she would say.’

  ‘How could I let this happen?’

  ‘I cajoled you into it, and your boss didn’t exactly help.’

  ‘Why, though? Why did you do it?’ Betty is angry with Grace, although she knows that she cannot blame her for everything.

  ‘Because you looked down on me.’

  ‘But I didn’t really. I was threatened by you. You represented everything I feared.’

  ‘I guess I should have known. I was scared by you because I didn’t believe in the total happiness you had with Johnny and you were threatened by me because I stood for everything that you didn’t.’

  ‘We were both blinded by our stubborn nature, I guess.’

  ‘Our stupidity.’

  ‘I’ll drink to that.’ They clink their glasses.

  ‘I bet you were always popular at school.’ Finally Grace says what she has wanted to say ever since she first met Betty.

  ‘Nope actually. I was ugly, geeky and totally unpopular. I got bullied terribly.’

  ‘You’re kidding. But I thought—�
�

  ‘That I had an idyllic life? But I didn’t. I was so desperately unhappy growing up, which is why I assumed that you were always the popular bully.’

  ‘I can’t believe it. I was bullied too. I grew up in a council house with five siblings. The school I went to was really rough. Drugs, knives, the lot. Even the teachers were scared every day.’

  ‘I guess we both got it wrong.’

  ‘Oh, Betty, we got it so wrong.’

  ‘I have to stop now. I feel sick,’ Betty announces.

  ‘Do you need the bathroom?’

  ‘No, I need to lie down.’

  Grace leads Betty to the sofa and goes to get a blanket and a pillow. She sits on the floor and watches her fish and Betty in turn. She is still there when Betty wakes and Grace looks out of the window and realises that a new day is welcoming them.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Although she is not Betty’s biggest fan, Grace feels very empty once Betty has been collected by Alison. That’s it, that’s her life. She is on her own again and she has to rebuild the ruins that she created. She calls Oliver and tells him she is taking his advice but she doesn’t tell him about the previous night. She feels oddly calm. She needs to rebuild her life and she knows that she cannot rely on Oliver for that. She tells him that she is all right, because he has been better to her than she deserves. She also promises to keep in touch.

  Finally she realises that what she needs first is sleep. Clarity is near, she believes that, but she cannot think straight. She is still a bit drunk, and if she isn’t, she is hung over. She goes to bed and sleeps until the following day.

  She wakes up feeling stronger. She needs to move on, because she will never have Johnny. She knows now what she has to do, but she has no idea how to do it. She calls Nicole for advice.

  ‘I am so proud of you,’ Nicole says when Grace explains.

  ‘But I don’t know what to do.’

  ‘Actually, you know exactly what to do.’

  ‘I do?’

  ‘Yes. Listen, in your job you help women whose marriages are in jeopardy. Think along those lines.’

  ‘That’s what I did, and look what happened.’

  ‘No, you tried to tempt Johnny, and I know that’s your job but think about the times when you save the women from being hurt.’

  ‘I still don’t follow.’

  ‘If you tested a marriage and the man doesn’t cheat, or imply he will cheat how do you feel?’

  ‘That there’s hope?’

  ‘And Johnny didn’t cheat with you, he fell for you, but he didn’t cheat.’

  ‘You mean I just have to get them both to see that.’

  ‘Him, anyway. You can’t convince her to save the marriage because she already wants to, although you can explain to him why she did it, from your point of view. What you need to do is point out to him that he fell for a fantasy, and that you’re not real, but despite that he didn’t cheat on his wife. Make him see that that means he has to stay with her.’

  ‘Do you think it’ll work?’

  ‘It’s worth a try.’

  She feels better because she has a plan. The plan starts where the bet starts. She dresses plainly and goes to his office.

  The receptionist recognises her and calls Johnny’s assistant. She comes out to see Grace.

  ‘You don’t have an appointment,’ she says.

  ‘I know, but I have to see him. It’s my mortgage. I’ve got some problems and they’re really urgent.’

  ‘I’ll ask him if he’s free.’

  Grace is taking a gamble. She knows that Johnny won’t want to make a scene at work, and he’ll probably agree to see her in his office just so he can send her away. He does, although he makes her wait for half an hour. She is nervous because she has only one chance to get it right.

  ‘Come in.’ He sounds cold as he leads her to the office, although she is grateful that at least he is seeing her.

  ‘Johnny, I know you’re going to tell me to get lost as soon as the door is shut but give me a few minutes, please.’

  ‘I was going to tell you to get lost actually. I still am.’ He is shocked. He didn’t expect to see her and he is totally unprepared for handling her.

  ‘I’m not here to apologise to you.’

  ‘Oh, good.’

  ‘There’s no point. You’re not going to forgive me and quite frankly you’re right not to.’

  ‘So we’re agreed.’

  ‘Not quite. I want to sit down here and tell you a story.’

  ‘You’re good at that.’

  ‘Just listen to me, and then I’ll leave.’

  ‘Why should I?’

  ‘Because you’re a wreck and maybe this might just help.’ She wants to turn and run away, but she won’t. She looks into the eyes that she loves and then she looks away. It is time for her to compose herself.

  ‘I doubt it.’

  ‘It’s worth a try.’

  ‘Perhaps.’

  ‘Well, I’ll begin.’ She smiles, displaying bravery that she doesn’t feel. One chance is all she has.

  ‘My boss, Nicole, the detective agency boss, called me up and told me that we had a chance to be profiled in a glossy magazine, which would be like free advertising.’

  ‘I’m not sure I want to listen to this.’

  ‘Please. Be patient. Try.’

  ‘Fine.’ He folds his arms. It is so unlike him that Grace wants to laugh, but she cannot because there is nothing left for her in him now.

  ‘I agreed because Nicole has been the best boss to me. She has made me into a success, advising me every step of the way. I’ve profited from honey trapping, as Betty used to call it. There are more unfaithful men than you can imagine and I have met a huge number of them. It’s not cheap, maybe it’s not ethical, but we only ever did what the wives or girlfriends wanted. Anyway, I’m not here to talk about me. I just want you to know the whole story.’ She pauses and is relieved to see he seems to be listening.

  ‘Well, then along comes Betty, and she’s so together. Trendy, confident, funny, and she walks into my life. But she doesn’t like me. She thinks I’m a slut, a marriage wrecker, and I had a few problems with that. We argued and it got bad, which is what you know. Then I pulled out.

  ‘My boss said it was fine, but her boss didn’t. She wanted that profile and threatened Betty with demotion.’

  ‘I know this.’

  ‘Yes, you do, but what you don’t know is that Fiona came up with the idea of the bet, convinced me to do it and then I told Betty that it was the only way that I would let her finish and run the story. She thought it was my idea, although Fiona has come clean now. So I proposed it, and Fiona told her that it was a good idea to agree, based on the fact that you and she have such a rock solid marriage that there would be no problem.’

  ‘We did.’

  ‘Yeah, but you see, Betty didn’t ever want to do this. She was press ganged into it and she tried to put a stop to it a number of times. I refused.’

  ‘She did?’

  ‘Yeah, and then I told her to work harder to keep you.’

  ‘The sex toys.’

  ‘I guess. I didn’t ask for details. Anyway, the problem was that once I’d met you I fell for you too.’

  ‘How nice.’

  ‘Not really, because then I forgot all about the bet and tried to get you to fall in love with me.’

  ‘By being someone you’re not.’

  ‘Johnny, you’re right, but anyway, that isn’t important now.’ She wants to tell him that he knew most of her, but that isn’t her purpose, and if he has read the letter he will know that.

  ‘It’s not.’

  ‘Johnny, listen to me. I’m going to get up in a minute and you will never see me again. What I am here for is to make you think before you make a final decision. You never cheated on Betty. In my experience, and I can only talk from that, most men agree to cheat within an hour or two of meeting me. Now you weren’t being tested because she thought you
were a cheater, you were being tested because she loves her job.’

  ‘She should love me more.’

  ‘Oh, she does, and you know that.’ Grace is angry, but then she realises she is on thin ice so she smiles. ‘She wasn’t in fear of losing you, she was in fear of losing her job. So she agreed. But I cheated, if you like, because my feelings came into it and I tried to make out I was this perfect woman, or the perfect woman for you.’

  ‘You were.’

  ‘But you know, I don’t like golf and I hate Carry On film’s.’

  ‘You do?’

  ‘Yeah. I’m not the person you thought I was and I know that you know that. The divorce story was made up. But when I told you about my childhood, that was all true, I need you to believe that because I’ve never told anyone else.’

  ‘OK.’ He is softening because the anger is slowly leaving. It doesn’t sound so bad when Grace explains it, as if it wasn’t as serious as he makes out. But he knows that this is the last time he will see her.

  ‘Now, Johnny, I think you can forgive Betty for agreeing to the bet and lying to you.’

  ‘I can?’ Johnny takes a minute to think about this, but he is unsure; unconvinced.

  ‘Yes, what you can’t forgive is that you actually considered leaving her. This isn’t about what she did to you, it’s about what you might have done to her.’ Grace thanks God for Nicole’s genius.

  ‘It is?’

  ‘Yes.’ Grace is triumphant. She knows now that this is the truth. ‘You feel guilty, but because we deceived you, you’ve got an outlet for your anger. I don’t think you should feel guilty.’

  ‘I shouldn’t?’

  ‘No, because you never cheated and the only reason you even considered it was because I was exactly your perfect woman.’

  ‘You were. But then isn’t that your job?’

  ‘Yes, I suppose, but that’s another question for me to ponder when I’m alone. Do I still want to do it? Is it right? I have no idea, but the point is that you didn’t cheat.’

  ‘I didn’t.’

  ‘Betty lied to you about the bet. You forgive her and she’ll forgive you for lying to her when you were with me.’

  ‘So, I’m in the wrong?’ He is not sure how this has happened.