Reflections of Me

by Yumoyori Wilson

I pondered the idea and smiled, "Ya. That would be nice."

  He grinned and looked around for a chair, but I shuffled over to my right and patted the bed. He gave me a hesitant look.

  "But you don't remember me though."

  "I know you're Zane Park who was concerned enough to try and protect me in your own way," I replied.

  He smirked, looking at the spot. "But..."

  "Zane, I don't bite. Come here." I huffed.

  He chuckled and gave me a wide grin. "Okay."

  Once he was comfortably lying next to me, we both stared up at the white ceiling.

  "I've been having weird dreams lately. The same dream of a cloaked man, but his face is hidden. His voice is monotone, so it's not like I know who it is. He keeps saying people are coming after me. I still can't figure out why. What would someone want from me? I don't remember anything that can make me so special that people would want to harm me," I confessed, letting out my thoughts.

  "Do you think it's Gabriel?"

  "No. I have a feeling Gabriel moved on already. That's why I don't see him in my dreams anymore. Before I woke up the first time, I had some type of dream. I guess it was a dream, or maybe Gabriel's way to say he was crossing over. He told me I had to go, saying I didn't belong on the side he was on. I didn't understand it in the dream, but now that I think about it, it was probably him saying I didn't belong among the dead. The other side was life, and he was dead and moving forward. But there's one thing that bothered me," I confessed.

  "What?" Zane asked.

  "I said Dad was there with Gabriel. I even pointed to his grave which was where we stood. I knew that my mom wasn't there. It was kinda like my gut telling me she was fine on the living side. Gabriel shook his head and said he was the only person there and that I'd make Mother cry. I didn't want to leave him because I knew he'd be lonely, but if Dad wasn't there...where is he?" I whispered.

  "It may be an invasive question, but when you guys were told your father had passed, did they deliver his body?"

  "To be honest...I don't know. He had a ceremony and everything, but I don't think there was a viewing or anything. I just remember going to visit his grave many times after that, and I try to go whenever I can or need to make a big decision. I doubt my dad is alive though."

  "Why is that?" Zane questioned.

  "I don't know. It's been, what...sixteen years since his death? Why wouldn't he come home?" I turned my head to meet Zane's eyes.

  "What could be stopping him from coming home other than death itself? They said his partner died too, and I don't really remember anything else and haven't inquired about it. Mom hates talking about it and still doesn't mention it. Why open a sealed wound if you're not 100% sure if an assumption or guess is true?"

  "Are you scared of being disappointed?"

  "Yes," I said with confidence. "The first year when Father had passed, I assumed he'd just come back. I had vivid dreams of him somewhere in a castle or dungeon or whatever it was, and simply thought he must be trapped and he'd escaped. As a Mage Warrior, you get into sticky situations. I just figured he was in one of those and boom, he'd be back home."

  I looked back at the ceiling and sighed. "But then Gabriel died. I never told my mom this, but I had a dream. Same dungeon and everything. My dad was there, and he noticed how sad I was. He was in those chains you saw in movies and had a magic circle under him for extra emphasis. Probably because I was really into magic circles back then. I told him everything that happened. How I couldn't summon the wind...how I couldn't save him. Mom's crying, Logan’s defense, and revealing Lark was the culprit. The...blood. And I cried."

  I let out a laugh. "I felt so pathetic. There I was crying to my dream dad because everyone was comforting my mom and saying sorry for her loss."

  I turned my head toward Zane again, catching a glimpse of his eyes filled with sadness and remorse. He lifted his hand and brushed away the tear that I hadn't realized was rolling down my cheek.

  "No one said sorry to me or comforted me when I wanted to cry. I kinda just acted like the tough girl, and everyone praised me for being so strong.” I sighed and crossed my arms, hugging my body. “All I wanted was to get a hug and cry."

  "A silent plea that your dad saw," Zane whispered.

  "But he's dead."

  "Maybe. Whether he was real or not, the good thing is he saw that his little girl needed a hug and he was someone who would let her lower those tough girl walls and cry. In the end, did it help?"

  "Yes. A lot actually. Even with his chains on, he listened and comforted me. However, he said I couldn't come back anymore."

  "Why?"

  "He didn't want me to get hurt. Maybe with me seeing him, it would hurt me more because he was dead too. Who knows?"

  Zane nodded slightly and looked up at the ceiling. "Well. I don't know if anyone is after you, but it could be some type of forewarning? My friends...well, ex-friends, were a bit obsessed with you. I guess they wanted to know how you were so powerful. Either way, I think we'll be okay for now with the new rules, but we can never be too careful."

  "True," I replied.

  We were both silent, lost in our own thoughts. "Are you okay now, Zane?" I asked.

  "After I ugly cried in a guy's arms? Ya. It was nice," he admitted, turning his head to smile at me. I giggled.

  "You weren't ugly, and I was crying too." I gave him an admonishing look.

  "Brax and Kage were right. Heck, Nixon, Logan, Maximus—everyone was right," he admitted. "I wanted so desperately to fit in. I was never the type to have friends when I was little. I guess you can say an incident happened and I gave up trying?"

  "Incident?" I asked.

  "I honestly can't remember how old I was then. Maybe six? Or seven? I was trying my best to make friends at the school we were in. I have never been good at making friends while Kage, even though he's quiet, can get along with everyone. Essentially, it came down to me being bullied by a few of the kids at school. At first, I just assumed that was how I'd get accepted. You know, get them all juice boxes and bring some snacks from home to give to them when they were hungry. Little things."

  He raised his hand up to look at it, spreading it out before turning it to see the back of his hand. "I just desperately wanted to fit in like Kage. I looked up to both of my brothers, but I wanted to feel what it was like to have friends. It wasn't until later I came to understand they were using me. I didn't realize that till they cornered me in a section outside of the school where teachers don't check during evening recess. They kicked my ass."

  "What? But they were SIX or SEVEN! Or whatever! That's just horrible." Shock and disgust infused my words. How could kids be so cruel?

  Zane lowered his hand with a grin. "To be fair, there weren’t any other Korean students at the time, so I think it was more of a racial thing. With Kage, even though he knew everyone, he didn't necessarily hang out with people. It's kinda like being in the room and knowing everyone there, but not having your own section to stand in. You're just in the middle, and all the directions are open to you. I guess to them Kage wasn't a threat. What's the quiet boy going to do?"

  I frowned, and Zane turned over to lay on his side to face me. I did the same, our eyes never leaving each other.

  "What happened? Did Brax come? Or your Mom?"

  "Nah. I was knocked right out, but when I woke up, I almost thought I was dreaming," Zane replied. He had a wide grin on his face like the memory was flashing before his eyes.

  "There was Kage standing in front of me, and his hands were clenched in fists, trembling with blood and bruises. He looked so mad. Like how he was in the living room today. All the bullies, even the tallest one that everyone was afraid of, were on their knees begging for Kage to let them go."

  "Damn."

  Zane smiled proudly and nodded. "It was pretty epic. Until my Mom came. I knew we were both going to get in big shit, especially with our biological dad. By that time, Brax was with us, and our mom asked Kage how he'd learned to fight
. We played a few fighting games at the time, and Kage read a lot of books, so I knew that he'd just used what he learned, but there was no way our mom would listen to that."

  I could tell where this was leading. "Brax?" I whispered.

  Zane grinned. "Took the blame and the beatings from our alcoholic dad. I don't know if Braxton ever said it, but that was why Mom put her foot down. Our biological dad beat Brax so bad, he couldn't go to school for a week. My mom was worried if he even went with the bruises and she explained the situation, they would take us away and deport her."

  "I'm sorry, Zane. That must have been hard for you, as well as Kage and Brax. Not to mention poor Diana."

  "That's why I was so clingy. I knew as long as my brothers were there, I wouldn't need to worry about bullies and people who just didn't like me. Brax and Kage were my sword and shield, so I never entered a situation feeling worried because my brothers had my back. But when we came to Brighten and I was getting attention, I thought I'd finally found my group. I could let Brax and Kage live without me always holding them back. When I realized it was a way to hurt you, I...I was so pissed off. It was as if my childhood was happening all over again," he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

  "Payback was my main goal, but I needed to it without my brothers’ help for once in my life. I wished to be like Kage who stood up to the bullies and proved that he wasn't some pushover. I really wanted to protect you. To kinda impress you? I knew I had distanced myself from everyone, but in my vision, it would have paid off because the bullies would have been reported and you'd be safe. I didn't imagine it would cascade into this horrible mess, to the point where the girl we have the privilege of sharing can't even remember me. Where my brothers can barely be in the same room as me. To living parents who can’t even tell me that my mom has cancer and my dad lost his job because of me. Essentially, thanks to my attempt at making everything right, I fucked everything up. I literally almost lost everything I care about and love. Ironic, isn't it?"

  "Zane. We can make it right. As I said before, they haven't won. We can fix all of it. Your mom is getting better with the new treatment. I can tell Braxton isn't too upset with you. Even though Kage looked upset, I bet if you two talked, you'd understand that he just misses you. He wanted to get the brother that actually acknowledged him back. He doesn't care about being popular or those friends who only say hi in the halls. He cares about the people who truly want the best for him and his family," I explained.

  "And my dad? How am I going to fix that? That job meant a lot to him, and without it, I don't know how we can balance attending Brighten and making enough to support our parents," he admitted.

  I sat up and gave him a determined look. "We'll solve it right now."

  "Right now?" Zane sat up, curiosity evident in his expression.

  "Yup! Right now. You have to trust me." I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and stood. Zane followed my lead on the opposite side, and I walked over to him and presented my hand.

  "Do you trust me?" I asked, meeting his gaze.

  "Yes. I trust you," Zane replied without a second of hesitation. He put his hand in mine, and I squeezed it.

  "Then let's see the headmaster and make things right!" I vowed.

  "Thank you so much, Headmaster!" I exclaimed, bowing my head once more.

  "Thank you, Headmaster. I greatly appreciate your assistance," Zane declared, his voice filled with gratitude.

  "Make sure you two don't stay out too late, and Jewel. Week off. Understood?"

  "Yes, Headmaster," I replied with a shy smile. We bowed our heads once more, and I slowly closed the door of the headmaster’s office.

  We made it out to the main hallway where I grabbed onto Zane's hand and swiftly navigated him to the side entrance of the school. Once we were outside in the cool night air, I squealed and turned to Zane, pulling him into a hug.

  "We did it!! I'm so happy for you, Zane. Everything’s going to be okay!" I said excitedly, not even realizing I was crying.

  I pulled back to see the happiest smile I've ever seen plastered across Zane's face, and he nodded while blinking back tears.

  "It's thanks to you, Jewel. There's no way she would have believed me if you weren't there," Zane pointed out.

  I shook my head, and my short locks flicked my face from the rapid movement. "Not even! You explained everything from start to finish. All I did was reinforce what you'd said. I can't believe those damn alumni are spreading rumors! I knew they weren't good."

  "Ya. I wasn't expecting the headmaster to even know about what was going on. I guess she wanted to see if I would come forward and ask for assistance." Zane suggested.

  "Hm. I think she wanted you to realize who your true friends were and which ‘friends’ were really your foes? I know you’re close to Nick, but as the others said before, you can't trust him. Especially when he's hanging out with those guys."

  We walked down the stairs and began to head home. "Nick's been hanging out with them?" Zane asked.

  "Huh? You didn't know?" I asked.

  "No."

  "But he came to ask about the party." I reminded him, remembering what he had said during his argument with Kage.

  "That was during the day. I've never seen him hanging with anyone when I'm around," Zane revealed.

  "He looked pretty close to them when I saw them while I was walking with Brax. He wasn't pleased, saying something about knowing those guys from when he was in school. From before he dropped out of Brighten to wait on you and Kage."

  Zane frowned and looked slightly hurt. I squeezed his hand and smiled.

  "It's fine. Means you know where you stand. Your real friends will never abandon you," I whispered. He squeezed my hand back and smiled.

  Zane came to a stop, prompting me to halt as well thanks to our joined hands. "Zane?" I asked.

  "Jewel, can I do something?” he asked.

  "Is it painful?" I asked.

  "No," he replied.

  "Then, okay," I agreed. He released my hand and took a step back. I tilted my head in curiosity as he tried to fix his ruffled locks and took a few breaths.

  "I know we all agreed to share you, but I feel I haven't done my portion in this...um...harem? That's the word, right?" He blushed with embarrassment.

  I nodded, hoping he'd continue. Does he want to break up? The thought alone made my heart clench in pain and fear trickle through me. I guess it would make sense since I didn't remember the past about him, but it still hurt.

  Zane must have noticed my expression, and he hurried to continue. "Aww, no. Don't give me that look, Jewel. Hear me out first."

  He took a few more breaths and went on. "I've never asked a girl out before. I know we agreed to share you, but you don't remember me being a part of that. I feel it's not fair to you to have so much compassion and care towards someone you don't remember is your boyfriend. Well, one of your boyfriends. So what I'm trying to say...well...I want to ask you formally if I can date you? I mean, you'll still be dating the others, but at least you now have a memory of me agreeing to want to date you too."

  I gave him a blank stare, taking in his words. His face grew red, and he looked to the floor. "You may not remember, but last semester I was barely home. I stayed out with those friends, helping them out with anything they wanted. I didn't think it would come to bite me in the ass later, but the one thing I vividly regret to this day is losing time with you. Sure, I missed the guys, but it was just missing a friend and, of course, my brothers. But with you, I missed your presence. Even when you were a guy, I so desperately wanted to be near you, yet I stood afar and watched."

  He raised his gaze to mine with a sheepish smile. "Even at the party, when Kage took you to the bathroom...which you may not recall I was there, I was so upset. Not with you or Kage, but myself. I was upset that because of my actions, I'd isolated myself and may have lost the chance of loving a girl who was as beautiful and kind-hearted as you. Now that I have a second chance, I don't want t
o fuck this up. I don't want to lose the relationships I've dreamed of gluing back together. I just want to try again."

  He moved closer to me and offered his hand. "Would you give me that chance to try again? Can I date you, Jewel Starfire?"

  A smile lifted my lips as my expression softened. I placed my hand into his and squeezed it tightly.

  "I'd love to date you again, Zane Park," I replied. His face blossomed with excitement, and he pulled me into a hug.

  "Thanks, Jewel. That makes me so happy. So damn happy," he exclaimed, picking me up and twirling around. I squealed and hugged him back.

  "We should have our first date, right now!" I said eagerly. He pulled back to give me a questioning look.

  "You have something in mind? The headmaster said we should go home," Zane reminded me with a furrowed brow.

  "It's on our way home. Please?" I jumped up and down to emphasize my enthusiasm.

  He sighed and smiled. "Alright. Lead the way, Precious."

  "Ice cream! Yum," I hummed, swinging my hand that Zane held as we walked home. I wasn't concerned about anyone seeing us because the campus was nearly empty so late at night.

  Since the new rules had been implemented, students would rather go off to Natala and hang out there rather than be caught by security and potentially lose their chance at Brighten.

  "Ice cream makes you so happy," Zane mumbled, eyeing me with a smirk.

  "It does! So glad he had chocolate sprinkles." My reply was filled with glee, and I continued devouring my chocolate ice cream cone with chocolate and rainbow sprinkles. It was so delicious, I practically inhaled it, and it was already near the waffle cone.

  "I should have paid though."

  "Hmm, why?" I asked. Zane hadn't realized he'd forgotten his wallet at home until we'd ordered. Thankfully, I always carried an emergency card with me, usually hidden in my phone case so regardless of whether I was a boy or girl, I had something on hand.

  "It's technically our first date. I'm supposed to pay," he pointed out.

  "Is that a male rule?" I paused and quirked a brow at him.