All I Ever Wanted

by Francis Ray

  She was shaking her head before he finished. “I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

  “You’re not asking. I’m volunteering. Now I better get out of your way.” Reluctantly he pushed to his feet, when what he really wanted to do was to hug and reassure her that she could do this.

  She came to her feet as well and stepped forward to show him to the door, expecting him to move. He didn’t. For a long moment they simply stared at the other. She studied him, trying to figure out why his gaze was so intent. It troubled her that he was worried about something and she couldn’t help when he had always been there for her.

  She was about to ask him if he was all right when his gaze dropped to her lips. Her heart skittered the crazy way it did at times when he looked at her a certain way. Her skin felt hot, tight.

  His hand lifted toward her face. She stumbled back, tripping over her feet and almost falling backward. She gasped, not sure if it was because of the near fall or because Richard caught her arms, drawing her securely to him. She felt the muscled warmth of his hard body against hers, smelled his cologne. Her heart thumped even harder.

  Not for the first time when he’d held her, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to lean in or pull away. She trembled as indecision held her still.

  “Are you all right?” Richard asked, concern in his face and voice instead of annoyance. He wasn’t a threat to her.

  “Yes.” Her cheeks heated with embarrassment. She hadn’t expected him to reach out to her, and had instinctively reverted to the days when a male hand coming toward her meant pain and humiliation.

  Releasing her, he stepped back. She missed the warmth and comfort. “Well, good night. Call when Sierra has a listing and I’ll go with you.”

  As always, he’d forgiven her. His kindness made her feel worse. She didn’t want to keep hurting the people she cared about. First Catherine and now Richard. Both had helped when she had nowhere else to turn, asking nothing in return.

  Yet unlike Aaron at the Women’s League, she couldn’t apologize as she followed Richard to the door. Somehow she knew an apology would only make him feel worse. It was there in his miserable expression.

  “Good night. Tell Kayla to have fun at school tomorrow.”

  She wanted so badly to reach out and touch him, to take the unhappiness from his eyes that hadn’t been there before her silliness. “I will. Good night and thanks for stopping by.”

  Turning, he started for his truck parked in front. Aware he expected her to be inside by the time he was at the vehicle, she slowly closed the door, locked it, then leaned against it, briefly closing her eyes. How could she have reacted that way to him? Annoyed with herself, she opened her eyes and straightened.

  Richard had been there for her, encouraging her, helping her, and she’d repaid him by acting like a scared rabbit. The reason was a complicated one. Although he had caught her unaware, she also had to finally admit that she knew he wanted more than friendship from her. When he reached for her, her reaction was not from her fear of him so much as her fear of altering their delicate balance.

  To her shame, she hadn’t done anything to dissuade him, just kept taking his friendship that had come to mean so much to her. Without her becoming aware of it, she had come to depend on him. He was steady, dependable, and he made her feel as if she could do anything. He had given her so much, but she couldn’t give him what he wasn’t able to hide that he wanted: a woman in his bed.

  Naomi flushed at the thought as her mind scampered away from the visual images of herself and her ex, his taunts, her tears. She couldn’t be the woman Richard deserved. He was everything any woman could wish for. She’d stopped wishing for a man long ago.

  Pushing away from the door, Naomi went to check on Kayla. Opening the partially ajar door farther, she saw Kayla on her side, asleep with Teddy. Despite the tension in her, her uncertainty, Naomi smiled. Kayla was the best part of her, the best part of her hellish marriage.

  Turning away, Naomi went to her room intending to get ready for bed, but when her hands reached for the buttons of her blouse, they stilled. She could still recall the hurt on Richard’s face, the dejection.

  Her hands slowly lowered to her sides. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand. Eight thirty-three. Usually she’d call Catherine when she was troubled, but even if she hadn’t already intruded on her once today, Catherine didn’t answer her phone after 8:00 PM. That was family time.

  Naomi tried to think of how she might have inadvertently hurt Catherine and came up blank once again. Whatever it was, as Richard had said, Luke would fix it. She couldn’t keep hurting people because of her own insecurities.

  As if she were standing right there, Naomi could hear Catherine’s words of that afternoon: Problems are easier when they’re shared with someone. Going to the phone on the nightstand, she picked up the receiver and dialed.

  “Hello,” Fallon answered with her usual cheery voice.

  “Fallon, it’s Naomi.”

  “Everything all right?” her friend quickly asked.

  “I need to talk to someone. I’d come over, but Kayla is asleep.”

  “I’ll be at the back door in ten seconds.” The line went dead.

  Naomi left the bedroom and went to the kitchen. By the time Fallon knocked, she was reaching for the door. “Thank you.”

  Fallon stepped inside and held out one of the two pints of ice cream she’d brought. “You sounded as if you might need this. Have a seat and I’ll get the spoons.”

  Naomi took the ice cream and the spoon Fallon handed her. When she didn’t move to take off the lid, Fallon removed it for her, then took her seat.

  “Problems always seem easier when I have a pint of blackberry cobbler.” Fallon dug into her ice cream. “Since you were all right earlier, would I be wrong that this has something to do with Dr. Yummy?”

  Naomi spooned into the peach cobbler—her favorite flavor—before she spoke. “Richard is a wonderful man.”

  “Agreed,” Fallon said.

  Naomi poked her spoon at the peaches in her pint. “He’s always been patient and kind to us. I don’t know what I would have done without him.”

  “I hear a but.”

  Naomi’s head came up. She leaned back against her chair. She wanted to look anyplace but at the steady gaze of Fallon, but she realized that was what she’d always done when faced with difficulty. “My first marriage didn’t work out. I’m not ready for another relationship. I—I think Richard wants more.”

  “From the way he looks at you, I’d say you were right.” Fallon spooned in another bite. “I say go for it.”

  “No.” Naomi jabbed the spoon into the ice cream. “I just want his friendship. Nothing more.”

  “At the risk of starving, I’m not sure you’re being completely honest with yourself.”

  Naomi’s eyes widened. “You’re wrong.”

  Fallon shrugged. “You’re happier, less uptight, around Richard.”

  Naomi didn’t know what to say because it was the truth.

  “From what I’ve seen, Richard is a man any woman would jump to have. He takes time with Kayla and is patient with you. Most men move on when there’s no s-e-x.”

  Naomi blushed and ate more ice cream.

  “At the risk of being redundant, I say go for it.”

  And disappoint and embarrass both of them—if it got that far. She’d been a dud in the bedroom. “I’m not as outgoing as you are.”

  Shadows darkened Fallon’s eyes. Naomi wondered if there was something painful in her friend’s past as well. “I wasn’t always. I just had to learn to live my life instead of going through the motions. Give Richard a chance to move from friend to something more.”

  “Are you going to give Lance a chance?” Naomi countered.

  “Not my type,” Fallon responded, eating more ice cream. “Besides, I’m leaving in five weeks.”

  “Don’t remind me. We’ll miss you,” Naomi told her, ready to drop the conversation. She didn’t like being rem
inded of another inadequacy.

  “I’ll miss you and Kayla as well.” Fallon smiled. “For the first time in a long time, I’ll be sad to move on. You’re a good friend and mother. So give yourself and Richard a break.”

  The prospect of intimacy made her stomach roll. She capped her pint of ice cream. “Thanks for coming over and for the ice cream.”

  Fallon wrinkled her nose and replaced the top on her own pint. “I think you’ve made up your mind, and it’s not in Richard’s favor.”

  “Some things are just not meant to be.” Naomi placed both pints in the fridge.

  “I’d argue if I thought it would do any good.” Fallon came gracefully to her feet and went to the back door. “Just remember, it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. ’Night.”

  “’Night,” Naomi said, then watched until Fallon let herself inside her apartment. Quickly stepping back inside, she closed and locked the back door, painfully aware that she wasn’t brave enough to risk her daughter’s happiness or her own fragile self-esteem if she were less than what Richard expected.

  No matter how much Richard had done for her and Kayla, Naomi didn’t want to be that vulnerable again. It wasn’t fair to Richard to keep taking up his time when she knew she couldn’t be the woman he deserved. She never knew how to act when he looked at her as if he wanted more than friendship, more than she was capable of giving him. She wasn’t a whole woman.

  Flicking off the light, she went to her bedroom to get undressed. The phone rang just as she stepped out of her shoes. Thinking it was Fallon, she reached for the receiver. “Hello.”

  Expecting to hear Fallon’s voice, she frowned, then stiffened, her gaze going to the caller ID. She heard the dial tone the instant her gaze saw the blank readout. The caller had hung up. Her hand gripped the phone, then eased. She replaced the receiver and continued to undress.

  Her ex had made her life miserable enough. He was not going to control her future. He might have had friends in the police department to uphold him in his wrongdoing, but she had friends now as well. Luke was checking on Gordon, and Luke was the best. Until she knew something differently, she was living her life the way she wanted. With one exception.

  Richard wasn’t going to be a part of her life any longer.

  Chapter 7

  The next day at work should have been one of the best ever for Naomi. Instead she was just as restless and as on edge as she’d been the night before. Kayla was the star, not only of the kindergarten wing, but of the entire school. She had the biggest grin on her face when they turned the corner Monday morning into their hallway and saw a giant poster of the cover of The Guardian.

  However, instead of the little girl standing with her back to you and the wolf by her side as depicted on the cover illustration, they both faced forward. The art teacher had expertly captured Kayla’s happy face. There was even a morning announcement on the PA system about her characterization in The Guardian. The unnerving part had come shortly before lunch when a reporter from the local newspaper had arrived to do a story on Kayla.

  Naomi hadn’t known anything about the school principal’s “surprise.” She’d actually thought of refusing to let Kayla be interviewed despite Principal Crenshaw’s enthusiasm. Naomi might have if Catherine and Luke hadn’t shown up moments later.

  Despite Naomi’s talk of conquering her fear, she didn’t want any mention of them in the newspaper. Catherine Stewart-Grayson was nationally known. Once her name was attached to the story, Naomi didn’t have a doubt the story would be picked up by other media outlets.

  The possibility of her ex or someone he knew seeing the article was too great a risk. He’d be enraged to see they were happy and doing well without him. She’d said as much to Catherine after the introductions.

  “Look at Kayla,” Catherine had said quietly from beside her.

  Naomi had followed the direction of her friend’s patient gaze. Kayla, a proud smile on her face, was talking to the reporter about the book and the little girl’s courage not to fear the wolf.

  “Animals are our friends,” Kayla said. “They’re afraid of us because sometimes we don’t treat them as we should or because they aren’t used to people. You aren’t supposed to play with animals you don’t know, but this time it was okay because the wolf didn’t growl or try to hurt her.”

  The woman reporter, hunched down with a mike in her hand, smiled. “Did you learn not to play with animals from the book?”

  “Dr. Richard,” Kayla told her. “He’s a veterinarian. Sometimes he lets me help feed and take care of the animals at his clinic. I’m going to be a veterinarian, too, when I grow up.”

  The reporter straightened, the mike from her tape recorder moving to Catherine. “I’d say you picked the perfect little girl for your book.”

  “I couldn’t agree more.” Catherine held out her hand and Kayla grasped it without hesitation. “Not only is she courageous, she’s kind and has a generous heart.”

  The reporter held the mike out to Naomi. “As her mother, what do you think of all the attention your daughter is receiving?”

  Naomi could feel all the people standing around the hallway looking at her. Help came from Catherine’s reassuring hand on her arm, and oddly Richard’s comment long ago about her being a good mother.

  “Kayla is the gift I never expected. I treasure her as any parent would.” She’d placed her hand on Kayla’s head. “I’m proud to be her mother.”

  Luke applauded; others joined in. By the time the applause had quieted, he was by Catherine’s side. “Ms. Franklin,” he said to the reporter. “I’m sorry to rush you, but we’re going to have to cut this short. Cath has another engagement. I think a group photo in front of the artwork would be perfect.”

  Naomi was so relieved that the attention had shifted from her that she almost didn’t see the mesmerizing effect Luke had on the reporter. For a moment, she didn’t seem to be able to take her eyes off him. True, he was handsome, with broad shoulders and a muscular build, but those were the very attributes that made Naomi wary. His hands could easily inflict pain. Richard was lean and trim; his fingers narrow and gentle. Her mind jerked away from that line of thought.

  “What a wonderful idea, Luke.” Catherine motioned for the principal. “If you have signed permission slips from parents for photographs, I think it would be a good idea to have her classmates. Kayla is the star of the book, but each child is just as important.”

  “We certainly do,” Principal Crenshaw quickly answered. “I include the form with each enrollment just in case opportunities like these come up. Ironically, Kayla is the only one without her permission slip signed. But since her mother is here, that shouldn’t be a problem.”

  Naomi hadn’t signed for this very reason, but one look at her daughter’s face and she knew saying no was impossible. “It won’t be a problem.”

  “Ms. Franklin?” Catherine asked, her grin all teeth.

  The oblivious reporter finally stopped drooling over Luke. She didn’t even have the grace to look embarrassed. “They’re not part of the story.”

  “I beg to differ,” Catherine said. “In the story, Kayla was trying to find her way back to her family and friends. Her classmates or the other staff members aren’t in the book, but they’ll shape and mold Kayla just the same. More important, her classmates shouldn’t feel left out because they aren’t in a book. They’re just as important.” Catherine glanced down at Kayla. “What do you think?”

  “They’re my friends,” Kayla said softly. “Some of them came Saturday to see me. I’d like them to be in the picture.”

  “Ms. Franklin, I wouldn’t mind stepping over to Kayla’s classroom and asking the teacher’s assistant with them to let them join us,” Luke said.

  The reporter’s frown morphed into a smile. “Would you, Mr. Grayson?” she asked, her voice dropping a husky octave, her hand on his muscled forearm. “It appears Mrs. Grayson has good instinct in other matters as well.”

  Luke turne
d away without comment. The woman’s hand fell away, but her eyes stayed on him for seconds too long before she moved to the waiting photographer. If the woman had seen the expression on Catherine’s face, she would have run for her car.

  Instinctively Naomi placed her hand on Catherine’s arm to soothe her. Luke loved her. They made a good team. Together they had effectively put the spin on the article they wanted: that all children mattered. Catherine knew better than anyone that Luke wouldn’t cheat.

  Naomi wouldn’t have minded if her ex had cheated. That meant he would have stayed away from her.

  Catherine leaned over and whispered, “She bats those eyes at him again, and I might not be responsible.”

  Naomi didn’t know what to say. Catherine was always so calm. Naomi would have never thought she’d be possessive—least of all over a man. Catherine must have read her thoughts.

  “There are men, and then there are those who pretend to be men,” Catherine said softly. “Some you thank God daily for placing in your life; others you thank Him that they aren’t.”

  Naomi shivered. She knew about the latter group all too well.

  “You’ve had the bad,” Catherine went on to say in a soft whisper. “Open your heart to the possibility that there are good men out there.”

  Naomi didn’t answer as Kayla’s classmates, with huge grins, came out of the classroom down the hallway in single file. However, this was one time she had no intention of taking her friend’s advice.

  She didn’t want a man.

  If that meant cutting Richard out of her life, so be it. She’d just have to deal with the loneliness that she already felt the best way she could.

  * * *

  Naomi’s intent to end her friendship with Richard came at half past five that night. As soon as Kayla had eaten her dinner and finished her homework, she’d asked to go next door to tell Fallon about her day at school.

  “When I come back, I’ll call Dr. Richard. It’s almost closing time at the clinic and he’s always the busiest now,” Kayla explained, proud that she remembered so much about his schedule.