Canary

by Rachele Alpine

“No, thanks,” Jenna said. “In case you forgot, tonight’s game is huge; we don’t want to be all spaced out for it.” She dug around in her bag and pulled out a water bottle. “I do have something to drink, though. Some fancy rum I stole from my parents that they’ll never notice is missing.”

  She took a sip and held the bottle toward me, but I waved it away.

  The bottle went from front to back, among the hands of everyone in the car. They joked about what would happen at the game, how much they would drink after, and who would probably end up screwing who.

  Jenna took a drag on her cigarette and blew smoke out the window. “Hey, Kate, I bet your dad is ready for this game.”

  “He’s a bit obsessed at the moment.”

  “Can you blame him?” Ali’s brother said, looking at my reflection in the rearview mirror. “The whole school is counting on him to bring home a championship this year.”

  “Believe me, he knows.”

  The door handle dug into my hip. I turned toward the window, watching the houses flash by, the world muted as the sun ended its daily cycle. Everyone smoked, drank, and tried to speak louder than each other. I wished they’d stop. My stomach hurt. This all seemed so stupid. I couldn’t concentrate on their pointless conversations. It was the same old stuff, every day, every weekend.

  Julia was home tonight watching a movie with her parents. She’d invited me over, and I wished I was there instead of heading to the game.

  I felt suffocated in the car, stuck between people who didn’t give a shit about things that really mattered, and I needed to get out. “Take me home,” I said quietly. So quietly I wasn’t sure anyone heard me.

  “What?” Ali asked.

  “Take me home,” I said more firmly.

  Jenna narrowed her eyes and looked at me. “What the hell? Why would you want to go home?”

  “Turn around.”

  Ali and Jenna gave each other a look, and then Jenna leaned in between the seats to talk to her brother. “Take her home. What’s it matter if she’s going to mope all night? We’ll still make the start of the game.”

  No one tried to argue with me. Ali’s brother turned in to a gas station so he could turn around and headed back to my house.

  “I’m sorry,” I told them.

  “Whatever,” Ali said.

  Everybody else stayed silent, letting the music throb against the sides of the car. I felt the pulse of my heart. I closed my eyes until the car stopped.

  “Get out. We’re here,” Ali’s brother said.

  “Thanks,” I told everyone and closed the door.

  No one said good-bye. The car backed down the driveway before I moved. I heard them laughing as they sped away.

  Chapter 55

  Brett spent a lot of time with the recruiters during lunch. I’d see him in their office or sitting at the table in the cafeteria. I used the time to my advantage and sat with Julia on the days Brett wasn’t around. I hoped he’d see the two of us together and decide to join us. I could show him I didn’t just care about my Beacon friends. I wanted him to see how important he was also.

  I knew my friends talked about me hanging out with Julia. I made excuses, claimed she and I had something to talk about or some work to do. They were weak explanations that didn’t fool them, but I convinced myself it was okay.

  When I ate lunch with Julia, I didn’t have to act happy or fill the time with gossip about people who weren’t like us. I didn’t have to deal with their stupid, superficial conversations. Conversations that used to be easy. With Julia, I could talk quietly about the things that kept us up late at night, the things we couldn’t tell other people.

  Julia welcomed me quickly. I was surprised how open and nice she was, especially after the way I’d treated her. I tried apologizing to her the first time I sat with her at lunch, but she dismissed my apologies with a wave of her hand. She refused to talk about anything that may have happened in the past, and I knew enough not to push it.

  I liked the way Julia calmed me down. I tried to get out of eating lunch with my friends once or twice a week, but they had started giving me a hard time about eating with Julia.

  “Whoa, Kate, nice of you to join us,” Ali commented when I slid into the seat next to Jack.

  “Yeah, I didn’t know you still went to Beacon,” Luke said and stole one of Ali’s fries.

  “I know, I know. I haven’t been around much. Sorry, guys.”

  “It’s nothing to apologize for. It’s a choice you made,” Ali said and turned to Luke to whisper something in his ear.

  I stared at her, hurt that she’d turned against me too. “Julia’s my friend too. It’s not as if I’m choosing between the two of you.”

  Jack broke in before Ali could say more. “We’re talking about the Rocky River Academy game during Christmas break. We’re thinking of staying after at the ski resort nearby. What do you think? We could rent a condo pretty cheap if we got a bunch of people.” Jack looked at me expectantly. I was thankful he was changing the subject, but I wished he’d spoken

  up sooner.

  “That does sound fun, but do you think we’d be able to get a condo?” I said.

  “I’m sure my dad could get us something,” Luke said. “He knows people who own places there, so maybe we could even stay for free. Are you in?” He looked at me.

  The rest of them waited for my response.

  “I don’t know. I’ll have to make sure I don’t have anything else planned.” I tried to stall and think of an excuse that sounded plausible. There was no way I was going after what had happened at Ali’s cabin.

  “What could you have planned? Your dad is the coach of the team. He’s going to be at the game,”

  Ali said.

  “Yeah, you’re right.” It was obvious Ali was waging some personal attack on me, and I figured it had to do with ditching out on the game the other night. “I still have to check to make sure.”

  “Right, okay. Well, hopefully you can make it,” Jenna said and started to draw circles on her

  paper napkin.

  “If you don’t want to go, say so,” Ali blurted. “We’re all getting a little sick of hearing what your excuse of the day will be. We’re not stupid.”

  “Ali,” Jenna said, trying to silence her.

  “Oh, really, guys. Stop acting like she’s going to do things with us. We know she won’t. We’re honored you decided to join us today, but you didn’t have to.”

  “I know I didn’t have to,” I said, narrowing my eyes. “I wanted to eat lunch with you. Maybe I don’t sit with you all the time because you treat me like this.”

  “Why do you keep hanging out with Julia?” Ali asked.

  “What do you mean?” I asked, not letting her scare me. “I hang out with Julia for the same reason I hang out with any of you guys. Why do I need to have a reason?”

  “You know what I mean,” Ali said and sighed as if this discussion was a waste of her time.

  “No, I don’t know what you mean,” I said,

  emphasizing my words the same way she did. “Fill me in, because I don’t have a problem hanging out with Julia, so I’m confused about why you do.”

  “She’s weird, Kate.”

  “Weird? That’s the best explanation you’ve got? Half the world is weird. You could call me weird because I drink my milk at room temperature.” But I knew that wasn’t the kind of weird she was talking about.

  “You know what I mean. She’s not one of us.”

  “One of us?” I asked, my voice turning to ice. I looked around the table to see if everyone was buying it, but no one would make eye contact with me. “She’s my friend, and she’s dating my brother.”

  “Julia’s not even a part of Beacon.” Ali said as if it were fact. “She only goes to our school because her mom teaches math. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be able to afford Beacon.”

  I ran my fingers through my hair out of frustration. “Do you remember the only reason I’m at Beacon is because my dad works for t
he school?”

  “It’s not the same. Your dad is a different part of Beacon. You’re a different part of Beacon. I don’t understand why you’d want to hang out with her.”

  The reasons perched on the tip of my tongue, and I wanted to spit every one of them at her. Was she really telling me she didn’t think I should be friends with Julia? “Sure, you’re right,” I said, but my

  patronizing tone went over her head. “I’m completely different, just like my brother.”

  “Come on. You know what I mean.”

  “I do know what you mean, and I don’t like it one bit. You talk about Beacon as if it were a piece of property you were buying. I’m friends with Julia now, and that’s not going to change.”

  “Hang out with her. I don’t care.”

  “Good. That’s what I plan to do.” It was true. I wasn’t going to let Ali tell me who I should hang out with.

  “Whatever.” Ali pushed back her chair and picked up her tray, ignoring the incredulous looks on the faces of everyone else at the table. “Stay as long as you want to, since it’ll probably be weeks until you decide to sit with us again.”

  I watched Ali walk away and waited for someone to say something. When they didn’t, I giggled nervously. “I don’t know why Ali thinks I need to choose sides. I can be friends with everyone. I’m not sure what’s gotten into her. I’ll go find her and talk to her after lunch.”

  Dave gave me a weak smile, and Jenna turned away. Jack shrugged as if he wanted nothing to do with it.

  I ate silently. Even though Ali and her accusations were gone, I still didn’t feel like part of the group.

  Chapter 56

  I spent the next few days trying to avoid Ali and Jenna. I continued to sit with Julia at lunch and skipped watching Jack practice after school. It was so much easier to run out when the bell rang than to sit with everyone at practice and deal with Ali getting on my case about hanging out with Julia.

  Today, however, Ali didn’t let me escape so easily. She was waiting outside my classroom door when I left at the end of the day. She linked her elbow in mine. “I’m taking you with me.”

  I let her steer me around the students heading out of school. She pulled me down the hallway, and I had to walk quickly to keep up. I held my books tightly, afraid they’d slip out as we dodged other students. She spoke loudly so her voice could be heard above the shouts of the rest of our classmates in the hallway. “We’re going to meet Jenna in the gym and watch the boys practice. You haven’t been there all week, and I’m not letting you run straight home again.”

  The girl was impossible to predict. One day she was about to blow up at me for not hanging out with them, and the next she was acting as if nothing

  was wrong.

  I shook out of her grasp. “Okay, I’m coming. I promise. You don’t need to drag me there.”

  “I will if I have to,” she said. “This is ridiculous. We miss you, and I’m sure Jack would like to see you in the stands.”

  I followed her into the gym. The boys were already on the floor taking practice shots, while Dad paced the sidelines with a clipboard in his hand. We sat next to Jenna and a few other girls who had boyfriends on the team or wished they did. There were a lot more people watching now that we were getting closer to securing a spot in the play-offs.

  Jenna placed her hand on her chest. “Whoa. Long time no see, Kate. I forgot what you looked like.”

  I whacked her lightly on the arm with my notebook. “Shut up. It’s only been a few days.”

  “If I were dating Jack, I’d be here watching him every day,” said Amanda, a freshman sitting behind us.

  “Jack understands,” I said, even though I didn’t know why I was explaining myself to a freshman. “We don’t always have to be together.”

  “Really?” Ali asked. “Are you sure he understands?” And just like that, she morphed back into the Ali I’d gotten used to these past couple of weeks.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m just saying. I’d think you’d want to support your boyfriend. Not ditch out on him all the time.”

  “I don’t ditch out on him,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm.

  “Don’t get mad at me, but maybe we should talk about things.” Ali gave me her full attention.

  “Usually when someone starts a sentence with the words ‘don’t get mad at me,’ you can expect to get mad at that person.” I joked, feeling a bit uncomfortable.

  “No, it’s nothing bad. It’s more of an observation.”

  “An observation?”

  “Yeah, it’s not a huge deal, but maybe Amanda is right about Jack.”

  “Are you serious?” I asked, crossing my arms.

  “It just seems as if you’re trying to avoid him or something. And when you two are together, you’re never happy. Maybe you should listen to Amanda.”

  “Are you kidding me? Are we really having this conversation?”

  “I think we need to have this conversation. It’s the truth. You’re so hung up on your brother that you’re forgetting everyone else around you.”

  “My brother enlisted in the Army in the middle of a war. I think I’m allowed to get hung up on him.”

  “You are, but aren’t you afraid Jack is going to break up with you? Do you even like him anymore?”

  “Jack and I are fine.”

  “I’m not trying to make you mad. I like you and Jack. I want the two of you to stay together. I’m

  trying to help.”

  “Are you trying to tell me Jack is planning to break up with me? Is that what people are saying?”

  Ali paused, as if thinking about the idea. “No, it’s not that. It’s just that people have started to notice you’re hardly around anymore, and when you are, you’re never happy. I don’t want something to happen to the two of you; that’s all.”

  I closed my eyes and rested my head in my hands. I wondered if Ali was telling the truth. Were people really talking about us? Was I as close as she said to losing Jack? I bit my bottom lip and tried to imagine not having Jack in my life. It seemed impossible. Unlike Ali, who often seemed more interested in the attention she was getting from boys than in our friendship, Jack really knew me. He knew about Mom and listened when I missed her. Jack understood if I got upset about Dad or Brett. I didn’t know what I’d do if he wasn’t around anymore.

  I thought about Ali getting into my business with Jack, as if she even understood what was going on. I hated that she acted like an expert and talked to me about something that had nothing to do with her. I was mad that she saw I was scared about Brett and, instead of trying to help me, told me I needed to change. It wasn’t as if I could suddenly be happy again and stop worrying about my brother. She didn’t understand.

  Ali put a hand on my shoulder. “You’re not mad at me, are you? I’m only trying to fix things before they get bad.”

  “No, don’t worry. I’m fine.”

  “Okay, good.”

  I didn’t want to hear anything else Ali had to say. I leaned forward and acted as if I was into watching the boys play. My dad had set up a scrimmage, and Jack was guarding a senior who was six inches taller than him. Jack stole the ball and passed it to a teammate waiting to the right of him. I let out a cheer, and Jack looked up. He smiled at me before he turned back to the court.

  Dad blew his whistle after fifteen minutes of scrimmaging. “Okay, guys, grab yourselves some water and get back on the court.”

  Jack, Luke, and a few other boys picked up their plastic bottles and walked over to where we were

  sitting.

  “Hi, girls,” Jack said and sat next to me. He kissed my cheek. “Glad you made it today.”

  “Yeah, Kate,” Luke said slowly. “We’ve missed you at our practices.” He squirted his water bottle at me.

  “Oh my God, Luke. What the hell?” I jumped up and tried to wipe the water off my shirt.

  “Wet T-shirt contest,” he said and aimed his bottle at another girl on the blea
chers. Before he could douse her, though, Dad blew his whistle.

  The boys ran back onto the court.

  Ali looked at me. “Oh my God, Luke,” she said, mocking me and fluttering her eyelashes. She turned to the other girls. “I’m going to grab a drink from the vending machine. Does anyone want anything?”

  Jenna got up to go with her.

  I watched the two of them walk out of the gym, confused again and wondering if Ali was my friend or my enemy.

  Chapter 57

  Jack came over the next day when I was working on my homework, or at least that’s what I was trying to do. I’d get engrossed in a problem, but it was never enough. Soon my thoughts would leave the questions and drift back to Brett. It had been weeks since he moved out, and Dad didn’t even seem to miss him. I’d tried to get Brett to talk to me. I’d even asked Julia to talk to him for me, but nothing seemed to work. Brett was refusing to speak with either of us. It was as if he was already gone.

  When Jack called and asked if he could come over, I agreed and told myself maybe he could help get my mind off things. I refused to believe anything Ali had said to me. The two of us were fine.

  Jack brought his work, but as usual, it was abandoned. He lay on my bed and played with

  my ponytail.

  I pushed his hand away. “I really need to get this done.”

  “Forget homework.” He inched closer to me. “I have something more exciting to talk about. My parents are going to be out of town this weekend for some Christmas party thing. I told a bunch of the guys on the team I’d have a party.”

  “A party?”

  “Yeah, at my house on Saturday,” Jack said. “Do you think you could find an opening in your busy schedule to fit me in?” He waited for me to answer, as if this was an important question, something I should be considering as heavily as he was.

  “I didn’t know you were having a party,” I said, choosing to ignore the way Jack was acting about it.

  He stood up. “You know, you’re really starting to piss me off.”

  “I’m what?” I put down my pen and closed my book. “What are you talking about?”