Do Fish Wear Pyjamas?

by Mario Corrigan

  “Put him down now,” commanded the fearless Bridin, “Put him down or I will make you pay.”

  The Viking Lord laughed at the little girl and the Tower seemed to rock to its very foundations.

  Unseen, unspeakable things, slithered though his very being, the rabid fox-like creatures on his shoulders hissed and snapped at the air. He dropped his axe to the floor with a thud and held out his free hand.

  “The Book, or he will die!” he bellowed, this time talking upwards to the floors above and he squeezed Gonzo so hard the boy went unconscious.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  A QUICK DECISION

  Gooey and Bebob quite simply stared at the Book without saying a word. It was extraordinarily beautiful, even in comparison to the wonders of The Land of Goo. They looked at each other, nodded and cleared their minds, afraid, that by thinking of a question they might lose their chance to ask a real question of the Book at a later stage.

  The two aliens were abruptly brought back to their many senses as the door slammed shut below. The atmosphere inside the Tower changed in an instant. There were voices and they recognised immediately that their friends were in danger. The Viking Lord was in the Tower, demanding the Book. Bebob and Gooey knew they could never give up the Book, the fate of the world depended on it and even though they did not belong to this world they would protect it, and their friends, to their last breath. As the Viking Lord’s laugh shook the Tower they heard his threat and once again without saying a word out loud they looked into each others eyes and decided on what to do – it was all they could do, if they were to save their friend and get the Viking Lord out of the Tower.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  A FRIEND INDEED!

  Again the Viking Lord squeezed and the lifeless body of Gonzo dangled horribly against the Tower wall like a puppet, a marionette of old. Bridin ran straight at him swinging the dagger wildly but he had simply swatted her like a fly with the outside of his other hand and she lay crumpled on the floor, winded, and almost unconscious. Her vision was blurry but she could make out a light on the stairs from above – growing stronger as something or somebody drew near. Then she could just about make out Gooey’s voice and her thoughts were filled with dread for the safety of her friend. She tried to shout a warning but all she could do was cough into the dust on the floor.

  But by now it was too late. Gooey had already appeared on the last step and was facing the Viking Lord. Worse still, she was holding what looked to be The Great Book of Kildare in her hands.

  ‘At least Bebob is safe,’ thought Bridin as she too finally blacked out on the floor of the Round Tower.

  “Yes, Yes, the Book, GIVE ME THE BOOK,” the Viking Lord hissed excitedly.

  “Release my friend,” demanded Gooey but, before she could add anything else, Gonzo was dropped to the floor without another thought.

  It was clear that the Viking Lord was only interested in the Book and nothing or nobody else. He still did not advance on Gooey or try to grab the Book for though it was now within his grasp he recognised something unusual about this little creature and he would not risk failure.

  “GIVE ME THE BOOK. YOU ARE OF NO CONSEQUENCE TO ME. GIVE ME THE BOOK OR I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL AND TAKE IT FROM YOUR DEAD FINGERS.”

  Countless evil creatures that squirmed inside seemed to react with relish at the very sound of his voice. The rabid fox-like creatures were agitated and hissed viciously as once more he raised his axe. He rolled the blade against the limp body of Gonzo and Gooey realised she had no choice. She held out the glowing package.

  “I WILL hand it over but I must have my friends safely beside me first,” she said.

  The Viking Lord did not bargain, he simply stared at his prize and Gooey took it as a sign of his agreement. She went quickly to Bridin and touched her gently on the shoulder, relieved to find her stirring as she felt the girl’s warmth beneath her fingers. Bridin was coming to and Gooey stooped and whispered to her to get Gonzo, not taking her eyes off her foe for a second. Dazed, Bridin stumbled across the Tower floor to Gonzo’s side and worked her arms beneath his shoulders. She dragged with all her might and let out a little gasp as she felt him come back to them. Gooey stepped towards them, still facing the Viking Lord and with one free hand helped Bridin drag Gonzo to the opposite wall and away from the door. Gonzo stirred, coughed hard and tried to sit up.

  “Where am I?” he murmured blearily, before closing his eyes once more.

  Bridin was more alert now and her immediate concern was no longer for the safety of her friends but the Book in Gooey’s hands.

  “You can’t Gooey, you can’t give it to him. We must protect it,” said the brave little blonde-haired Kildare girl, “Please, don’t give it to him.”

  “But I must,” replied Gooey, “I agreed to give it to him so that I could save you. Trust me.”

  “NO, we don’t matter,” spluttered Gonzo as he came to and tried once more to raise himself, “it is the Book that matters, it is all about the Book. Please Gooey, forget about us and save the Book.”

  But she shook her head once again and just said,

  “But I must and you must trust me.”

  And without another word she stepped bravely towards the Viking Lord and threw The Great Book of Kildare to the doorway.

  “Take it and Begone,” she said and turned to help her friends.

  The Viking Lord roared with satisfaction and rushed to pick up his prize. Once he had it in his hands he cared nothing for the three friends and was away through the locked door into the night.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  THE FINAL BATTLE

  Bridin and Gonzo could feel the tears well up in their eyes. They had failed. After all they had been through to recover The Great Book of Kildare it was now in the hands of the Viking Lord and the whole world was lost. Gooey however seemed strangely calm.

  “Come on,” she yelled, “I wouldn’t miss this for the world,” and she was at the door in a flash. She pulled back the bolt and, with the help of the others, yanked the massive door back on its weary hinges to reveal a crazy, wild scene below.

  A huge, brightly lit, long-haired, Celtic warrior stood in the middle of the graveyard swinging a sword in one hand and a camàn or hurley in the other, as he cut his way through the ranks of the Viking army. Two giant, glowing, ghostly Irish Wolfhounds fought at their master’s side and the three appeared unstoppable. It had to be Fionn and his hounds, Bran and Sceolan, awoken on the Hill of Allen by the alarms at Kildare. Gonzo immediately thought of Lynn Kirkham’s brilliant artwork at the Ballymany Roundabout, Fionn and his two hounds standing guard over the Curragh of Kildare.

  All around the graveyard battles were being fought between long dead monks and the dead army and every second the monks were joined by more and more bright lights from the distant hill. These transformed into Celtic warriors, members of the legendary Fianna, come to protect their captain and the treasures of Brigid. But every Viking ghost that was slain was instantly replaced by two or three more and the struggle seemed unending. It was at this stage that the Viking Lord burst through the door and down a couple of steps, holding his prize up high into the night.

  “AT LAST I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE” he shouted, “THE BOOK IS MINE.”

  The whole battleground slowed to an uneasy silence. Now the murmuring of the Viking Dead increased. They were exultant and sensed their master’s victory.

  Gooey, Bridin and Gonzo appeared behind him in the doorway and Fionn, Conleth and the two Hounds were all at once below the Viking Lord at the foot of the steps to the Tower. They looked about as devastated as any ghost could, thought Gonzo and he knew that they had all come to a turning point in the battle. The power now clearly rested with the Viking Lord.

  “I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE AT LAST,” he raged again and thrust The Great Book of Kildare upward towards the Heavens. The rabid fox-like creatures bayed in victory.

  Then the Viking Lord held the Book out in front of him and swung his gi
ant axe skyward, to cleave it in two and destroy this holy and sacred relic which had been protected for centuries from evil. Conleth sank to his knees in prayer, though he knew there would be no mercy.

  “No, it cannot be, you must not destroy the Book,” he cried out. “Once it is done the world will descend to chaos and it cannot be undone.”

  The Viking Lord laughed, steadied the Book one last time and swung the axe downward, and……….

  The Book sneezed!

  The Viking Lord stopped mid-swing, staring at the Book in his hands.

  It sneezed again!

  Distracted as he was, the Viking Lord did not notice Gooey as she unfurled her wings behind him and disappeared.

  “Now Bridin, the dagger, now,” she whispered invisibly in the girls ear as she ascended above the Viking Lord. He turned blank-faced, as Bridin shouted at the top of her voice.

  “By all that is Good and True.”

  As she roared she rushed forward and drove the sacred dagger into the back of the Viking Lords right leg.

  “By all that is Good and True,” Bridin shouted again and this time Gonzo, joined in — as did the invisible Gooey ... and then Conleth and Fionn and all the army of the light, until the whole graveyard seemed to be chanting the solemn words. Bran and Sceolan howled in agreement.

  The Viking Lord screamed in pain as the light of the dagger entered the dark of his being. He was completely confused and disorientated as he looked behind, above and all around him. The pain in his leg had forced him to drop the axe as he grabbed the wound with his hand. He threw away the dagger and crumbled down on one leg.

  Gooey saw her chance. She swooped down and tore The Great Book of Kildare from his other hand. The Book screeched in pain as the Viking Lord’s cold dead fingers gouged the covers trying hard to keep it in his grasp.

  Suddenly the Book was free — flying, apparently unaided for none could see Gooey — and in an instant it was changing shape from a book to …….a blobby thingy, to …..a boy-alien.

  “BEBOB,” cheered Gonzo and Bridin together, for it was not The Great Book of Kildare that Gooey had handed over but her friend Bebob who had transformed himself into the likeness of the Book to fool the Viking Lord.

  “Bebob,” they shouted again — and again and again as much in praise of his daring feat as they were gladdened that he was safe.

  Gooey flew high into the night sky and then back to the top of the Tower steps where she re-appeared and all four friends were reunited. Bebob had some terrible looking wounds where the Viking Lord’s fingers had cut him, but he was free. He was entirely drained by his creation of the Book though extremely proud because he had finally mastered the art of replication — of creating a copy of something from nothing! Bebob smiled wearily as the others fussed over him.

  The situation in the graveyard now changed dramatically. The remains of the dead Viking Army were disappearing fast into the darkness from whence they came and Fionn, Conleth and the Fianna had converged on the Tower steps where the Viking Lord remained alone.

  “YOU SHALL NOT CHAIN ME ... I WILL FIGHT YOU ALL TO THE LAST MAN,” he growled defiantly, “YOU CANNOT KILL ME, HERE IN THIS HOLY PLACE OF YOURS, FOR I CLAIMED SANCTUARY AND IT WAS GRANTED WITHIN THESE WALLS.”

  “Oh, you are right,” replied Conleth, “we will not chain you again, it ends here tonight. The silver cross that bound you was the silver cross that protected you and gave you sanctuary. Brigid would not let you perish when all around her called for your head. The sanctuary you enjoyed while chained is now denied you. You will be banished from this place forever, to be hounded and hunted across Ireland until such time as you are caught and finally destroyed.”

  He paused and beckoned the Hounds to him in a low, serious voice,

  “Come Bran. Come Sceolan.”

  The crowd parted and the Hounds appeared at Fionn’s side. He bent down and whispered in their ears and Conleth knelt and blessed them.

  “Run, Viking Lord, we give you a sporting chance, for these are your enemies, these are your hunters and they will track you down. They are relentless and fierce and now have no mission or purpose except to destroy you.”

  Bran and Sceolan crept forward, licking their lips, their eyes bright with purpose.

  The Viking Lord thought to say something, to resist, but knew now his situation was hopeless. Both fox-like creatures cowered in fear on his shoulders. He tried to reach for his axe but the Hounds growled louder and drew nearer.

  Suddenly he was up and away, not flying as such but limping then running through the sky, southwards towards more unholy places such as the Rath of Mullagmast and the Moat of Ardscull, though there would be no sanctuary for him in any place.

  Fionn bowed to no man but he bowed now to his faithful Hounds, ruffled their floppy ears and kissed them both gently onetime before simply ordering them,

  “Away.”

  And away they went in search of their prey.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  GOODBYES AND EXPLANATIONS

  Now that the Viking Lord and his dark army had disappeared, so had the threat of destruction and the reason for being. The monks and the Fianna likewise returned to their secret places – watchers to be risen when danger beckoned.

  Fionn and Conleth waited with the four friends while Anselm and Quinn sped up the Tower to retrieve The Great Book of Kildare. Conleth scooped Bebob up in his arms and whispered words to heal his wounds. He smiled kindly at the brave little alien and thanked him numerous times for the cunning deception that had saved the Book. He thanked all of them and praised their skill and bravery to such an extent that they wondered if it was them he meant at all. Very reverently he called Gooey, ‘Brigid’s Little Falcon,” a title which made her blush, much to the satisfaction of those around her.

  They were proud and happy but they were also exhausted and now new worries came to mind. There were still journeys to make and parents to find and explanations to be made. For a brief moment they were on top of the world and they joined in an embrace, just the four of them, friends for ever – “By all that is Good and True.”

  Anselm and Quinn brought down The Great Book of Kildare from the Tower and carefully unwrapped it in front of the four friends.

  “Now you may ask your question,” Conleth said quietly to them and left the Book in the middle of the four friends.

  They stared down at the Book and Bebob was given the honour of opening it. Gently he raised the beautiful ornamented cover and laid it even more gently to the left. To their astonishment the page in front was blank. He turned the page, and the next and the next, but they were all the same.

  “The truth can only be seen by those who truly believe. You must ask your question,” Conleth explained.

  “Do Fish Wear Pyjamas?” blurted out Gonzo, and it was out before he knew it. The others all cried out, “No, No, No,” but it was too late.

  They had asked the Book a question. Lettering appeared on the page as the answer was formed — an answer that had no value for them.

  “But you wanted to know if fish wear pyjamas didn’t you?” asked Gonzo realising his mistake and trying to cover his tracks a little.

  “No,” said Gooey, “that was just a stupid thing we made up to amuse ourselves.

  All the fish in The Land of Goo wear pyjamas, how else would they sleep?

  We needed to ask The Great Book of Kildare about the key to the secret treasures of the universe.”

  Gonzo could have kicked himself and he felt really embarrassed but there was nothing to be done. “I knew it was stupid all along,” he said quickly, “Do Fish Wear Pyjamas, indeed?” and suddenly they were all alone at the foot of the Tower, laughing uncontrollably.

  Do Fish Wear Pyjamas?

  EPILOGUE

  Gonzo and Bridin were major celebrities in their schools for quite some time though the real stories were told only to their truest friends. Mostly they were personal tales and those were not the sort of tales you could tell just anybody. They mi
ssed Gooey and Bebob like crazy but they knew somehow they would see them again.

  After Conleth, Fionn, Anselm and Quinn had all disappeared with The Great Book of Kildare the friends had realised that the gates to the Cathedral were being forced open by the local police and their worried parents and townspeople. They knew that Gooey and Bebob had to get away and they had to figure out an explanation for their own absence. They hugged each other fiercely and quickly said their goodbyes as Gooey and Bebob retreated into the darkness.

  Once more Gooey became invisible and Bebob merged into the shadows as if there was just one extra gravestone within the Cathedral grounds. When everyone had left they made their way back to the Castle and to their spaceship, then they headed back to The Land of Goo. Completely exhausted they slept most of the way there but they were proud of their adventure to Earth. The trick of course would be in their explanation to their parents. They had been grounded for going out on their ZapperSnappers without telling anybody! They would be in a heap of trouble for this latest escapade — but it was so worth it. And all was not lost in terms of the Book of Kildare — there were other Great Books to be found in the universe and other great adventures to be had. Conleth had whispered something even more enchanting to them in a moment alone.

  “Books,” he said, “even great ones, are the creation of the goodness of people’s hearts – your quest may not lie in the pages of a book but in your own true heart of hearts. Be good my friends and be true.”

  Bridin began to think of them more as angels than aliens in the coming days and every night she scanned the heavens for them, content to believe they also were scanning the heavens for a sign of Earth and herself and Gonzo.

  At home, Bridin and Gonzo had been questioned by their parents, the police, their teachers and just about anybody else you could think of. They simply told everybody that they had gone to explore the Round Tower after school as the basis for a school project, and had been locked inside by mistake as the storm broke overhead. Oh, and of course, they were sorry and would never do anything as stupid as that again!