The Deadening

by Yvonne Heidt

  She told herself it was ten times ten stupid, and she should quit while she was ahead, but the second she found her, she couldn’t look away. Raven was sitting at the bar laughing, and her hands moved gracefully while she talked with her date, touching her shoulder often. Shade had no right to be jealous. She was the one who ran this morning.

  Work was going to be awkward until it blew over. She would have to shut her down and make Raven dislike her. She didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but it was best for all concerned, and it would save Shade a whole lot of pain later. She hoped it wasn’t too late to avoid a horrendous mess.

  “Hi!” said the dancing blonde, sidling up to her. “You’re Shade, right?”

  “Yep.” Shade welcomed the distraction but inwardly cringed when she giggled, actually giggled. From her tone, she expected her to start snapping a piece of gum. Jesus. How old was she?

  “I’m Bambi. Don’t you remember?”

  Shade didn’t answer. She couldn’t. That didn’t stop Bambi from talking.

  “I met you last week. I was with my friend Stacy.” She pointed to another blonde sitting at a small table a few feet over. “Well, the next day, after, you know.” Bambi blushed and giggled again. “She told me you liked having a good time.” Bambi leaned closer to whisper in her ear, making sure to brush her breasts against Shade’s arm. “She also said you were very, very good. Do you want to play?”

  She’d never even noticed this girl before. Worse, she didn’t remember Stacy, the girl Bambi had pointed to.

  Shade pulled back and stared down into her blue eyes to read her emotional energy. Bambi’s beauty was only surface. Underneath lay competiveness and ruthless manipulation. Deeper than that was a determination to latch on and win Shade. As if she were a fucking prize.

  How come they never believed they were better off without her?

  *

  Raven’s body moved with the beat of the music, but she kept Shade in her peripheral vision. She’d noticed her the second she’d walked in with Lyric. Out of the hundreds of different scents in the room, Shade’s CK One stood out to her. Even if she hadn’t scented her, her body recognized Shade’s energy. Raven carefully avoided looking at her. That worked until a woman edged up to Shade. Raven raised her hand slightly and stopped Lyric’s one-sided conversation. “Excuse me,” she said.

  Raven watched Shade disengage with the woman, then saw her reach into her pocket. She pulled something out and swallowed it before she scanned the crowd again. When she met Raven’s eyes, she quickly looked away.

  Oh, no, you don’t, thought Raven. You will notice me. She picked up her water glass and put on her hip-swinging, sexy walk to cut through the crowd of dancers toward Shade until she stood in front of her.

  Shade nodded curtly. “What are you doing here?”

  “You were looking for me.”

  “What makes you think that?” Shade waved a hand to indicate the crowd. “I have no shortage of company.”

  “Really?” Raven asked. “Are you going to be that immature? Are you just going to pretend last night didn’t happen?”

  “Look, kid—” Shade began.

  “I’m twenty-one.”

  “And I’m not.” Shade shrugged. “I’ve got at least ten years on you.”

  “You didn’t care about my age when I was naked underneath you last night.”

  Shade blinked. “I was drunk. Everyone looks good at closing time.”

  Ouch. Raven’s temper spiked, and she reached for a quick spell to slap her with, to hurt back. Before she could utter the words, Shade had her against the wall, trapped between her outstretched arms. “Don’t you ever pull that fucking crap on me. Got it?”

  Raven was too surprised to do anything but nod and hold her breath as Shade’s face came closer, then stopped mere inches from hers. She could see the sharp desire in Shade’s eyes, just as she felt the heat of their combined energy spark between them. She tugged Shade’s collar and brought her closer still until the tips of their noses touched. “You’re lying when you say you don’t want me.” She nipped Shade’s lower lip.

  Before Shade could step back, Raven tugged her onto the dance floor and put her arms around her neck. “I love this song.”

  “I don’t dance,” Shade said. She stood stiffly with her arms at her side.

  “Liar.” Raven smiled and pressed her hips tighter against Shade before swaying to the music. “There’s nothing wrong with your moves.” Raven felt Shade’s body hesitate minutely before she took the lead and spun her around so Shade was behind her.

  Raven inhaled sharply and arched her back, pushing against Shade as they moved to the heavy bass. Her inner thighs felt slick, and her desire throbbed in time with the beat. Raven put her arms around Shade’s neck, rested her head against her shoulder, and absorbed the memory.

  Shade’s heavy breathing in her ear, the fingers of her hands gripping her hips, how perfectly their bodies synchronized and moved together.

  “You can dance,” Raven said.

  “I didn’t say I couldn’t.” Without missing a beat, Shade turned her again. “I said I don’t.” Raven tipped her head back, and Shade swept her tongue along her neck before tugging at Raven’s hair to pull her back to kiss her lips with a heat that made Raven’s knees weak.

  The next song phased in, but Raven barely heard it. She looked up at Shade. Her eyes showed a naked lust Raven would be happy to slake. She felt a surge of sensual power, knowing she’d been the one to put it there.

  The space around them became crowded with dancers, and Shade stepped back. Raven felt the intimate connection break.

  “I can’t do this,” Shade said and walked away. Raven followed and grabbed her arm to stop her.

  Shade stopped at the bar but didn’t turn around. “No, Raven.”

  Damn it, she couldn’t think straight. Her body still thrummed with sexual heat, and Shade’s words didn’t at all match what her body was saying. Raven felt desperate in a way she’d never felt in her life, and that in itself was humbling. She knew Shade wanted her. The call of Shade’s power had Raven’s own magic metaphysically crying out in an effort to match it. She paused before speaking past the lump in her throat. “Tell me why, then.”

  Shade turned to face her and leaned on the bar with one elbow. Her body language showed casual ease, but Raven could feel her heart speeding right along with her own. Shade tipped her beer and drained the entire bottle before walking past Raven and out of the club.

  Raven stayed on her heels until Shade stopped at the door of her van and finally looked back at her.

  The nearby streetlight eerily reflected in Shade’s eyes, making it hard for Raven to read them.

  “Why are you chasing me, kid?”

  “Stop with the kid, dammit. I’m not a child.”

  Shade chuckled. “Still doesn’t make you my type.”

  Now that…that stung. “Of course not,” she snapped. “Not being a cheap blonde and all.”

  Shade merely blinked, opened the door, and got into her van.

  “I’m sorry,” Raven said. “That was uncalled for.”

  Shade didn’t answer or acknowledge her apology. She started the engine but didn’t close the door. Instead, she leaned her forehead on the steering wheel.

  When she didn’t move, Raven grew concerned. “Hey, are you okay?”

  Shade turned to look at her but didn’t lift her head up. “I’m a little fucked up right now.”

  “I’ll drive you home.” Raven pulled out her phone and sent a text to Lyric while Shade climbed over the console to the passenger side without a word.

  Tkng S hm

  She was in the van, snapping her seat belt when she received the reply.

  Ok u hussy.

  Raven smiled, dropped her cell into her purse, and put the van in gear.

  Shade didn’t speak during the drive, and since Raven couldn’t see her face, she had no idea if she’d passed out or not. It didn’t take long to arrive at Shade’s house, a
nd Raven pulled into her driveway. The instant she stopped, Shade leaned over and pushed the garage door button on the driver’s visor.

  Raven felt a little shiver of premonition. When the door lifted, the dark space inside looked like an endless black hole, unsettling her a bit until the overhead light clicked on. She didn’t know why; she’d been here just the night before. Then again, she’d been a little drunk herself, and caught up in her fantastic fantasy of Shade.

  After they got out, Shade held her hand out for the key. “I’ll call you a cab to get back to your car.”

  “Right.” Raven followed Shade into the house.

  She was a little appalled at the sight of the living room. It appeared as if a wrecking ball had swung through the room. She stared at the dirty glasses, empty bottles, and clothes strewn on every available surface. She must not have noticed last night because they had barely taken their hands off each other on the way to Shade’s room. It was still dark when she left early this morning, and she’d been sated and far too preoccupied to see this.

  “I’m not here much,” Shade slurred. “The maid quit.” She snorted at her own joke.

  “Apparently. How do you think in this mess?” Raven noticed the chaos extended down the hallway as well. She couldn’t believe this mess escaped her earlier. It was a wonder she hadn’t broken her neck on the way out.

  “I don’t. That’s the point.” Shade peeled off her coat and dropped it on the floor.

  A dark shadow shifted, then moved across the living room. Raven felt a chill go down her spine as she tracked its movements. “What is that?”

  Shade shrugged. “Some dead drug dealer who’s been hanging around. He wants me to give someone a message.”

  “So give it,” Raven said. “Isn’t that your job?”

  “He’s an asshole.”

  “So why are you letting him hang out here?” Raven was confused. Didn’t Shade just normally send the spirits on their way to the other side? Banish them to protect her home?

  “He’s amusing.”

  The simplicity of the statement grated against Raven’s nerves, and it sent her internal warning system off.

  Before she could address it, Shade cleared her throat.

  “Kid…Sorry, Raven.” Shade’s voice softened. “I’m a little screwed up right now, okay?” She searched her pockets for her phone and squinted to see the screen. “Ah, taxi.” Shade’s movements were exaggerated, and she lost her balance before landing heavily into the recliner next to her.

  Raven was shocked when Shade reached for a bottle of open liquor on the side table, lifted it, and took a long swig. “Eww. How old is that?”

  “Stop making that face,” Shade said and dropped her phone. “Don’t you dare judge.”

  Raven paused. “I’m really not. Actually, I’m a little worried. Do your friends know you live this way? I can’t imagine they do.”

  Shade’s eyes closed. “No, and you’re not going to say anything, either.”

  Raven couldn’t stand the thought of anyone she cared about, even this currently mean version of Shade, sitting in this dirty and negative atmosphere. It wasn’t right. “Here, let me help you.” Raven began picking up papers and other random trash before heading back into the kitchen to find the garbage can.

  Her chest hurt to discover how Shade lived. The reality was so far outside Raven’s fairy tale it might as well be another planet. When she returned to the living room, Shade’s even breathing indicated she’d passed out. Raven had no idea what she’d taken at the bar, but now she was out cold.

  She decided to keep going and cleared the coffee table. She considered how little she actually knew about Shade. Their chemistry together was blinding, and the feeling of how much she wanted Shade overran the rational voice clamoring for attention inside her mind.

  Raven made one more trip with a washcloth to wipe down the table next to Shade. She tripped on her own discarded coat then fell into Shade’s lap. Raven barely managed to stifle her surprised squeal.

  Shade’s arms came around her, her eyes half-lidded. “God, you’re so fucking beautiful.” She kissed Raven, sliding her tongue past her teeth effortlessly. She tasted of beer, tequila, and power, and it pulled her lust right back to the surface until she met the passion of Shade’s kiss, stroke by stroke with her own tongue, and nipped her lower lip with her teeth. Raven felt dizzy as she rode the rush of electric energy that snapped between them.

  Shade stood abruptly with Raven in her arms, impressing her further when her weight didn’t even throw her stride as she strode purposefully down the hall, then dropped her onto the bed.

  “Okay, that was hot,” Raven said. “Come here.”

  Shade straddled her and worked on the buttons of her blouse, parting the fabric when she was done. She rested her head on Raven’s collarbone, and Raven felt her hot breath fan across her breasts. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

  Raven heard the metal teeth on her jeans when Shade unzipped them. She grabbed the hem of Shade’s T-shirt and tugged. She hadn’t had any alcohol tonight, and her mind was clear enough to see the details of Shade’s body, unlike the night before.

  With each movement, Shade’s defined biceps were accentuated, and the second the cool air hit her nipples, they hardened. Raven reached to touch her abdomen, loving the way Shade’s skin was soft on the surface, but coiled with muscle beneath.

  With a quick tug, Raven’s jeans were on the floor. The swiftness of it took her breath away, and when Shade spread her legs and settled between them, she had a moment of feeling vulnerable while completely exposed. That ended the second Shade’s lips and tongue touched her.

  *

  Shade had a moment of déjà vu when she woke in the dark surrounded by Raven’s scent, despite her earlier resolve not to put herself in that position again. Raven sighed in her sleep and pressed her breasts tighter against Shade’s back. The last thing Shade remembered was laying her head on Raven’s thigh after she…

  No!

  …Before she’d passed out on her.

  Shade was mortified. She gently lifted Raven’s arm from around her waist and moved slowly to the edge of the bed to go to the bathroom. Cold air filled the heated space between them.

  What was she going to do? Obviously, she couldn’t let this continue, because whatever it was between her and Raven was best left untouched. But the little vixen knew she’d been lying. How had she gotten past Shade’s mental gates?

  She didn’t want to think of how steamy and incredibly hot the sex was. Yet, she couldn’t seem to stop herself. She respected Raven’s mother, and knew she was treading treacherous ground.

  Shade finished in the bathroom, and then crossed back to the bed. The living room lamp was still on, and in the glow of the yellow light Shade studied Raven. Her mass of dark hair spread across the pillows, framing her beautiful, sleeping face. The smell of her arousal stirred Shade’s, and she wanted nothing more than to get back in bed and taste every inch of her. When she realized what she was feeling was close to tenderness, she was troubled. She’d locked away those emotions long ago, and ran before they even had a chance to surface.

  Raven sighed and turned over. The sheet shifted and uncovered her naked breasts. Shade’s pulse accelerated, and then she heard mocking laughter in the living room.

  Shade stalked naked down the hallway and used her rage to build energy powerful enough to confront whatever spirit had taken this opportunity to appear. She didn’t care who it was; she was going to kick ass.

  The dead drug dealer, Travis, reclined in her chair.

  He laughed again. “Dude, that was hot, right up until the time you started snoring between her legs.”

  Not so amusing now. Shade’s jaw tightened. She was beyond pissed. “What did you say?”

  “Why the hell do you think I hang around? You get more action than I ever did, and I had quite a few sluts putting out.”

  Shade felt each word as if she’d been physically slapped by them. Had she
really held her own life and privacy in such cold disregard that she’d allowed him his voyeuristic behavior? She had to accept this was her fault, but instead of shame, it was jealousy that fueled anger.

  “Dude, the way she whimpers when she comes for you, and that hip action? It makes me want to rise from the dead—for reals.” He grinned nastily. “Is there a way to join you?”

  Shade’s eyes narrowed and she reached for the power she’d built. “Get the fuck out of here.” Instead of flicking it at Travis, as she normally would have done when she was annoyed, she blasted it in his direction. When it hit, Travis didn’t fade away, he was totally annihilated.

  Shade stood in the middle of the room, shaking with the rush of adrenaline. “Anyone else want to fuck with me tonight?”

  Shade closed her eyes and searched the house. “Don’t test me. Here’s your only warning. You stay the hell away from Raven, or I’ll destroy you.”

  She sat in her chair to calm down. Her heart contracted painfully with the reality of her situation. Even if she could brave Juanita’s wrath about her seeing Raven, she would never get past the darkness. In her world, the shadows always won in the end.

  Shade felt a tiny spark of hope she hadn’t even been aware she’d been guarding, flare up and then extinguish within her. She had to make Raven hate her. She couldn’t see any other way to avoid the pain that would inevitably follow if she even entertained the idea of allowing Raven in. When her emotions ebbed and she successfully tucked them behind her metaphysical brick wall, she returned to the bedroom.

  That wall wavered at the sight of her, and Shade wished like hell she would have turned off the lights so she couldn’t see her, couldn’t want her.

  Raven was dreaming, and her thoughts were easy to read. Shade saw herself through Raven’s eyes throughout the years. The Shade that Raven was dreaming of had never even existed. She was some kind of idealized version of what Raven wanted.

  She was dreaming of happily ever after, and Shade knew from experience that wasn’t possible. Raven deserved much better than she could ever give. She was fiery, passionate, and incredibly open to receive love.