Seeing Clearly

by Casey McMillin

  "Hey Joel, Happy Turkey Day."

  "You too. What are you doing today?"

  "Nothing. I mean, I'm spending it with my parents. You're welcome to join us. They'd be happy to have you. They have a cook who makes Thanksgiving dinner every year. She's Mexican, but she's actually really good at American cuisine. Her turkey's to die for. You'd like my parents, too. Oh, that's right, my father said he met you at the golf club."

  I wasn't in the mood to be alone, and I couldn't think of any other places I could crash a Thanksgiving dinner. Rachel and Collin offered earlier in the week to have me come eat with them, but they were going to (of all places) Gretchen's house, and that would be nothing but a big, fat disaster. It had been six days since we spent the night together and I still wasn't feeling like I was able to free her from my thoughts. She absolutely consumed my thoughts for the first three days. I was much better about it now, but eating Thanksgiving dinner at her house would have definitely been a mistake.

  "Yeah," I said.

  "Yeah, you remember my dad, or yeah you want to come over for Thanksgiving?"

  "Both."

  "Okay good, I'm glad you're coming. I've been wanting my mom to meet you."

  For some reason, when it was my idea it was fine, but now that she wanted me to meet her mom I wasn't so sure. Oh well, I was already committed.

  Thanksgiving with Celia and her parents turned out to be more of a disaster than I ever imagined. I gave it my best shot, I really did… I just didn't identify with some people, and Celia's parents were not my idea of fun. They wanted to discuss politics and religion and every other uncomfortable topic on the face of the earth.

  Celia's mother was one of those Los Angeles housewives who looked thirty years younger than she was. Celia had followed her father's footsteps. He was also a doctor. Unlike Celia, he didn't help dying children. He had a successful practice as a plastic surgeon in a town where most people were half-plastic. His version of including me in the conversation was to tell me his likes and dislikes about the current version of silicone breast implants. He asked if I had any interest in tweaking them chemically to try to create the perfect implant. I thought I could probably experiment a little bit, but wouldn't on the sheer fact that I didn't care to have him as a business partner.

  I was happy to have not spent Thanksgiving alone but I was sort of sad too. Until tonight, I had a little hope in the back of my mind that Celia could be the type of person I wanted to marry. But I just couldn't see myself becoming part of that family. The whole environment had a falseness that I couldn't overlook. For most of the night, I'd been trying to think of an easy way to tell Celia I didn't think things were going to work out between us. She walked me to my car at the end the evening and I said a few things that hinted at our relationship taking the path of friendship.

  "Really, Joel? Before you even give us a chance?" She had said.

  I cringed just thinking about it. How could I have actually thought we were having a casual relationship? When will I ever learn that there is not a single, solitary girl who wants a casual relationship? I got out of there with as little drama as possible and finished the evening in my own house with my feet kicked up on the comfortable couch Rachel helped me pick out.

  ****

  "How was your Thanksgiving?" Rachel asked me from across the picnic table. Collin was sitting next to her. It was the Monday after Thanksgiving, and the three of us met for lunch in the park to look at an ad we were running in Swim Digest.

  All three of us liked to be outside, and none of us were picky about food. We picked up some takeout from a Vietnamese place on the corner of State St. and Vine at the entrance to the park. Rachel and Collin were eating food from each other's Styrofoam boxes, and it made me wish I had someone here to offer me some variety.

  "That bad?" she asked.

  "Oh, Thanksgiving? It was good, fine. I spent the day with Celia and her parents."

  "Celia, the girl from our wedding party. Doctor, right?"

  "Yeah."

  "Why the long face? She seemed nice. Did something happen at Thanksgiving?"

  "No, not really. Spending the day with her just sort of made me realize we weren't as compatible as I hoped. Did you guys have fun?"

  "Yeah, we did," Rachel regarded me like I was fragile, like she hated to give me any details because it may seem like she was rubbing it in. I gave her a look that said I'm a man, and I can handle a few details about your holiday.

  "We're spending Christmas in San Diego with Collin's parents, so we stayed in town." Rachel said. Collin was just concentrating on the box of food. "Gretchen grew up an hour or so north of here, and always has huge family gatherings. We decided to hang out with her family. She has three brothers and a sister, and most of them have children of their own. It was chaos on a stick, but lots of fun. Football blaring on the television, football in the yard, card games at the dining table and a kitchen full of food."

  Rachel had that faraway look in her eye like she had fond memories of the day. I felt a stab of jealousy when I imagined myself having awkward conversations and missing out on some backyard ball.

  Only one of the foster homes I'd lived in had a normal family environment like that, and they only had me for three months before the dad got a job out of state. Then they picked up and moved to Iowa, returning me to the foster system of the state of California. I was only nine when I lived with that family, but I still remembered them clearly. Their names were Keith and Brenda Clark and their kids were Jenny and Jake. I prayed they would keep me around forever, but three months was all I got… a tiny taste of normality during all those years of being passed around from one crazy situation to another.

  "Celia's house was the exact opposite of what you're describing." I said. "Her dad had classical music playing while we dined on American cuisine prepared by their Hispanic cook. It was really quiet compared to your day, I'm sure. I don't think I'm going to see Celia anymore. Not just because of the quiet Thanksgiving, though."

  "Why then?" Collin asked. "She's cute, and it never hurts to have a doctor in the house."

  Rachel must have stepped on his toes or something, because Collin's body jerked a little and he looked over at her, surprised and injured. "Ouch, what? She seemed nice, you even said that."

  "I'm sure she is nice, but Joel said something was off, and I believe him." Rachel was giving him a look that said I dare you to say another good thing about the doctor.

  "Is this about Gretchen?" Collin asked, some of the confusion lifting from his face. "Are you trying to play matchmaker again? Because she's already told you that she and Joel weren't interested in—"

  "In what?" I asked, incredulous that the three of us were even having this conversation.

  "Rachel just has this idea in her head that you and Gretchen would make a good couple. I think it's because she likes you both and she wants to be able to hang out with you at the same time."

  I looked at Rachel. "And you talked to Gretchen about it?"

  "No, it's nothing for you to worry about." Rachel punched Collin on the arm. "I just think you two would be great together, and my husband doesn't understand the concept of stealthy persuasion.

  "Stealthy persuasion?" Collin said, laughing. "You're not nearly as slick as you think you are. They can both tell that you want them to end up together."

  I knew it would make me seem desperate, but I had to know what she and Gretchen had talked about… "What did you say to Gretchen? What'd she say about me?"

  This question made Rachel beam at me. "I can tell you one thing, Joel… Gretchen gets the same nervous look you're wearing right now when your name is mentioned."

  "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you're right," Collin said thoughtfully. He was studying my face to judge whether Rachel's assessment was correct. "You know what, baby? I think you might actually be onto something."

  I wanted to tell them they were both crazy, but the fact was, I was thrown off-balance at the very mention of her name. />
  Chapter 7

  Gretchen

  I love working with women who aren't catty. I had no idea what to expect out of my cast mates when I joined them at Paradise Island, and aside from this one girl, Chelsea Harris, everyone welcomed me with open arms. The cast and crew were one big, happy family and they accepted me without question… well, everyone except Chelsea, but there's always one in the group.

  One of my favorite co-stars, Cali Stevens, was hanging out with me in one of the dressing rooms at the studio. Cali was a few years older than me in real life, but the character she played was exactly my age. The two girls were best friends on the show until my character, Abby, got kidnapped by one of the show's villains years ago. Just like my friend Caleb, who plays Ashton on the show, Cali grew up under the stage lights of Paradise Island. There were no on-set secrets Cali wasn't privy to… she knew everything about everyone on the cast and crew.

  I had only been filming with P.I. for a month, but I'd already gotten close to my sweet co-star. We were two peas in a pod around the set just like our characters were on the show.

  "I heard one of the P.A.'s say Max asked you out. Is it true?" Cali was looking at me with wide eyes as if it were the juiciest bit of gossip she could ever imagine hearing.

  "He did, but how would a P.A. know about that? It just happened like thirty minutes ago," I said. I couldn't believe word really traveled that fast.

  "Oh girl," Cali said with utmost certainty, "P.A.'s know everything around here. If you want to be in the loop, just make friends with one of them. Anyway, are you going out with Max? He's a good guy, you know. He never tried to sleep with any of the cast or crew when he was married. In fact, you're the first girl he's shown any interest in since his divorce."

  "Just because he didn't cheat on his wife, doesn't mean he's a good guy."

  "I know, but it definitely puts him in the minority around here," Cali said.

  "Well, I guess it counts for something, but that's not really the issue. I just don't think I could go out with someone who's twenty years older than me."

  "So you told him no?" Cali looked shocked… as if she couldn’t believe anyone would tell Max Mitchell no about anything.

  "I didn't tell him anything yet," I answered. "Like I said, he just asked me a half hour ago, and he didn't expect an answer right away."

  "I would give it some thought, Gretchen. He's not the kind of guy who goes around asking people out, and he's definitely not used to having anyone tell him no."

  "Well, I'm certainly not agreeing to it just because he's my producer. Aren't there rules about that kind of thing? I'm not sure it's appropriate in the work environment."

  "Oh please, there's probably someone hooking up on set as we speak. Well, you know that already… you go out with Caleb sometimes."

  "As friends," I said, defending myself.

  "That's not what I heard." Cali was just teasing me. She knew Caleb and I were good friends and nothing more. At this moment, I almost wished Caleb and I did have something more going on between us. That would have given me an excellent excuse for declining Max's offer. I did have to hand it to the guy… he was being really patient. After the way we met and he got me the audition for the show, I thought he'd be much quicker to try to take advantage of his power over me. I was almost feeling like I should consider giving him a shot.

  Cali must have picked up on the direction of my thoughts because she said, "I don't want you to feel like you have to say yes or anything, because you don't, but if you care to have my opinion, you could do a lot worse."

  "Would you go out with him?" I asked.

  "In a heartbeat, Chica. In fact, if I didn't love you so much I'd be really jealous of you right now." I wasn't quite sure why I didn't want to give Max a chance. The age difference was certainly an issue, but more than that, I just didn't feel like pursuing a relationship with anyone right now. It had only been ten days since I spent the night with Joel Perrin in his guesthouse, and I was still reeling from that experience. I wondered if I'd ever want another man like I wanted Joel. I had to believe I would, but our night together was still so fresh, and right now I just wanted to be single.

  "It's all about who you know, after all." Cali's words pulled me from my daydream. "This show would just be a springboard for you if you hooked up with a guy like Max. He has real-deal connections at all the studios."

  "You can't tell me things like that," I said. "If anything, the things he can do for my career only discourage me from wanting to go out with him. I don't want to feel like I owe him anything. Besides, who wants to come by fame that way? I believe in myself. I think I can make it on my own."

  "So maybe you can… but shortcuts aren't anything to be ashamed of."

  "I know that. And I'm not saying I'd turn down an opportunity based on honor. I'm just at a different place right now with the whole boyfriend thing."

  "Caleb?"

  "No."

  "What then?" she asked, her head cocked to the side.

  "It's a long story."

  Just then, there came a few loud raps on the door of the dressing room. "Oh good, you've both had makeup." Vicki, one of the show's producers, was peeking her head around the door to look Cali and I over. "We need you on set at the shop in fifteen."

  The shop was one of the smaller sets in the back of the studio. Any of the sets that needed natural light where located in the back of the studio so they could use the back wall and the real outdoors that lay beyond that wall.

  We were headed to Caleb's character's custom motorcycle shop, hence the nickname. In the scene we were filming, Cali's character Megan is trying to seduce Ashton even though she knows Ashton has feelings for the newly returned Abby. My character is supposed to walk in on them kissing, cross the room, and after a few words, end up slapping Ashton across the face. It was imperative that we get the slap on the first shot because it was going to be real, and Ashton would have a red cheek afterward. A real slap across the cheek… I couldn't help but think of Joel again. I still couldn't believe I slapped him across the face at Rachel and Collin's party.

  Oh, that reminded me. I looked at Cali who was walking beside me on our way to shoot the scene at the shop. "Do you remember me telling you about Ian Craig taking pictures at my friend Rachel's wedding party?"

  "Yeah, for free, right?" "Exactly. Well, sort of. It was more of a trade. Rachel gets first dibbs on prints at Ian's cost in exchange for Ian getting to sell prints for his own profit."

  "Who would want to purchase wedding party photos of someone else's wedding party?" Cali asked, confused.

  I laughed. "I know, right? I was thinking the same thing, but Ian said any photos he chooses to be a part of the art show would be considered more of an art piece than a wedding photo. The Mirror Garden is so beautiful that I'm sure he had plenty of things to take photos of besides the bride and groom. Rachel said Ian gave her a few traditional photos of her and Collin that won't be displayed at the gallery."

  "Oh, I get it. But why are you telling me all this?" Cali asked, the confused expression returning to her face.

  "Oh yeah, I forgot the whole point of the story. Ian's show opens this Friday night, and I was planning on going to the gallery for a little while. I was thinking you could come with me?"

  "Sure, I don’t have anything else going on. We can go to the club afterward if you want," Cali said.

  "It's a plan," I said.

  The two of us were approaching the shop. Caleb was already there. He was sitting in a director's chair while hair and makeup did some last minute touchups. Cali and I took our places on the empty chairs next to him.

  "What's up ladies?" Caleb asked.

  "Aww, nothing. Gretchen here was just asking me if I wanted to go to an art opening Friday night. It's just the world famous Ian Craig's, so I'm sure I'll be rubbing some elbows, don't worry about it." Cali stuck her elbows out and wiggled them a little bit for effect.

  "The guy who took photos at The Mirror Garden that night?" Caleb a
sked.

  "Yes, actually. And he'll be showing some of the photos from that night." I said.

  "I wonder if I will be in any of them."

  "I was wondering the same thing," I told him. "Rachel has only seen a few of the photos so she has no idea what to expect either. Do you want to come with us?"

  "I'm game," Caleb said, "but you better okay it with Max Mitchell. I don't want to step on any toes."

  "Oh for the love of God, you heard about that too?" I asked. I just couldn't believe that word was spreading this fast, and I hadn't even agreed to go out with him yet.

  "Everybody knows. Not too many women are on Max Mitchell's radar. You should feel honored."

  "Thanks, but it's a little awkward that everybody knows about it now. Does that mean I'm sort of stuck having to say yes?"

  "What do you mean stuck? Most girls would die to go out with Max. I was thinking once he asked you out that meant I was out of the running for sure… are you saying I still have a chance?"

  I pushed at Caleb playfully, which made his makeup artist shoot me a dirty look. Caleb was just messing around with me. I was upfront with him about wanting to stay single right now. That didn't mean he and I couldn't enjoy a night out and maybe an off-screen kiss every now and then. He was a total playboy, so my not wanting a commitment was more than fine with him.

  "To answer your question Gretchen… no, you're not stuck having to go out with him." Caleb shot me a sincere smile. "I've known Max for a long time and he's not the type of guy who would want you to feel obligated to do something."

  "That's good to hear because I'm not the biggest fan of feeling obligated either," I said.

  "Don't sweat it. He knows you've been turning me down for more than a month now, so he won't have his feelings hurt."