It's Only Temporary

by Jamie Pearson

  ‘Thank you,’ I said and tentatively took a sip. It was not too dissimilar to the tea Stacy had inflicted upon me before I had bought some Earl Grey. In the unlikely event that there was a pot plant to hand in the bar I would have been unable to find it due to the mass of people.

  I caught Ronnie’s eye, ‘Excuse me, where’s the toilet?’

  ‘The Bog?’

  He must have misheard me, ‘No the toilet?’

  ‘Yeah that’s what I said, The Loo’s over there?’ he pointed across to the far side of the bar.

  I made my way through the crowd and eventually found a sign which indicated this was the gents. With my pint still in hand I made my way into the toilet only to find it was almost as busy in there as outside. I elected to enter one of the cubicles, I didn’t need the toilet and after checking the standard of hygiene lowered the lid and sat down on it like a chair still clutching my drink.

  Someone had written on the empty toilet paper dispenser “Ha Ha, what are you gonna do now?” What indeed?

  Eventually I heard the previous occupants leave and I poured the majority of my drink away. I then re-entered the bar and was contemplating the possibility of escape when Dave appeared in front of me.

  ‘What you want?’ he growled.

  ‘Sorry?’

  ‘Drink? What you want? Another one of them?’ he said pointing at my empty glass.

  ‘Ermm, not really.’

  I was about to add that I was actually going to leave and thank him for the offer but before I could he said, ‘Yeah, the beers crap, I’ll get us a JD each. Double?’

  ‘Ok?’ I said. I had no idea what a JD was but it sounded like a fruit juice of some sort, he was accurate about the standard of the beer so I was more confident in his choice than Alfie’s. Dave cut a swathe through the crowd and ordered us the drinks, Ronnie gave me a considered stare before shrugging and pouring out two double measures of Jack Daniels.

  I knew what Jack Daniels was and the look of alarm on my face prompted Ronnie to ask ‘Water?’

  ‘Nah! Water? You having a laugh?’ Dave replied on my behalf before downing the drink in one go. ‘Ah that hits it for ya, every time man!’ He enthused.’ C’mon boy sup it up!’

  The concern about the potential risk of physical violence from Dave outweighed my reluctance and taking a deep breath I threw back my drink in one go.

  Sweet Jesus my mouth, throat and stomach were all on fire!

  Dave was calmly lighting a cigarette as I fought the urge to vomit over his boots. Miraculously a glass of water appeared before me and I gulped it down before Dave could notice. I looked up and Ronnie gave me a wry smile before quickly removing the empty water glass.

  I turned to Dave, ‘Listen, ermmm, mate. I am going to have to go now, but thanks for the drink, it’s much appreciated.’ I had no Idea why I was trying to talk to Dave like a local or if my attempt at talking that way would be appreciated.

  ‘Cool, man. Catch you later,’ he said and was swallowed by the crowd as he moved away.

  I went back to my flat drew the curtains and turned on the light, three glasses of water and an Earl grey later I began to believe I might eventually regain some of the feeling in my throat again. I elected to settle down and go to sleep, just before I tuned the light off I checked my watch, it was ten pm. That meant forty three hours until I could check for Hank’s response, or two thousand, five hundred and eight minutes. I did not bother to work out the seconds.

  There was too much activity in my brain to allow me to sleep, I found myself mulling over all the possibilities Hank’s email had opened up to me to the extent where I was rehearsing interview questions and trying to decide on a topic if I needed to do a presentation.

  Hearing Alfie stagger in told me that it must be getting quite late and I checked my watch to find it was nearly two am. I refused to give myself permission to work out the hours and minutes until five pm Monday. It was clear that he was not alone as there were lots on ‘Shhhh’ noises and giggles. Somehow thinking about Alfie’s generosity helped me relax and drift off to sleep.

  At three am I was awake again, not because I could not quieten my mind but because of the pounding music emanating from Alfie’s flat. Although using the word music was at the very least a liberal term, it sounded more like chimpanzees hitting dustbin lids I reflected.

  The music carried on until about four thirty when I assumed they had fallen asleep, I did not hear anyone come down the stairs but then again I could be technically deaf following the ninety minutes of torture my eardrums had just been through. Eventually I drifted off to sleep again only for the music to resume about thirty minutes later. At about five thirty the music ceased again and mercifully did not resume.

  Chapter 8.

  When I awoke the following morning the inside of my throat felt like it had been sand papered, I quickly realised that it was in fact the afternoon as I had slept the morning away. Eventually I managed to get up and drink some more water, before having breakfast or actually lunch and a cup of tea. With the Euphoria of the day before wearing off I decided I would spend a very quiet day lazing on my bed and shamefully I gave myself permission that I did not even need to get dressed.

  What are you doing? I thought to myself, one night in a pub, your first ever whisky and you decide to become a slob? My moral fibre was being tested it seemed. If I with all my professionalism and experience could simply decide to hibernate after one drink what could I expect from people like Alfie who drank most nights?

  If I did not have the motivation to even get dressed, how could anyone like Alfie possibly have the motivation to work? It was a vicious circle it seemed, the lack of means created a tendency to drink alcohol which had the effect of removing the drive to have any chance of getting a job.

  There was a steady rise in my feelings of empathy for Alfie, despite his situation he had shown me what felt like an enormous amount generosity last night. However empathy I would allow, example to follow absolutely not! I could understand why he lived the way he did but it did not mean that I had to as well. After all, tomorrow was going to be an important day in more ways than one. As I dressed the thought did cross my mind that if Alfie was in a similar position to me, how did he afford to pay his bar tab? I concluded that it was perhaps better to not dwell on that particular subject too deeply.

  I spent the rest of the day wandering about gathering my thoughts. The notion struck me that for some people this was all they could afford to do, each and every day. At least I had the centre and an active role to go to tomorrow, Hank represented a light at the end of my tunnel. How would I have coped if I had none of these things, if this was it?

  Thankfully the dustbin banging chimps remained silent that night and I awoke quite early ready for my day. There was no sign of Alfie and I subjected myself to another cold shower before I shaved and dressed. I was so enthusiastic to get to the centre that I left much earlier than I needed too. As I walked I admitted to myself that it was not the day’s activities I was looking forward too but receiving a response from Hank.

  Arriving early meant I was there before Stacy and effectively locked out; I sat on a bench outside enjoying the early morning sun. It was too early to be hot but the sun had the effect of creating the pleasant sensation of taking the chill out of the air without being stifling. Today was going to be a good day, I told myself. I had to admit I was mentally skipping over the majority of the day’s planned events, my first teaching session with Kurt and his cronies.

  A short while later a VW campervan pulled up and reverse parked into a space not too far away, I watched with a sense of smug satisfaction, “My dad’s is better than that one” I thought to myself.

  I pulled myself up short, was I suddenly aged six now? Where had that come from? As my thought process and self-chastisement followed its course I lost focus on the van and was startled to see that driver was walking directly towards me.

  ‘You’re here early,’ Stacy said.

  ‘Err, yeah,
yeah I am.’ I stammered still feeling self-conscious at my rather childish thought.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ she asked looking concerned.

  ‘No, nothing,’ I said regaining my composure. ‘I was just thinking my dad has one like that.’

  ‘What? A camper?’

  I nodded.

  ‘Really, a split screen?’

  ‘A what?’

  ‘Does it have a gap between the two smaller windscreens like Dolly over there has?’ she said as she pointed to her vehicle. ‘Or does it have one big windscreen?’

  I had to think about this, I thought it had two smaller ones. ‘To be honest I am not sure, but I know it has a big V shaped painted on the front like yours does.’

  ‘Well it must be a split then!’ she exclaimed happily. They are the oldest but the way coolest of the VW buses.’

  I just smiled the interaction about the camper vans had given us a common ground to work from following the tension of last week.

  ‘I was worried you were having second thoughts about today,’ she said.

  Second, third and fourth thoughts were more accurate. Would I be here if I didn’t need to plug the gap on my CV and more importantly get access to my emails? I was not sure.

  ‘Oh no, no. Not at all,’ I lied.

  ‘Well then let’s do it!’ she said taking my arm in hers.

  It’s only temporary, I told myself yet again as we entered the centre. Stacy made me a cup of Earl Grey with Lemon, not a bad start I reflected.

  ‘Can I check my emails?’ I asked.

  ‘Yeah sure go for it. You expecting something important?’

  ‘Err, no, no. Habit I guess?’

  ‘Okey doke. Knock yourself out.’

  I felt a little guilty about lying to Stacy, she was making a real effort to move beyond our spat on Friday and I had to admit her motives for the centre were more than honourable. Could I say the same for mine? Why had I not simply told her the truth?

  My though process was interrupted by successfully accessing my inbox, unsurprisingly there was nothing knew, after all it was currently two am in Texas. I re read the e-mail from Hank and again reassured myself that things were moving forward. The best thing I could do was focus on today, that would help me get through the next few hours and also if I was honest with myself Stacy deserved at least that much.

  Following breakfast and a final checking of my teaching plan all I could do was wait for my group to arrive, the reality of coming face to face with Kurt started to hit home. I had spent the weekend on a high regarding the possibility of working in America and had to admit to myself I had acted like an ostrich, stuck my head in the sand and hoped today would go away. It had not gone away, it was here and I had to deal with it.

  ‘Marcus?’ Stacy called as she entered the room.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Err, this is Kurt. He’s here a bit early; I think you may have met?’

  This was it; I mentally heard a bell ring and imagined a snarling Kurt lunging at me with hate filled eyes. In reality Kurt walked into the room, saw me and did a double take.

  ‘You?’ he said, his face showing both shock and disbelief.

  ‘Me,’ I confirmed trying to project an outwardly calm demeanour which was contrary to the panic rising inside me. There was slight pause where all three of us stood in silence, I searched frantically for something to say but Kurt broke the ice.

  ‘Err, listen man. About last week, I’m sorry n all that, yeah? I was out of order.’

  Had he just apologised? I couldn’t be sure, not just because the language he used may or may not have been English but also because I was not convinced he knew how. I needed to grab the moment.

  ‘Ok, well we can start afresh from today can’t we?’

  He looked confused ‘I guess?’ he offered.

  Holding out my hand I said ‘I am Marcus, if you prefer you can call me Professor.’

  ‘No way!’ he exclaimed as we shook. ‘Professor? Seriously? People like call you that?’

  ‘Yes they do.’ Stacy said, ‘But you can call him Marcus.’

  ‘Nah, Prof suits him better! Hey Prof?’ he said seeking my agreement.

  Prof? Prof? It took me fifteen years to obtain this title and fifteen seconds for him to verbally vandalise it!

  ‘You ok with “Prof”, Marcus?’ Stacy asked.

  ‘Well I have never been called that before. Maybe we should stick with Marcus? That way you can be sure I’ll respond.’

  ‘You’ll get used to it Prof.’ he said slapping me on the shoulder and sitting down. ‘So what we doling then? I don’t wanna do nothing boring.’

  Stacy took this as her cue to leave.

  ‘Well I am told we’re supposed to be studying ‘Employability’.’

  ‘What’s that mean?’

  ‘Errm, good question actually,’ I said, he smiled at that. ‘Looking at the course materi… the stuff we have, it seems it’s mainly about helping you have a greater chance of gaining employment.’

  ‘Help me get a job?’

  ‘Yeah, basically.’

  ‘Sorted.’

  As we waited for the others to arrive I gave Kurt a verbal breakdown of the day’s activities and what we aiming to achieve over the next four weeks.

  ‘Ok, so the English we’re gonna do. Can I use that to write a whatchamacallit?’

  ‘A what?’

  ‘Y’know. A thing that tells the boss what you have done?’

  ‘A res… a C.V.?’

  ‘Yeah that’s it. Can I do one of them?’

  ‘Absolutely.’

  ‘Cool.’

  What was happening here? Where had the snarling lout from Friday gone? He was showing an interest in what he was going to be doing and making some relatively astute connections. I started to feel a sense of optimism about the next few weeks. Successfully teaching the “Hard to Reach” as Kurt and his group were affectionately known would be an interesting addition to my own resume.

  The remainder of the group arrived all of whom were young men of a similar age and disposition to Kurt, with the exception of one young lady who informed me her name was Jade. I was anticipating some sexist banter from the group but this failed to materialise. Jade it seemed had managed to earn their respect; I assumed I did not really want to know how.

  ‘Ok, errr, guys. Jade are you comfortable me calling the group guys?’

  She just nodded at me.

  ‘Yeah she’s really a bloke anyway!’ one of the group whose name was Tommo called out. This was what I had been expecting; now I needed to deal with it.

  I saw Kurt turn to face him but before he or I could say anything to Tommo Jade had left her seat and stood over him.

  ‘Saying something?’ she challenged.

  ‘It was a joke J.’ Tommo responded in a much less confident voice.

  ‘Was it funny?’ Jade snapped.

  ‘No?’

  ‘Then what do you say?’ she growled.

  ‘Sorry?’

  ‘That’s a good boy. Now act like a grown up or do one. I ain’t got the patience for you if you are gonna mess.’ She turned and moved back towards her desk.

  ‘Alright calm down!’ Tommo quipped at her back. She quickly turned and headed straight back to him. He visibly leaned away from her as she approached his bravado evaporating.

  ‘What?’ she barked.

  Tommo looked terrified as Jade glared down at him.

  ‘Listen you dork, we are here to learn and I wanna learn something. You mess with me and you won’t be coming in again, got it?’ The threat was clear and Tommo simply shrank into his chair as much as he physically could.

  As Jade sat down she said ‘Sorry,’ to me.

  I had spent the whole episode transfixed on the scene and made no contribution to the outcome. As a university level educator, classroom management meant ensuring everyone had and appropriate task to undertake. Here it seemed to mean something totally different and I had just failed in my first test as I
should have taken charge of the confrontation, I just didn’t know how.

  ‘J, we call him Prof,’ Kurt advised Jade.

  ‘Prof? What does that mean?’ she asked.

  ‘Professor, ain’t that right Prof?’

  ‘Yeah that’s right,’ I sighed.

  Chapter 9.

  ‘Ok, so has anyone got any questions before we begin?’

  I had spent the best part of half an hour going through the course with the group, explaining what I was planning to do and what they could expect to achieve if they applied themselves. I was not much of a salesman but I assumed that the potential benefits of this opportunity would sell it for me. I was wrong.

  ‘What time we going home?’ a young man called Zeke asked.

  Not quite the response I was hoping for.

  ‘Err, three pm.’

  ‘What?’ A chorus of complaints rang out.

  ‘You mean we’re here all day?’ Tommo said.

  ‘No, only until three pm.’

  ‘Nah man, I’m not doing it,’ Zeke declared.

  ‘Well, that’s your choice. But I think you’ll find it impacts on your benefits if you leave.’

  ‘Didn’t say I was going nowhere, just that I ain’t doing nothing.’

  ‘That’s a moron,’ Jade added.

  Zeke turned to glare at her but she just gave him a smile. However he obviously elected to not take the issue further.

  ‘Isn’t that right Prof?’ Jade asked.

  ‘Well I feel it’s a little harsh to insult Zeke, but I would point out that seeing as you’re here anyway you may as well do something constructive rather than sit around wasting your time?’ I directed the last part to Zeke.

  ‘Nooo Prof! I didn’t mean that!’ Jade called out. ‘Well, yeah he is a moron actually,’ this caused sniggers within the group. ‘What I mean is about what he said. “I ain’t doing nothing”, that means you’re doing something don’t it?’