Fifty First Times: A New Adult Anthology

by J. Lynn

  I knew I should leave the past in the past, but the possibility of finally having answers was too much for me to resist. “Fine. We’ll talk.”

  He smiled the crooked smile that used to make my knees go weak. And damn it if it still didn’t have the same effect. “Just tell me one thing,” I said, while leaning out of the way of a reaching branch. “How did you get shot?”

  His smile vanished. “A man in my squadron.”

  I could feel the blood drain from my face. “Why?”

  He shook his head. “Don’t really know for sure. The official report stated he snapped under pressure. Personally, I can’t help but wonder if someone put him up to it.” He glanced at me before focusing on the trail ahead. “But that’s a story for another time.”

  Oh my God. My fingers tightened around the leash. “And that’s why you’re no longer in the military?”

  He nodded and patted his stiff leg. “Honorable discharge from Delta Force.”

  “Delta Force?” My head snapped up. “Isn’t that black ops stuff?”

  He gave a quick nod of his head before looking up at the sky. “Which is why I’d be willing to bet they’re not done with me yet.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He turned to me and the look on his face stole the air from my lungs. For several heartbeats, my high school love, a boy I’d known his entire life, stood before me as a man I’d never seen before. His hands tightened into fists. “When I aim a gun, I never miss.”

  A ball of ice formed inside my stomach. He’d been through more than I’d imagined during our time apart. Up until now I’d pictured him partying and flirting with various women from around the world, using the cliché guy-in-uniform addiction to his advantage. But from the sounds of it, that hadn’t been the case and he’d suffered, too. So did that change things between us? It still didn’t explain why he never called. “I don’t know what to say, Tanner.”

  He grinned at me, his dimples deepening. “What happened to Officer Wade?”

  Realizing my mistake, I turned back to the trail, trying to ignore the heat in my cheeks as it bled down my neck. “Don’t push it, or you’ll be Officer Wade again.”

  He laughed, a deep rumbling from his chest that stirred more than just memories inside me. “Fair enough.”

  We continued through the woods, walking side by side as I tried to digest his words. He was close enough I could have slipped my hand into his if I wanted. Four years ago, I would have without hesitation. But time had built a wall between us, a wall I wasn’t sure could ever be torn down. Even if he hadn’t left me for another girl, he’d still left me. And the hurt of his betrayal twisted around my heart like barbed wire.

  “Hey there!” A man waved to us from several yards away as he approached. He was a thin man, taller than Tanner, and completely bald save for the beginning of a dark beard shadowing his chin. He grinned, revealing nicotine-stained teeth. A pack of Marlboro menthols protruded from the pocket of his blue T-shirt. “You out searching for the missing girl?”

  “Yes, sir.” Tanner’s tone was one I’d never heard him use before. He’d only uttered two words, but they were all he needed to convey he was in charge.

  Shawnee jerked his head in the stranger’s direction. The line of hair along his spine rose, and a low growl rumbled from his throat.

  “Shawnee!” I scolded. He looked at me, licked his nose, and resumed his searching.

  “Aw, that’s okay.” The man stepped toward me. “I love dogs. Can I pet him?”

  Tanner placed his hand on the small of my back and gave me a gentle push, indicating I should follow my dog. “Sorry, sir. That’s a working dog and he shouldn’t be distracted.”

  The man raised his hands in placation. “Sorry. I’ll let you get back to it then.”

  “That’s a good idea.” Tanner shifted his position beside me, angling me out of view of the stranger in a way I was sure was no accident. He grabbed his belt casually, but I couldn’t help but notice the way his index finger rested on the snap of his gun holster.

  A tightness squeezed my chest. In some ways Tanner was the same boy who’d kissed me before boarding the bus to boot camp all those years ago. He had the same dimpled laugh, the same mischievous light in his eyes, and though his curls were cut short, the same sandy color of his hair remained. In other ways, however, I could barely recognize the man who’d replaced him. My Tanner didn’t have a care in the world—he loved life and everyone in it. But something had happened to him. Maybe it was his time in Delta Force, maybe it was getting shot, or maybe a combination of the two. Whatever the reason, the Tanner I knew so well had changed into someone who couldn’t meet a stranger without reaching for his gun. It made my heart break all over again.

  The stranger turned and began walking in the opposite direction when Tanner called out, “Just what are you doing in the woods, anyway?”

  The man stopped and looked over his shoulder. He was no longer smiling. “Same as you. There’s a little girl missing and I’m hoping to find her.”

  Tanner’s finger tapped against his gun. “How come you’re not wearing an orange vest? And why aren’t you with anyone else?”

  The man shrugged. “I’m not with the official search party. I’m friends of the family and came out here on my own. Thought it was my civic duty.”

  “Tanner!” I called out. Shawnee continued to guide me deeper into the woods and I was afraid if Tanner lagged much longer we’d lose each other.

  He nodded at me before turning back to the man. “I would strongly suggest you go register with the chief and buddy up with someone. We’d hate to lose another person to these woods.”

  “Yeah,” the man agreed with a grin. “That would be just terrible. Thanks for your concern, Officer.” He gave a little wave before pushing past a bush and disappearing into the trees beyond.

  Tanner’s gaze followed him for several heartbeats.

  Shawnee snorted and sped into a trot, forcing me to jog to keep up with him. “Tanner! We’re going to lose you!”

  He finally appeared to snap out of whatever trance he was in. After staring after the stranger a second longer, he sprinted after us. He slowed to a jog when he caught up. “Oh no, Cricket. There’s no way you’re going to lose me. I’m not leaving your side ever again.”

  I could feel my mouth drop and I barely missed having a hanging vine smack me in the face. “That’s really presumptuous, you know.”

  “Not presumptuous. Optimistic.” He winked.

  I pretended to swat a mosquito to hide the aftermath of shivers that raked across my shoulders. I wasn’t a teenager anymore, so why did it feel like I had the hormones of one? I narrowed my eyes. I couldn’t decide if I was more annoyed with him for his cockiness, or my own body for betraying me. “How do you know I don’t have a boyfriend? That I’m not already engaged to some sexy billionaire?”

  He laughed. “Because I asked around. And word on the street is that nobody put a ring on it, single lady.”

  “Cute.” I rolled my eyes. Inwardly I cringed at the thought of other people discussing my lack of a social life. “Single or not, after what you did to me, how could you even think I’d consider giving you a second chance?”

  “Because I can be very persuasive.” He arched an eyebrow and grinned.

  Something tightened deep within my hips and I cursed. “Damn it, Tanner! Be serious for a minute.” I stopped running, only to have Shawnee jerk me back into a jog. “Even if I did agree to give you another chance, how do you know if it would even work?”

  “I don’t.” The humor left his eyes, replaced instead by a look so raw, my fingers ached to grab on to him. “You were the best thing that ever happened to me, Avery. And I know I ruined it and I broke your trust.”

  “You’re damn right you did!” I curled my fingers into fists. “We made a promise to each other on prom night—a promise you broke!”

  He looked away. “I know I did.”

  “But not just that.” My cheeks burne
d. I knew if I didn’t get myself under control, the tears I was trying so hard to blink away would fall. “You also broke my heart.”

  “I’m so sorry.” A tendon flexed along his jaw as he clenched his teeth. “God, you have no idea. I didn’t mean for any of that to happen, but I couldn’t keep you, Cricket. They wouldn’t let me. Because of the sensitivity of my missions, they said anyone I cared about could become a target. I couldn’t risk you, Cricket. I will never risk you. And maybe it was selfish of me to even think it, but I’d hoped what we had was strong enough to survive.”

  Was it? A wedge formed inside my throat, making it hard for me to swallow. When I was in high school, I couldn’t have imagined a future without Tanner in it. But even in the midst of my broken heart, I managed to build a life all on my own. I’d survived the very thing I thought would tear me apart for good, though my heart would forever bear the scars. What would happen to me if I let him in and he hurt me a second time? I wasn’t sure my heart would survive.

  “How about it, Cricket?” He looked at me, his eyes promising a thousand tomorrows. “I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you—every second of it, I swear. Just give me a chance.”

  I bit my lip. Tanner Wade had broken my heart—if I was smart, I wouldn’t even consider his request. Still, I couldn’t deny that the attraction was still there, that I yearned to run my fingers under the folds of his shirt fabric as well as taste the soft skin along his neck. I was a big girl. I could admit just being near him heated my skin and tightened things below my waist. But was that enough? What about love? How could I possibly love someone who’d devastated me so completely? Or had I been kidding myself in thinking I ever stopped? “Tanner, I—” Before I could finish, Shawnee lurched ahead, pulling me forward with enough force I nearly toppled over.

  I clamored for footing before I was forced into a sprint in order to keep up with the black dog racing ahead. Even then, I was no match for his speed. Running after him, I reeled him in and grabbed his collar so I could unhook him from the long line. When I released him, he took off like a stone cast by a slingshot.

  “What’s going on?” Tanner ran by my side, shortening his longer stride to match my much shorter one.

  “His behavior can only mean one thing.” My pulse beat wildly as electricity buzzed beneath my skin. “He knows where she is.”

  Tanner turned his attention back to the black blur swiftly disappearing from view. “He’s running too fast,” he said between huffs. “We won’t catch him.”

  I shook my head. “Doesn’t matter. If he finds her he’ll—” Before I could get the words out, Shawnee’s frenzied barks pierced the silence of the woods. Excitement jolted down my spine like an electric current. “Hurry!”

  He nodded. Before I realized what he was doing, he slid his fingers through mine while we ran. His large hand encompassed mine, locking us together like the teeth of a key opening the door to home. And just as if I grasped his heart in my hand, I could feel his pulse beat against my palm in a silent offering. In that moment, in the mysterious way love has of revealing truths, I knew. Of all of the men in the world, the one running beside me was mine. He might not be perfect, but he was completely and utterly mine. I held the proof in my hand.

  We arrived in a small clearing where we found Shawnee barking excitedly around a tree.

  “I don’t get it.” Tanner’s hand slid from mine as he left me to examine the tree. I closed my fingers into a fist to distract myself from the sudden emptiness I felt at the loss of his touch. “Where is she?”

  Uneasiness gnawed into my gut. Shawnee continued to dance around the tree and bark. There was no doubt he’d found something, but if he hadn’t found her alive . . . Bile burned the back of my throat and I quickly swallowed it back down. The girl had been missing for four hours. If she’d been abducted, four hours was plenty of time to dispose of a body. “Look for signs of a recently dug grave. Or even a piece . . .” I couldn’t bring myself to finish the sentence, let alone think about all the ways the poor girl could have met her end—at least not until we were absolutely sure.

  Tanner nodded solemnly. With his foot, he carefully brushed aside the tall grass surrounding the tree with his foot. “Damn it. I felt so certain we’d find her.”

  I kneeled down and peered under the nearby shrubs. Me too. But I couldn’t voice the words out loud—doing so felt like giving up. I wouldn’t do that, not until we were absolutely sure. Still, Shawnee rarely gave a false alert. Even if the girl wasn’t here, I was sure we’d find some ripped clothing, a toy, or . . . something to prove we were on the right track.

  A thick wall of ivy twisted down the trunk of the tree. I pulled a handful to the side and that’s when I saw something that filled my stomach with lead. I pressed my hand to my lips and closed my eyes. “Oh, Tanner. Oh, shit.”

  He was at my side in a heartbeat. “What is it?”

  Unable to speak the words, I shook my head and I shook my head and pointed at the scuffed toe of pink tennis shoe protruding from the ivy.

  “Fuck.” Tanner jammed his hands through his hair.

  A wave of nausea rolled through me and I braced my hand against the tree to keep from toppling over. “Is she—?”

  “I’ll check.” With his lips pressed into a grim line, he kneeled in front of the sneaker. Before he could investigate, Shawnee brushed passed him and jutted his nose into the ivy. His tail wagged wildly. A second later, someone yelped and the sneaker disappeared beneath the foliage.

  “What the—?” Tanner jerked back we exchanged incredulous looks.

  A little girl giggled and squealed before emerging from a rotted hole in the trunk. She shook her head back and forth, trying in vain to elude Shawnee’s kisses. Her clothes were torn and her skin dirt-streaked and red with scratches. Her red hair hung in tangles around her shoulders and tears had left her face blotchy and swollen. But none of that mattered. She was alive.

  “Olivia?” Every muscle in my body screamed for me to run to her, to take her in my arms and carry her out of the woods. But the girl’s hands trembled and she clung to Shawnee’s collar. Her wide eyes seemed to protrude from dark circles lining them. The poor thing was terrified.

  “It’s okay, honey.” I held my hands up. “My name is Avery Brown and that”—I nodded at my dog—“is Shawnee. We’re a search and rescue and we’ve been sent to find you. We want to take you home to your mommy and daddy.”

  Olivia frowned, the uncertainty evident on her face. What the hell had happened to her to make her so afraid?

  “And I’m Officer Wade.” Tanner smiled one of his famous knee wobbling smiles. “But you can call me Tanner.”

  Olivia bit her lip as she looked between us. Finally, her gaze settled on the badge pinned to Tanner’s chest. “You’re a policeman?”

  “Sure am.” He went down on one knee and waved her over. Still biting her lip and grasping Shawnee’s collar, she went. “I see you’ve spotted my badge,” Tanner said, unpinning the gold crest on his chest. “They only give them to the bravest of the brave—people who swear to protect other people no matter what. Would you like to wear it?”

  Her lip quirked, but the smile wouldn’t take hold. Tanner carefully pinned his badge to the front of the girl’s dirty shirt. She tilted it up so she could look at it. “Wow.”

  Yup, I was screwed. How was I supposed to not fall in love with him all over again after he soothed a frightened little girl like that?

  Tanner winked at me before grabbing the radio on his shoulder. “Dispatch five-one-four copy information. We’ve located Olivia alive and well. We’re located approximately a hundred yards northeast from the stream. We’ll head your way, but go ahead and send in EMS.”

  His radio hissed before a woman’s voice answered. “Copy that, five-one-four.”

  Tanner climbed to his feet. “How about it, Olivia? Are you ready to go home?”

  She nodded. “Can I walk the doggy?”

  I laughed. “Sure you can.” I pul
led a short leash out of my backpack and snapped it onto Shawnee’s collar before handing it to Olivia. Shawnee gave her a sloppy kiss and she squealed. Warmth radiated through my body. Even though I’d never drive a Lexus or belong to a country club, I didn’t regret my career choice for a second. Not only did we find a missing little girl alive, but she was laughing. A workday didn’t get any better than that.

  “Let’s get you back.” Tanner held out his hand and Olivia curled her fingers around his index finger. He started to guide her back the way we came when she froze.

  “Wait!” She whirled around and pointed to the tree. “I almost forgot Pinky! I can’t leave without her.”

  “Who’s that?” Tanner asked.

  “My favorite stuffed horse. Please! I need her. She’s still in our hiding place.”

  “It’s okay.” I turned to the tree. “I’ll get Pinky.”

  The tightness in the small girl’s shoulders melted and she placed a hand on top of Shawnee’s head.

  I brushed the ivy aside, exposing a hollowed cubby the size of a beach ball. I got down on my hands and knees and reached inside the dark hole, praying the furry thing I found with my fingers was the stuffed animal. I breathed a sigh of relief when the object I withdrew turned out to be a fuzzy pink horse. Rocking back on my heels, I lifted the stuffed animal. “Is this everyone?”

  Olivia nodded. “Yes.”

  “All right.” I stood. “Now I don’t want you or Pinky exploring these woods by yourselves anymore, okay?”

  The girl shook her head. “Oh, we weren’t exploring. We were hiding from the bad man.” She looked up at Tanner hopefully. “Did you catch him? He said he was going to hurt my mommy and daddy if I didn’t come with him, but I was too scared.”

  My blood turned to ice. Bad man?

  Tanner stiffened and he rested his free hand on his gun. “Where did you see the bad man, honey?”

  Still holding the leash, she hugged her arms across her body. “He came into my yard while I was playing. He tried to make me go with him and I didn’t want to. I ran into the woods. He chased me for a long time until I found the hole.” Her bottom lip trembled. “Are my mommy and daddy okay?”