by VK Gregory
‘I know,’,
‘You told me not to touch them,’ he let out a loud sigh
‘Yeah, I figured out that they die. And it’s horrific,’ he shuddered and opened his eyes to look at me,
‘I didn’t believe you,’ I grimaced because I knew he was telling me he had tried, ‘I just couldn’t even imagine…that couple down the road, I thought they weren’t real, manikins maybe or they needed help. I thought this was a setup, a joke. so, I touched them.’ He looked miserable as the memory intruded into his consciousness. For a second I thought he might cry; this big strong man, sitting next to me, could cry. I watched a tear appear in his eyes, a tear ready to fall, but somehow it didn’t.
‘Hey,’ I touched his arm reassuringly, ‘I get it,’
‘How many have you killed?’ the tear in his eye didn’t move. Defensively I looked away,
‘My friend touched the first without realising. We had no way of knowing. There have been others since then, I do try to keep out their way,’ he considered my response for a second, looking sceptical,
‘That’s not an answer, that’s avoiding the question,’ he sat back in his chair suddenly tired, and looked around, ‘so whose house is this?’
‘No idea, that woman outside I guess. And that child in the hallway. It doesn’t even matter anymore,’
‘Of course, it matters. Why this house?’ He looked around, staring at the photos on the mantelpiece. He didn’t understand, not yet.
‘I don’t know, why not? It’s just a place. The back door was open, and I needed somewhere to go.’
‘To get away? From your friend?’
‘Yeah, I just needed a place, what about you?’ I shut down the questioning as fast as I could. I didn’t want to get into discussions about Danny. At least not yet. I knew eventually I would have to tell him, but not until I knew Dean better. Until I had no choice.
‘What about me?’
‘Do you live alone?’ he smiled an unreadable smile,
‘I live with my girlfriend,’ and that was all he would say. The silence stretched before us, neither of us wanting to open about our lives, but too uncomfortable to sit in the unending silence,
Eventually Dean stood up, ‘I don’t know about you but I could use a drink?’
‘Well, you can’t get drunk, it doesn’t’ work,’ he smirked at me, as if I’d said something insane, which perhaps I had,
‘What does that mean - it doesn’t work?’
‘I mean here, in this world, alcohol doesn’t make you drunk,’ he looked at me searchingly,
‘I think I’ll try anyway,’
‘Right, well there might be some in the kitchen,’ in the kitchen we found some old port and a half-drunk bottle of rose wine, Dean laughed,
‘I think I’ll go to the shops, you coming?’ my eyes widened, and I shook my head so fast it made my ears ring, he considered me, thinking over my reaction, ‘Your friend?’
‘Yeah,’ I looked down, trying to hide how I was feeling, I didn’t want him to know that I was scared, yet I thought about Daniel constantly. That I never wanted to see him again, but I secretly wanted him to see me with Dean. He sat down opposite me, the modern cream leather chair creaking under him,
‘He’s not just a friend, right?’ I was about to speak when the silence was shattered by a loud cracking bang. It sounded like a car backfiring, but sharper. Both of us jumped up, our bodies responding before our mind recognized the noise.
‘Danny,’ I cried, sweat appearing on my forehead and running down the back of my neck, Dean turned to me and then looked towards the door. Quickly he went to the window, crouching low to the ground as he peered up over the windowsill so he wouldn’t be seen.
‘Is that him?’ he whispered, beckoning for me to come over. I followed suit, crouching low, crawling to the window and then peering over the top of the painted wooden sill, already knowing what I was going to see.
Danny stood outside in the middle of the road, staring directly at our window. In his familiar hands, he self-assuredly held a large shot gun which he pointed to the sky. He stared right at me, even though he surely couldn’t see me, and fired again, the sharp crack of a bullet piercing the air like a whip. Quickly ducking below the sill, I breathed heavily, running over possibilities in my mind. We sat back against the wall, heads below the sill waiting,
‘So, this is your friend?’ Dean asked as we tried to breathe quietly,
‘Yep,’
‘What the hell happened?’
‘I will explain, I promise, but right now we’ve got bigger problems,’ he turned and peeked over.
‘He’s not moved. Is he dangerous Katy? Has he hurt you?’
‘No, he hasn’t hurt me. But I think he might be dangerous,’ Dean looked worried as he tried to think of our options,
‘He must know I’m here. Is he your boyfriend?’
‘Fiancé. I’m sorry. I should have been honest. I’m sorry you got dragged into this insanity,’
He nodded, his face dark. ‘I’ve met people like him, trying to intimidate with guns and fear. They need to know people will stand up to them,’ he tried to stand but I grabbed his arm,
‘You can’t, you don’t have any weapon and you’re weak,’
‘Not as weak as I look, Katy,’
‘Yeah, well, you’re no match for a gun,’ Or for Danny I wanted to say, but didn’t. He couldn’t argue with that and he seemed to relax, I let go of his arm,
‘If I go out, will he shoot me?’ he asked, I shrugged, not knowing the difference between what I wanted to believe, and what I hoped was true,
‘I don’t know, maybe; just please don’t, he’ll go away eventually,’
‘No, he won’t. He knows we’re here,’ Suddenly he stood up and faced out the window, staring at Danny,
‘Dean’ I cried, grabbing at him,
‘Stand up, we’ll face him together,’ he looked down at me and his eyes were filled with anger and righteousness. He was right, I couldn’t hide away forever. I too stood up and stared out the window. Danny saw me and his face changed, contorting with rage. I had to face him. I had to explain.
‘Stay here,’ I said to Dean, walking to the front door, my voice firm and steady,
‘No, no way,’
‘He won’t hurt me, just stay here. I know him and how to talk to him’ I stood in front of him, blocking his exit,
‘No,’ he said, taking a deep breath, ‘I’m not letting you face him alone,’
‘You hardly know me. If he sees you, he’ll be worse, insane and angry, please stay here,’ but Dean wasn’t listening, he pushed me out of the way and opened the door standing in the doorway, shielding me, making eye contact with Daniel. He looked so calm, but I saw sweat forming on his forehead, tiny droplets beading near his hairline, like condensation on a misty bathroom window.
‘You must be Danny,’ he said, so calm, so in control. I kept staring at Danny over Dean’s shoulder, willing him to leave, but wanting him to stay. Danny held the gun, slowly he lowered it so it was pointing directly at Dean’s abdomen. He didn’t even flinch, I viewed his bravery with envy,
‘That’s my fiancé,’ Danny’s face was unreadable, but his eyes were dark with anger and jealousy, he was ready to strike.
Dean held out his hands, palms up, stepping over the threshold into the front garden, ‘It’s not like that. She found me, she helped me. But that’s all. Put down the gun,’ clearly Danny didn’t believe him, but I hadn’t expected him to. He didn’t lower the gun as Dean stepped into the road. I could feel the danger in the air, electric and crackling with undischarged testosterone. If I didn’t do something, this would be one of those events. A crucial moment I would look back on in years to come; regretting my inaction, going over every single step, every word, every breathe, wishing and fantasising about a different outcome. It would rule my conscious mind, my waking breath, my night sleep. I swiftly stepped in front of Dean, pushing him to the side so the gun was pointed at me. Dean tried
to stop me but I brushed his hands away and walked towards Danny as Dean stood, uncertain how to react.
My heart thumped in my throat, pounding away as I walked towards him, with a lightbulb understanding that bravery wasn’t fearlessness like I’d always imagined. It was doing the right thing regardless of the fear. He did not lower the gun, but I knew I had to be calm; the fear would not rule me today,
‘Danny, you know I would never do anything. I left because I was scared, but I’ve always been faithful,’ I reached out, touching his hand gently with my fingers, he didn’t pull away, ‘You’re scared and so am I, but Dean hasn’t been anything but a gentleman. And if he tried, I’d leave.’ My hands were on his now, squeezing meaningfully, willing him to put the gun down. ‘I know you think you need to fight for me, but I can fight for myself. Put the gun down,’ I pressed on the barrel with my other hand, hoping he would surrender it. Every word was glass, if I said it wrong he would explode.
He kept pointing it at Dean who was watching us very closely, coiled and tense, ready to strike. But Danny turned his head and looked at me, ‘Come home Katy, come home with me,’ he wasn’t the emotionless monster any more. He was Danny, my wonderful Danny. Pushing away my feelings, I smiled with forced calm,
‘I left for a reason, I can’t come back.’
‘I would never hurt you,’ imploring me with his eyes, his finally lowered his gun, reaching out to take my hand too, my face flushed as he touched me. I couldn’t hide the feelings of warmth that spread through my body with the tenderness of his touch. Trying hard to hide it, I buried it beneath the stillness that I wore like a fluid mask,
‘Leaving has to be my choice, as does coming back. If I came back now, you would always wonder if I only came back because you had a gun, not because I wanted to,’ I let out a breath as I untangled our fingers, keeping my voice steady, ‘it’s not a no Danny, it’s a not right now,’ calm, unruffled, Untouchable. I barely recognized myself.
Danny seemed to consider that, working it over in his intelligent mind, chewing on his bottom lip,
‘If he lays one finger on you, just one Katy. I’ll know and he won’t live to regret it,’ he turned back to Dean, ‘you hear that? One finger. You don’t touch her.’ If paranoia had a face it would be Danny’s. The way he stared between us, like he could see all the conversations we’d had and were going to have, reading our futures like a psychic at a fair. If the simple spark of humanity that buzzed between us could be anything more than that, Danny saw it. Reading signals that were not there, but might be one day.
‘He’s just a guy that I found. A livingstatue come to life. I’m helping him. As a friend,’
‘Well, we all need a friend,’ Danny took one last look at me and a long, staring look at Dean, aiming the gun at his head, before spinning round, gun over his shoulder and walking back down the road. Dean started after him, but I ran to him, stopping him,
‘No, don’t,’ I turned to watch Danny who had stopped by a red brick semi-detached, house with a young woman stood outside, her purple dress, bright in the afternoon haze. Danny approached her, looking back at us, his face calm and thoughtful as he reached out to touch her,
‘No’ I cried, ready to run and stop him, but I knew it was too late, and all I could do was stand helplessly and watch, hearing her screams,
‘Son of a bitch’ Dean’s voice raised in pitch as he pushed his way past me, springing into the street, his feet barely touching the cold tarmac as he glided, powered by anger and righteousness,
‘No Dean, you can’t. He has a gun,’ I ran up to him, jumping in front of him, pressing my hands onto his chest, looking comically small next to him. ‘You can’t. Let it go,’ I kept my eyes on his,
‘You think this is okay?’
‘No, for god’s sake,’
‘He killed that woman,’ he was glowering at me, his lips squeezed into a thin line, his jaw set and teeth clenched.
‘What good is getting yourself shot going to do here? I don’t want you dead, okay. I need you. You have to let it go, you just do,’ Danny was standing there, watching us, a small, unexpressed smile resting nonchalantly on his unmoving face as I held Dean’s arm. He was tense and unyielding,
‘Dean, come inside, I’ll tell you everything,’ it was a gamble, the everything he wanted to know would make him hate Danny even more and maybe want to kill him. But the distraction seemed to work and he breathed out looking down at me; we both turned to stare at Danny who nodded, pointing a long, thick finger at Dean and then swung around, disappearing through an alleyway.
I took a moment to watch him go, the breath spilling from my lungs, letting go of the feeling of dread that had pervaded the afternoon, like a black cloud on the horizon. I had averted it. For now. With my arm still on Danny, I walked back to the house.
‘So, tell me,’ barely through the door, my mind thinking of a thousand ways to hide from Danny, Dean stood in front, demanding his answers. My brain cried for me to run,
‘We need to go,’ I turned round, grabbing what few things I had with me.
‘Stop delaying, you need to tell me the truth’ he took my bag from me, and I knew I had no choice,
‘Fine. You want to know why I left? He killed. He killed living statues, purposely, just dozens of them and filmed it, for no reason. He put them on Facebook and that’s where I saw them,’ Dean’s eyes narrowed, still blazing from the encounter with Danny earlier,
‘He killed people? For fun?’ he rubbed his eyes with his fingers as if he couldn’t believe it, ‘and you wouldn’t let me stop him?’
‘He had a gun, you would have died,’
‘You’re protecting him,’
‘I left him, remember.’ I grabbed back my bag from him, swinging it over my shoulder, preparing myself to leave, but Dean put his hand on my shoulder,
‘And that was it? You left, your relationship is over?’
‘I hate him. I love him.’ and then I sobbed quietly, ‘Love isn’t something that just disappears when your partner screws up, no matter how much. Real love takes a long time to grow and a long time to fade, but that doesn’t mean I condone his behaviour, or that I’m going back to him.’
I sat down on the sofa and shivered. I closed my eyes against the world, trying to conjure up the image of my life before all this. A time when things seemed normal, where Danny was just Danny, where I had friends, and family. I wanted to be back there, but as hard as I tried, the image would not come. This world seemed so surreal to me, but the old world was gone.
‘Was he always like this?’ Dean asked softly, I felt the sofa dip next to me as Dean sat down,
‘I don’t know.’ And I truly didn’t, ‘I think back and so much makes sense now, in light of—, but I’d never imagined he was capable of killing,’ I tried to hold back the tears but they came uninvited,
‘So he never hurt you?’ hurt was a difficult concept. Had he hit me? Never. But I thought through our lives together, the fear, the emotional abuse and manipulation. The way he would deny thing I had seen him do, the way he looked at me, controlled me. But he had never hurt me. Not physically. Not really.
‘No, not me. He never even laid a finger on me, but…others. I honestly didn’t think he’d find me here. Dean, I was so careful. We should go; we can’t stay here.’
‘I don’t run away,’ Dean looked back at the door as if he expected Danny to burst through it suddenly, and then he sighed, ‘I should have gone after him, stopped him while I had the chance,’
‘No, I told you no. Haven’t you been listening. He’s dangerous Dean, it’s not a joke. I don’t want anyone else hurt,’
‘Like that woman?’
‘Yeah, I can’t stop him, but if I can stop him from killing you, I will,’ my head hurt from overthinking. All the times Danny had worried me, I never envisaged him showing up with a gun, threatening us. I never saw him as truly dangerous until now. ‘We’ll wait until evening, go out the back, find somewhere quiet,’
‘I know
a place,’ he looked at his watch as if it held some sort of meaning. He stared at it a moment too long, realising how insignificant the time was now, ‘I need a few things, I’m going shopping, then we’ll leave,’
‘But it’s not safe, what if Danny finds you?’ Dean smiled, leaning back, resting a leg on one knee,
‘Then it’s self-defence,’
‘He could be still out there, with his gun’ I looked at the window, but the curtains were closed, and just a tiny sliver of light filtered through, casting a corridor of sunlight on the beige carpet,
‘I’m not scared, Katy,’ and with that he stood up, and opened the door, disappearing out into the sunlight.
‘But I am’ I whispered, inaudibly as he shut the door. I was afraid of Danny, I was afraid that Dean wouldn’t come back, I didn’t know him well, but his company made my day so much brighter. I felt safer with him here. All I could do was sit again, in the shaded living room, staring at the walls, thinking.
He returned later that evening, resplendent with various bags of food and alcohol, reminding me painfully of myself, just weeks before. I had carried with me vast amounts of food and drink, and the hopeful delusion that this world was temporary. We had enjoyed ourselves for the last real time. I stared at all the stuff with longing for easier days.
He handed me a bag,
‘Let’s go,’ Dean said, his voice hard and edgy,
‘Did you see him?’
‘No, but he was following me, I can tell,’ Dean looked worried as he stared thoughtfully at me,
‘I’m sorry I got you caught up in this, it isn’t your battle,’ he shook his head, and looked at me with his thoughtful, caring eyes,
‘I am involved now. The whole world is involved now,’
I hesitated by the back door, a brief thought clouding my mind. If I left, I might never see Danny again. If we truly managed to shake him off…
Dean sensed my hesitation and stopped,
‘You want to stay?’ he smoothly voiced my thoughts,
‘No, it’s just—’
‘Listen, I worked in a woman’s shelter, a few years ago, he reminds me of the men I came across there. Once you’ve met a few, you can tell them a mile away. He’s dangerous,’ I suddenly felt the need to defend him, but stopped myself,