Going Home

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  “I–I’m not, but those fancy Christmas trees are worldly, and—”

  “And you think I’m trying to convince Melinda and Susie that having a Christmas tree in the house is a good thing to do?”

  “It’s not that. I just don’t want Susie exposed to anything that might make her dissatisfied with our way of life.”

  Faith’s eyes blazed with anger. “So she won’t turn out like me? Isn’t that what you’re saying, Mama?”

  Wilma could have bitten her tongue. She shouldn’t have mentioned her concerns about the girls visiting the tree farm. After all, she had given her consent, so it was too late to go back on her word. Bringing it up had obviously upset Faith, and the last thing Wilma needed was to put distance between her and Faith.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” Wilma touched Faith’s arm. “I hope you’ll have a good time today.”

  Faith’s face softened some. “You mean it?”

  “Jah.” Wilma swallowed around the lump in her throat. She did want them to have a good time, and she didn’t want to make an issue of how she really felt, so she would say nothing more on the subject. She would be praying, however, that neither of the girls came home wanting to put up a Christmas tree.

  When Noah showed up at the Stutzmans’ place, he wasn’t the least bit surprised to see Melinda and Susie playing outside in the snow. What he hadn’t expected was to see Faith and her mother standing on the front porch, with Wilma wearing no coat. He’d no more than climbed down from the buggy, when the girls dashed over to him, wearing huge smiles on their rosy faces.

  “Yippee! We’re going to the tree farm!” Melinda shouted as she hopped up and down.

  Susie nodded in agreement. “I can’t wait to see them all decorated.”

  “Only the ones inside Sandy’s Gift Shop will be decorated,” Noah said as he rapped his knuckles on the tops of the girls’ black bonnets.

  Melinda giggled and smiled up at him. “Maybe Sandy will serve us some cookies and hot chocolate.”

  “I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.” Noah nodded toward the house. “Shall we see if your mamm’s ready to go?”

  “Oh, she’s ready,” Susie put in. “She’s been standing on the porch for some time.”

  Noah smiled. The thought that Faith had been waiting gave him a good feeling. Maybe she looked forward to spending the day together as much as he did. He’d been relieved to learn that she didn’t have a boyfriend, and as much as he’d fought against it, he found himself wanting to be with her more all the time.

  “Looks like the girls are ready to go; how about you?” he asked, stepping onto the porch and smiling at Faith.

  She nodded but didn’t return his smile.

  He looked over at Wilma and noticed that she wasn’t smiling, either. “You’re welcome to join us if you like.”

  Wilma shook her head. “I appreciate the offer, but I’ve got housework and baking to finish.” She glanced down at Susie, who stood beside Melinda. “Be good now, daughter, and do whatever Faith says.”

  “I will, Mama.”

  Noah clapped his hands together. “All right, then. Let’s be off.”

  The girls bounded down the steps, and as Wilma turned to go inside the house, Noah followed Faith out to his buggy. She seemed so quiet and reserved, and he wondered what could have happened to make her cool off toward him. Until that day he’d given her the apple crumb pie with the scripture verse attached, he had thought they’d been drawing closer. Had he been too pushy in trying to help strengthen her faith? Or had it been their discussion about his mother believing them to be a courting couple? Maybe he could get Faith to open up to him today. Then again, it might be better if he backed off and kept his distance—instead of him trying to meddle and make things happen the way he wanted them to, let the Lord work in Faith’s life.

  As they headed down the country road in the open buggy, Noah continued to scold himself. Mom had told him time and again that he had a habit of taking things into his own hands. He hoped he hadn’t botched it up where Faith was concerned—with their friendship or with her relationship with Christ. He would try to keep their conversation light and casual today and not mention anything spiritual. And he had to be careful not to let Faith know he was romantically interested in her.

  “Looks like winter’s got a mind to come early this year,” Noah said, directing his comment to Faith.

  “It would appear so,” she answered with a slight nod.

  “You warm enough? I could see if there’s another quilt underneath the seat.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “You girls doing okay back there?” Noah called over his shoulder.

  “Jah, sure,” Susie shouted into the wind. “This is fun!”

  Noah got the horse moving a bit faster, and soon they were pulling into the driveway leading to the tree farm. Amos and Griggs bounded up to the buggy, yapping excitedly and wagging their tails.

  “The trees look like they’re wearing white gowns,” Melinda said, pointing to the stately pines that lined the driveway and were covered with snow.

  “You’re right about that,” Noah agreed.

  Hank and his wife stepped outside just as Noah helped Faith and the girls down from the buggy. The hounds ran around in circles, and the children squealed with delight while they romped in the snow.

  “Come inside and get warm,” Sandy said, motioning toward her rustic-looking store.

  Everyone but the dogs followed, and soon squeals of delight could be heard as the girls ran up and down the aisles, oohing and aahing over the brightly decorated Christmas trees. Sandy took hold of Faith’s arm and led her toward the side of the store where the crafts were located. Noah figured they wanted to have a little woman-to-woman talk, so he moved over to the woodburning stove where Hank stood. Soon they both had a mug of hot coffee in their hands and were warming themselves by the crackling fire.

  Noah glanced around the room. “I’m glad we got here before the rush of customers.”

  “You’re right. By noontime, this place will probably be swarming with people,” Hank said. “Usually is, right after Thanksgiving.”

  When Noah looked over at Faith, he wondered if she would miss having a Christmas tree with colored lights and all the trimmings. An Amish Christmas was a simple affair compared to the way most Englishers celebrated the holiday, yet it was just as special—at least he thought so. A Christmas program would be presented at the schoolhouse a few weeks before Christmas, and all the relatives of the scholars would be invited. Then on Christmas Day, families would gather for a big meal, and a few gifts would be exchanged. The emphasis would be on spending time with family and friends and remembering the birth of Jesus, not on acquiring material things or looking at tinsel and fancy colored lights decorating a tree.

  “Yep, this is a busy time of the year,” Hank said, nudging Noah with his elbow and bringing his mind back to the conversation.

  Noah nodded. “I was in Seymour yesterday after work, and the tree lot there was doing a booming business, as well.”

  “That’s usually the case,” Hank said. He turned away from the fire and looked at Noah, his hazel-colored eyes ever so serious. “I know this is probably none of my concern, and if you want me to mind my own business, just say so.”

  Noah waited silently for his boss to continue.

  “You seem kind of down in the mouth today, and I’m wondering if there’s something wrong at home.”

  “Except for Mom’s bouts with her diabetes, everything’s fine.”

  Hank took a sip of coffee. “Your sullen attitude couldn’t have anything to do with one pretty little blond, could it?”

  Heat flooded Noah’s ears and quickly spread to his cheeks. “I’m afraid I might have ruined my friendship with Faith,” he muttered.

  “How so?”

  Noah lowered his voice. “I’ve been trying to help strengthen her faith in the Lord, and I’ve attempted to make her my friend.”

  “Nothin
g wrong with that.”

  “The thing is I’m worried that I might have pushed too far and scared Faith off, because she seems to be keeping her distance and didn’t say much on the way over here.” Noah leaned closer to Hank, to be sure what he said wouldn’t be overhead. “She might move further from me and the Lord if she thinks I’m trying to force things on her.”

  “Give her some time and a bit of space,” Hank said. “If Faith’s anything like Sandy, she doesn’t want anyone telling her what to think or do.”

  Noah snickered. He had heard Hank’s wife speak on her own behalf a time or two and knew Hank was telling the truth. “I came to that conclusion, and I’ve decided to back off and let God do His work in Faith’s life instead of me trying to do it for Him.”

  Hank tapped Noah on the back. “Smart man.”

  “How are things with you and Sandy these days?”

  “About the same. We talk but only when there’s something to say.” He grunted. “Every time Sandy sees a baby, I notice a look of sadness on her face.”

  “And you haven’t brought up the subject of adoption yet?”

  “No, but I’m thinking about it.”

  “That’s good to hear.” Noah gave Hank’s arm a squeeze. “You’re still in my prayers.”

  “I appreciate that, and even though I don’t talk much about my religious convictions, I do believe in God, and I’ll say a prayer for you and Faith, too.”

  Noah grinned. “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

  Faith couldn’t believe how many items Sandy had for sale in her store. She saw three times as much stuff as when they’d visited earlier in the year. “I know you make the peanut brittle you sell,” she commented, “but who provides all these wonderful quilts, crafts, and collectibles?”

  “I buy a few from out of state, but most are made by local people,” Sandy explained. “As I’m sure you can guess, the quilts are made by Amish women here in Webster County. English folks—especially tourists—are willing to pay a good price for a bedcovering made by one of the Plain People.”

  Faith fingered the edge of a beige quilt with a red and green dahlia pattern. “They are beautiful, aren’t they?”

  “Yes, they certainly are.” Sandy released a gusty sigh. “The other day when I was shopping in Springfield, I found a store that sells baby quilts, and it made me wish all the more that I could have a baby.”

  Faith wasn’t sure how to respond. She knew from what Sandy had said before that she and Hank were unable to have any children of their own. Seeing how much Sandy wanted a baby made Faith appreciate the fact that she had Melinda. “Have you thought any more about the idea of adoption?” she asked.

  “I have been thinking about it, but I haven’t mentioned it to Hank because I’m sure he’ll say no.”

  “How can you be certain?”

  Sandy shrugged. “I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want a child that wasn’t his own flesh and blood.”

  “You’ll never know until you ask.”

  “That’s true, and I will think about it some more.”

  Faith opened her mouth to comment, but Sandy turned the topic of conversation. “I’ve been wondering about something.”

  “What’s that?”

  “How old were you when you left home, and what did your folks have to say about it?”

  “I left the day I turned eighteen, and since I hadn’t been baptized or joined the church, I knew they wouldn’t officially shun me. But earlier when I’d discussed the idea of being an entertainer with my parents, they let it be known that they didn’t want me to go. Papa even said if I did, I’d better not come back unless I was willing to give up the English ways and join the church.” She groaned. “I took the coward’s way out and left a note on the kitchen table, letting them know I had gone.”

  “Oh?” Sandy’s raised eyebrows and pursed lips let Faith know that she probably thought Faith was horrible for leaving in such a manner. What would she think if she knew Faith was planning to leave again?

  “But you’re here now,” Sandy said. “I never got the chance to ask when you were here the last time, but I’m wondering what happened to bring you home again.”

  “Didn’t Noah tell you?”

  “Not really. He only mentioned that you’d been gone a long time and had returned home this summer with your daughter. He also said your husband was killed when he was hit by a car.”

  Faith nodded. “I tried life on my own for six months after Greg’s death, but it was hard to find a babysitter for Melinda. And being on the road full-time isn’t the best way to raise a child.”

  “So you decided to give up being an entertainer and move back home where you knew both you and Melinda would find love and a good home?”

  “Uh, something like that.”

  “Have you joined the church since you returned?”

  Faith shook her head. She could hardly tell Hank’s wife her plans were to leave Melinda with her grandparents while she went back to the life of an entertainer. Sandy obviously wanted children, and she’d probably see Faith as an unfit mother—someone who could abandon her child as easily as a frog leaps into a pond. “I. . .um. . .haven’t felt ready to be baptized and join the church yet.”

  Sandy motioned to a couple of chairs sitting at one end of the store. “Why don’t we take a seat? In another hour or so, this place will be swamped with customers, and I probably won’t have the chance to sit down the rest of the day.”

  Faith followed Sandy across the room, and they seated themselves in the wicker chairs.

  “Would you care for a cup of coffee or some hot apple cider?”

  “Not just now, thanks.”

  “Looks like the girls are winding down.” Sandy nodded toward Melinda and Susie, who reclined on the floor under one of the taller decorated trees.

  “Those kids are like two peas in a pod,” Faith said. “I think living here in Webster County has been good for Melinda.”

  “And you, Faith? Has coming home been good for you?”

  “In some ways, I suppose.” Faith didn’t want to say more. She might let her plans slip; then Sandy would tell Hank, who would in turn let Noah know. Sometime between Christmas and New Year’s Day, Faith would tell her folks about her plans to leave, and she didn’t want them finding out before.

  Sandy smiled. “Noah has spoken of you and Melinda several times. I think he’s grown quite fond of you both.”

  “Noah’s a kind man.” Faith stared down at her hands, which she’d folded in her lap to keep from popping her knuckles. “Noah’s good with children and even helped Melinda with her studies when she first started school.”

  “He mentioned that.” Sandy touched Faith’s arm. “I think Noah would make some lucky woman a fine husband. He’d be a good father, too. Don’t you think?”

  “I’m sure he would. He just has to find the right woman.”

  “Maybe he already has.”

  Faith was about to ask Sandy what she meant, when Melinda and Susie crawled out from under the tree and bounded up to them.

  “Mama, Susie says we aren’t gonna get to have a tree in the house,” Melinda said, her lower lip jutting out. “Is that true?”

  Faith nodded. “I’ve told you before that the Amish don’t believe in bringing a tree into the house, but there will be a Christmas program at school, and that will be lots of fun.”

  “What about presents? Will we still have those?”

  “Oh, jah. . .we always exchange presents,” Susie said. “Last year I got a new faceless doll and some puzzles.”

  “We’ll have a big family dinner at Grandma and Grandpa’s house, too,” Faith added. She hoped Melinda wouldn’t be too disappointed if she didn’t get a lot of gifts.

  “Mama always fixes plenty of good food,” Susie spoke up.

  “Speaking of food, I’m feeling kind of hungry right now,” Melinda announced.

  Faith wagged her finger. “Where are your manners? You had enough to eat at breakfast for three little gir
ls.”

  “Aw, but that was a long time ago.”

  “I think I have just the thing that will make your stomach happy.” Sandy stood and extended her hands to both girls. “Come with me, and we’ll get some gingerbread cookies and a pitcher of cold apple cider.”

  The children didn’t have to be asked twice, and they skipped off with Sandy to the back of the store.

  Faith turned toward the wood-burning stove where Noah and Hank stood. A lock of dark hair fell across Noah’s forehead as he propped his foot on the hearth. Noah may not believe he’s good-looking, but I think he’s pretty cute.

  Faith drew in a shaky breath as the truth hit her squarely in the chest. No man had ever affected her the way Noah had, and she was tumbling into a well of emotions that could only spell trouble. There was just one way to stop it, and it would have to be done soon.

  Chapter 23

  Faith couldn’t believe how many family members had come to see their scholars put on the Christmas program. The schoolhouse was filled to capacity. As Faith took a seat behind Melinda’s desk and waited for the program to begin, her thoughts took her on a trip to the past. She had spent eight years as a student in this same schoolhouse and taken part in many programs. Faith remembered one program in particular, where she’d forgotten what she was supposed to say. She’d made up something silly to keep the audience from knowing she’d forgotten her lines, but afterward, she’d been scolded by her parents for acting childish and not paying attention to the part she’d been given. In that moment, Faith decided that when she was old enough, she would leave home and find a job that would allow her to say and do all the silly things she wanted. Bitterness had taken root in her soul.

  Faith was pulled back to the present when Barbara took a seat at a nearby desk and leaned across the aisle. “Is Melinda nervous about being in her first school Christmas program?” she asked.

  Faith nodded. “A bit, but I’m sure she’ll do fine. Melinda seems to do well with everything she tries. Not like me, that’s for sure,” she added with a frown.

  Barbara’s brows puckered. “What are you talking about, Faith? You do lots of things well.”