Emma's Secret

by Steena Holmes

  “Not there. Here. You could help me manage this place.”

  Megan wasn’t sure what to say. With the kids back in school in the fall, she wasn’t sure what she’d do with her time, and it would be nice to use her professional skills again. With a degree in business, she used to work beside Peter in the office, taking care of the day-to-day grind. But this was a huge change. More than just helping Peter with the books or taking on a few more clients and working from home.

  “Think about it; that’s all I ask.”

  Megan nodded. She’d think about it. As Jan walked away, Megan glanced around the bakery and thought about what it would be like if she worked here. There would be long days with tired feet, but she knew there would also be a sense of accomplishment she didn’t have lately. Sure, when the walking program took off, that made Megan feel worthwhile, but it ran so smoothly now…so smoothly that she really wasn’t needed anymore.

  She finished her cup of coffee and smiled when Jan set down a box of cinnamon buns and a to-go mug in front of her.

  “Just think, you would get first dibs on all the baked goods…” Jan’s eyes twinkled as she waved Megan’s cash away.

  “Bribery will get you nowhere with me.”

  Mock surprise filled Jan’s eyes. “Who said I was bribing you? These are for Peter.”

  Megan chuckled as she leaned forward and hugged her friend across the counter. She wove her way through the crowded tables and caught sight of Shelly Belle before bumping into someone. Megan held her to-go mug up high as it sloshed over the little opening in the hole.

  “Sorry,” she said, before glancing up and realizing Riley stood in front of her. A slow flush crept along her neck as his hands gripped her upper arms to help steady her.

  “Hey, um…I just left a message on your cell.” Riley sidestepped out of the way and brought her along with him.

  “You did?” Megan furrowed her brow. Her phone hadn’t rung. She reached inside her purse for her phone, only to realize she’d left it at home to charge.

  “If this is about you and Laurie…” She so did not want to talk about this. Not here. Not now, and especially not with him.

  Riley scowled before shaking his head. “No, but, uh—”

  Megan held up her one hand. “No. It’s okay. It’s cool. I was just caught by surprise. I had no idea about you and her.” Which hurt most of all. Out of every available woman in their small town he had to pick her best friend. Nothing like rubbing her poor judgment in her face. If whatever happened between him and Laurie became serious, how long would it take before the memory of their kiss faded away?

  Riley sighed. “She was going to talk to you. Is going to talk to you. She, ah…” He gazed around hopelessly as he struggled to finish his sentence.

  Megan swallowed her coffee and decided to take pity on him. She reached out and briefly touched his elbow.

  “It’s okay.”

  Relief eased the scowl on his face. “Good. Good. Listen.” He smiled at her. “I just wanted to let you know the restraining order against Jack has been lifted.”

  Megan took a step back. What? What did he mean it had been lifted? That was the one concession she had made instead of insisting charges be brought against him. That man was to have no contact with Emma. She had let his first few letters pass through because Emma wanted to send him pictures, but he wasn’t to call her, see her, or anything else.

  Riley must have seen the confusion on her face.

  “I promised Peter I’d let him know once it was taken care of.”

  Megan’s breath caught in her chest, constricting it until she saw tiny flashes of dark circles cloud her vision. Oh my God…

  Peter. Peter had done this. Why? Emma’s request to Peter last night now made sense.

  “Meg, are you okay?” Riley’s touch centered Megan, forcing her to let out the air stuck in her throat. She counted to five, breathing in deeply and releasing just as deeply, exactly like Kathy had told her to.

  She forced a small smile onto her face.

  “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be sure to…tell Peter.” She held up the bag containing the cinnamon buns. “I’d better get these back to the house while they’re still warm. Thanks.”

  She pushed past Riley, ignoring him calling her name behind her as she wiggled her way through the crowded front door. She kept her gaze focused on the ground, steadying herself until she made it back to her vehicle.

  Even then, she wouldn’t give in to the rage growing inside of her. She’d talk to Peter first. Have him confirm why he’d do something she was so dead set against. Explain why he’d think it was okay to take away what little protection was left around their daughter without talking to her first.

  And if she didn’t like his answers, then he wasn’t going to like her reaction.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  February 28

  Secrets. They can kill a marriage or make it stronger. I’ve always believed that.

  The worst secrets are those that eat at you inside, when you know you need to be honest and face the consequences but are too afraid. Then there’s the other kind. The secrets that are kept for the preservation of sanity.

  Jack has his own set of secrets that he thinks I don’t know about. The ones that he thinks he keeps to protect me.

  The only thing he’s protecting is himself.

  I don’t have many secrets that I keep from him. Most days I don’t even remember them; other days they weigh down on me until I feel like I’m buried so deep that I can’t breathe anymore.

  Today was one of those days.

  My husband sleeps like the dead beside me—other than the snoring—while I toss and turn, unable to find rest. My secret weighs on me too heavily. But there’s no release, no way out. Not that I can see.

  With a tray of coffee and cinnamon buns in her hands, Megan tapped her toe on the slightly ajar door to Peter’s study before nudging it open with her foot. A slow simmer of anger burned inside of her, but instead of confronting Peter right away with her accusations, she’d taken time to calm down by making coffee and calling Laurie.

  Except she hadn’t answered. Again.

  “Hey.” Peter barely glanced up at her as he sat hunched over his computer. There was a small ding, which Megan recognized as a chat notification.

  “Talking to a client?” She put Peter’s coffee in front of him before sitting down in one of the room’s chairs.

  His head jerked up, and he spilled the coffee he’d just grabbed. “What? No.”

  Megan’s brows rose as she took a sip of her coffee and stared at her husband.

  His message notification sounded again.

  “I realize you’re working from home this morning, but would you mind turning your sound off for a few minutes?”

  Peter jabbed a button on his keyboard with his index finger, and then pushed himself away from his desk and stood up. Megan watched as he stretched his back, working the kinks out of his tired muscles.

  “So if it wasn’t a client, who was it?” Megan waited until he sat down in the opposite chair before she asked again. She had an idea who it was, but it would be nice if he told her himself.

  Peter held the cup in his hands and stared into it. The silence in the room stretched until it wrapped itself around Megan like a suffocating blanket.

  “Is there an issue?” As hard as she tried, she couldn’t keep the anger out of her voice. Peter caught it when his head lifted, and he looked at her with tired eyes.

  “No,” Peter shook his head. “It was Sam. But it’s not what you think…which is why I…you tend to overreact when it’s her—”

  “That’s not an excuse,” Megan interrupted him.

  Peter leaned forward. “I know.”

  That was all he said. I know. As if that would make any difference.

  She let the silence stretch between them. She wanted him to tell her on his own accord, without her fishing it out of him. She wanted the truth for once. Lately, that seemed too much to a
sk for.

  “Figured you might want one of Jan’s cinnamon buns.” She indicated the plate on the tray.

  She watched him take a few bites, savoring the pastry but refusing to look her in the eye.

  “You’ll never believe who I ran into at the bakery.”

  Peter took another bite of the bun and looked at her quizzically.

  “Detective Riley.” She watched as he struggled to swallow. “He wanted to make sure you got his message.”

  A pin could have dropped on Peter’s desk and the neighbors would have heard. Megan wanted to wipe the shocked look off her husband’s face with her cinnamon bun, but she liked Jan’s baking too much to waste it like that.

  As she took a bite of her own cinnamon bun, Peter struggled to clear his throat.

  “Listen, I wanted…” Peter’s struggle was obvious. “I didn’t know…”

  Megan had no sympathy as he struggled to explain himself to her. It was all she could do not to let her anger take over. Even Kathy would be proud of how she was handling herself right now.

  “Just tell me the truth, Peter. That’s all I ask.”

  Peter let out a deep breath. “The truth?”

  “I deserve that much, don’t I?” She angled her body toward him and waited. A tangle of emotions crossed Peter’s face as he searched hers. What was he trying to find? Acceptance?

  “He’s an old man, Megan.” Peter leaned forward. “He’s lost everything, and I…just didn’t think he was a threat to Emma. So I asked Detective Riley to drop the restraining order. It wasn’t necessary.”

  Megan leaned back in her chair. “You didn’t think to discuss this with me first?”

  “No.”

  The impact from that one word hit her hard. It wasn’t that he forgot, but that he purposely didn’t want to talk to her about it first.

  “Why not?”

  Peter clasped his hands together and stared off into the distance. “Because you’re not willing to let go and see past your own anger. All you concentrate on is keeping Emma safe from anyone and anything that could hurt her.”

  Megan’s chest tingled as she stared at Peter and tried to wrap her head around his words.

  “That’s not fair,” she whispered. “I’m trying, Peter. I’m really trying.”

  Peter blew out a puff of air. “I know. And you’re right, I should have told you. I need you to trust me on this. He’s not going to hurt her, not the way you’re afraid of. Don’t you see how much she misses him?”

  Megan nodded. “I do see. And I hate it. I hate that he had the opportunity to mean so much to her. It’s not fair.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Megan wiped the tears away and looked up in surprise.

  “For what?”

  “For not trusting you enough. I should have told you.”

  Megan tilted her head. That was the problem, wasn’t it. “Yes, you should have. But you didn’t. Why? What aren’t you telling me? You’ve seen him, haven’t you? So has Emma. That’s what you’ve been hiding from me, isn’t it? That’s why she wanted to make sure you’d take her on the date and why you had the restraining order lifted. Oh my God…” Megan covered her mouth with her hands. “And you didn’t care about how I’d feel?”

  “Stop!” Peter’s eyes clenched tight as a grim look covered his face. “This is why I haven’t said anything to you.” He rubbed his face with his hands. The look on his face when he took his hands away alarmed Megan. His lips pinched together as his jaw clenched.

  “I don’t understand.”

  Peter shrugged. “What’s not to understand? Emma’s home, she’s safe, she’s happy, and yet you can’t seem to accept it. It’s as if you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something else to happen. You’re in panic mode, Meg. All. The. Time. And it’s exhausting. You’re worn-out—we’re worn-out.”

  Megan’s anger deflated at his words. He was right. Of course, he was right. She rubbed her forehead and let his words sink in.

  “Megan, I love you.” He reached across and laid his hand on her knee and squeezed. “I need you to trust me, please?”

  Megan lifted her hands, to get him to stop from saying whatever else he was going to say. He was asking a lot from her. Maybe too much. Her body hummed with tension as she struggled to take it all in. He didn’t trust her. That hit her hard. He’d skirted the whole issue about Emma seeing that man and threw everything back at her as if it were all her fault. She slowly lowered her hands and clenched them at her sides. She couldn’t look at him, not yet, so she stared blankly out the window instead.

  “It’s not fair for you to place all the blame on me,” she whispered quietly. “It’s not fair of you to want me to trust you when you obviously don’t trust me.” A heaviness settled in her heart. This was it. This was their breaking point. She’d failed in his eyes as a mother and most likely as a wife. She turned to look at him and wished she hadn’t.

  A grave look covered Peter’s features moments before he stood. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know what that look meant, but it looked like she didn’t have a choice in the matter. He picked up a file, and the first thought that popped into Megan’s head was that this was the moment she’d been dreading for the last year: In that file were divorce papers. He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t handle her anymore—her insecurities, her stubbornness, her inability to look beyond their youngest daughter. All of Megan’s fears were playing out right now, and she wasn’t prepared.

  Megan’s hand shook as she reached for the folder he held out. Her chest was heavy and a threatening weight of fear gripped her shoulders. She bit her lip as she glanced at the plain brown folder.

  “It’s not what you think it is,” Peter said before retaking his seat.

  Megan moistened her dry lips as she set the folder in her lap and slowly opened it. Time stood still as she recognized what she was seeing. Her nostrils flared as her eyes widened in surprise.

  “I don’t understand.” This didn’t make sense. It wasn’t possible.

  Peter threaded his fingers through his hair before resting his elbows on his knees. He messed up his hair enough that it stood out all over the place. Megan wanted to reach across and smooth it back, but she resisted.

  “I offered to buy Sam out of the company. She accepted.” He twiddled his thumbs as she glanced back down at the papers in the folder.

  “You what?” Megan was having a hard time wrapping her mind around this. One minute they were talking about the restraining order and her failure as a mother, and the next they were discussing a business deal?

  “How can we afford to buy her out? She came in because we were struggling.” None of it made sense. They didn’t have the money to go on their own, let alone buy out Samantha’s shares.

  “But we’re not now, Meg. I’ve managed to land some really good deals in the past year. We’re okay.”

  Megan closed the file and sat back in the chair. She picked up her coffee and tried to think through the past year. So all those late nights, the meetings, the empty spot beside her in bed when she’d wake up in the middle of the night—it wasn’t that Peter wanted to get away from her?

  “Sam doesn’t mean anything to me, Meg. She was only a business partner.”

  “But she…” Megan started.

  “Has come between us,” Peter finished for her. He stood up and reached for her hands. “I know things aren’t perfect yet and that we have a long way to go, but losing you, our marriage, the kids…it’s not worth it. Not to me. So we made a deal. She’s moving away and wants to start up her own company.” He pulled her in close and wrapped his arms around her.

  Megan resisted, her body tense. All of this was too much, too soon. Too fast. She pushed herself away from Peter and sagged back into the chair.

  “All this time, I thought you were getting ready to leave me. The texts, the late hours…I’ve just been waiting for you to tell me you’ve had enough.”

  “Never.” Peter knelt down in front of her and too
k her hand.

  Megan stared down at their hands. “Trust goes both ways, Peter. If you want me to trust you, then you need to do the same. Trust me when I tell you that it’s not time to allow Jack into Emma’s life. Not yet. Maybe someday, when she’s older, when I know…” She stopped when she realized what she’d almost admitted. When she was ready to deal with having Jack in Emma’s life. It all came back to her, didn’t it? Peter was right.

  “She is ready. She’s been ready since the day we brought her home. She needs him, Meg.” Peter’s voice was raw with emotion and filled with a sense of certainty.

  Her lips quivered as she leaned forward, keeping her gaze on their hands.

  “But what if I’m not?”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  After yesterday’s turmoil, Megan planned a nice quiet day where the girls could relax and Emma could rest up. She swatted at a bee as it buzzed around her hand before she dipped the watering can and sprinkled her flowers. She preferred to do it earlier in the day, before the sun got too hot.

  “Knock, knock.”

  Megan turned to find Laurie standing at the patio doors, waving a small white flag.

  “A little over-the-top, don’t you think?” Megan set the can down on the grass and wiped her hands on her shorts.

  Laurie shrugged her shoulders. “Just in case.”

  Beside Laurie, on the patio table, sat two coffee cups and a bag. Megan recognized the bag from Brewster’s Bakery. “Peace offerings?”

  She caught the uncertain look in her friend’s eyes and the hesitation as Laurie’s arms reached out. It had been two days since Alexis’s birthday, and other than stopping by that evening to take Alexis to a late-night movie, she’d kept her distance.

  Megan stepped forward and gave her friend the hug she needed even though her heart wasn’t really in it. She’d be a liar if she didn’t admit she was still feeling hurt from Laurie’s silence. After a moment, they both sat down and reached for the coffee, neither one willing to break the silence between them.