When Loyalty Dies, So Does Love

by Dorothy Brown-Newton

  “Turk, didn’t that bitch live with her girl?” Rellz asked me.

  “Yeah, she was fucking with some Spanish bitch that lives on Brookville.”

  “Well, let’s go to her place to see if this bitch got my shit.”

  When we got to Jai’s apartment, Rellz kicked the door in. The place had been cleaned out, like no one had ever lived there. He started pacing the floor, walking back and forth, until he pulled out his phone to make a call. He called Tasha and told her to have her ass at the crib when he got there, or he was going to murder her ass.

  When we got to Rellz’s house, Tasha was sitting on the couch with her arms folded, pissed off.

  “You can lose the fucking attitude,” Rellz growled as he stood in front of her. “Tell me how the fuck Jai knew where my stash house was located, and how the fuck did she know what day Turk makes his drops?”

  “What the fuck are you talking about how she knew where the stash house was? Do you remember the night Turk got arrested? You had me and Jai drop the money and drugs off because you didn’t trust anyone else to do it. So please miss me with the bullshit right now. I know you didn’t have me come all the way back over to this motherfucker for this bullshit after all that fly shit you were talking last night.”

  “Tash, on the real, curve your motherfucking tongue. Do you know how much fucking money I’m out of because your dyke-ass friend robbed my fucking stash house?” Rellz snarled. “That bitch is dead right now, and I have no idea who the bitch was working with, so chill with the thug talking, before I body your ass right where you are sitting. So be easy, and know that if your ass didn’t have anything to do with it, you might still get bodied just because you’re guilty by association.”

  I was watching Rellz slowly losing it, and I hoped like hell Tasha kept her mouth closed.

  “Who’s the bitch Jai was living with?” Rellz asked. “I think that’s the bitch that’s got my shit. God as my witness, when I catch that bitch, she better have all my shit.”

  “She was living with Ursula,” Tasha told him.

  “Oh, now you don’t have more than a few fucking words to say. Do you know how to reach this bitch?”

  “I have her number. I can call her.”

  Tasha dialed Ursula’s number, only to learn that the number had been disconnected, and that gave us confirmation that she had something to do with the robbery at Rellz’s stash house. Rellz grabbed Tasha by her neck and told her that if he found out that she had something to do with it, he was going to kill her. As much as I wanted to body this nigga for putting his hands on her, I had to keep my cool.

  Rellz caught my gaze. “Yo, Turk. Put your ears to the streets and put word out that I’m looking for this bitch,” he instructed.

  Tasha

  Once Rellz and Turk left, I rubbed my neck and tried to get my heart rate back to normal. I had never been scared of Rellz, but trust me when I say that I had seen the devil himself. Seriously, it was Rellz’s face and body that I’d seen, but that was the devil in disguise, and now I was second-guessing my involvement in this robbery. He had put fear in me today, and he had definitely made me a believer that he wouldn’t think twice about taking my life. I had really underestimated him.

  I grabbed my car keys and headed out. My hands were shaking so badly, and my neck was throbbing with pain. I needed to calm down. I wanted to call Turk, but I knew that I couldn’t. About fifteen minutes later, I pulled up to the hotel on Hester Street where Ursula was staying. I was planning to take her money so I could get out of town. After parking in the lot, I found her hotel room and knocked on the door. She opened the door, and I walked in and got right to it.

  “Ursula, Jai is dead. You need to pack and get out of town tonight. It won’t be long before Rellz figures out the connection. He already put word out on the streets that he’s looking for you. This is serious. I never thought he would kill Jai. I’m scared, so please, after I leave here, pack your things, call a cab, get to the bus station, and get out of town.”

  “Tasha, what am I supposed to do without Jai? Where am I going to go? I have no one now.”

  “All I know is that Rellz is pissed, and he’s not going to stop looking until he finds you. Just go, and when you touch down, give me a call. Once everything is back to normal here, I will come to you, and we will split everything from the robbery.”

  She didn’t look convinced, but I didn’t have time to sit and make her feel better about the situation. I gave her a thousand dollars, and then I left the hotel room, making sure not to be noticed by anyone.

  Once I got to my car, I sent Turk a text, letting him know that he could go ahead with part two of the setup. I had made sure to leave, for good measure, one of the bricks in the closet at the hotel when Ursula went to the bathroom, just in case Rellz believed that Ursula wasn’t involved.

  I went home and sat on the couch for hours, thinking about everything. I finally fell asleep, and when I awoke the next morning, I realized that Rellz hadn’t come home last night. I didn’t care; I just wanted to know what had happened once they got to the hotel. His not coming home and Turk not sending me a text had me worried. I decided not to be home when he did finally did get in, so I called my mom and told her I was coming over.

  When I got to my mom’s house, my dad was sitting in the living room, watching the news. I kissed him on his cheek and said hello. I found my mom in the kitchen, making breakfast. Just in time, I thought.

  “Hey, Mom. It smells good in here.”

  “Hey, baby. How you doing? I’ve been worried about you. I hate for you to be out there fighting and carrying on like that after a man. I told you that man was no good for you.”

  “Mom, I wasn’t fighting over no man, and that happened how long ago? I’m good. You know that every time Rena comes around, she’s in my face, and I was just sick of it.”

  “Well, if that man of yours stops sleeping with that girl, she would have no reason to get in your face. I raised you better than this. I’ve told you time and time again that you’re a queen, and you should be treated as such.”

  I loved my mom, but sometimes she just didn’t know how to fall back and let me do me. Even though she didn’t say it, my mom knew about the situation with Rena and Rellz, because she spoke to Rena’s mother. I did want to have a conversation with her to let her know that Rena and her daughter had been in Rellz’s life before he met me, but I was already feeling embarrassed. I was fighting that girl, and Rellz just continued sleeping with her.

  “Girl, don’t go getting quiet on me. You know your mama wouldn’t tell you wrong. You know in your heart you deserve better. I love you, and I want you to have better.”

  She had done it. My tears were no longer threatening to fall; they were now falling. I was crying because everything that she had said was true, and I was also crying because my best friend was gone because of what I had done. So yes, I was having a pity party when I didn’t deserve one. She came over to me, put her arms around me, and told me not to cry.

  “Tasha, baby, this isn’t love. Love doesn’t hurt, and it damn sure doesn’t make you cry or fight for something that’s supposed to be yours. Go clean your face and hold your head up, baby girl. Only you know when you have had enough, and don’t think I was coming for your head. I just want you to know your worth.”

  I went to the bathroom to clean my face and let all that my mom had said sink in. She was 100 percent right: I was a queen, and I needed to be with a king who loved only his queen. After breakfast with my mom and dad, I took my mom to the supermarket to get some groceries for dinner. After I helped Mom put the groceries away, I kissed her and Dad good-bye and told her I would see her this weekend. I also thanked her for the much-needed talk.

  I sat in the car in front of my mom’s house and texted Turk. I made sure to use my text plus app just in case he was still with Rellz.

  Me: Where are you? Is everything okay?

  Turk: Just dropped your boy off at the crib. I know you’re not feeling th
at nigga right now, but you need to get home and play the part.

  Me: I’m on my way there now. I can’t wait for this shit to be over.

  Turk: In due time. That situation at the hotel was taken care of. Go home, and I will try to hit you up later.

  Me: Okay. When can I see you to take care of our unfinished business?

  I was talking about the money, nothing else. It took him a minute before he responded.

  Turk: Now isn’t a good time. I will hit you up when it is.

  I looked at my phone like I knew this nigga wasn’t serious. I was seriously hoping he wasn’t trying to play me, but all I could do was just wait it out and see.

  After I finished texting with Turk, I pulled out of my mother’s driveway and headed home. I just hoped Rellz wouldn’t be on no bullshit. Rellz had been in a funk for the past few days. We had barely spoken to each other. Every day he would go about his business, never telling me where he was going or when he would be back. I had learned from my mom that Rena had had a miscarriage the night that Rellz assaulted her. Did I care? Hell no. That was what the bitch got for fucking with me.

  * * *

  A few days later, Turk finally hit me up and told me that Rellz had to go out of town for a business meeting for a few days, so we were going to be meeting up. I knew Rellz was laid up with some bitch; we all knew he made no out-of-town moves without Turk. Turk was still trying to be loyal to Rellz. He felt bad for being a part of robbing the one person he loved like a brother, but manipulation of this pussy clouded his judgment.

  Turk and I met up at the Days Inn on Cortland Road. It wasn’t a fancy hotel, but it was in an area where we didn’t have to worry about being seen by anyone we knew. When I got in the room, Turk was sitting on the bed in his boxers. He was smoking a blunt and looking good. As I stood there, I thought back to the first time I mind fucked him. I had always known Turk was feeling me, so when I’d found out that Rellz wasn’t being faithful, I’d come up with the idea to rob his ass, but I had needed a way to do it and not be a suspect when it was all said and done. That was when I’d decided to pull Turk in for the job. For months I’d flirted with him on the low, and slowly but surely, he’d taken the bait. Rellz had had Turk take me home from the club one night, telling me he had a meeting, which meant he had some bitch to fuck. Anyway, when Turk pulled up to the crib, I’d gone in for the kill. I’d pulled his dick out of his pants and sucked his dick so good that this nigga was ready to do whatever I wanted.

  I walked over to the bed, took the blunt out of his hand, and took a few pulls before I handed it back to him. I undressed and joined him on the bed.

  “Did you bring the money with you?” I asked.

  I had decided to get the money out of the way before I gave up the pussy. We had an agreement that I would get the cash and he would move the drugs. He had said that he had a cousin out of town who he was selling the bricks to. I didn’t give a shit what he did with them. Once the money part was taken care of, I climbed on top of him and kissed him with so much passion while he caressed my body with his big, soft hands. Turk was everything I wanted in a man, but I wasn’t trying to fall in love with him; he was just a pawn in my game to get what I wanted. I loved getting head and returning the favor, so I placed my body in the sixty-nine position and fucked his face as I sucked the skin off his dick like I would never get another chance to bless him with my bomb head. We fucked each other nearly the entire time we were at the hotel. Afterward, we showered, and I was beginning to get dressed when he hit me with the bullshit.

  “So when are you going to leave that nigga?”

  “Soon,” was all I said, because I wasn’t trying to be with either one of them.

  “That’s all you have to say? Soon? That ain’t telling me nothing.”

  “Look, Turk, you know I love Rellz, and you know I’m tired of his bullshit and I’m going to leave him. But now isn’t the time. He’s already having doubts that I wasn’t involved with Jai and Ursula, so if I leave now, he’s going to know I had something to do with it, because where would I get money to up and leave him? Think about it.”

  “All I’m saying is I’m ready for you to be my girl. I love you.”

  “Just give me a few more weeks, and I promise I will leave him.”

  He wasn’t happy, but I didn’t care. I grabbed the bags and headed over to my mom’s house. I decided not to put the money in the bank; it would raise too many questions that I didn’t have answers to. So since I still had my old room at my mom’s house, and since that room hadn’t been touched or used, I decided to hide the money there, behind some old shoe boxes in my closet.

  Rena

  “Oh yeah, fuck this pussy.” I was riding Rellz’s dick as he sucked my titties with his big juicy lips. Yeah, his ass couldn’t get enough of the pussy. Tasha had to realize that no matter how many times she fucked me up or stopped speaking to him, he’d always comes back to me. He loved me; we had history. He was always beating my ass; that was nothing new to me. And me getting him locked up was nothing new to him, either. It had never stopped him from coming back.

  My mom was upset that I had lost the baby at the hands of Rellz, but this wasn’t the first time he’d caused me to have a miscarriage. The very first time was after I had my daughter; she was a year old when I got pregnant by Rellz again. I was out with my cousin, celebrating her birthday at some club over on the East Side, and I was dancing with some dude. Rellz walked in, saw me, and pulled me off the dance floor. When we got home, he fucked me up. I mean, he was always kicking my ass for one reason or another, but this time the damage was me losing my baby. That was when I had had enough, and I left. But here I was again, right back with all his abuse and cheating on me. What could I say or do? I loved him.

  After Rellz left, I sat looking out the window, feeling sorry for myself. I just didn’t understand why I continued to allow him to treat me like this. Why couldn’t he just love me the way I needed to be loved? Each time I started seeing someone else and tried to be happy without him, he would always come along and shut it down, but he still refused to commit to me. My mom kept telling me to leave him alone. Trust and believe me, I had tried so many times, but he was my first everything, and I didn’t know how to turn off loving him. I had never been with anyone else. How did I know what real love was supposed to feel like? I mean, I had seen other couples, but who was to say that their love, and not mine, was the real love? Shit. Who was I kidding?

  Tasha

  When I got home, Rellz still wasn’t there. I went to take a shower. Once my shower was over with, I put on some boy shorts and a tank top. I went back downstairs to fix myself a drink; I needed something to take my mind off the fact that I was missing Rellz. Crazy, right? Truth be told, I had never wanted to rob him. I had just got tired of Jai being in my ear about me being loyal to him and him continuing to sleep with different bitches every chance he got. Even after he had finally told me that he loved me, he had continued to treat me like shit, and that really hurt me. I was truly sorry I had pulled everyone into this, and getting my best friend killed was really taking a toll on me. I couldn’t even stand to look at the person who was staring back at me in the mirror, because I didn’t recognize that person anymore. I was really ready to confess and give Rellz his money back; it had never been about the money with me. He had given me everything I needed or wanted, and now I just wanted him to hurt in the same way I was hurting. But really I just wished he would give me the one thing I desired the most, and that was his heart.

  By the time Rellz made it home, I was drunk. I ran into his arms and hugged him, crying and slurring sorry over and over again. At first, he just kept his arms down, but then he slowly wrapped his arms around me and told me not to cry and to tell him why I was apologizing.

  I had said I was going to confess, but I was not crazy, and I damn sure wasn’t that intoxicated. I told him I was sorry for treating him like I didn’t care in his time of need, the miscarriage, and for punishing him by withholding
sex. I dropped to my knees and pulled at his jeans, and that was when the strong smell of sex hit me, and my ass sobered up real fast. This nasty motherfucker had fucked someone and had come home without washing his ass. Granted he knew he wasn’t speaking to me, and I wasn’t speaking to him, but he still could have washed or even put some soap on his dick and rinsed it. I didn’t want to go there with him, so when he told me I was drunk and we would talk in the morning, I obliged. But when he got me in bed and then left, I cried myself to sleep once again.

  When I woke up, Rellz had breakfast made, and guilty was written all over his face. My head was banging; drinking always made me feel like I had waged a head-to-head battle with a raging bull. Rellz handed me a glass of water and two aspirin. I looked at him like, “Really?” because he was laying it on thick.

  “Why you looking at me like that?” he said.

  “Like what? I was just trying to figure out why you’re being so nice. You haven’t made me breakfast in so long. It feels nice, just like old times.”

  “I know I haven’t been treating you the way you should be treated, and then to blame you for something your friends did was wrong of me. You apologizing last night for something that wasn’t your fault was really big of you. So I need to apologize for all that I’ve done that was my fault and my doing. I love you, and I’m really sorry.”

  He really looked and sounded sincere, but should I believe him and be disappointed again? He walked over and starting singing—well, trying to sing. “Saying you sorry won’t take away the pain. ’Cause things will never ever be the same. ’Cause I was your everything, and you were my everything.”

  I looked at his ass, with this goofy look on his face as he smiled, and I was like, “Really? We are quoting songs now to get our point across?” He jacked up the song, and anyone who knew me knew that I could blow, so I used the same song he had quoted, which was Olivia’s “Where Do I Go from Here.”